


Do You Think the Universe Fights for Two Souls to be Together?

by K17L53



Series: Soulmate AU [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, High School AU, Modern AU, Mostly Fluff, Soulmate AU, possible angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-01 20:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 88,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5220059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K17L53/pseuds/K17L53
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa gets her tattoo with her soulmate's name before Clarke and is very much confused because "Clarke is a guy's name and I'm not...into guys...?" And Clarke is the new girl in school who thinks the brunette in her history class is very cute. (You can expect fluff and a lot of Clexa).</p><p>OR </p><p>Soulmate!AU where you have your soulmate's name tattoo'd on your body. Set in a modern/highschool!AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But it’s a guy’s name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've all come across this prompt at least once on tumblr right? Yeah. I came across it one too many times and just went "fuck it, i have to write it".
> 
> I've put my own little twist on it though. Basically you get the tattoo on your 18th birthday (kinda cliche, i know but roll with it). So obviously, Lexa gets hers first and is very much confused because "Clarke? But I'm gayer than the rainbow??". And yeah Clarke doesn't know yet but she thinks Lexa's really cute.
> 
> So there's going to fluff. And a lot of Clexa. Like a lot.
> 
> Aaaaand if the universe is kinda confusing, there's some info on it on my blog http://commander-and-ambassador.tumblr.com/soulmate-au

 

> _Monday, October 15 2015_

 

“But it’s a guy’s name.” Lexa said into her phone as she walked up the steps to her school.

 

“Are you sure?” Her older sister asked from the other end.

 

“Do you know any girls named ‘ _Clarke’_?”

 

“Clarke…” Anya repeated the name, thinking. “You may be right…But something like that can’t be wrong.”

 

“I don’t know, Anya,” Lexa responded. “The universe or god or whatever seems to hate me, so why not fuck with me over this too?”

 

“Don’t be like that.” She told her sister. “It’ll make sense eventually.”

 

“I doubt it,” Lexa muttered. “But I have to go.”

 

With that they hung up as Lexa walked in through the front doors and made her way to her locker. As she pulled out her books, she thought back to last night and how she was excited to find out the name she was going to find on her body the next morning. But when Lexa woke up and found the letters on the skin over the last two ribs on her left side this morning, she was more confused than anything else. Lexa thought she was reading it wrong without her glasses, but putting them on made no difference. _Clarke_. Her mom was the first person to know and she was equally as confused as her daughter. And Anya was the second person – and only other person – to know.

 

She couldn’t stop thinking about it, because if Lexa knew one thing about herself, it was that she wasn’t straight – or bisexual, or pansexual or anything that would explain her soul mate being a guy. The only time she wasn’t thinking about it since waking up, was during her second period – it was math and Lexa couldn’t really afford to not be paying attention; its not that she didn’t like it, she just didn’t get half the things they were doing. But other than that, she didn’t have classes where she couldn’t zone out for a couple of minutes even though it wasn’t intentional.

 

Lexa was sitting at her usual table in the library rereading _Mockingjay_ for the third time. It was halfway through lunch and she didn’t have anything better to do, also Lexa wanted to read it again before watching it. She turned the page she’d just finished reading when her phone vibrated in her pocket. Lexa placed her bookmark on the page and closed the book, she looked around to make sure there wasn’t a teacher around before pulling out her phone.

 

It was a text from Anya letting her know that she was going to be home later tonight and asked Lexa whether she was coming back straight after school. Anya was about a state over in Pennsylvania, studying social and political history at Carnegie Mellon University but had decided to drive over for the night because it was Lexa’s birthday and she didn’t have a class the next morning. Lexa sent out a quick reply letting her know she didn’t have anything after school today, so she would be home right after. It was pleasant surprise really; she hadn’t expected Anya to be coming over today.

 

.

 

“Mom you can’t be serious.” Clarke said, sitting across the table from her mom over breakfast.

 

“This job is a big deal, I can’t turn it down.” Her mom told her, taking a sip of her coffee.

 

“But DC is on the other side of the country.”

 

“I am aware.”

 

“Can we at least wait till this school year’s over?” She tried.

 

Abby shook her head. “By the end of the month. Everything is already in place there for us, we just need to pack up.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, getting up from her chair. “I’m going to be late, I have to go.” Yes, Clarke understood that it was a big deal for her mom but she had her whole life here; school and friends and…a lot of things she didn’t want to leave behind. And leaving a month into her junior year wasn’t the best idea ever. It was bad enough as it was to be moving to DC from Seattle, but having to do that _now_ made it worse.

 

Her friends were the first ones Clarke told, followed by her boyfriend who didn’t seem as upset as she would’ve thought he’d be – but maybe that was a good thing. She spent a few hours after school with her friends at one of their places; they had a history test tomorrow and, yeah, no one other than Clarke had even bothered to open the book.

 

Abby had already started packing when Clarke got home. She helped her mom finish up with the living room before going to the kitchen. They had decided to put everything away other than the essentials they would need for the next few days.

 

“You’re upset.” Abby said after a while.

 

Clarke was leaning into a box, organizing the dishes inside it to make more room. “Wow mom, it’s almost like you notice things.” She said without looking up.

 

“Look at me, come on.”

 

She brought herself up, looking at her mom questioningly.

 

“I am sorry about this, but I don’t have a choice.”

 

“I know.” Clarke sighed. “Yes, mom, I am upset. I’m upset that we have to move, but I’m not upset with you about it…”

 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

 

.

 

“You got your tattoo.” Octavia commented as Lexa pulled of her training shirt.

 

Octavia Blake was probably the closest Lexa had to a friend. Sure, she was good with the entire team but Octavia was the only one who actually tried to talk to her. Lexa had taken a year off from school which made Octavia two years younger than her but only a year apart in school. They were both standing in front of their lockers after soccer practice.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, pulling out a can of deodorant from her locker and removing the cap. “I think someone’s messing with me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“The name’s ‘Clarke’.” Lexa didn’t bother elaborating, figured it was self-explanatory.

 

Octavia laughed. “Well, maybe the universe doesn’t know you’re gay.”

 

Lexa pulled on a clean t-shirt. “It should check before assigning a name. I don’t think I even come off as straight anymore.”

 

She shook her head. “Oh,” Octavia suddenly remembered. “I haven’t seen you around all day and…” She dug into her bag, looking for something. “Happy birthday.” She handed Lexa a small, square envelop which was no more than 3 x 3 inch. It read ‘Happy Birthday’, written in blue ink in Octavia’s handwriting.

 

Lexa was confused at first; she really didn’t think anyone remembered let alone got her something. “Thank you. You didn’t have to.” She opened it, taking it from Octavia.

 

“I’ve only known you for like, a month, so this is the best I could do.” She shrugged.

 

Lexa pulled out the small golden pin. A smile broke out on her face as she recognized the design. “A Mockingjay pin.” She nodded, looking back at Octavia. “Thank you.”

 

-

 

 

 

> _Friday, November 6 2015_

 

They were leaving tomorrow. It was strange how quickly the month had gone. Between all the packing and everything, Clarke barely got the chance to spend time with her friends. Packing the last bit of her stuff earlier tonight was a lot more difficult than she’d have thought it would been. This was where she grew up, every little memory – no matter how small or unimportant it may have seemed then – were all tied to this one place. Clarke remembers sitting on her bed after breaking her arm for the first (and last) time when she was six; the memory of that art competition she won when she was eight came rushing back when she looked at the wall where the certificate and drawing was framed and hung up until a few years ago; locking herself in her room after her dad died when she was ten; freaking out with her best friend about her first kiss when she was twelve; coming out to her mom when she was fourteen; her first time on this bed only last year…so many memories that she was leaving behind.

 

Clarke sat up on her bed, taking in a shaky breath and holding back the tears, how was she meant to sleep tonight? She thought she had her whole life figured out. She had friends, her teachers liked her, people at school liked her and she liked them. Even after college, Clarke had decided to come back here because for as long as she could remember, this was _home_. And now they were moving to the other side of the country where she didn’t know anyone and nobody knew her. Her friends weren’t there, all the people who cared about her and she cared about weren’t there, they were all _here_. Her entire world was here. Clarke didn’t know what she could even expect there and honestly, she wasn’t too keen on finding out.

 

 _I don’t wanna go._ She told herself once again.

 

.

 

 

 

> _Monday, November 9 2015_

 

The next few weeks were busy, it had been about two months since the school year started and everything was starting to get back on track…which meant assignments and tests and a lot of homework. On top of that, the first game of the season was next week and all of Lexa’s time went either into studying or training. It was exhausting to say the least but at the same time, Lexa wasn’t complaining. There was a certain satisfaction in studying for a test and getting a good grade, or spending hours every week in training and seeing herself improve. Also, she couldn’t explain it, but there was something oddly calming about studying; it was one of the few times Lexa could tune out the entire world and focus on only one thing.

 

It had been almost a month since her tattoo appeared but it hadn’t been on Lexa’s mind other than the first week after. She was sitting in history – undoubtedly her favorite class – her mind on nothing other than the First World War when there was a loud knock on the classroom’s door. It was too loud for it have been a student so Lexa sat up straight, slightly confused like the rest of the class when the door opened. Their principal walked in, followed by a blue-eyed blonde from whom Lexa had to tear her eyes away.

 

“Principal Jaha,” Their teacher, Marcus Kane spoke. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”

 

“Remember the new student I was telling you about?” He asked their teacher. Lexa could barely make out what he was saying from her desk at the back of the class before Jaha left, leaving the blonde behind.

 

By then, Lexa had gone back to scribbling in her notebook. But was forced to look up when Kane spoke, introducing the new girl. “Class, this is Clarke Griffin…” Lexa didn’t hear anything after that name because _fuck_. She quickly stopped herself from staring and went back to her notebook when Clarke started walking towards her.

 

Clarke gave the class a sheepish smile as a quiet chorus of ‘hi’s and ‘hey’s greeted her. The teacher introduced himself as Marcus Kane and pointed to the almost empty back row where only one person was sitting. And that one person was easily the cutest girl in the entire class. _Oh god no_.

 

“Clarke,” She said to Lexa with a smile as she sat down on the desk next to her. “Hi.”

 

“Lexa,” She looked up with a small, awkward smile. “Hey,”

 

Clarke pulled out a notebook and pencil from her backpack before leaning over to Lexa. “What are we doing?” She whispered.

 

“World War One.” She replied. If Clarke was going to sitting next to her three days a week, Lexa was going to have a problem. She went back to her notebook as their teacher continued to speak, picking up from where he’d been interrupted. Lexa could feel her cheeks heating up and she desperately told herself to calm down and get a grip but having Clarke right next to her made that very difficult. She was cute and her eyes were gorgeous and the name on Lexa’s body was probably hers and she actually talked to her an-…this was going to be exhausting.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but look over at the cute brunette to her left every few seconds despite telling herself not to. She seemed to be determined to write down every word that came out of their teacher’s mouth. Lexa sat back in her chair, relaxed, but her left hand moved furiously on the notebook and her eyes flickered between the paper and the teacher at the front of the class. Clarke noticed how she scrunched her nose every few minutes to keep her glasses in place, it was cute – she was cute. _Only the first day of school, Clarke, calm down_. She told herself.

 

“You write fast.” Clarke commented as the class ended and she put her things away.

 

Lexa nodded. “Terrible memory; helps to have it all written down.” She stood up, slinging the bag over her right shoulder, most of the class was already gone.

 

Clarke followed. “Do you know where 107 is?” She asked Lexa uncertainly as they both walked to the front of the class.

 

Lexa thought for a moment, she _was_ new here but if she did know where 107 was considering that’s her physics class. “I’m pretty sure I do.”

 

Clarke continued looking at her, waiting for directions.

 

“I’ll walk you.” Lexa said before her brain could think about it. _What the fuck?_ A non-existent voice yelled at her. It was very much unlike her to be even talking to someone for longer than a couple of sentences let alone offer to walk them to their classroom…especially someone as cute as Clarke.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to.” They walked out of the classroom. “I don’t want you to be late for class.”

 

“It’s fine, really.” Lexa told. “And my class is like three doors down from yours.”

 

They walked in silence for a little while, Lexa trying to come up with something to say because she didn’t know when she’d get the chance to actually talk to her again but couldn’t think of anything. So it was a relief when Clarke spoke.

 

“Could I maybe borrow your notes?” The hesitance in her voice caught her by surprise. “Because I had no idea what he was talking about and I’m like about 2 months behind on everything here.”

 

“Yeah sure.” Lexa nodded, doing her best to keep her voice normal. It was downright ridiculous how difficult it was for her to function normally around a remotely cute girl; and the fact that this was _Clarke_ – possibly _the_ Clarke – made it that much harder. “I’d give you my notebook but I don’t think you can read my handwriting. But I have them all typed out – minus today’s one – I can email them to you or put it on a memory stick…?” _Wow, I’m actually talking to her._

 

“That’d be great.” She smiled at Lexa and she couldn’t help but return it. She noticed how Clarke’s entire face lit up when she smiled and its was probably the most adorable thing she’d seen in a while.

 

By then, they’d reached Clarke’s classroom and Lexa motioned towards the door. “This is you.”

 

“Thanks.” Clarke nodded. “I have a memory stick on me, I’ll give it to you after class…?” She hesitated again, worrying whether Lexa would want to see her again after class.

 

Lexa nodded in response with a polite smile. “Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the first chapter. Let me know what you think because I always appreciate the feedback. Thanks for reading.


	2. I'm not a talker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up from where chapter 1 ends. There's clexa (obviously) and Raven and Octavia show up. We find out a little bit about Lexa and also see how Clarke is settling in on her first day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, they're really encouraging. We're still on the first day with this chapter and....yeah that's about it.

Clarke walked into the classroom and made her way to the teacher’s desk, pretending to be unaware of the people looking at her; it was never easy being the new kid. Before she could introduce herself to her new physics teacher, he spoke, “You’re the new one, right?”

 

Clarke nodded. He seemed overly excited about something and since it was physics, she didn’t get it – Clarke liked science, she really did; biology and chemistry were great…but physics was just a big _no_.

 

“Griffin, Clarke; if I’m not wrong.”

 

“Not wrong.” She replied.

 

“Great.” His smile widened. “I’m Mr. Kyle Wick but everyone here just calls me Kyle.” He began to walk into the classroom and Clarke followed. He stopped in front of a desk with a brunette in a red leather jacket sitting behind it. “This is Raven, she’s your new lab partner.” Then he turned to Raven, who was talking to the girl behind her until she heard her name. “Raven, this is Clarke. She’s your new lab partner.”

 

Raven nodded at Kyle before looking at Clarke. “Hey,”

 

“Hi,” Clarke responded with a smile; feeling like her self again; confident and not hesitating like she was with Lexa – honestly though, what was that about?

 

“First day?” Raven asked as Clarke sat down.

 

“Yeah.” She nodded as one of the boys from the class walked up to her.

 

“I’m Finn.” He introduced himself.

 

“Clarke…” She said, unsure and not really wanting to talk to him. She couldn’t explain it really, but there was just _something_ about him…

 

“You’re new right?” Yeah, there was definitely something about him that made him…almost repulsive(?).

 

Clarke nodded.

 

“I can show you arou-”

 

“Finn?” Raven interrupted with an overly polite smile, leaning over the table to look at him past Clarke. “Leave her alone.”

 

He sighed, turning back to Clarke. “I’ll see you later.” And walked away.

 

“I hope not.” She muttered under her breath.

 

“We’re not all like him, just so you know.” Raven joked.

 

“All right, listen up.” Kyle finally spoke.

 

.

 

Lexa walked out her class, chemistry wasn’t this exhausting most of the time, but right now she had almost no idea what was going on. They were let out of class a couple of minutes before the bell went off and Lexa was waiting for Clarke outside 107, her back against the wall across the hallway, directly opposite the door. The bell went off and people flooded the hallway from all the classrooms other than Mr. Wick’s. She had him for physics as well and knew that he started his class a couple of minutes late and so finished a couple of minutes late. Lexa didn’t mind waiting for her.

 

Clarke heard the bell go off but no one in the class made a move to pack away and Kyle didn’t seem like he was done teaching yet. About two minutes passed before he was finally done and everyone rushed to put everything back in their backpacks before rushing out of the classroom.

 

“Kyle’s like that.” Raven said as she began to put her things away. “He wastes the first few minutes and then keeps us for a couple of minutes after class ends. The other teachers get it when we’re late after physics.”

 

Clarke nodded. “As long as the other teachers know why we’re late, I think I’m okay with that.”

 

“Met anyone interesting so far? I know its only second period.” Raven asked after both of them had put their things in and were about to walk out.

 

“I’ve met literally one other person, but I’d say so.” Raven waited for her to continue. “Lexa, I don’t know if you know her but she’s with me for history.”

 

Raven nodded. “I know _of_ her, wouldn’t really say I know her. But you barely see her around school, so I don’t think _anyone_ really knows her.”

 

Neither of them spoke till they reached the front of the classroom.

 

“You could hang out with us during lunch and stuff, if you wanted to.” Raven offered. “By us, I mean, me and my friend, Octavia. And I think Octavia actually knows Lexa.”

 

“Yeah, that’d be cool.”

 

“Hey,” She heard Lexa’s voice as she stepped out of the classroom.

 

“Hi,” Clarke smiled at her. “You didn’t have to wait for me.”

 

“It’s a big school and I didn’t want you to get lost.” She tried with a half shrug as she pushed herself of the wall. “Trust me, it happens.” And it did happen; more than once during her first week here. Not only because the school was so big, about also because she couldn’t get herself to ask anyone where her classroom was.

 

“You talk?” Raven joked as they all began to walk in the same direction.

 

Lexa rolled her eyes subconsciously, getting a smile from Clarke.

 

“Sorry,” Raven apologized. “But I don’t think I’ve heard you say a word in the two months you’ve been here. And we have two classes together.”

 

.

 

The last lesson before lunch was English lit and Clarke was in the same class as Raven and Lexa. Lexa sat at the back of the class and Raven was almost exactly in the middle. If this was back at her old school, she would’ve been sitting somewhere similar to Raven but since this _wasn’t_ her old school, Clarke introduced herself to the teacher before walking to the back of the classroom with Lexa, taking the seat next to her. Raven seemed done with the class even before they’d entered but halfway through the lesson, Clarke realized that Lexa enjoyed English lit almost as much as history. Glancing at her notebook, Clarke realized that there were more notes than there could’ve been from what their teacher was saying. She could make out a few words and questioned why Lexa didn’t give her opinion on the book they were reading when Ms. Sydney asked the class.

 

“You’re on to something there.” Clarke told her as the bell rang and their teacher dismissed them.

 

Lexa looked at her confused for a moment before realizing what she meant. But she couldn’t get herself to do anything other than nod with an awkward smile.

 

“I could only make out a bit because your writing is _really_ _fast_ but how come you don’t say anything when she asks?”

 

“I’m not a talker.” She replied hesitantly. “Unless she asks me specifically, I’d rather not say anything.”

 

Clarke nodded understandably as she zipped her bag.

 

“You’re going with Raven?” Lexa asked as she got up from her desk.

 

Clarke stopped herself mid-nod. “You are too…right?”

 

“No I…” She stumbled over her words trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. _This_ was unlike her; Lexa Woods didn’t stumble over her words. Yes, she didn’t talk much, but when she did, she knew she could get her words out better than most people. “I think I’m just going to head up to the library.”

 

Clarke wanted to ask why as they walked to the front of the classroom but thought better of it. “Is there something wrong between you and…?”

 

“No, no.” Lexa shook her head, stopping her. “Raven’s nice and she’s Octavia’s best friend.” She paused before explaining, “I know Octavia, she’s on the soccer team with me and she’s great. I think you’ll get along with them.”

 

Clarke looked at her questioningly as they walked out of the class. Raven was waiting outside and Lexa wasn’t sure whether she was waiting for Clarke or for both of them.

 

“Took you two long enough.” Raven said as she saw them.

 

“I have some work to do.” She lied. “I’m going to go up to the library.” Lexa turned to Raven who nodded.

 

Clarke wasn’t convinced, she felt like Lexa was just saying that to get out of having to spend time with them. She seemed fine with her earlier so Clarke wasn’t really sure. And considering how she’d only known Lexa for a few hours, she didn’t say anything. “Okay.” She nodded. “Before I forget, because I almost did…” Clarke unzipped the front pocket of her bag and pulled out a red 2 by 4 Lego brick, handing it to Lexa.

 

She took it questioningly and Raven watched, unsure of what was going on.

 

“Memory stick.” Clarke explained. “There’s this thing on the bottom you can slide the USB bit out with.”

 

Lexa nodded. “I’ll see you later.” She smiled at her and walked away in the opposite direction.

 

Raven seemed nice. As they walked down the hallway, the first thing she asked Clarke was where she moved from and was a little surprised when she said Seattle. They talked about random things up until Raven stopped in front of a set of lockers. Reading the numbers, Clarke realized her one was four to the left from Raven’s on the top.

 

“That one’s Lexa’s.” Raven said, motioning towards the one right below Clarke.

 

 _Seriously?_ But instead of asking that, she just nodded. It was bad enough that she had probably developed a crush on the first day of her new school but to have Lexa’s locker not next to her one but below her’s was just excessive. Raven emptied the contents of her bag into her locker minus her laptop and closed it. Clarke did the same, only put the books she’d need for her next lesson in her backpack before leaving it inside and closing it. She figured, it saves time to not have to do it right before the lesson, it was much easier to just grab her bag.

 

They walked to the cafeteria, Raven telling Clarke about some of the classrooms they passed and the teachers. From what Clarke could tell, Raven liked to talk, but it wasn’t a bad thing because she seemed to have something worth telling every time she opened her mouth.

 

“Where were you?” They’d just sat down at one of the empty tables, Raven across from Clarke when someone walked up behind Clarke.

 

“Got held up.” The unfamiliar voice replied and Clarke turned around to look at her.

 

“O, this is Clarke.” Raven introduced them as Octavia sat down next to her friend. “Clarke, this is Octavia.”

 

“Clarke…” Octavia asked, recognizing the name. She had the look on her face which told Raven she was about to ask something stupid. “Have you met Lexa?”

 

The question caught both Raven and Clarke of guard. “Yeah…why?”

 

“No reason, just asking.”

 

They both seemed nice and within a few minutes, Clarke felt like she’d known them a lot longer than just a few hours…or a few minutes in Octavia’s case. Raven knew Octavia through her older brother, Bellamy who was a mechanic and had his own garage; Raven wasn’t really a mechanic but she helped around the place. Clarke wasn’t sure why, but Octavia asked about Lexa more than a couple of times and from what she could tell, Raven didn’t know either.

 

“Library. She said she had work to do.” Clarke told Octavia when she asked where Lexa was.

 

“No, she doesn’t.” Octavia responded casually and Clarke looked at her questioningly. “Lexa spends most of her time on her own. I don’t really see her other than during soccer practice.”

 

“I haven’t really seen her talk to anyone until today.” Raven added. “And I’m not exaggerating.”

 

“She’s new here, started this September but she wasn’t in school last year.” Octavia continued. “I don’t know why, she doesn’t talk about it. And I don’t like to be nosy.” She shrugged.

 

“You love to be nosy…?” Raven looked at her friend.

 

“Not when it comes to her.” She added quickly.

 

Clarke can’t really explain it, but she had this weird feeling inside her that made her want to go and maybe check on Lexa, ask her if she was alright. Because it did seem a little unusual but at the same time it was a little upsetting that someone was spending pretty much all their time alone.

 

Clarke nodded silently when Octavia spoke again. “ _You_ should talk to her.”

 

“…why?” She gave her a questioning look which Raven mirrored.

 

Octavia didn’t really want to say why because she figured Lexa wouldn’t want her to. And she didn’t to do something that might…she didn’t really know. Octavia just figured it wasn’t her place. “You’re new here, and so is Lexa. It might be easier for her to…” She shrugged. “Talk to you…”

 

“Yeah,” Raven nodded, knowing very well that Octavia was trying to set them up together. _Note to self: Tell this idiot to stop_. But she didn’t want to say anything in front of Clarke. “I think one of the reasons no one really knows her is because no one’s probably tried to talk to her.”

 

Octavia cleared her throat.

 

“Other than her.” Raven corrected herself. “But…I think you get what I mean.”

 

Clarke nodded. She was _92%_ sure she got what Raven meant.

 

.

 

Lexa sighed as she sat down at her usual table in the library. She sat in silence for a moment, thinking about whether she had any work to do and pulled out her laptop. Turning it on, she took out Clarke’s memory stick from her hoodie’s pocket. Lexa thought about the blonde for a moment, _she’s cute_ was the first thing that popped up in her head. And that she seemed nice. There was also a very good possibility that the _Clarke_ on her body was the Clarke that had just started going to school here. …Then again, there was a possibility that she wasn’t her. Lexa wanted to go up to her and be able to have a conversation; she wanted to get to know the blonde. Even if she turned out to not be her Clarke, Lexa figured they could at least be friends. But…she was better off with Raven and Octavia, Lexa thought. She couldn’t hold a conversation and it got awkward and uncomfortable very quickly. Clarke was new here and it would help if she got along with the right people from the start, and if Octavia was anything to go by, she and her best friend were _definitely_ the right people.

 

 _But I will see her again_. Lexa thought as she plugged in the USB. _And hopefully, I’ll get myself to talk to her_. She copied the history notes on to the little Lego brick before deciding to throw in the English lit ones too. It only took a couple of seconds for the files to copy and Lexa took the time to plug in her headphones. Yes, it wasn’t the greatest thing ever to be alone all the time, but after everything that happened, it was definitely easier to deal with than the people she thought were her friends. Lexa had a strict…code (?) for her last two years of school; only talk when spoken to and interact with people only when you need to. That way, she figured, she wouldn’t get hurt again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Also, some of the comments suggest that the universe might me confusing and i don't really know how to explain it but if you are confused, give this a read k17l53.tumblr.com/soulmate-au or send me an ask k17l53.tumblr.com/ask **
> 
> Also, this is my third school in the last three years...and yeah, changing schools suck. And I guess I have an idea of what it feels like to be the new kid (its never fun). And I hope its better for Clarke than it is for me.
> 
> So how was this chapter? Great? Awful? Just okay? Let me know.


	3. Her name’s Clarke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of clexa. Lexa tells Anya about Clarke and also Octavia's confused as to why Lexa isn't saying anything to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't really much to say about this one...Umm, the whole time thing might get confusing down the line so this one's still on the first day, well after school and goes on till later that night.

Lexa waited outside the school by the main entrance, knowing that’s where Clarke would be walking out from. She hadn’t seen her since before lunch and Lexa wasn’t sure what classes she had after. Her teacher had let them out a few minutes early so Lexa had been waiting for Clarke to return her memory stick – or that’s what she told herself. She was unsure of when she’d get the chance to talk to the blonde again considering how they didn’t have history or English lit the next day and as far she knew, those were the only classes they had together. Lexa had plugged in her earphones as she walked out of the classroom and she was on her second song when almost everyone else walked out through the door. Half way through the next one, she caught a glimpse of Clarke walking out with Raven and Octavia. She waited as they said goodbye and the two of them walked away in the opposite direction and Clarke made her way to Lexa.

 

“Hey,” Lexa muttered with a small wave as she pulled out one of her earphones and quickly paused the music.

 

Clarke greeted her with a smile and they made their way down the couple of steps as Lexa reached into her pocket. “There’s also some of the lit notes.” She said as Clarke took it from her and Lexa noticed the streaks of paint on her hand.

 

“Art class.” Clarke explained when she noticed the questioning look on Lexa’s face. She’d wiped the paint off but it didn’t seem to have done much good.

 

Lexa nodded. “I didn’t know you took art.” She’s not sure why, but Clarke didn’t really seem like someone who was into art.

 

“Yeah…I probably enjoy it more than any of my other subjects.” She replied. “Oh, and thanks for the notes.”

 

“No problem.” Lexa gave her a small smile, not looking at her. “If you need anything else…” She left the sentence unfinished, not really knowing how to finish it.

 

“I’ll hold you onto that.” Clarke said, a hint of suggestion in her voice. Either that, or Lexa was imagining things. They made their way off school grounds and Lexa turned left on to the sidewalk, Clarke following.

 

“Walking this way?” Lexa asked, slowing down her pace to match Clarke’s and she nodded.

 

They walked in silence for a few seconds before Clarke spoke. “Did you get your work done?” If Octavia was anything to go by, Clarke knew Lexa didn’t have _any_ work to get done.

 

Lexa was confused for a moment before realizing she’d told Clarke she had work to do and that was why she couldn’t hang out with Raven and her and Octavia. “Not really.” She stated casually. “I was too tired to get myself to do anything.” Which was only half true; yes, she was tired, getting only 4 hours of sleep at night does that to a person, but Lexa didn’t have any work to begin with.

 

Clarke nodded in response.

 

“So how was your first day?” _Honestly though, when did I start talking?_

 

“So far so good I guess.” Clarke replied, falling silent again.

 

Both of them wanted to keep the conversation going but didn’t know how. It was usual for Lexa to not have much to say but Clarke…she _always_ had something to say and could keep a conversation going for as long as she wanted to. There was something about Lexa that she couldn’t put her finger on; something that made her…nervous? Unsure? That can’t be right. Clarke doesn’t remember the last time someone made her feel those things – crushes even. _No, I don’t have a crush on her._ She tried telling herself.

 

“Octavia said you were new here too.” Clarke said after about a minute of silence.

 

Lexa nodded, her eyes fixed in front of her. “Yeah, I kinda had to step away for a while and after that I didn’t want to go back to my old school.” She’s not sure why she explained because Lexa never did that, even when someone asked her about it.

 

“What happened?” Clarke asked gently, not wanting to sound pushy because Lexa didn’t seem like the type of person who opened up.

 

She thought for a moment. “Stuff,” Lexa shrugged, she didn’t want to talk about it, not yet anyways.

 

Clarke nodded, letting it go just as they reached her house. “Well this is me.” She said as they stopped walking. “Thanks for today, I would’ve been pretty much lost without you. Literally.”

 

She gave Clarke a small smile and a slight nod as she took a step backwards, away from Clarke.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lexa.”

 

“Yeah.” She muttered, giving her an actual smile this time. “See you tomorrow.”

 

Clarke couldn’t help but watch as Lexa walked away. _She’s really cute_. She caught herself thinking as she saw Lexa stop in front of the house two down from hers. _And she seems nice_. Clarke walked up to the front door. But something in her told her that that wouldn’t really work. She’s not sure why, Lexa was nice, maybe a little withdrawn but that’s not really an issue; you can get through to someone if you try to…and if they let you, obviously. _Slow down there, Clarke_. She told herself as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. Her mom was at work so she had the place to herself. She barely got any sleep last night, so decided that taking a nap was probably the best thing to do. Just as she was about to go up the stairs, she heard her stomach grumble.

 

Unlocking her phone, Clarke made her way to the kitchen, she noticed there weren’t any notifications other than a text from her mom asking her to text her after getting home. She sent her mom a text, before tapping on the Tumblr app. _The app is shittier than the site_ , she sighed, scrolling through her dashboard which was mostly gray boxes. They’d only gotten home on Friday night and were too tired to do much on Saturday. Sunday was the only time they got to actually unpack but they didn’t get too far; most of their things were still in boxes which were all over the place. Clarke opened the refrigerator only to close it after a glance. Instead she opened a cabinet, pulling out a breakfast bar, too tired to make herself anything.

 

.

 

“We have a new student who started today.” Lexa was sitting on the couch across from her mom who was watching TV.

 

She’d fallen asleep for about an hour after getting home, too tired to have even gone up to her room. It happened more often than she’d like to admit. “ _You need to get more sleep_ ”, her mom told her pretty much every day but it didn’t really make a difference. It was a little past 7pm, Lexa was done with the math homework that was due tomorrow and so she was in the living room, watching whatever was on TV but paying more attention to the small screen of her phone as she scrolled through Tumblr.

 

“Oh?” Her mom looked at her. “I take it she’s cute or you wouldn’t have brought it up.”

 

Lexa looked away, trying to hide the smile on her face, she’s not surprised that her mom assumed it to have been a girl. “Her name’s Clarke.” She managed to say.

 

“Clarke…” Indra said, clearly remembering the name. “Now, Lexa…”

 

“I’m not getting my hopes up.” She said quickly. “There’s a very good possibility that this isn’t… _Clarke_.”

 

“No,” She stopped Lexa. “There’s a very good chance that it _is_.”

 

Lexa only shrugged.

 

“Did you at least talk to her?”

 

She nodded, “Surprisingly enough I did.”

 

.

 

“So how was your first day?” Abby asked her daughter over dinner.

 

“It was fine.” Clarke shrugged, not so much as looking up.

 

“Did you make any friends?”

 

Clarke looked up. “I’m not five mom, you don’t really make friends in a day.” Yeah, she was still a little pissed about the whole moving thing. But she sighed, feeling bad about answering like that. “But I did hang out with a girl from my physics class and her best friend; they’re nice. And the one who sits next to me in history also seems really nice.”

 

“Well, that’s a good start.” Their conversation kind of died down from there. Clarke went back to her room after dinner, telling her mom how she had a lot of catching up to do with school. But she’d already done enough for today; all Clarke wanted to do now was…well, nothing; just waste an hour or two on the Internet.

 

.

 

“There’s this new student who started today.” Lexa repeated those words into her phone later that night. Anya had called her a little past 11pm, knowing she would be awake and if there was anyone Lexa could talk to about this, it was her sister.

 

“Oh?” Anya asked, probably knowing where this was going.

 

“Her name’s Clarke.” Lexa stated.

 

“Wait, what?” It caught her off guard. This was definitely not where she thought this was going. Anya expected to it to have been a small crush or something like that. “Clarke?”

 

“Yeah…” Lexa muttered.

 

“As in a girl?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Wow.” She waited a second before continuing. “You know what this could mean right?”

 

“I don’t know…” Lexa replied uncertainly. “I mean, there’s a possibility that it’s not her.”

 

“No.” Anya stopped her. “There is a pretty good chance that it _is_ her.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“Well,” She started. “You don’t know that it’s _not_ her.”

 

Lexa didn’t reply, Anya did have a point but she didn’t want to get her hopes up. Truth is, a part of her already did think that Clarke was… _Clarke_. Yes, it was too soon to tell and that’s exactly why Lexa was just trying to convince herself that it might not be her.

 

“There’s no way for you to know until she gets her tattoo, is there?” Anya asked when she realized Lexa wasn’t going to answer.

 

“No.”

 

“Did you even say hi?”

 

“I did…” Lexa trailed off.

 

“And?” Getting her sister to talk is probably one of the hardest things she’s had to do.

 

“I have history and lit with her, she sat next to me.” She started; knowing very well that Anya wasn’t going to stop asking until Lexa had told her everything there was to about Clarke. “She asked to borrow my notes for history. And I…” She paused before adding. “I walked her home. Well…she walked with me on her way back home.”

 

“I’m impressed.” Anya nodded to herself. “You don’t even talk to girls who happen to be remotely cute.”

 

“I can’t _get_ myself to talk to them, there’s a difference.” Lexa smiled. “But I don’t know…there’s something about Clarke that…makes it easy to talk to her…” She stopped. “Well, _easier_ than others.”

 

“It’s a start.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Lexa told her. “I don’t even know her yet, so slow down.”

 

Anya paused for second before asking casually, knowing that Lexa would have the answer. “What color are her eyes?”

 

“Blue.” Lexa replied without thinking but stopped herself suddenly, realizing what Anya was trying to do. “You’re not doing tha-.”

 

But Anya spoke before Lexa could finish. “I bet you even know what her favorite class is.”

 

“I don-“ She started, wanting to prove her wrong but sighed. “Art.”

 

“There you go, you do know her.”

 

“No, I don’t.” Lexa corrected. “Not really.”

 

“It’s a start.” Anya repeated. “And don’t roll your eyes at me.”

 

Lexa caught herself doing just that. Stopping herself, she looked around suspiciously; some times it felt like Anya was watching her.

 

“Try and get to know her…instead of just being frustrated at yourself for not even talking to her.” Anya told her, she could hear Lexa sigh from the other end. “She’s probably nice. I mean, I can hear the smile in your voice when you’re talking about her.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes again as she felt her cheeks heat up. “Shut up.”

 

.

 

Lexa’s phone lit up with a text. No one really texted her other than Anya and her mom…oh and Octavia sometimes. Considering she had already talked to Anya tonight and that she was home, it had to be Octavia.

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:02pm**

R u gonna talk to her about it or???

 

Lexa rolled her eyes; she knew it was only a matter of time before she brought it up.

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:04pm**

LEXA

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:04pm**

I know u’re still awake.

 

**Lexa**

**10:05pm**

Yes, I’m awake.

 

**Lexa**

**10:05pm**

And no, I’m not going to talk to her about it.

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:06pm**

COME ON

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:06pm**

BUT YOU HAVE TO

 

**Lexa**

**10:07pm**

No, I don’t.

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:09pm**

Why not?

 

**Lexa**

**10:09pm**

For one, I don’t really know her.

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:09pm**

 ...

 

**Lexa**

**10:11pm**

You can’t say anything to her.

 

**Octavia Blake**

**10:11pm**

As much as I don’t want to agree to that, I won’t because I don’t think u’re much fun when u’re pissed off.

 

Octavia typed out the text reluctantly. Fine, she wouldn’t say anything to Clarke, she wasn’t planning on it anyways; maybe throw in a little hints, that would be fun.

 

Lexa was awake till about 3am; she’s not really sure what she was doing till then, but wasting time on Tumblr was definitely something. She’s not even sure why it was so addictive or why shouldn’t turn her laptop off and go to bed. Clarke was on her mind the whole time though. It’s not really a surprise and, I mean who wouldn’t be thinking about that? Lexa knew she had a long and tiring day ahead of her but she didn’t really want to sleep.

 

So she wasn’t surprised when she woke up to the opening of Fall Out Boy’s _Irresistible_ (she needed something loud but the alarm tunes were just downright annoying). Lexa had fallen asleep with her computer still on her lap. She rubbed her eyes before bringing the screen back to life only to shut it down. _Long day ahead_ , Lexa thought as she forced herself out of the comfort of her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk, I'm not happy with this chapter. But I promise the next chapter's are going to be better.  
> p.s. I too have a crush on this adorable blue-eyed blonde so I know how Lexa feels, only differences being, Lexa has it in her to talk to Clarke and the tattoo.


	4. We should do this again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's more Clexa, a bit of Raven and Octavia, Clexa doing homework together and Clarke hates PE. Its a fun chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter wasn't too good, so I hope this one makes up for that.  
> Starts on day 2, which is tuesday. Then Wednesday. We skip thursday and go on to Friday.

> _Tuesday, November 10 2015_

 

Tuesdays were exhausting, Lexa sighed as she stepped out of her front door and popped in her earphones. Not only did she have all three sciences today – exhausting enough on its own – but also soccer practice after school. And she probably wouldn’t get to see Clarke today. She’d been walking for a little over a minute in silence when Lexa felt a tap on her shoulder from behind. She turned her neck, pulling out one earbud as she looked at the person behind her.

 

“Good morning.” Clarke greeted before Lexa could say anything.

 

“Morning.” Lexa replied as Clarke stepped next to her and they continued walking together.

 

A comfortable silence fell over and they continued to walk until almost reaching the school. Lexa pulled out her phone from her pocket for the first time all morning and unlocked the screen before opening the Tumblr app and scrolling through her dashboard before realizing there was nothing other than gray boxes. _What a surprise_.

 

“You have a Tumblr?” Clarke asked.

 

Lexa looked up from the screen at Clarke, locking it and sliding it back into her pocket. “Yeah.” She nodded.

 

“The app sucks.” Clarke said casually; realizing Lexa probably didn’t want to give her URL. She nodded at Clarke as they continued walking in silence until reaching their lockers.

 

“Oh, is this one yours?” Lexa asked, nodding towards the locker above her’s and looking at Clarke over the frame of her glasses. Lexa didn’t know Clarke’s one was the locker right above hers till right now. Lexa unlocked it, taking out her books and Clarke waited a couple of steps behind her; figuring it would probably be awkward trying to get her things out while Lexa was too.

 

“Yep.” Clarke nodded although Lexa wasn’t looking at her.

 

“I’ll only be a minute.”

 

“It’s fine.” Clarke said but she was already standing back up.

 

.

 

Clarke didn’t see Lexa again till the lesson right before lunch. When she walked into biology, the brunette was the last person she expected to see so it was a nice surprise knowing there was someone there that Clarke actually knew.

 

“On the back to the left.” Mr. Jackson said once Clarke introduced herself. “Lexa doesn’t have a lab partner yet so…” She nodded, walking away.

 

Lexa hadn’t noticed Clarke until she was standing next to her, placing her bag on the floor. “Mr. Jackson says you don’t have a lab partner,” she sat down. “Now you do.”

 

It was a long and boring lesson, but Lexa couldn’t afford to zone out if she wanted a decent grade for this class. It wasn’t difficult; not really, she just found it insanely boring. She kept quiet, as always, taking notes and doing her best to pay attention. Clarke on the other hand seemed to be good at this. She seemed like one of those people who got on the teacher’s radar straight away, but in a good way because they genuinely enjoyed the class and had something to say to everything they were asked. Lexa found it more than a little distracting. She couldn’t help but glance over at the blonde every couple of minutes; her left elbow rested on the table and her head rested on her knuckles as her other hand held a pencil, occasionally writing. It was cute when Mr. Jackson asked her something she wasn’t too sure about and went “Is it because…?” The little hint of hesitation and uncertainty in her voice wasn’t something she associated with Clarke; so far, she seemed to be confident in herself and knew what she was doing.

 

“Homework before you all leave.” Their teacher spoke a couple of minutes before the bell went off. “Presentations, next Tuesday.” He paused, letting the chorus of groans die down before continuing. “You’re all working in pairs – unless anyone doesn’t want to.” He waited a moment but no one spoke so Jackson continued. “Same thing for everyone: 2 minutes long PowerPoint on the circulatory system. It’s not that big, so I think a week is more than enough-“ He was cut off by the bell just as he was about to finish.

 

“You know you can join us right?” Clarke asked Lexa as they walked out of the classroom. “I’m meeting up with Raven and Octavia and you can’t possibly tell me you have work to do even today.”

 

Lexa hesitated, trying to think of an answer. “I don’t…” She sighed reluctantly. “But I…” She didn’t really have an excuse because whatever she said in her mind sounded like it could come off as her not wanting Clarke around and that was the last thing Lexa wanted her to think.

 

“If you don’t want to, its fine.” Clarke backtracked, noticing the uncertain look on Lexa’s face. She had a feeling something was wrong, not really sure what but there had to be a reason behind Lexa spending almost all her time alone. It wasn’t any of her business but Clarke couldn’t help but wonder what it was. “What I meant was; you don’t have to be on your own if you don’t want to.” She added, unsure of the words coming out of her mouth.

 

“Alright.” Lexa nodded slowly, uncertain as to why she was agreeing to it.

 

She’s not really sure what the two of them talked about as they walked down the hall towards their lockers but for the first time in a very long time, Lexa was able to hold a conversation with someone. She’s not really sure how it happened (well, she may have an idea) because Lexa knew she was almost incapable of holding a conversation. It always felt like she was either saying more than necessary or she didn’t have anything worth saying. And no one was listening to her most of the time anyways, so what’s the point?

 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Octavia started when she noticed Clarke walking over with Lexa. She was standing with her back against the locker next to Raven’s who was still putting things in her locker. “Clarke actually managed to convince you that we were decent enough to hang out with.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile before adding sarcastically, “Yes, because the two of you are absolutely terrible.”

 

Raven finally closed her locker and nodded to what Clarke had just said, faking seriousness.

 

It was easy holding a conversation with Raven and Octavia, Lexa didn’t know what it was but there was something about them that made it easy to talk to them. Clarke was getting along more than just alright with them and Raven and Octavia seemed to like her just as much. Lexa was sitting next to Clarke and across from Octavia, with Raven next to her. It wasn’t too long before she realized how Raven and Octavia’s friendship worked; Raven always had something to say and Octavia always had a snarky/sarcastic remark to match.

 

“We have practice today right?” Octavia asked Lexa after a while.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded.

 

“How can you guys go to soccer practice after school? Like do you _not_ get tired? Because I’m already wanting to pass out.” Clarke asked.

 

“I know right?” Raven backed her up.

 

“I don’t mind it.” Lexa shrugged. And she didn’t. It was a distraction mostly, kept her mind off of everything else. Whatever else was going on around her didn’t matter because she couldn’t really take her mind of the game.

 

“Yeah, its not that bad.” Octavia added.

 

Clarke and Raven rolled their eyes almost simultaneously, and Lexa and Octavia shrugged in response.

 

“And the first game’s next week so we kinda need all the practice we can get…but the school says two days a week after school is enough.” Octavia told them.

 

“And Fridays during lunch.” Lexa added.

 

“That’s commitment.” Raven said with a nod. “I don’t even wanna be here the time I _have_ to let alone four extra hours a week.”

 

Clarke nodded, agreeing.

 

“You should come.” Octavia spoke suddenly, getting strange looks from the others. “To the game on Tuesday.” She explained, looking at Clarke. “Raven is, so you won’t be alone. _And_ you’ll get to see this one play.” She nodded towards Lexa, who shot her a look but Octavia only smiled.

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

-

 

> _Wednesday, November 11 2015_

 

“So we know what we’re doing…right?” Clarke started as they both sat down at Lexa’s usual desk at the library after school.

 

“I…don’t think I do.” Lexa replied, pulling out her laptop and books.

 

It was Wednesday and the two of them were just about to get started on the biology presentation. They would’ve started yesterday but Lexa had practice and Clarke was still unpacking. Neither of them really knew when they would get the chance to sit down together to work on it. Lexa figured once they got started and talked about it, they could work on it alone if needed to. She said she would be busy with football practice but didn’t want Clarke to be doing most of the work, that wouldn’t really be fair. So she was determined to get as much work done today as possible.

 

“Oh my god, you’re worse than I am.” Lexa joked after about half an hour with a smile as she watched Clarke try to balance her pencil on its eraser’s tip. “Try and focus.”

 

“But literally everything else is so much more interesting.” Clarke groaned, letting the pencil drop on the table. “If I get myself to work, can we get this done today?”

 

“There’s not much to do really.” Lexa agreed. “So I think we can.”

 

“Okay, I’m done messing around.” Clarke sat up straight. “I really don’t want this thing hanging around till like Monday.”

 

Lexa was more fun to work with than Clarke would’ve thought. She wasn’t all work like she thought. Lexa seemed…more relaxed somehow; she made jokes (bad ones), ones Clarke couldn’t stop herself from laughing at. She seemed to have a hard time paying attention to the work – much like Clarke – for more than ten minutes at a time. Clarke was very much the same, only she got distracted more often and laughed at Lexa’s bad jokes instead of making them.

 

“Wow, we’re actually done.” Lexa said about two hours later, leaning back against the chair and taking off her glasses before rubbing her eyes.

 

“That is impressive.” Clarke ran a hand through her hair before leaning on the table which brought her slightly closer to Lexa without realizing it. “You got me to finish all the work, that’s impressive.” Her voice was low and deliberate, the hint of suggestion wasn’t really meant to be there but Clarke went with it.

 

“I usually can’t focus on biology for more than a couple of minutes at a time.” Lexa told her uneasily with a half smile. “So this is kind of surprising.”

 

“We should do this again some time.” Clarke said before realizing what she could be saying. “Study together, I mean.” _Nice save, Clarke…not._

-

 

> _Friday, November 13 2015_

 

The next few days kind of passed pretty much like this. Lexa didn’t mind spending time with Raven and Octavia (mostly because Clarke was around), they were nice and fun and it was easy to talk to them…well, mostly listen but the point is, they were nice enough to actually want Lexa around and she didn’t really miss not spending her breaks alone. If Lexa didn’t know any better, she’d say she and Clarke were getting along pretty well too. Talking to her wasn’t as difficult as it was to talk to…well, _literally_ anyone else. There was something about Clarke which made it…easy.

 

“Do you have gym today?” Clarke asked as she unlocked her locker.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded. “Why?”

 

“Third period?” She answered with another question.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Good.” Clarke turned around, noticing the questioning look on Lexa’s face. “Because I do and I don’t want to be alone…well, around people I don’t know. Gym’s bad enough as it is.” She explained.

 

“You didn’t know me until a few days ago.”

 

“But I know you now.”

 

.

 

They hadn’t seen each other till the third period, both of them having different classes. _Why is running a thing and why do I have to do it?_ Clarke asked herself when they were told to warm up by running two laps around the gym. Lexa didn’t seem to mind but she kept her pace slow in order to keep up with Clarke. As they finished the first lap, Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa. There was a reason she told herself not to look over when Lexa was changing out of her t-shirt. In Clarke’s opinion, Lexa was way too toned for an 18 year…but she wasn’t complaining about it. And her abs were so on point…up until Clarke saw them, she didn’t know how important soccer. Point is, Lexa was hot and Clarke knew the moment she admitted that to herself, she’d be a goner.

 

“How do you…keep up…?” Clarke asked, panting, hands on her knees, kneeling down once they finished running.

 

“It’s not that bad.” Lexa replied, completely unaffected by it.

 

“How are you not…dying?” She stood up straight, trying to control her breathing.

 

“I play on the school’s soccer team…” Lexa reminded her. “Two laps are not really a big deal.”

 

“You’re insane.”

 

It kind of just kept getting worse from there really. Dodge ball was a lot worse than running. And almost everyone else seemed to way better at it than Clarke was. Her only advantage was probably the fact that Lexa was on her team and she had already stopped more than a handful of balls from hitting Clarke.

 

She’s not sure where the next one came from but before Clarke could make a move, she felt it colliding with her head and the impact threw her off her feet onto the floor. She fell back, trying to stop herself with her hands for that to only go terribly. Clarke hadn’t noticed the awkward angle of her left hand until she landed and it sent a sharp pain shooting through her arm. It gave out from under her, and her back dropped on to the hard wood floor with a thud. “Fuck.” She muttered loud enough for at least a few people to have heard when her head hit the floor. Lexa was next to her before she could bring herself to sit up.

 

“Clarke?” She asked slowly and Clarke hummed in response. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” She replied, sitting up straight. She brought up her hand to take a look. Trying to flex her wrist, Clarke couldn’t help but drop another f-bomb, quieter this time.

 

“Come on.” Lexa stood up, holding out her hand for Clarke.

 

She grabbed it and Lexa practically pulled her up before she could push herself off the floor.

 

About 20 minutes, a trip to the nurse’s office and a sprained wrist later, Clarke was back in the changing room, standing next to Lexa. She was excused for the rest of the lesson, sitting on the sidelines and watching other people get hit with that damn rubber ball. And unable to stop thinking about how Lexa could so effortlessly pull her off the floor…? _Like how much do you work out?_ She asked herself.

 

“You got your tattoo.” Clarke noticed when she caught a glimpse of ink as they were changing.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa said as she quickly pulled on a t-shirt, hoping Clarke didn’t see what it said.

 

“Do you know who it is?” She asked before she could stop herself. “Sorry, that’s none of my business.” Did she like Lexa? Probab- no, she did, Clarke’s only known her not even a week now but she knew she had a crush on Lexa. But this changed things. Clarke thought she probably had a chance with her, because why not? But knowing that Lexa already knew who she was meant to be with, it brought her confidence down a bit (a lot). Yes, high school relationships don’t last, not for most people anyways, but her and Lexa were bound to _not_ _work_ because _Lexa_ already _knew who she was meant to work out with_.

 

“No, it’s fine.” Lexa shook her head in response, “And yeah, I think I have an idea who it might be.” She hated herself for that. Hated herself for letting her get her hopes up that it might be the blue eyed blonde standing next to her without a shirt on. _Fucking hell_.

 

“Do they kno-” _Fuck_. She stopped herself. “I’m overstepping, I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine.” Lexa shook her head again. But she didn’t answer, not really wanting to answer because she thought that might push Clarke away. Also because of the fact that there was a small part of her that still thought Clarke wasn’t… _Clarke_ , no matter how much she wanted her to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, moving to fast with the whole "I'm in love things" is a pet peeve of mine coz realistically, people don't fall enough that fast. So I'm trying to keep things slow with Clarke and Lexa but like at the same time, they ARE soulmates so like their attraction for each other is kinda on steroids compared to just someone else. .....if that makes any sense. Basically, if things feel like they're moving too fast, that's why, because of the who soulmate thing.
> 
> So thoughts on the chapter?


	5. Come with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Octavia's soccer game. Clexa spend some quality time together and there's quite a bit of Lexa. But I would say it's mostly clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire chapter's just like one day. And yeah, its mostly Clexa. I kinda think its the best chapter so far. 
> 
> Oh and Indra's a cop, well captain of her precinct.

> _Tuesday, November 17 2015_

 

Clarke wasn’t a sports person. At all. But she didn’t really mind watching the game today. Raven on the other hand seemed to be really into it – “ _Only because of Octavia, trust me. You couldn’t make me sit here for 90 minutes of my life watching them kick that ball around._ ” And she figured the only reason she didn’t mind right now was…well, Lexa. She seemed really focused, not taking her eyes off of the ball for even a moment. She and Octavia were very much in sync, more the other team put together and that definitely played a huge role in them winning. Clarke realized that this was a big deal for the school and the team definitely took it seriously; which was pretty much the complete opposite of how it was back in Seattle.

 

“They did amazing today.” Raven noted as they waited outside the locker room for Lexa and Octavia.

 

“I know literally nothing about sports but Lexa and Octavia are _so_ in sync.” Clarke told her. “It’s like they can read each other’s minds.”

 

Raven nodded. “It used to freak me out a when I saw them practice the first couple of week.” She joked. As she finished, the two of them walked out, still smiling. Raven gave Octavia a “victory hug” as she walked over to them.

 

“You guys were amazing.” Clarke said looking between Octavia and Lexa.

 

“Thanks.” Lexa muttered.

 

“The team’s going out to celebrate our first win of the season.” Octavia started. “And I’m going to take a wild guess and say you’re not coming.” She looked at Lexa.

 

“Your guess would be correct.” Lexa nodded. “I’m just going to head home.”

 

Clarke looked at her suspiciously, “How come?”

 

She only shrugged. _I’d rather not be around a lot of people I barely know_.

 

“I usually tag along with them.” Raven added. “Clarke?”

 

“Me?” She asked, trying to come up with a plausible excuse. “Thanks but I can’t.”

 

“We’ll see you around.” Raven said as she put her arm around Octavia’s shoulder and they walked away.

 

“You could’ve gone with them.” Lexa said.

 

Clarke shrugged, not really having an answer. “Everything okay?” She asked as they began to walk out.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded. “Why?”

 

Clarke shrugged again.

 

“Are you asking because I didn’t go with them?” Lexa waited for Clarke to respond but she didn’t, thinking it might be over stepping a bit. “I don’t really know…I just don’t enjoy it I guess…”

 

Clarke nodded. “So you’re going home?”

 

“No…” She started, trying to find the words to explain it, but like a lot of times, Lexa didn’t really have anything to say. Clarke gave her a questioning look. “Come with me.” The words left her mouth before she could stop herself. _Wait…did I jus-? Fuck_ _me_.

 

Clarke watched her expectantly as they walked down the steps and made their way to the sidewalk, waiting for Lexa to explain.

 

“There’s a playground at the end of the block from our places and I go up there after a long day.” She finally explained, looking down at her watch. “It’s pretty much abandoned, no one really goes there anymore and since its almost six it _will_ be empty.”

 

Clarke smiled at her, it was a nice gesture on Lexa’s part to be asking her to come along to somewhere Clarke assumed was like a quiet place for her.

 

“It helps me clear my head most times, other times its just…calming I guess. And I have to say, it was a stressful game.”

 

Clarke nodded; if the exhaustion on the team’s face after the final whistle blew was anything to go by, it was definitely a stressful game. “Are you sure you want me to come along?” She didn’t want to be pushy; she and Lexa were getting along pretty well since day one and Clarke didn’t want to do anything that might compromise that. “If you want to alone right now, I completely get it.”

 

It took Lexa a moment to respond, “I don’t…not really.” Her voice was barely audible and a part of her hoped that Clarke hadn’t heard her. Because, no, she didn’t want to be alone; it might seem like she did most of the time and Lexa wanted that to be true. But…you can only be alone for so long before it gets lonely.

 

“Well, you don’t have to.” Clarke replied, the urge to grab her hand and intertwine their fingers overwhelming her. She noticed the change in Lexa’s tone, it was quiet and hesitant and almost desperate. But she didn’t want to say something that might sound like over-stepping.

 

“I can’t promise a conversation though.” Lexa told her hesitantly. “I tend to go quiet after a little while and it gets awkward and uncomfortable.” She explained. “So, I’m sorry about that in advance.”

 

“Don’t be.” Clarke told her as they continued to walk. “Sitting in silence with someone doesn’t have to get awkward, don’t worry about it.”

 

Lexa smiled at that. It wasn’t everyday you came across someone who didn’t mind you not talking to them constantly when around. “You sure? I don’t want to bore you.” She stopped herself suddenly, realizing that she may have come off as not wanting Clarke to come along after all.

 

“I’m sure.”

 

They walked in silence for a little while, coming up to the street at the end of the block and Lexa turned left, Clarke following. “I’m sorry.” Lexa apologized.

 

“For what?” Clarke asked, genuinely not knowing.

 

“If what I said came of as me not wanting you to come along.”

 

“Not at all.”

 

“Because I can do that sometimes without realizing.”

 

“Lexa, it’s okay. Really.” Clarke told her with a soft smile as they walked up to the swings and sat down.

 

They didn’t spend the entire hour in silence. Lexa didn’t have much to say but Clarke realized that she didn’t mind being asked questions. And she pretended to not notice the small details about the brunette which made her that much more cuter; she fiddled with her watch a lot and if Clarke didn’t know any better, she’d say the reason behind Lexa wearing it was so that she would have something to do with her hands rather than to tell the time. It was either that or running her hand through her hair and Clarke probably doesn’t want to admit how difficult it was to look away every time Lexa did so. There was also that thing with her glasses that she noticed on the first day, how Lexa scrunched up her nose to keep it in place. She was more nods than actual words but Clarke didn’t really mind because Lexa seemed to be at ease around her; more than she was at school anyways. And Clarke could almost feel herself falling for her…not falling in love, god no, it was way too soon for that. But you know that feeling when you think you have a small crush on someone but every moment you spend with them, it just keeps getting worse? Yeah, falling in that sense.

 

It was surprising for Lexa to actually be talking to someone and actually enjoying it. It was strange, she’d only known Clarke for just over a week but she already felt at ease around the blonde. It was…nice with her around. Or maybe that was just because Lexa didn’t remember the last time someone actually wanted to spend time her. Clarke was nice, and it was easy talking to her – there wasn’t much of talking on her part but it was still more than usual. Lexa could feel herself starting to fall for the blonde. And no, not the crush-falling, but actual falling. She kicked herself because it was too soon and she didn’t know for sure that this was _Clarke_ but there was something else that Lexa couldn’t quiet put her finger on – maybe _that something_ meant that she _was_ _indeed_ Clarke. But Lexa didn’t know for sure, if there was one thing she knew, it was that Clarke Griffin was insanely cute and if this week was anything to go by, she had a personality to match.

 

“You’re cold.” Lexa noticed after a while.

 

Clarke was hugging herself. The weather was alright during the day, a light – very light – hoodie was enough but now the wind was picking up and it was getting chilly. “No, I’m fine.”

 

“Uh huh,” Lexa muttered, shrugging off her jacket.

 

“No, really, its fine.” But Lexa handed it to her and Clarke draped it over her shoulders. “Aren’t you cold?”

 

Lexa shook her head, “My hoodie’s fine.”

 

They fell silent after that for the next half hour or so; it was a comfortable silence and Clarke couldn’t help but glance over at Lexa every few seconds; even in the dim light, she was captivating and it was very hard to look away. And as they left, Clarke realized why Lexa liked to come here to clear her mind; it was peaceful, with no one around, there was something really calming about the deserted playground which she didn’t quiet get.

 

The two of them walked past Lexa’s house as it was closer to the playground than Clarke’s and Clarke shot her a questioning look, asking her why she was still walking. “I’ll walk you to your place.” She told her.

 

“You don’t have to,” Clarke said as they continued walking, already having covered half the distance between her and Lexa’s house.

 

“I want to.” Lexa smiled and Clarke returned it, walking the next few feet in silence.

 

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Clarke asked as they stopped on the sidewalk in front of her place.

 

Lexa nodded, “Yeah.” Just as Clarke was about to walk away, Lexa spoke, “Clarke?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

Lexa shrugged, “For coming with me and spending time with me…” She trailed off, not really sure of what to say.

 

Clarke’s not sure what happened but she found herself pulling Lexa into a hug. Lexa didn’t seem to mind, her arms instantly came up around Clarke. Well, neither of them really knew what was happening for a moment other than just going with it. Lexa didn’t really know what had just happened but she wasn’t protesting. Her arms kind of automatically came up around Clarke. It felt weird in a way, but not bad-weird. She felt familiar when Lexa knew that wasn’t it. There was something about how Clarke’s body felt against hers that made Lexa unable to stop herself from smiling against it. She hadn’t realized how much she needed a hug and there was something about Clarke which felt different. _Maybe it’s the whole soulmate thing_ , Lexa thought before brushing the thought away, not letting herself get her hopes up. Clarke’s arms tightened around her and she held on a bit longer, there was something in the way Lexa held her which made her not want to let go.

 

“Hey, is everything okay?” Clarke asked once they’d pulled away; the way Lexa held on, it almost felt…desperate, like she didn’t want to let go and Clarke didn’t know what to make of that.

 

“Yeah.” She breathed out, her voice anything but convincing. Lexa doesn’t remember the last time someone held her like that. And the fact that it was so comforting, even though it was coming from someone she’s only known for about a week, told her that it’s been way too long.

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked gently, not wanting to say something she couldn’t take back.

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke decided to let it go, or at least not ask her about it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Lexa said with a half smile and Clarke nodded as she walked away. She didn’t know how to explain what she was feeling; Lexa’d thought she was stronger than this. She took a deep breath as she walked away; no, she did not remember the last time someone held her like that and up until now, it didn’t matter…or maybe Lexa told herself that enough times already to convince herself that it was true. The lack of physical interaction for this long…soon enough it feels normal, not really making a difference anymore. But then someone like Clarke comes along, and they hold you like that, reminding you what it feels like. But Lexa didn’t need – _want_ – to be reminded. She was doing just fine locking herself away from the world but then Clarke hugged her and she poked at that wall Lexa put up, making her realize how truly alone she was. It made her feel weak that something as simple as a _hug_ could bring her down so much. It wasn’t the hug so much as the having to let go part but she told herself it was the same thing. And Clarke had realized something was wrong, which Lexa didn’t quiet understand – and it was something that worried her because that meant Clarke could see through her. As much as a part of Lexa wanted to run and hide and isolate herself from feeling like this – like she needed something from someone – but another part of her wanted quite the opposite, to be back in Clarke’s arms and to open herself up to her.

 

.

 

Clarke lingered for a moment, watching as Lexa walked away with a slightly worried expression on her face. She didn’t know what it was, but there was something going on with Lexa, something she didn’t want to talk about. Hell, she didn’t even want to admit there was something wrong. Yes, Clarke knew it was not her place, she’s only known Lexa for literally eight days; but that didn’t stop her from wondering. And whatever it was, she hoped everything was okay. Even after a whole week, Clarke wasn’t really sure why Lexa spent so much time alone or why she always said no to things like…today, celebrating their first victory of the season. She seemed to get along with everyone just fine. And Lexa seemed to enjoy being around Raven and Octavia but even then, something just seemed…off. Like she was afraid to get too close to anyone. Clarke tried to push the thoughts out of her head as she walked inside because she figured, it wasn’t her place and Lexa sure as hell wouldn’t appreciate it. Clarke shrugged the jacket off once she was inside, realizing for the first time since they’d left the playground that she hadn’t returned Lexa’s jacket.

 

.

 

“You were out for a while.” Abby noted later that night.

 

Clarke nodded, “There’s a playground like two minutes from here, I went there with a friend after the soccer game.”

 

“I still can’t believe you sat through 90 minutes of a soccer game.” Her mom shook her head with an amused smile.

 

Clarke only shrugged in response.

 

“Whoever you were there for better know how lucky they are.”

 

“No mom.” Her eyes widened momentarily, “I wasn’t there for anyone in particular.”

 

Her mom gave her a suspicious look before asking, “Who’s jacket were you wearing when you came home?”

 

“A friend’s…” Clarke replied, unsure.

 

Abby nodded slowly, not saying anything. She knew the best way to get Clarke to talk was to not really say anything.

 

Clarke watched her mom, waiting for her to ask something, “What?”

 

“Nothing.” Her mom answered quickly. “Is this friend… _more_ than just a friend?”

 

“Ha ha ha.” Clarke laughed monotonously. “No,” She said. “Just a friend.”

 

.

 

“I’m going to assume the team won; you seem to be in a great mood.” Indra said to her daughter later that night. She’d just gotten home and it was relatively late, Lexa was done with any homework she had due for tomorrow and was sitting in front of the TV but paying more attention to the phone in her hand than what was on on the bigger screen. She looked up and nodded. “That’s great. I’ll be right back okay?” With that she left the living room, going upstairs to put her gun and badge away.

 

“So, how are things going with you and Clarke?” Indra asked, sitting down on the couch opposite Lexa.

 

“Alright.” Lexa put her phone away and shrugged. “She came down to the playground with me after the game today.”

 

Her mom’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, “You never take anyone with you down there.”

 

“She offered to come along and I…” … _didn’t want to be alone_. “…didn’t see why not.”

 

Her mom couldn’t get much out of her after that. It wasn’t the easiest thing to get Lexa to talk about anything, let alone this. And there was almost no one that could get her to talk… _almost_. Anya could find a way to get pretty much anything out of her. And that’s what Lexa was worried about when she called later that night.

 

“Well you two are getting along.” Anya said after Lexa told her about her and Clarke.

 

“You can say that.” Lexa muttered.

 

“But you don’t take anyone there with you, it’s your quiet place.”

 

“Yeah…” Lexa started. “But she offered and I didn’t really have a reason to say no.”

 

“Uh huh, says the person who’s better at coming up with excuses than probably anyone else on this planet.” Lexa could almost hear her sister roll her eyes as she spoke.

 

“I don’t know…I know I’ve only known her for a little over a week but…” She trailed off, not knowing what to say. Not knowing how to explain what she felt for Clarke or how she felt that way so soon.

 

“But what?” Anya tried slowly, waiting for Lexa to respond but she didn’t. “Lexa.”

 

“But nothing. I don’t even know.” But Anya didn’t respond, forcing her to elaborate. “I guess I just didn’t…want to be alone…”

 

She heard Anya sigh from the other end. “Are you doing okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” Lexa replied. “I know I’m fine, I just don’t know why I’d rather be around Clarke than on my own.” She stopped. “It feels weird, Anya.”

 

“That doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing. She’ll be good for you.”

 

_But I don’t think I’ll be good for her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bits with Lexa were kinda hard to write but there you go. And thanks to everyone who left kudos and comments, just know that they make my day. So....what'd you think of the chapter?


	6. Do you think she’s cute?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's getting along with Raven and O better than she'd have thought. There's Clexa. A think with these two characters I don't want to give away. And a cute bit with the four of them together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left comments and kudos, it means a lot, so thank you so much. and i think we can all use some fluff after that trailer. so yeah, this is probably as fluffy as i can get. but like its cute. and not just ridiculously fluffy. I honestly can't believe that i wrote it because of how fluffy it is.

> _November 24 th 2015 - Tuesday_

 

It had been a long and boring day and as much as Clarke wanted the last lesson to be over, she didn’t really want to go back home…well, she’s not sure she can call it home, not yet anyways. Clarke knew Lexa had soccer practice after school today, so she decided to maybe wait for her on the bleachers. She’d asked Lexa if it was alright and who said it was fine. It had been a week since the team’s first game and they were already back to training for the next one. Was it commitment or was it downright stupidity to give so much time and energy to the game? Clarke wasn’t sure. Before she met Lexa and Octavia, she would’ve said the latter but they were starting to change her mind.

 

Clarke was sitting on the bleacher watching the team go at it, her sketchbook lay open, resting on her thighs and a pencil in her hand. She hadn’t drawn much of anything since they moved here but there was something about Lexa out there on the field that just made her want to capture it. There was that look of determination and focus in her eyes, which was apparent even from where Clarke was sitting. It was taking more time than she’d have thought, mostly because of the fact that they were all moving constantly, but also because she wanted to get it just right. By the end of the second hour, Clarke sat back straight, looking at her sketch; there wasn’t much yet, it was just an outline and she didn’t really understand why it took her so long to do only that. Obviously the fact that she spent most of those two hours pretty much staring at Lexa had nothing to do with how slow her drawing was going. _Obviously_.

 

“Drawing?” Lexa asked as she made her way to Clarke, still panting.

 

“Yeah,” She nodded, closing the sketchbook and placing it next to her.

 

“Give me two minutes, I’m going to get changed, then we can leave.”

 

Clarke nodded as Lexa walked away again.

 

“Ready to go?” Lexa asked, walking up to Clarke again after a couple of minutes.

 

“Hmm.” She hummed in acknowledgement, picking up her sketchbook and putting it in her bag before zipping it shut. “Let’s go.”

 

“Don’t wanna go home?” Lexa asked Clarke as they walked out of the school.

 

“Not really.” She replied, unsure. Lexa looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “It doesn’t feel like home, you know?” She didn’t wait for Lexa to respond. “I mean, probably not but…its just weird.”

 

“I know what you mean.” Lexa said when Clarke stopped. “It is weird but yeah, I know that feeling.” She shrugged, trying to keep it light.

 

.

 

Clarke was sitting in her bed, not having it in her to do more schoolwork than absolutely necessary for tomorrow. She had her laptop sitting on her lap and her phone somewhere under the comforter when she heard a text come in. She looked over the screen of her laptop, trying to see if it was anywhere in sight. After a second, she closed it and moved her hands over the bed, trying to find that damn phone. Clarke gave up after a few seconds, moving to turn on the small light on her nightstand and pulling the comforter of herself. _Thud_. She sighed at that and looked on the floor. _There it is_.

 

**Octavia**

**9:02pm**

Clarke, what do u think of Lexa?

 

She unlocked her screen, reading the text more than once trying to understand what Octavia means.

 

**Clarke**

**9:05pm**

Umm…what?

 

Octavia rolled her eyes as Clarke’s text lit up on her screen.

 

**Octavia**

**9:06pm**

Let me rephrase that

 

**Octavia**

**9:06pm**

Do you think she’s cute?

 

“You did _not_ just send that to her O, oh my god.” Raven exclaimed from her seat next to her best friend.

 

“You’re reading my texts?” She looked at her, surprised and disapproving.

 

**Clarke**

**9:07pm**

…I guess.

 

Octavia’s phone buzzed with Clarke’s reply but she didn’t get the chance to reply. “Well, I know you do stupid things, so I just wanted to make sure you didn’t…turns out you did.” Raven told her casually.

 

“Yeah, but…” Octavia stopped, turning around to face her. “They would be cute together, come on.”

 

“It’s Clarke’s third week here, calm down.”

 

Octavia looked away, not saying anything. But that only made Raven more suspicious.

 

“Do you know something that I don’t?” She asked suspiciously. “Did Lexa say something?”

 

“No…”

 

She moved slightly closer on the couch, “Does she like Clarke?”

 

Octavia remained silent for another second before finally giving up. “Well I think it would be a little surprising if she didn’t. I mean, have you seen Clarke? She’s totally Lexa’s type.”

 

“You don’t know what Lexa’s type is.” Raven gave her an unimpressed look. “You’re not telling me something and I will get it out of you.”

 

“You can’t.” She shook her head slowly.

 

Raven looked at her, Octavia tried to read what was going on in her head but she couldn’t. Without a warning, Raven’s hands shot out, tickling her. “Whatever you’re not telling me is something big, and I am going to get it out of you.”

 

Octavia fell back on the couch, laughing uncontrollably and Raven almost on top of her. “NO!” She managed to choke out.

 

“I can go on all night and you know that.” Raven said a couple of seconds later, Octavia trying to swat her hands away.

 

“Okay, okay fine.” Octavia almost yelled out after about a minute of torture. “I’ll tell you!”

 

Raven stopped, a smug grin on her face, but unmoving from on top of her friend.

 

There was something Octavia really wanted to do right now and there was something she _didn’t_ want to do right now. She didn’t want to tell Raven about Lexa and Clarke, that’s for one. And the thing she really wanted to do…her eyes moved between Raven’s lips and eyes as the smile slowly disappeared from her face. Octavia contemplated whether that might backfire on her but on the other hand, it’d also stop her from asking about Clarke and Lexa. Her heart beating fast, Octavia suddenly brought her head up, her lips meeting Raven’s. It took her by surprise but she kissed back nonetheless.

 

“Is Bellamy gonna walk in on us?” Raven asked a few seconds later, pulling away for air.

 

“Then he’s gonna walk right back out.” Octavia managed to get out before capturing Raven’s lips in hers once again.

 

.

 

“Lexa,” Raven called out as she walked up to Clarke and Lexa standing by the lockers in the morning.

 

“Yes.” She turned around to look at Raven expectantly, knowing she was about to ask her something.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Raven asked.

 

Lexa shrugged, “I guess.” She was a little surprised by how comfortable she was around them.

 

“Is there some-” Before she could finish, Octavia walked up to them.

 

“Don’t.” She told Raven, pointing at her threateningly.

 

Raven looked at her, as if to say ‘challenge accepted’. “Is there something going on with you and Clarke?”

 

Octavia threw her head back and groaned, Clarke tilted her head slightly in confusion and Lexa muttered a small “Wait, what?”

 

“Is. There. Something. Going. On. Wi-” Raven began to repeat her question, more slowly this time.

 

“I heard you the first time.” Lexa stopped her. “And, no…where did that even come from?”

 

“Clarke thinks you’re cute so…”

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke muttered under her breath, running her hand over her face in disbelieve.

 

“Wait what?” Lexa asked, confused, turning to look at Clarke.

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke repeated feeling the heat creep up her cheeks.

 

“One of the reasons I kissed you last night was to stop you from asking me about them because you didn’t want me to play matchmaker. And now you-”

 

“You did what?” Clarke’s eyes turned on Octavia, darting between her and Raven, and grateful for the change in subject.

 

Octavia didn’t say anything and Raven only rolled her eyes. No one said anything, Clarke and Lexa looking between the two of them in surprise, having completely forgotten about what Clarke saying Lexa was cute.

 

“YES FINE, WE KISSED.” Octavia exclaimed after a few seconds. “Now say something instead of just staring at us.”

 

Clarke shrugged. “I kinda had a feeling it would happen soon enough.” Then walked away, Lexa taking off behind her.

 

“So…” Lexa started after a second.

 

Clarke bit her lower lip, not really sure what to respond with. “Yeah, about that…”

 

“Yeah?” She waited.

 

She sighed, looking at Lexa disapprovingly, wanting her to forget what Raven just said. “Can you maybe pretend like Raven didn’t say that?”

 

“Raven said a lot of things, can you be a bit more specific?” Lexa asked, pretending to not know.

 

Clarke glared at her but it didn’t seem to do anything other than make Lexa look at her with an amused smile. “You know what I’m talking about.”

 

“I honestly don’t.” Lexa feigned innocence.

 

“The part about…me saying you were cute.” She replied reluctantly.

 

“Oh right.” Lexa nodded, trying to hide the smile on her smile. “So you think I’m cute?”

 

She didn’t say anything for a while, “Well…you already know the answer to that, so what’s the point in making me embarrass myself again?”

 

-

 

> _December 4 th 2015 – Friday _

 

Lexa noticed that Clarke was already at her locker by the time she arrived. It wasn’t surprising really that Clarke was already here, Lexa ran a few minutes late today and although they’ve been walking to school together since Clarke’s second day here, it was usually just one of them catching up to the other on the way. So she didn’t really expect Clarke to wait up for her. In fact, Lexa was kind of glad that she didn’t; if Clarke was late, it would be on her and she didn’t want that. Yes, Clarke wouldn’t hold her responsible but Lexa would.

 

Another thing she noticed was that Clarke was talking to someone…a guy, Lexa noticed, walking closer. Clarke seemed to be smiling and she didn’t want to interrupt. She slowed down her pace, taking a few more steps, Lexa recognized him; Nate Robinson, he was in Lexa’s ICT class. He was nice from what she could tell, more than most of the other guys; dark hair, light eyes, good looking if you’re was into that. A not-so-nice thought crossed Lexa’s mind, thinking about what he was talking with Clarke about. Whatever it was, she seemed to smiling.

 

“I’ll see you around.” Lexa heard him say as she walked up to them.

 

“I’m counting on it.” Clarke said; biting her lower lip and watching him walk away before turning, noticing Lexa. “Hey.” Her eyes lit up.

 

“Hey,” Lexa replied as Clarke stepped away from the locker so that Lexa could open hers. “I see you’re making friends.” She asked about Nate as she kneeled down and opened her locker.

 

“Yeah, something like that.” Clarke replied, unsure. “Do you know him?”

 

Lexa nodded, “Nate, he’s in my ICT class.”

 

“Is he like most of the other guys who I should steer clear from?”

 

“I don’t think so. He seems nice enough in class.” Lexa replied, knowing where Clarke was headed with this. She did her best to keep her voice sounding normal.

 

There was no point in pining over Lexa if it wasn’t going to happen, Clarke figured. He was cute, and according to Lexa, he was a decent guy. He was also very single and so Clarke thought why not?

 

“What were you guys talking about?” Lexa asked, doing her best to sounds casual.

 

“He transferred out of his art class to mine because he didn’t get along with the teacher…or something like that.” Clarke told her as she closed her locker and stood up.

 

Clarke let out a frustrated sigh as they walked down the hallways.

 

“Something wrong?” Lexa asked.

 

“We have PE today.” She groaned.

 

Lexa smiled. “Yeah.” By now, she knew how much Clarke hated anything remotely related to sports. The lack of motivation she had for literally anything they did in PE lessons was actually kind of impressive. “You could get your mom to write you a “doctor’s note”” Lexa joked, putting air quotation marks around the ‘ _doctor’s note_ ’.

 

“If only she would.” Clarke let out a dramatic sigh, causing Lexa to laugh.

 

They both walked in silence until reaching Clarke’s classroom. She stopped a couple of feet away, looking at Lexa. “Are you doing anything this Saturday?”

 

“Staying at home, wasting time on Tumblr and watching more episodes than I probably should.” Lexa said. “So…no, not doing anything.”

 

“Okay,” Clarke nodded. “Well, I have _Insidious 3_ on DVD and no one to watch it with…” She trailed off. “I’m kinda scared to watch it alone so…if you maybe wanna come over…” She continued hesitantly. “My mom won’t be home till late and we could get some pizza, watch the movie…?” It was more than a little inconvenient that she was having such a difficult time getting the words out to Lexa.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Lexa said with a smile. “I’ll see you later,” She told Clarke as she walked away and Clarke walked into her classroom. Lexa was surprised by the fact that she was actually looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter should be fun. Also OCTAVEN HAPPENED?? What'd you think?


	7. I trust you enough to not tell anyone about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CLEXA MOVIE NIGHT. (all caps because this is exciting)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it makes up for the ending of the last chapter (with nate and all).
> 
> ......well, kinda. 
> 
> and i just love seeing how much everyone already hates nate. its great.
> 
> also, update a day earlier because i was done with the chapter and its xmas. well for 2 more hours here anyways.

> _December 5 th 2015 - Saturday_

 

“I’m scarred of horror movies as much as I love of them, just so you know.” Clarke said to Lexa as they sat down on the couch.

 

“I don’t really watch horror movies so I don’t really know if they scare me.” Lexa replied. “Usually not my thing…”

 

“This is a really good one.” Clarke said, grabbing the remote. “But before we start, I need you to promise me something.” She turned to Lexa seriously.

 

“Umm, okay.” She replied, unsure of what Clarke was trying to say.

 

“No one gets to know how scared I get when watching this. Because it is embarrassing and I trust you enough to not tell anyone about it.”

 

“Okay.” Lexa nodded as Clarke turned on the TV. “But come on, you can’t be that bad.”

 

She laughed, “You have no idea.” and reached up to turn off the lights.

 

And Clarke was right. Although it seemed like she was enjoying the movie, she was definitely scared; hell she was terrified. Lexa didn’t mind, as much as she didn’t enjoy horror movies, it wasn’t too bad and the fact that Clarke kept inching closer every few minutes was definitely a positive. They were about ten minutes into the movie when the door bell rang, causing Clarke to jump. Lexa only looked up, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie.

 

“That’s the pizza.” Clarke realized, starting to get up.

 

They were more than halfway through the movie; the now-empty pizza box was sitting on the floor, a carton of ice cream between the two of them and Clarke unbelievably close to Lexa when her phone buzzed. This time they both jumped; Lexa pretending that she didn’t as Clarke sat up straight, and unlocked her phone. She went back to looking at the screen as Clarke read the text.

 

“Who was it?” Lexa asked.

 

“It was my mom.” She said. “She texted to let me know that she just left the hospital.” Clarke leaned back into the couch, next to Lexa.

 

As they continued watching the movie, Clarke couldn’t really stop herself from moving closer to Lexa. It was _definitely_ because of the fact she was scared really easily and _nothing else_. With about ten minutes of the movie left, Lexa found her arm around Clarke who seemed to be perfectly content. She’s not sure when it happened, but Lexa made no move to remove it; Clarke wasn’t complaining.

 

“Why do I do this to myself?” She asked rhetorically, unable to tear her eyes away from a particularly horrible scene.

 

“I was just about to ask you that.” Lexa responded.

 

Clarke heard the car pull up as the credits rolled and sat up straight, causing Lexa to withdraw her arm. “Sorry,” She muttered.

 

“What? No.” Clarke shook her head. “My mom would think we’re together or something and I would not hear the end of it.” She explained. “She doesn’t like me bringing home anyone I’m dating with her not around.” She stopped suddenly, realizing what she was saying. “Not that we are- I’m no-” She sighed, shaking her head slowly, getting cut off by the sound of the door opening.

 

The two of them went quiet as Abby walked in to the living room and greeted them.

 

“She convinced you to watch a horror movie didn’t she?” Abby asked.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded as she got up.

 

“You couldn’t expect me to watch this one alone. It was terrifying.” Clarke added.

 

Abby looked at her watch, it was a little past ten. “It’s pretty late, Lexa why don’t you stay over?”

 

“I can’t…” She started. “And I’m only two houses down, so it’s fine.”

 

They said good night and Clarke walked her to the door and stepped outside, closing it behind her, “I’m sorry about what I said, I just…” She sighed in frustration “I don’t know why but can’t get my words out.”

 

“What are you talking about? It’s fine.” Lexa dismissed it.

 

“That’s not… _fuck me_.” Clarke muttered. “That’s not it, she does know you’re a friend but it doesn’t take much for her to think otherwise. And it’s really annoying because I can’t bring home guys or girls without having to convince her that there’s nothing going on. But my mom’s okay with it, she just flips out if she catches me…I don’t know, making out on the couch or something.”

 

“My mom’s the same, so I get it.” She replied. “Well, it’s only happened once and I still haven’t heard the end of it so…”

 

“It’s happened a few times on my part, and I just seem to never learn.” Clarke smiled. “Thanks.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For tonight.” She told her. “It sucks moving to a new place and not knowing anyone and I’ve been…feeling kind of alone the last couple of days, so this was nice; spending time with you.”

 

“Any time.” Lexa shrugged with a small smile, not knowing what else to say. “And I won’t tell anyone how easily you get scared.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “You better not.” She joked before taking a step towards Lexa and hugging her. Her arms came up instantly. “Thank you, really.”

 

“It’s not fun being alone, is it?” Lexa muttered under her breath.

 

“No.” Clarke agreed, as they pulled apart.

 

“But you don’t have to be, if you need to talk or just want someone around…” She gave her a half shrug, not knowing how to finish that sentence.

 

Clarke nodded. “Good night, Lexa.” She said as Lexa began to walk away.

 

“And if you can’t sleep at night because of the movie, I’ll be awake till around 3am…” Lexa said, walking backwards, away from Clarke but still facing her.

 

“I will probably text you when I wake up from a nightmare and you will regret telling me that.” She smiled.

 

.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**2:05am**

R u awake?

 

Lexa noticed the text pop up on the corner of her laptop screen. She smiled, clicking on reply.

 

**Lexa**

**2:06am**

I am.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**2:06am**

Can I call u?

 

**Lexa**

**2:07am**

Sure.

 

Her phone lit up only a moment later and the notification for the call popped up on the corner of her laptop’s screen as well. Lexa didn’t bother grabbing her phone, but answered it on her laptop instead. _Technology makes everything so much easier_. She thought to herself. Only in this case, _everything_ meant not having to reach for her phone or remove her headphones.

 

“Okay but that movie was way scarier than I thought and now I don’t know what to do.” Clarke started.

 

“It wasn’t that bad, Clarke.” Lexa responded, scrolling through Tumblr.

 

“How are you not affected by it?” She asked.

 

“Umm…” She hesitated. “It takes a lot to scare me.”

 

“More than that?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Wait…” Clarke said suddenly. “Why _are_ you awake?”

 

“Can’t sleep.” It was easier than explaining why she was keeping herself awake.

 

“Something keeping you awake?” Something changed in her voice, it sounded concerned.

 

“No, no.” She rubbed her eyes before refreshing her dashboard. “Not really.” _That was not necessary to add._

 

“ _Not really_ means there’s something keeping you up.” Clarke said before quickly stopping herself. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to over step, I’m just trying to distract myself.”

 

“You’re not, it’s fine.” She said lightly.

 

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked after a moment of silence.

 

“Tumblr.” Lexa said simply. “Because I’m out of things to watch. And how are you keeping yourself distracted?”

 

“Same, Tumblr.” Clarke replied. _What’s your Tumblr?_ She wanted to ask but thought better of it. From there, their conversation trailed off to random things. Late night conversations were always great; everyone seemed to have their guard down when it was late enough.

 

-

 

> _December 17 th 2015 – Thursday _

 

Clarke walked out of her art class with Nate. He had his tablet out and was showing something to Clarke as they walked down the hallway towards the lockers. Lexa was already there, talking to Raven and Octavia, waiting for Clarke. It was pretty clear that Raven and Octavia were now a thing and that kind of put them off from trying to get Lexa and Clarke together, for now anyways. On Octavia’s part, she still hadn’t said anything about the tattoo to Raven. The three of them watched as Clarke walked up to them, walking a bit too close to this guy no one other than Lexa really even knew of.

 

“Today after school?” They heard him ask as Clarke nodded before he walked away.

 

“Hey.” She greeted them and a chorus of ‘hi’s followed.

 

“So…” Raven started in a suggestive tone with a smirk. “Who was that?”

 

Octavia’s face, however, was completely the opposite of what Raven’s was. But instead of saying anything, she shot Lexa a slightly concerned look.

 

Clarke tilted her head slightly in confusion. “Umm, that was Nate…”

 

“You’re meeting him after school?” Lexa asked as they started walking. Although it had only been less than two weeks since their little movie night, there were a couple more – even on school nights – with the two of them watching something that caused Clarke to…well, cuddle up to Lexa on the couch. As much as Lexa thought she didn’t like horror movies, she may be changing her minds, because 1) the ones Clarke picked were actually pretty good; and 2) _Clarke_.

 

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, he needs help with this thing from class.”

 

Lexa only nodded. _Awesome_. Raven seemed to have something more to say so Clarke was walking next to her and Octavia slowed down her pace, motioning towards Lexa to do the same. “Are you okay with this?” She asked once they were a little behind Clarke and Raven, her voice quiet, not wanting them to hear.

 

Lexa shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

Octavia shot her an are-you-fucking-kidding-me-? look. “Maybe because he’s cute and single and Clarke’s hanging out with him. Alone.”

 

“And…?”

 

“You do like her, right? Because I can’t really tell, you play it really cool around Clarke.” She asked sarcastically, knowing very well that Lexa was falling for the blonde faster than she’d expected.

 

“Can you maybe keep it down?” Lexa asked, looking at Clarke and Raven who were only a couple of feet ahead of them.

 

Octavia rolled her eyes, picking up her pace to catch up to Clarke. Lexa only watched with an unsure look on her face until Octavia grabbed Clarke’s arm, saying, “I need to talk to you,” And pulling her away.

 

“No,” Lexa interjected. “You don’t.”

 

“But I do.” And with that she walked away with Clarke in the opposite direction of Lexa and Raven.

 

“Do you want me to stop her…?” Raven asked, unsure. “Because I have no idea what’s going on but I feel like she’s about to do something stupid.”

 

Lexa only shook her head. “No, let her.”

 

.

 

“Okay, spill, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Raven asked Octavia later that night.

 

“What’d you mean?”

 

“That thing with Clarke.” Raven glared at her girlfriend. “You know something but you’re not telling me.”

 

“I don’t keep things from you, you know that.” She tried.

 

“But you are this time.”

 

Octavia looked away, trying to think of a way to steer the conversation in another direction. “Here’s something more important to talk about.” She would’ve fist pumped if it wouldn’t look suspicious right now for being able to think of something else. “Thanksgiving. You’re spending it with us this year again right?”

 

Raven smiled, “Duh.”

 

She had been spending the holidays with the Blakes since she was 13; she was at Bellamy’s garage with her mom and couldn’t help but point out everything he was doing wrong. “ _I should introduce you to my sister, I think you two will get along._ ” He had said with an amused smile. It didn’t take her and Octavia long to bond and when Bellamy found out that Raven’s mom was barely ever around, he asked her to spend thanksgiving that year with them. Bellamy and Octavia lost their mom the year before and this was the first holiday they were actually celebrating. And Raven didn’t say no, she didn’t really have anything better to do, so she went with it. Then about a month later, there was Christmas and since then, it kind of became their tradition.

 

.

 

“What…what did Octavia want to talk to you about?” Lexa hadn’t really talked to Clarke since she got pulled away by Octavia. She hadn’t seen her after school today because of Nate. And Lexa wasn’t really sure whether there was something going on there. It was pretty late now but neither of them could sleep, Clarke because she hadn’t realized her coffee wasn’t decaf and Lexa because…well because she was Lexa. And Clarke knew if she couldn’t sleep, she could call Lexa; another thing they picked up in the last few of days.

 

“She doesn’t like Nate for some reason…” Clarke started.

 

“And…that’s it?”

 

“Pretty much.” Clarke nodded to herself. “And how she doesn’t get why I’m going out with him when I ca-”

 

“Are you going out with him?” Lexa interrupted.

 

“No, no. He likes my drawing style and I like his, so we’ve been hanging out a bit.” Clarke replied before adding. “Why?”

 

“No reason.” She responded. “Octavia didn’t say anything else?”

 

“No…” She hesitated. “Why?”

 

“No reason.” Lexa repeated, trying to brush it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....i didn't make up for the ending of chapter 6 did i? no, not really. so sorry. BUT there were some pretty cute clexa bits in there. (i recently learned that my mac can pick up my phone calls....so being the idiot that i am, i had to put it in there).
> 
> So....thought?


	8. People suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve with our favorite ship yay. So that means there's a quite a bit of clexa. But this chapter focuses more on Lexa and her backstory. 
> 
> **Trigger warning for mentions of bullying/homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to upload it last night because by some awesome coincidence, clexa's new year's eve was the same time as ours. but i was out till very late (with my parents wow) so i'm posting it now. i think its a good chapter but i'm kinda worried about it coz it felt a little heavy to write or maybe that was just me. so i am both excited and worried about posting it. but i know a lot of u guys want to know what's the deal with lexa and i think this chapter tells u pretty much everything. 
> 
> and i'm bad with trigger warnings but there's more than a couple of mentions of bullying and homophobia, so yeah heads up on that.

 

> _December 18 th 2015 – Friday _

 

Maybe if she was trying to convince herself that she didn’t like Lexa that way, Clarke should stop drawing her. They were at English lit right now and she couldn’t really make herself pay attention to what Ms. Sydney was saying. But Lexa was, she was definitely paying attention and, well, she looked cute. There was something about the way she listened so intently, scribbling notes with such determination that just looked adorable. Clarke probably looked like she was paying attention too, taking notes and all…only she was busy drawing her insanely cute friend.

 

Lexa sat back with a sigh, pulling her glasses off as their class ended. With her free hand, she rubbed her forehead before turning to Clarke. “Did you get a word of what she said?”

 

“Of course I did.” She lied, getting out of her seat and putting her things back into her bag, knowing very well Lexa would see through it.

 

Lexa followed. “You weren’t taking notes, that’s for sure.” She said with a knowing smile.

 

“Okay…then, what was I doing?” Clarke asked, trying to hide the panic from her voice because there was a possibility Lexa saw what (who) she was drawing.

 

“You were drawing.” Lexa answered, zipping up her bag. “But I don’t know what it was…”

 

Clarke smiled as they walked out of the classroom and then out of the school in silence.

 

“So you’re going to Seattle for Christmas?” Lexa asked as they walked down the sidewalk. Last lesson of the day, god, it was a nice feeling knowing it was the last day before winter break. They were both looking forward to it. Lexa looking forward to not having to wake up to her alarm and Clarke looking forward to going to Seattle even though it was for just a few days. Two weeks of getting to sleep in and not having to come in to school was great; but not having Clarke here was kind of a drawback. They had been spending a lot of time together; whether is was doing homework together, watching something, or just hanging out and not really doing anything. Something Lexa picked up about Clarke over this time was that she watched a lot of TV shows – almost as much as herself – which gave the two of them something more to talk about.

 

“Yep.” Clarke nodded as they continued walking. “Can’t wait, really.”

 

Lexa smiled, “To see your friends or family?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

 

“My family, of course.” Clarke said sarcastically. “Friends, obviously. I’m hoping to anyways. Everyone is so busy with Christmas and everything.” She sighed.

 

“You miss them a lot, don’t you?”

 

“You have no idea.” She paused. “But I haven’t really heard from them much since moving here. A few texts here and there, and I think a couple of phone calls at most.”

 

Clarke sounded a little upset. She was trying to hide it but Lexa saw through it. “How come?” She asked as they passed Clarke’s house and Lexa gave her a questioning look.

 

“First, I don’t know.” She answered. “And second, I’m going to your abandoned playground.” Clarke told her, noticing the questioning look. “We’re leaving first thing tomorrow morning and I won’t get any time to myself until I get back, so I can use a bit of quiet.”

 

“Fair enough.” Lexa nodded.

 

“Come with me.”

 

Clarke mostly talked for the next hour and Lexa listened because it seemed like that’s what she needed right now. Occasionally she would ask something about Clarke’s friends or her family or why she wasn’t really looking forward to seeing them. From what she said, Lexa picked up a few things; she was more than a little homesick and missed her friends more than anything so she was looking forward to the few days back home. But when it came to her family, Clarke wasn’t too keen on it, “ _And I don’t really want to see my family; its boring and gets awkward really quickly. Like one wrong word, and that’s it._ ” She had told her.

 

“How long are you going to be there?” Lexa asked after a while.

 

“We’ll be back on the 28th. My mom needs to go back to work; life of a cardiac surgeon, its so glamorous.” Clarke answered jokingly with a grin. “I’ll be back in time for New Year’s.”

 

They went silent for a few seconds when Lexa suddenly spoke, “You like fireworks?”

 

Clarke gave her a confused look before replying, “Yes…why?”

 

“Well, my neighbors kind of go all out with fireworks on New Year’s and fourth of July. And you get a pretty decent view from my back yard.” She stopped before continuing hesitantly. “And you could…come over if you wanted to…”

 

“Yeah, that sounds fun.” She gave Lexa a smile.

 

-

 

 

> _December 28 th 2015 – Monday _

 

Well that was an exhausting few days. Clarke didn’t think she would say this but she was glad to be back in DC. Those last couple of days with her family was…boring. Well it was the same thing every year but every year she only had to spend _one_ day with her grandparents and not, like, 10 days. Same goes for her relatives, seeing them more than just the couple of hours like the previous years…it was exhausting. She didn’t even get to see her friends, which just made the whole trip worse. They got home pretty late and after everything, Clarke was too tired to do anything other than just go to bed. But she did managed to send a text to Lexa letting her know she was back home.

 

.

 

 

> _December 31 st 2015 – Thursday _

“So how was Seattle?” Lexa asked as the two of them sat down on a blanket outside in her backyard. There was about a quarter of an hour to go till midnight and she and Clarke didn’t really get the chance to talk since she got back.

 

“Not how I remember it…” Clarke said with a reluctant sigh.

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, confused.

 

“For one, I didn’t really get to see any of my friends. Hell, they didn’t even reply to my texts.” She rolled her eyes before lying down on the blanket. Lexa followed, placing her arm under her head, and being careful to keep a safe distance between them. She gave Clarke a questioning look, urging her to continue. “It’s like they forgot I even exist.”

 

“It’s only been a couple of months.” She gave Clarke a surprised look.

 

“Exactly.” Clarke shrugged. “And we were friends for years. It’s like the moment you leave, the moment they don’t need you anymore…they forget. And you don’t really expect that from people who you used to call friends.” She paused, continuing with a lower and quieter voice, “I thought I had it all figured out. I was happy, I had friends…it was _home_.” She did her best to keep her voice from cracking but it did by the end of the sentence.

 

“You still have friends.” Lexa started, unsure of what to say. “You have Raven and Octavia.” She looked down at Clarke’s hand, which lay right next to her and without thinking too much about it; she took it in hers before looking back at Clarke. “You have me.” Lexa waited for her to respond but Clarke only gave her a soft smile, making no effort to pull her hand away. “And I know what you mean…people suck, I wish I had a better way of putting it. No one cares when they don’t need you anymore.” She said to no one in particular; the words leaving her mouth before she could stop them.

 

“Is that what happened?” Clarke asked suddenly. “Is that why you took a year off?” She regretted asking because the moment the words left her mouth, Lexa’s expression changed and she turned her head away, looking up at the sky. “I’m sorry, it’s not my plac-”

 

Lexa shook her head, stopping Clarke. “I don’t really talk about it but yeah, that is kind of what happened.” She said slowly, feeling Clarke’s eyes on her. “You don’t wanna hear it.” Lexa sighed, her voice returning to normal.

 

“If you wanna talk about it, I’m here for you.” Clarke responded gently, not wanting to sound pushy.

 

Lexa thought about it for a moment before starting uneasily, “School was never really kind to me.” She turned her head to look at Clarke again, unsure of whether to continue. “Even as a kid, I was kind of a loner…but after a while, that doesn’t really bother you.” Lexa shrugged. “As I got older, I realized people only talked to me when they needed something. And I wasn’t like most of the other kids; I was really quiet and kept to myself. Which made me different and…” She took in a deep breath before slowly breathing out with every word “different always meant bad.” She scoffed. “And then you start hearing people talk behind your back.” Lexa stopped again, realizing how her throat was starting tighten, making it harder to get the words out. Clarke noticed the hesitance and squeezed her hand gently, trying to tell her that it was okay. “It got better for a little while after high school started.” She continued, doing her best to bring her voice back to normal but failing. “But that lasted a week before all hell broke loose.” Lexa looked away from Clarke again. “I hung around with a few people the first week, they were nice enough…but then…” She stopped again, it was getting more and more difficult to get her words out. Talking about it was harder than Lexa had thought it would be. “…someone outed me.” She heard a soft sigh from Clarke. “And that was like three years ago when that wasn’t really seen as okay. I mean, it’s still not okay now with a lot of people but it’s getting better.”

 

“I take it you hadn’t come out to anyone.” Clarke said.

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head slowly. “My mom already knew, and my sister obviously. But I never came out to them; I was into girls and it was never something I thought I had to hide from them so…they kind of knew when I did.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned back to look at Clarke. “I think you can imagine why being outed was a bad thing.” Lexa felt sick after that, almost wanting to throw up at the memories which were flooding her brain. She knew she would get that sick feeling but that didn’t make it any easier. Clarke nodded at her, rubbing gentle circles on the back of Lexa’s hand. “I’d get shoved into the lockers, tripped in the hallway, no one really wanted to work with me when we had to do something in a group or in pairs.” Lexa clenched her jaws, preparing herself to continue.

 

“That sounds like hell, I’m so sorry.” Clarke said, not knowing how else to respond. It broke her heart to know that that’s why Lexa was so withdrawn now.

 

Lexa let out a sigh, pulling off her glasses to rub her eyes. She didn’t bother putting them back on as she continued. “Then there was the name calling. I was easy because I never said anything back, just let it go because I kind of realized that I never had anything worth saying.”

 

“Don’t say that.”

 

“I put up with all of it for almost two years.” She paused, her tone changing, more straightforward, less hesitant, “Then some asshole said something to my face on a _particularly_ bad day and I…lost it.” Lexa shrugged. “He went home with a broken nose and I went home knowing I had a week’s worth of detention and a very confused mom.” Clarke listened intently, her hand still holding Lexa’s. “She couldn’t get anything out of me.” She almost smiled. “I was…I _am_ impossible to talk to, not too many people can get me to open up.” This time she smiled at Clarke, “So kudos to you for doing the impossible.” Clarke smiled back as Lexa continued. “Anya’s like that too. She can get anything out of me and I don’t even know how. I thought she would be mad at me for keeping it away from her all this time…for not standing up for myself.”

 

“Was she?”

 

“No. She was great. I know all of this doesn’t sound like much and maybe it wasn’t but I couldn’t deal with it anymore and Anya got me through.”

 

“It is a lot. It’s awful and I can’t believe you had to go through that.” Clarke told her, a concerned look in her eyes. “And for that long.”

 

They went silent for a moment before Lexa spoke, “I don’t think I’ve told anyone other than Anya…not even my mom. Well, Anya probably did but I couldn’t.”

 

Clarke looked at her, biting her lower lip, blown away by how Lexa can just go on everyday without anyone expecting anything like that happened. Because she seemed fine, she got along with everyone in their classes, yes, she didn’t talk much, but no one seemed to have a problem with that. Clarke was getting lost in Lexa’s eyes when she willed herself to look away. Only that didn’t do much good when her eyes landed on her lips. Lexa noticed Clarke’s eyes flicking back and forth between her eyes and lips. And before either of them knew what was happening, they found themselves slowly leaning closer to each other. Lexa’s eyes fluttered shut and just as she expected Clarke’s lips to touch hers, the fireworks went off and Clarke’s head snapped away, instantly looking up. Lexa let out a sigh, unable to focus on the fireworks, not when Clarke was right next to her with that amused smile on her face and that look in her eyes. So she did what she could do, Lexa watched Clarke for a moment before turning her eyes to the fireworks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was chapter 8, thanks for reading and leaving kudos and comments, they mean a lot. And umm....thoughts on this chapter?


	9. Bisexual Peggy Carter would be the greatest thing ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up from the last chapter. Clexa watch agent carter together so there's clexa fluff and also a couple of bits with Lexa and Anya. There's also a slight time jump at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about not updating last week but I had exams going on and they just finished yesterday. I'm hoping this chapter's going to make up for that because its mostly clexa fluff. and there's also a couple of bits with lexa and anya which is always great i think. (also my tumblr url changed, just in case someone wants to know, it's clarke-loves-lexa.tumblr.com now)

> _January 1 st 2016 – Friday_

 

“You like her don’t you?” Anya asked Lexa after she walked in through the front door a few minutes later.

 

“Who?” Lexa asked, taking off her jacket. She had gone with Clarke to walk her home because “ _it’s late and she’s new here_ ”, despite the fact that she lived only a couple of houses down. So Anya knew better than to believe that excuse. “Clarke?”

 

Anya nodded.

 

And Lexa did her best to come up with an answer, stuttering and tripping over her words because yes, she did but Lexa never admitted to liking anyone like that, not if she could help it. Then again, denying it would be weird because Clarke seemed to be her soulmate after all.

 

“I’m going to take that as an yes.” Her sister said with a satisfied grin when Lexa didn’t answer.

 

“Shut up.” Lexa rolled her eyes, walking past her and up the stairs to her bedroom.

 

“How come you still haven’t told her?” Anya asked, following Lexa, who didn’t reply, only kept walking with a small smile. “Better question, _why_ haven’t you told her?”

 

“More like, why would I?” Lexa finally said as she got to her room. “Now, anyways.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Anya asked, sitting down on the bed and Lexa walked over to join her.

 

“It’s too soon and well, she doesn’t know yet so…”

 

“So you’re going to wait until she finds out?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But she likes you, you know that right?”

 

“Well, she likes having me around and I think that’s about it…” Lexa trailed off, not really giving her sister what she was looking for.

 

“Yes, that’s because she _likes_ you.” Anya tried.

 

“Not like that, no.” Lexa argued.

 

“Yes, like that.”

 

“No,”

 

“Forget it.” Anya muttered, giving. “You are the most frustrating thing ever.”

 

Lexa shrugged, unable to keep herself from smiling. There was something oddly satisfying being able to do that to Anya.

 

-

 

> _February 12 th 2016 – Friday_

 

“It’s finally Friday.” Clarke groaned as she and Lexa walked out of the school.

 

“It’s been a long week, hasn’t it?” Lexa asked.

 

“Yes, and I can’t wait to not do anything the next couple of days.” She paused before continuing. “Are you busy on Saturday?”

 

“No, why?”

 

“My mom’s working late on Saturday, so do you maybe wanna stay over? We can watch movies and _not_ horror this time because I think I’ve run out of good ones.” Clarke said quickly. “Or maybe binge watch a show?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Lexa replied. “I still have to let my mom know…”

 

Clarke nodded with a small smile as they continued walking. They continued in silence until they reached Clarke’s place when Lexa spoke. “So what TV show haven’t you watched that we can probably watch in one night?”

 

Clarke thought for a moment before replying. “I still haven’t watched _Agent Carter_.”

 

“What?” Lexa asked, genuinely surprised. “Why not?”

 

“It looks really awesome and I love Peggy Carter but I just never got around to it.”

 

“Well, I have the first season on DVD and I have the more recent ones downloaded so we can watch a few of those if you want.”

 

“We’re gonna watch at least the first season.”

 

“We can,” Lexa agreed. “There’s only eight episodes.” She continued, beginning to step away. “When do you want me to come over?”

 

“Whenever really. My mom’s busy with a patient, she probably won’t be home much…seven-ish, earlier if you want.” She shrugged. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Clarke told her, walking inside as Lexa walked away.

 

.

 

> _February 13 th 2016 – Saturday_

 

“How long is it going to take us to watch the first season?” Clarke asked Lexa as they walked up to her room.

 

“According to the internet, almost 6 hours.” Lexa replied, following her into the room.

 

“So we’ll be done…a little past 1?”

 

Lexa nodded in response, looking around. All the times she has been to Clarke’s place, she has never been to her room. It was relatively neat; everything seemed to be in their place. There were a few pictures on the wall above her bed of Clarke with her mom and who she assumed was her dad. There were also a couple of recent ones of her with Raven and Octavia, and Lexa. Lexa noticed a few thumb pin holes on the wall were pictures used to be pinned up and she had a feeling they were of Clarke with her friends from back in Seattle, which she probably wanted to take down after getting back. There were a lot of books and more than a few DVDs on two separate shelves and Lexa noticed a lot of art supplies pretty much all over the room. Clarke’s sketchbook lay open on the desk, but face down, she was probably working on something before Lexa got here.

 

Clarke walked up to it, closed it and grabbed her laptop from her desk before sitting down on the bed. Lexa followed as she opened it and turned it on. “You actually make your bed?” Lexa asked.

 

“I don’t see the point, but yes.” She nodded, typing in her password. “Do you wanna get changed into your pjs before we start?”

 

“Yes,”

 

“Bathroom’s down the hall but you can just change here if you want.” Clarke said before quickly adding with a playful smile, “Promise I won’t look.”

 

A couple of minutes later, they were under the comforter with her laptop and already drawn into the episode.

 

_“He’s such a dick, oh my god.”_

_“Okay, I ship Steve and Peggy but now there’s Angie and I feel like I’m betraying him.”_

_“Peggy and Angie get together by the end of the season right?”_

_“Bisexual Peggy Carter would be the greatest thing ever.”_

_“HOLY SHIT SHE KISSED HER.”_

_“I_ cannot _believe they didn’t get together, that was so not cool. And freaking Dottie got to kiss her but not Angie?”_

 

Yep, watching _Agent Carter_ with Clarke was definitely entertaining. By the time _Valediction_ ended, there was an empty pizza box on the floor along with a half empty bottle of diet Coke. The room was dark and Lexa found herself way too close to Clarke; she’s not sure whether she was the one who moved or whether it was Clarke. Her arm was around Clarke, who’s head was resting on Lexa’s shoulder. She seemed to be more than a little tired, and definitely sleepy. “Long day?” Lexa asked.

 

“You can say that.” Clarke replied, not moving. “As you can see, my room is not a total mess, and that takes more than a few hours to accomplish.” It was probably the first time she realized how close the two of them were, but since Lexa wasn’t complaining, Clarke decided against moving.

 

“Other than that, how was your day?” Lexa asked gently.

 

“Boring mostly, did a bit drawing…that’s about it really.” She replied. “What about you?” Clarke turned her head slightly to look at her.

 

“Uneventful.” Lexa replied. “What are you working on?”

 

Clarke remained still for a moment before suddenly getting up. “I’ll show you.” She’s not sure what made her say that because Clarke Griffin does not show her sketchbook to _anyone_ ; it’s a part of her, it’s a very _private_ part of her that hasn’t been seen by more than two people. She didn’t really trust anyone enough to show it to and maybe it was a little stupid that she trusted Lexa in only a few months. There was something about her, something that made Clarke feel…at ease around her. She didn’t want to admit it, but her feelings for the brunette were getting stronger with every minute they spent together and it was really annoying because Clarke couldn’t stop it _but_ at the same time she didn’t really want to because Lexa was…amazing. She was sweet and caring and she seemed to be there whenever Clarke needed her…because only Lexa knows how many times she’s felt alone and out of place since moving to DC. Lexa probably doesn’t know, but the fact that she is there for her, means a lot.

 

“Here,” Clarke said, sitting back down next to Lexa, this time with her sketchbook.

 

Lexa leaned closer as Clarke opened it and skipped through the already drawn pages until she reached an unfinished one. Considering the next page was blank, it was safe to assume that it was the last one she’d been working on. Clarke watched Lexa as she looked at the page intently. It was the side of someone’s face and it took Lexa a minute to realize it was her, “Is that…me?” She looked back at Clarke.

 

Clarke bit her lower lip, watching Lexa carefully for a moment before replying. “Yes.”

 

“Wow.” She breathed out with a smile. “It’s amazing.”

 

Clarke waited a moment, unsure of how to respond. “You don’t find it…creepy?”

 

“Unexpected, yes. But no, not creepy.” Lexa replied. “I think its kind of sweet.”

 

“You won’t once you look through it…” Clarke laughed nervously, handing it over to Lexa.

 

“There’s more…?”

 

Clarke only nodded, looking anywhere but at Lexa as she turned the pages.

 

Neither of them really knew when they finally fell asleep, but Clarke woke up to find Lexa still asleep with her arm around her and her body pressed against Clarke’s. She didn’t mind, only pretended she didn’t notice in order to stop herself from questioning herself why she wasn’t moving away. Lexa woke up only a few minutes later to find herself in the least convenient position, with her body pressed against Clarke’s and her arm around the blonde. As far as she could remember, when they did finally fall asleep, there was more than just a safe distance between. Her eyes widened in surprise and carefully but quickly, Lexa removed her arm and scooted a couple of inches away, hoping Clarke was still asleep because no, you do not spoon your friend.

 

_Well I wouldn’t really call that spoo–_

 

Her thought was interrupted when Clarke spoke. “Morning.”

 

 _Fuck_. “Morning.” Lexa replied as Clarke turned on her side to look at her. She looked adorable and Lexa couldn’t help but smile, her hair was messy and she still seemed to be half asleep.

 

.

 

> _February 14 th 2016 – Sunday _

 

“How’d your sleepover go?” Anya asked over the phone later that night, a hint of suggestion in her voice which Lexa chose to ignore.

 

“It went alright.” She replied, trying to sound casual as she paused the TV.

 

“And…?” Anya urged her to continue.

 

“And…nothing?” Lexa replied, confusion apparent in her voice. “We watched _Agent Carter_ together and…” She stopped. “That’s about it.”

 

“That’s not it, and you know it.” Her sister pressed on. “So, how did it go?”

 

“You’re asking me like I’m a 5 year old who just had their first sleepover.”

 

“You’re not 5 but…” She trailed off. “Now, are you going to tell me or what?”

 

“She showed me her sketchbook…” Lexa resigned.

 

“Oh yeah, you told me she liked to draw.” Anya recalled. “But you never told me _what_ she likes to draw.”

 

“Well that’s because I didn’t know until last night.”

 

“Okay…” She waited for Lexa to tell her. But when she didn’t, Anya pressed on, “Which is…?”

 

“Anything that gets her attention really.” Lexa paused, “The last few ones were…me.”

 

“You’re kidding right?” Anya said excitedly. “And the reason you haven’t told Clarke about the tattoo is because you think she doesn’t like you as more than a friend?” She asked in disbelief and Lexa hummed in response. “ _She’s drawing you Lexa_ , people don’t do that unless they really like that person.” _This is getting frustrating._

 

“Well, then she would’ve said something.”

 

“She did last night.”

 

“I think I would know, I mean I _was_ there.”

 

“Clarke showed you her sketchbook Lexa, and remind me again, what were the last few sketches?”

 

She clenched her jaws, not sure what to answer. Lexa didn’t want to believe Anya was right because… _why_ would Clarke see her as anything more than a friend when she could have pretty _anyone_ else at school? “Shut up.” Lexa settled on what she always said when she didn’t have anything else to say to Anya.

 

-

 

> _March 20 th 2016 – Sunday_

 

 _Alright fine, it’s still cold_ , Lexa admitted to herself as she neared her house, returning from her run. But it was still better then the last few months. And after running for a while, it’s not that bad. Its worse if it rains but since it was dry today, Lexa didn’t see why not. By the time she was back, it had started to get dark. She slowed down to a halt when her phone told her she’d reached her goal and pulled it out of her pocket. Still panting, Lexa saved her progress and walked the remaining distance to her house as she took a long drink from her water bottle. A little away from the front door, she noticed someone at Clarke’s place. It was too dark to really tell, but one of them was Clarke for sure and the other was probably…Nate. She didn’t want to, but Lexa found herself rooted to her spot, unable to take her eyes off of them.

 

After a few seconds, Lexa realized they were only talking and went to open the front door but was stopped in her tracks. She didn’t even know Clarke and him were…together, so when he leaned in towards Clarke and kissed her, it definitely caught Lexa by surprise. Clarke looked like she was kissing back and Lexa couldn’t do anything but tell herself to look away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT ENDING I did not make up for not updating last week, did I? *runs away*


	10. Have you seen the way she looks at her?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right after the last chapter, Lexa talks with Anya, Octavia senses something is wrong, and there's another soccer match where something kinda goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, how awesome was the season premiere?? clarke and niylah like damn. 
> 
> second, i apologize for the ending of the last chapter. so sorry. 
> 
> okay so, I rewrote this chapter only last night because my wording and sentence structure was completely off so i hope its okay now. well, things are getting real, Lexa's....upset over Clarke and Nate but she still doesn't want to say anything. and Octavia's just annoyed with them right now because for the love of fuck just say something to each other already (so O's basically most of the readers in terms of clexa rn)

Finally looking away, Lexa let out a soft sigh as her shoulders slumped. She didn’t really have a right to be upset over that, not in the slightest…or maybe that’s something Lexa told herself as she finally went inside and closed the door softly behind her. Her mom caught a case earlier today so she would be at the precinct till late and Lexa didn’t really know when she would be returning. Making her way to the bathroom upstairs and turning on the shower, the only thing on her mind was Clarke. Lexa had seen her and Nate together at school and some times after but a part of her stopped herself from assuming the obvious. The only comfort to her right now was that Nate was one of the nicer guys at school and Clarke would be happy with him.

 

Lexa lost track of time in the shower; the hot water pouring down on her skin almost made her forget about Clarke and Nate. But the moment she stepped out, she was pulled back into reality. Lexa kept telling herself that she shouldn’t be upset over this because it’s not like Clarke even knows how she feels. And she was more than a little certain that Clarke didn’t even see her as anything more than a friend. _I need to find a distraction_. She thought as she walked up to the TV in the living room and turned it on. About a minute later, Lexa realized a video game would probably be better considering there was nothing worth watching right now.

 

Over an hour into _Call of Duty: Black Ops III_ for probably the 5 th time, her phone rang, letting her know that it was a FaceTime call. Knowing it couldn’t be anyone other than Anya, Lexa didn’t bother pausing the game but only answered and stood the phone upright against…something on the coffee table. With the front camera facing her, Lexa greeted her sister but was clearly paying more attention to the game.

 

“Did you answer…?” Anya asked after a few seconds of watching her sister press away at the controller. “Or was that someone else?”

 

“It was me.” Lexa replied, clearly distracted.

 

“Mom’s working late?” She asked, this time not bothered about Lexa almost completely ignoring her.

 

“Uh huh.” She muttered. “Caught a case.”

 

“What are you even playi-”

 

“Fucking hell.” Lexa said under her breath, cutting Anya off.

 

“Language.” She told her sister sternly.

 

“Sorry,” Lexa replied, clearly not meaning it as she fell silent again for a moment. “ _Fuck_.”

 

This time Anya only sighed disapprovingly. “What happened?”

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked in return, her eyes still glued to the screen as she tapped away at the buttons on her controller furiously. She swore again under her breath, this time Anya pretended not to have heard her.

 

“You’re playing Call of Duty and I know that for a fact because you don’t swear as much otherwise.” She explained. “And you usually play that when something’s wrong.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lexa replied monotonously.

 

“Come on, pause the game and talk to me. I know when something is bothering you.”

 

“Yeah…” She trailed off, focusing on nothing other than her game. “It’s really annoying but you’re wrong this time.” Just as she got killed off in the game, Lexa almost swore again but stopped herself.

 

“Don’t you dare respawn.” Anya told her. “Put the controller down and tell me what happened.” She almost demanded.

 

Lexa remained unmoving, staring at the screen for a moment before finally giving in. “Okay, what?” She looked at the screen of her phone for probably the first time since she’d answered the call.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Did something happen with Clarke?” Anya made a wild guess, asking hesitantly.

 

“No.” But Lexa sighed, resigning, “I saw her kiss this guy from school when I got home from my run.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“But I know I shouldn’t be upset…” She started. “I don’t really see why I am…”

 

“Maybe it’s because you like her? Or because she’s _your_ soulmate?” Anya asked rhetorically. “And don’t try and deny it, it’s understandable that you’re upset.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Lexa shook her head. “It’s not like I even told Clarke anything. And she doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend…” She shrugged, frustrated with herself.

 

“Then maybe you should say something.”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“She’s happy with him.” Lexa told her. “And I…” She shook her head, stopping herself. “Never mind.”

 

“What were you going to say?”

 

“Nothing.” Lexa dismissed it, ‘ _And I can’t make her happy, not now, and not anytime in the future.’ That’s what I was going to say_.

 

.

 

> _March 21 st 2016 – Monday _

 

Clarke was all smiles the next morning and when she told Lexa why, Lexa did her best to pretend she didn’t already know. For Clarke, it was all pretty convincing but Octavia saw right through it. She noticed something was wrong with Lexa within a few minutes of talking to her, and it didn’t take Raven long to pick up on it either. It was a little concerning for her that the two of them could see through her façade so easily. Clarke and Nate being together came as a surprise to Raven and Octavia too but they took it way better than Lexa…well, Raven did, Octavia on the other hand had to mask her disappointment.

 

“What’s going on with you?” Octavia finally got the chance to talk to Lexa alone later that day while changing after soccer practice. She held back on asking her before practice started because that might’ve distracted Lexa for the two hours.

 

“What are you talking about?” It was getting increasingly annoying for Lexa that she had to keep pretending to not know what everyone was asking her. First Anya, now Octavia; for what its worth, Raven was probably next.

 

“Clarke and Nate.” She replied. “I mean, maybe it’s time you say something.”

 

“There’s nothing for me to say.” Lexa closed her locker, trying to tell her friend to back off.

 

But, as always, that didn’t work with Octavia. “It bothers you, doesn’t it?”

 

Lexa didn’t answer, but proceeded to gather her things.

 

“I saw the way you were practically squirming every time Clarke so much as mentioned him.”

 

“I was not.” Lexa finished what she was doing and looked back at Octavia.

 

She glared at her friend for a moment too long before speaking “I don’t see why you won’t say anything to Clarke about your tattoo.”

 

“I don’t see why I would.” Lexa said with a shrug, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Do you not see the way Clarke looks at you?”

 

“No.” She stated. “But I do see the way she looks at her boyfriend.”

 

“She’s _destined_ to end up with you anyways, so why not say something now?” Octavia asked overdramatically causing Lexa to smile.

 

“Well, that was her luck.” Lexa shrugged and picked up her bag, leaving the rest of sentence unsaid as she walked away. _The least I can do for her is let her be happy until the inevitable._

 

“Fucking impossible.” Octavia sighed, shaking her head as she watched Lexa walk away.

 

.

 

“Why was Lexa upset today?” Raven asked her girlfriend later that night over homework; for a change they were at her place instead of the Blake’s.

 

Octavia looked up from her notebook and stopped writing. “Do you think Lexa likes Clarke?”

 

“Umm…yes.” Raven tilted her head slight, unsure of where that question came from. “I think its pretty damn obvious.”

 

“Thank you.” She went back to writing, not saying another word.

 

Raven mouthed a ‘ _what_ ’ before speaking again, “What does that have to do with anything right now?” Octavia didn’t respond so she had no choice but to continue. “Is that why she was upset today?”

 

“Yep.” She stated, not bothering to look up.

 

“Why didn’t Lexa just say something?” Raven asked. “Clarke definitely likes her as more than a friend,” She stopped, muttering under her breath “But she’s going out with Nate for some reason.” She rolled her eyes, continuing in her regular voice. “I mean, have you seen the way she looks at her?”

 

“Tell me about it.” Octavia agreed. “I tried talking to Lexa about it today but it was pretty clear she didn’t want me to…and I didn’t want to push her right now or say something that might throw her of her game tomorrow.”

 

“Semi final right?”

 

“Damn right.” She nodded with a proud smile. “And I think we have a real shot at making it to the final.”

 

“With you and Lexa on the same side, I don’t doubt it.”

 

The two of them went back to work after that, not saying anything for a while until Octavia suddenly broke the silence. “You can talk to Clarke.”

 

“About…?”

 

“Lexa.”

 

“No way.” Raven shook her head. “I’m not playing matchmaker; especially when Clarke’s already in a relationship.”

 

Octavia stared at her for a moment, trying to find something to say that might change Raven’s mind but gave in, “Fair enough.” She nodded. “But if anyone can talk to Clarke and actually make her listen, it’s you.”

 

.

 

> _March 22 nd 2016 – Tuesday _

 

The game was going better than expected for the first half hour, with their school already leading by two goals. The opposing team looked pissed if anything after the second one and from the looks of it, they were more than a little aggressive on the field. Clarke was on the bleachers with Raven and Nate, paying attention to the game when her phone vibrated in her pocket with a text from her mom. She looked away, checking her phone and typing out a reply letting her mom know when she would be returning home. But when Clarke looked back up from her screen, the game seemed to have come to a halt. After a quick scan of the field, Clarke’s eyes found Lexa, who was now lying on the grass and surrounded by a few people. From what she could tell, Lexa must’ve gotten hurt.

 

“What happened?” Clarke asked Raven, who only shrugged, not really sure either. But whatever it was, it had to have been bad because Clarke never thought she’d see Lexa squirming in pain as she was being taken away from the field. She assumed Lexa would be take to the nurse’s office and decided to find out whether her friend was alright.

 

“Where are you going?” Nate asked as Clarke stood up.

 

“To check on Lexa.” She replied, proceeding to leave. “Stay.” She said to Nate as he started to get up. “Let me know how the game ends.”

 

It had been a few hours since then and Clarke was walking up to Lexa’s front door with a ‘ _get well soon_ ’ card and teddy bear with a cast on it. She still didn’t know what happened other than the fact that Lexa may have broken something. Clarke hoped that wasn’t the case because the team made it to the final – which was on Friday – and there was no way a fracture would heal that quickly. Knowing how much it mattered to Lexa made Clarke upset at the thought that she _probably_ wouldn’t get to play on Friday.

 

The door swung open only a moment after she had knocked and Clarke was greeted with a smile by Indra as she held the door open for her, “Clarke, hi.”

 

Clarke smiled in greeting as she stepped inside. “How’s Lexa?”

 

“Broke her ankle.” Indra told her. “She’s mostly upset about not being able to play on Friday.” She led Clarke further inside. “Why don’t you try and talk to her, might help cheer her up?”

 

“Is she upstairs?” Clarke asked. Once Indra nodded, she made her way to the staircase and then up.

 

Making her way to Lexa’s bedroom, Clarke knocked on the door softly before entering. “Hey.” She greeted, walking up to her friend who was on her bed; her back against the headboard, left feet elevated on a stack of pillowed and her laptop resting on her thighs.

 

“Hey,” Lexa did her best to smile as she closed the laptop’s screen.

 

“How are you?” Clarke asked, setting down the card and bear on Lexa’s desk before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

 

“As well as you’d think.” She replied with a sigh, still pissed at herself for letting this happen.

 

“Broke your ankle, huh?” Clarke asked, trailing a finger lightly over the cast.

 

“And it had to be left ankle.” Lexa rolled her eyes at herself. “Just…wow.”

 

Clarke let out a soft sigh, knowing that Lexa played with her left foot so that was probably going to make the injury worse. “How long are you stuck with that?” She motioned towards the cast.

 

“A month. Maybe more.”

 

Clarke went silent for a moment, contemplating whether she should ask but eventually did, “And how long till you can play again?”

 

Lexa didn’t reply, falling silent for a moment as she looked at Clarke. “I don’t know.” Her voice was quiet, coming out as a whisper. “It’s bad, Clarke and I don’t really know if I will…” She trailed off, suddenly clearing her throat and bringing her voice back to normal, “At least the team won today.”

 

“At least that.” Clarke nodded, wanting to ask her if she was alright but deciding against it. “So you’re stuck in bed for at least a week, how do you plan on not boring yourself to death?”

 

“That’s a difficult question.” Lexa feigned seriousness, earing a small laugh from Clarke. “I was thinking about finding a new show to watch…or rewatching an old one.”

 

“You don’t need anymore shows.” Clarke responded with a smile, shaking her head as she pulled her feet up and crossed them underneath her. “On a more positive note, this is the last week of school before spring break.”

 

.

 

> _April 7 th 2016 – Thursday_

 

“Miss being out there?” Clarke asked as she sat down next to Lexa on the bleachers after school as the soccer team practiced in the field in front of them. Her ankle was still in a cast and it was getting really annoying to still be on crutches. Lexa was missing out on practice sessions and Clarke knew it was more than just about not getting the practice.

 

“Yeah.” Lexa replied with a sigh. “This is getting annoying.”

 

“You’ll be back on the field in no time.” Clarke nudged her shoulder.

 

“I hope so.” She tried to smile but it didn’t really work. Lexa didn’t want to tell Clarke but there was a very good chance she wouldn’t be playing at all, the fracture was worse than they’d thought.

 

“Something wrong?” Clarke asked.

 

“No…” Lexa shook her head slowly, “I just miss being able to walk on both feet.” This time she managed a smile, lightening the mood.

 

“Are you sure?” She tried again.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, doing her best to be convincing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that wasn't too bad because my writing feels off with this one. and i know there wasn't much clexa in there, so i'm sorry about that. but yeah, things are kinda starting to go kinda wrong now. also Lexa getting hurt had nothing to do with her being distracted or anything, that was all on the other team.


	11. Something’s going on with Clarke and Lexa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven tries to talk some sense into Clarke. Lexa's still upset and Anya gets her to talk about why she still hasn't said anything to Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much of Clexa interacting in this chapter. But Raven and O are pissed that Clarke and Lexa still haven't talked to each other, so hopefully Raven can talk some sense into Clarke coz they have a talk. And so does Lexa and Anya.

 

> _May 12 th 2016 – Thursday _

 

“Something’s going on with Clarke and Lexa.” Raven said to Octavia as they walked down the sidewalk away from school.

 

“No, there’s _nothing_ going on.” She corrected. “That’s the problem.” Things were getting increasingly more tense and awkward between Clarke and Lexa over the past month. Clarke was still with Nate and Lexa still hadn’t said anything to her about the tattoo. It was very clear that she wasn’t comfortable every time Clarke brought up her boyfriend but somehow she was completely blind to it. Raven and Octavia started to notice the two of them weren’t spending as much time together as they were before Nate and Clarke got together. Hell, Lexa wasn’t even talking to Clarke as much; and every time she did, it got awkward really quick.

 

“I know Clarke and Nate have been going out for over a month now…but is it just me or does it seem like Clarke’s not into him anymore?” Raven asked. “It looks a bit forced.”

 

“Not just you.” Octavia agreed. “I don’t know how the poor bastard hasn’t noticed yet.”

 

“Oh, speaking of Lexa.” Raven said suddenly. “How’s the team doing without her?”

 

Octavia took a deep breath and opened her mouth, about to go on a rant but stopped herself. “Nope, not going there.” She shook her head slightly because without Lexa, the team was kind of a mess right now. It was a miracle that they managed to win the final game without her. Octavia was definitely getting the worst of it because she didn’t really sync with anyone else the way she did with Lexa; it was a mystery how Octavia put up with the team before she came along. “Maybe you should talk to Clarke.” She suggested. “I know you said you didn’t want to as long as she was with Nate but I mean…” Octavia trailed off, “She needs to hear it Raven; so does Lexa but I tried and talking to her about Clarke is the same as talking to a brick wall.” She told her. “And we all know it’s not going anywhere with Nate. You see the way Clarke still looks at Lexa. Its just…painful, if you ask me, because they both want it but neither of them are willing to make the first move.”

 

“It’s frustrating, is what it is.” Raven commented as they continued to walk. “I get Lexa not saying anything yet, _kinda_ , I mean Clarke _is_ with someone else. But I don’t get Clarke, why doesn’t she say something?”

 

“The tattoo.” Octavia replied. “Well, that’s what she told me. Clarke doesn’t want to ‘ _start something that’s meant to not work out’_. Which is ridiculous if you ask me.” She quoted Clarke. _Especially because the tattoo says her name._

 

“Well, no one knows when Lexa’s soulmate’s going to come around…could be years for all we know, so why the hell not?”

 

“And _that_ is exactly why you should talk to Clarke, maybe you can knock some sense into that pretty head of hers.”

 

“I will see what I can do.” Raven said with a slight nod as the two of them stopped in front of her house and she leaned towards Octavia to kiss her goodbye, “I’ll see you later.”

 

.

 

> _May 14 th 2016 – Saturday _

 

“Okay Clarke, talk. What’s going on?” Raven asked, sitting down on Clarke’s bed across her friend. Octavia was out for the night with her brother for his birthday and Lexa had told them that she was busy – but didn’t think to mention _what_ she was busy with. Raven and Octavia had a feeling that that was just an excuse for her to get out of having to spend time with Clarke right now. So that left Clarke and Raven with nothing to do on a Saturday night.

 

She shot her a confused look, “What are you talking about?”

 

“You and Nate.” Raven started. “No wait, more like you and _Lexa_.” She corrected herself.

 

“And I repeat, what are you talking about?”

 

“I’m gonna go straight to the point.” Her voice softened as she leaned forward slightly. “Why are you still dating Nate?”

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes, looking at her questioningly, like the answer was obvious. “Because…I like him…and he likes me back…?”

 

“You don’t seem too happy around him.” Her friend pointed out. “Every interaction between you two looks forced now…on your part anyways.”

 

Clarke shot her another look, which was both confused and pissed at the same time, “Where are you going with this?”

 

“I see the way you look at Lexa-” Raven started and Clarke groaned before she could even finish her sentence. But Raven chose to ignore it, “And I see the way she looks at you.” She waited a moment, wanting the words to sink in before continuing. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is watching the two of you like that? Watching two people look at each other like that and not say anything? Like, you and Lexa _want_ each other so ba-”

 

Raven was getting ahead of herself, unable to stop so she was kind of glad when Clarke interrupted her. “Okay!” She exclaimed. “I get it, I’m not subtle.” She sighed. “I can’t help it…have you seen Lexa?”

 

“So…you’re admitting that you like her?” Raven asked cautiously, wanting to hear her friend say it. _You know I won’t let this go until you say it_.

 

“You already know that answer to that or we wouldn’t be having this conversation now, would we?” She asked rhetorically.

 

“No, we wouldn’t.” Raven replied. “But I’m not messing around.” She said seriously. “It almost physically hurts watching you and Lexa now. You guys grew really close in a few months and now I can see her drifting away.” She told her. “And it’s so obvious that you guys like each other.”

 

“I’m pretty sure you already told me that.” Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend, trying to mask the disappointment because she was right, Lexa was starting to drift away and the two of them had come a long way in only a few months for their relationship to end like this. “But tell me this, if Lexa feels the way you think she does, why not just tell me?”

 

“BECAUSE YOU’RE DATING THAT GUY, CLARKE!” Clarke only scoffed at Raven and rolled her eyes again. “I have two questions for you, and I want your honest answer before I say what I’m going to anyways.” She looked at the blonde, waiting for her to nod, almost expecting her to ask what was the point of the questions if she was going to say whatever was on her mind anyways. “1. Do you like Nate enough to be with him anymore, or is that phase/feeling/whatever gone? And 2. How _do_ you feel about Lexa? I mean, I know you like her but to what extent? I need to know how bad you have it.”

 

“I hate you, you know that?” Clarke asked before falling silent for a moment. “It’s gone. That feeling, I think it’s been gone a while now.” Her voice was quiet, finally replying. But her voice fell even further as Clarke looked down, continuing, “And as for Lexa…” She sighed, not wanting to say it out loud. “It’s bad Raven, it’s really bad.” Clarke told her friend, looking up. “I can feel myself fall for her more and more with every moment we spend together…and it’s just _ridiculous_ because we haven’t even known each other that long.”

 

“Falling as in…?” Raven trailed off, taking in what Clarke was telling her. This was _way worse_ than she had thought. “As in, you’re falling in love with her?”

 

Clarke watched her for a moment, not saying anything, “I think so.” She sighed, slowly nodding. “I don’t know…maybe it’s just because after moving, Lexa’s the only person who’s been there for me whenever I needed someone…well, maybe that’s not it, she’s just…” Clarke sighed in frustration, unable to continue, “I don’t know.” She whined, finally settling on an answer.

 

“Then why don’t you end things with Nate and tell her how you feel?”

 

She waited a moment before replying. “It’s the tattoo.”

 

Raven sighed, Octavia already told her about that. “You don’t know when her soulmate’s going to show up.”

 

“No…but what’s the point in starting something that’s mean to _not_ work out?”

 

“What’s the point?” Raven asked, clearly not on the same page as Clarke. “Okay, tell me this: by default, why does a relationship need to last forever?” She asked.

 

“It doesn’t…but knowing it _won’t_ last…makes you question if it’s worth it.” She paused. “Especially when the feelings involved are so strong.”

 

“But the two of you can be happy. _Now_. In this moment.”

 

“ _But_ what’s the point if it’s all temporary?” Clarke rephrased her question once again.

 

Raven shrugged, answering casually. “The way you two make each other feel.” She couldn’t help the small smile playing on her lips as she spoke. “ _Now_ , not ten years later, but _right now_.”

 

She sighed, Raven was making a good point. “Okay, you have a point…but, like, it would be fine if Lexa didn’t already know who she was meant to end up with.”

 

“Why does that make a difference?” She asked Clarke slowly, it was almost like she hadn’t heard a word Raven said till now.

 

“Why doesn’t it?” Clarke asked rhetorically. “She’s going to take off the moment _that person_ shows up, whether or not we even stay together that lon- _hypothetically_ stay together that long.”

 

“Exactly, see, even you know that maybe you guys won’t last that long. What my point is, doesn’t the present matter?” Raven tried again, Clarke was probably more frustrating than Lexa was about this. “Or is it all just about the future?”

 

“It’s…not.”

 

“Then why are you still with Nate?” Raven asked again, “Why are you putting yourself through that? Putting Nate through that?” She asked, _why is it so hard to get through to you?_ “Why are you not saying anything to Lexa?”

 

.

 

Lexa sat on her bed, her laptop open in front her, talking to Anya on FaceTime. Somehow her sister had managed to get her to talk about Clarke; this was probably the first time Lexa admitted to having feelings for the blonde. Anya, much like Octavia, didn’t seem to understand why Lexa wouldn’t tell Clarke about the tattoo because it was more than just a little clear that this was _Clarke_ and that she liked Lexa as more a friend. But Lexa knew exactly why she hadn’t said anything, _Clarke was still with Nate_.

 

“She’s happy with him, Anya.” Lexa told her sister, trying to get her to stop asking about Clarke.

 

“You two have grown really close in the last few months, Lexa, I think she would be just as happy – if not _more_ – with you.” Anya paused. “Besides, it’s bound to happen sooner or later.”

 

“Rather later than sooner.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“I’d rather she was happy for as long as possible before she ended up with me.” Lexa replied casually, before realizing Anya was not going to let this go now.

 

“Are you saying she won’t be happy with you?”

 

Lexa nodded carefully, not saying anything.

 

“Why would you say that?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I?” She asked rhetorically. Just as her sister was about to respond, Lexa stopped her. “I can’t do this right now, Anya.”

 

“Answer me and I won’t ask anything else.” She told her before repeating her question. “Why would you say that?”

 

Lexa contemplated what her sister was asking. “I’m a mess.” She said with a shrug. “Was a mess and still am. And Clarke had the misfortune of being stuck with me. I know I can’t make her happy, Anya. Definitely not now, and I don’t see it happening anytime in the future either.”

 

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” Anya watched Lexa as she spoke, unable to believe that these were actual words coming out of her little sister’s mouth. “I only saw her with you on New Year’s Eve, Lexa, and she did look happy, in that moment with you. And when you leaned in to kiss her, Clarke didn’t pull back.”

 

“Wait, how did you-?” Lexa sighed in frustration. “We were having a moment and I don’t know what came over me.” She tried to excuse herself.

 

Anya shook her head before speaking. “Clarke feels the same way.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“No, but I have a feeling she does. And it’s probably best you talk to her about it before she gets her tattoo.”

 

“She’s with someone else.” She reminded her.

 

“And? I’m not asking you to make a move on her while they’re together, just talk.”

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“When’s her birthday?”

 

“September 23rd.”

 

“You still have some time to think over it.”

 

Lexa nodded as she brought up her legs, trying to cross her them under her only to groan in frustration when her ankle protested and she had no choice but to go back to her previous position.

 

“What’s wrong?” Anya asked.

 

“It’s my ankle.” She replied. “I’m walking again, but it still hurts. Like now, I can’t cross my legs.”

 

Anya nodded slowly, “How are you doing anyways? All I got from you about that was ‘ _I broke my ankle_ ’.”

 

Lexa shrugged. “It’s annoying mostly. I mean I can’t play anymore because…well, it was bad, worse than it seemed at first.” She tried to say it casually, not wanting Anya to see she was upset.

 

“You’re upset.” She commented.

 

“I’m not.” She lied. “Just annoyed because some asshole doesn’t know how to tackle properly and that led to me breaking my ankle.”

 

“You sound upset.” Anya tried again.

 

“Fine, I am.” Lexa gave in. “With everything else going on right now…I didn’t need this.” She told her sister. “And playing soccer was one of the few things I was actually good at so…it kind of sucks.”

 

“I bet the team misses you.” She tried to make her feel better.

 

“Octavia mostly.” She replied. “She hasn’t stopped complaining about it being a mess right now without me.”

 

“Does she know you’re not coming back?” Anya asked.

 

Lexa shook her head. “No, everyone thinks it’s just temporary.”

 

“Do you know for sure that it’s not?”

 

Lexa nodded. “Nothing seems to go right for me.” She said with a slight shrug, her voice starting to crack. “Ever. And I’m just…sick of it by now.” She paused, looking away from Anya. “When do I catch a break?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing's better in this one than the last chapter but it's not how i want it to be and idk why. Next chapter will be better i promise. Also how great was the last episode? and the clexa reunion? (i didn't expect anything less from clarke tbh). Well I hope the chapter was alright and things are starting to move along for clexa. i just hope Raven managed to get through to her.


	12. So me and Clarke...talked today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa talk (finally). There's a bit with Octavia and Lexa. And Clarke does something she should've a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter will make you guys happy (kinda). There's (finally) quite a bit of clexa. and i think they're conversation at the start is one of my fav things i've written so far for the fic. but i guess it's still kinda angsty. ANYWAYS, i'm kinda happy with this chapter so i hope you guys like it.

> _May 15 th 2016 - Sunday_

 

“Clarke?” Lexa questioned as she pulled out her earphones, still panting from her run as she walked up to the swing set at the playground. It was early, _really early_ , a little past 7am and Lexa had expected Clarke to be…at home, asleep, it was Sunday after all. Lexa didn’t get much sleep last night, not after talking to Anya; the only thing on her mind was Clarke and it was getting more than a little frustrating. She needed a distraction because Lexa was up since 5:30am unable to fall back asleep, so she decided an hour later that running might help. She hadn’t gone running since her ankle broke but according to her doctor it should be fine now as long as she doesn’t run too much, so Lexa decided cutting down her regular distance by half should be alright. Halfway through her new (shorter) route, she decided to stop here for a little while before returning home. And the last person she expected to see was Clarke.

 

Clarke looked up at the unexpected sound, also pulling out her earphones. “Hey,” Not having seen her since Friday, Clarke lit up with a smile at the sight of her friend although Lexa was the last person she wanted to run into right now. Much like Lexa, she hadn’t gotten much sleep either, not since her talk with Raven. The talk wasn’t really helpful, if anything, it probably made things worse.

 

“Hi,” Lexa replied, sitting down on the swing next to her. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” She stopped, realizing it might sound like she doesn’t want to see her and quickly corrected herself, “This early I mean.”

 

“Yeah I just…” Clarke looked away from the brunette, looking straight ahead. “I couldn’t sleep…”

 

“Something wrong?” Lexa asked, slightly concerned.

 

Clarke remained silent for a couple of long seconds not really knowing what to say, “Just…stuff I guess.” She looked back at Lexa, “What about you? It’s like 7am, why are you out running instead of in bed?” She paused, tilting her head slightly, Clarke knew Lexa well enough by now. “Not that I’m surprised…”

 

“Can’t sleep, I have been awake since five thirty.” She explained.

 

“Why?”

 

“Too much going on in my head, won’t shut up.” Lexa hesitated. “So I thought running might help.”

 

“Lexa, is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” She nodded. “Everything’s fine.” Lexa gave her friend a reassuring smile before the two of them went silent.

 

Clarke finally spoke a moment later, breaking the silence. “I’m not talking about Nate, _but_ …” She started. “Do you know that feeling you get when you really like someone but don’t know whether they feel the same way?”

 

“I wish I didn’t…” Lexa replied slowly. “It’s not the nicest feeling out there.”

 

“No, no, definitely not.” She agreed, before continuing. “And one of the reasons you don’t say anything is because you know for a fact the two of you won’t work out?”

 

_Is she talking about me…?_ Lexa didn’t have an answer so she only nodded, “Who are you talking about?” _Oh my god, I did not just ask that._

 

_Fuck, I did not think this through_. “And _that_ is precisely why I shouldn’t open my mouth this early in the morning.” Clarke tried to lighten the mood and get away without answering but Lexa continued looking at her, waiting for an actual answer. She opened her mouth again, trying to come up with something to say when Lexa’s phone rang.

 

Lexa heard Clarke let out a sigh of relief as she answered. It was a quick call, her mom calling to let her know she just got called in for work, probably didn’t even last 30 seconds. Hanging up, Lexa looked back at Clarke, deciding to let it go for now…or at least play along. “How can you be sure that the two of you won’t work out?”

 

_Because you already have your tattoo,_ Clarke thought for a second, trying to find a way to answer without giving it away. “I just…have this feeling they’ll be gone the moment…” _Careful, Clarke_. “…someone better comes along.”

 

“I seriously doubt that.” Lexa responded. “I don’t think anyone can ask for someone better.” A small smile broke out on her face before she could stop herself. “Why don’t you say something to…whoever this person is?”

 

“Because I don’t know whether they feel the same way.”

 

“And you won’t unless you tell them.”

 

Clarke watched her, trying to figure out whether Lexa had worked it out. “But doing that might screw things up.” She told her. “And I care about them too much to let something like _this_ screw it up.”

 

Lexa nodded. It was a relief knowing that Clarke wasn’t talking about Nate but the pool of people Clarke cared about that deeply was very small; Raven and Octavia were definitely part of it but considering they were together and Clarke was a huge fan of… _what did she call them again? Right, Octaven_ , she was probably talking about Lexa. “You don’t know that, maybe they’re waiting for you to say something.”

 

“Why don’t they say something if they feel the same way?” Clarke asked carefully, looking at Lexa expectantly, almost waiting for a reply.

 

“Maybe because you are dating Nate.” Lexa replied, wondering whether she sounded too sure. “Or maybe its because they’re afraid of the same thing; that _you_ don’t feel the same way.”

 

“You think so?” Clarke asked, unsure.

 

Lexa wanted to say ‘ _You never know_ ’ but her brain decided to nod instead.

 

Clarke nodded, letting Lexa’s response sink in.

 

They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Lexa’s phone buzzed with a text and she spoke. “I’m sorry, Clarke, I have to go.”

 

“It’s fine,” Clarke brushed it off with.

 

“And good luck with everything…it sounds like a lot.” She told her, standing up. “And Clarke, it’ll work out. You don’t know for certain that it won’t.” Lexa gave her a small smile as she turned around and began to walk away.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke called out and she turned back around to look at her questioningly. “Thank you for listening to me, feels good to finally tell someone.”

 

“Any time.” Lexa told her with a nod before walking away.

 

_Yep, talking to Lexa was definitely more helpful than talking to Raven but it shouldn’t have been_ , Clarke realized as she watched Lexa walk away. She couldn’t help but wonder if Lexa figured out that she was talking about her. And if she did, what did this conversation mean? Was this Lexa’s way of telling Clarke she was waiting for her? Or that she _did_ actually feel the same way? Well, maybe Lexa didn’t even pick up on the fact that Clarke was talking about her. She groaned in frustration, this was getting annoying and she didn’t know what to do about it. One thing Clarke _did_ know was that she needed to end things with Nate. Raven was right, she didn’t even like him like that anymore. And the poor guy deserved someone who would at least return the feeling.

 

.

 

“So me and Clarke…talked today.” Lexa said to Octavia. The two of them were at a diner which was about an hour away from their places. Because according to Octavia they had the best apple pie so that made the drive worth it. Lexa didn’t have anything else to do today and literally _anything_ was better than sitting at home and doing her best to not think about Clarke. So when Octavia called and asked if she was up for a drive, Lexa went with it.

 

“Talk as in…?” Octavia asked, still looking at the slice of pie in front of her.

 

“I don’t…know.” Lexa replied. “It was a strange conversation, really.”

 

“Strange how?” She asked. “Did she… _say_ something?”

 

“She did.” Lexa replied, unsure as she picked up her coffee mug and took a small sip. “But she didn’t.”

 

“What do you mean she did but she didn’t?” Octavia put her fork down and crossed her arms on the table, looking at Lexa.

 

“She wasn’t too specific about _who_ she was talking about but…” She trailed off, not really knowing how to explain it.

 

“But…” Her friend urged on.

 

“But she was saying something about…how she…” Lexa looked for the right words. “…had feelings for this certain someone.”

 

“And?” Octavia said before Lexa could continue, her eyes widening slightly.

 

“And how she didn’t want to say anything to them because she knows for a fact they won’t work out.”

 

If Octavia’s look was anything to go, she really just wanted to smack Lexa right now. “See the reason she’s not saying anything is because of your tattoo.” Lexa didn’t respond, only waited for her continue…or maybe it was to stop talking. “Which is really stupid if you ask me because the name tattooed on your body is _hers_.”

 

“What can I do about it?”

 

“You did not just ask me that.” She shook her head, clearly unimpressed by Lexa’s question. “You tell her about the tattoo, for starters. And then you tell her how you really feel because this is starting to get ridiculous.”

 

“Don’t I know it?” Lexa sighed. “But I’d rather wait till Clarke finds out for herself.”

 

“Do you have any idea how angry she’s going to be?” Octavia asked. “And why? It’s pretty clear that she was talking about you.”

 

Lexa remained silent for a while, “It’s complicated.” She finally replied. The whole _Clarke-deserves-better-than-me-and-I’d-rather-let-her-have-some-time-before-she’s-stuck-with-me_ thing was not something she wanted to talk about, not right now anyways.

 

Octavia sat silent, trying to study Lexa’s face. “You know what?” She threw up her arms slightly as a gesture of giving up. “Fine.” And went back to her pie. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you about Clarke. Because if there’s anything I know about her, she will be _furious_ when she finds out. Like rip-your-head-off furious.” Octavia told her. “ _Especially_ because she feels the same way as you do.”

 

.

 

**Clarke**

**6:03pm**

I’ll be outside your place in 10 mins. Meet me in my car.

 

Clarke sighed as she looked down at her phone as she sat in her car about 10 minutes after she’d sent Nate the text. He had texted her only a moment later saying okay. She took a deep breath as she watched him walk out the front door of his place across the street and make his way over to her car.

 

“Hi,” He said with a smile as he opened the door to of the passenger side and sat down.

 

“Hey,” Clarke forced a smile.

 

“Something wrong?” Nate’s face fell, seeing through her smile.

 

“Umm,” She turned in her seat to look at him and deciding it was best to get right to it. “Nate, you’re a great guy and I-”

 

“Oh god,” He sighed, knowing where it was headed. “Clarke, come on.”

 

“I’m sorry, I really am.” Clarke apologized. “I just…I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“Where is this coming from?” Nate asked, his shoulders slumping, not really knowing why Clarke was doing this. “Did I do something…?”

 

“No…” Clarke shook her head, almost feeling guilty for hurting him. “You’re great…”

 

“Then why are you doing this?” He sounded broken and upset and Clarke felt terrible about it.

 

“It’s not you, it’s me.” She told him, unable to believe what was coming out of her mouth.

 

Nate rolled his eyes and groaned, his tome suddenly changing. “You’re kidding me, right?”

 

“I know how that sounds. It’s _so_ cliché and stupid and I can’t believe I just said that but I’m not just saying that for the sake of saying something.” Clarke did her best to explain. “I mean it.”

 

He leaned back in his seat and looked at her, “I really like you Clarke.”

 

“And…I can’t return the feeling.” She muttered.

 

Nate waited a moment before responding. “It’s Lexa isn’t it?”

 

“What?” She wasn’t sure what he meant by that.

 

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you.” He sighed, shaking his head slightly. “And I’ve seen the way you look at her.”

 

“Oh my god,” Clarke muttered, running a hand through her hair.

 

“But umm…” He hesitated. “There was…there’s nothing going on with you two right?”

 

“Oh, no, no, not at all.” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t…I couldn’t do that to you, to anyone.”

 

“Okay,” He nodded. “Good.”

 

“I’m sorry Nate, I really am.” Clarke apologized again. “You deserve someone better.”

 

He only shrugged before opening the door and stepping out. “Goodbye, Clarke.”

 

.

 

She’s not sure why she was crying; hell Clarke didn’t even realize it until she felt the tears running down her cheeks. It wasn’t because she ended things with Nate; Clarke wasn’t even upset over that. _Then what is it?_ She couldn’t help but ask herself but the only thing her mind could come up with was _Lexa_. But Clarke still didn’t get why? It wasn’t like her to be pining over someone, not like this. And it was insane how bad she had it for her. But Clarke knew it wouldn’t work out; not for long. And what Raven said, yes, she had a point about how the present mattered just as much as he future and that is why she should tell Lexa how she feels, but Clarke…couldn’t. Not that she expected a high school relationship to last, no, but she didn’t want to know for certain that it won’t.

 

_This is stupid_ , Clarke told herself as she wiped the tears away. _I barely even know her to be feeling…like this_. Then she did something stupid, Clarke picked up her phone and called probably the last person she should’ve.

 

Two rings later, a voice answered. “Hi.” Lexa greeted, pleasantly surprised by the call.

 

“Hey,” Clarke managed to choke out, her voice sounding broken and coming out in a raspy whisper.

 

“Clarke, is everything okay?” Lexa’s tone suddenly changed, she sounded concerned, knowing something was wrong – Clarke was upset, something _had_ to be wrong.

 

“Yeah, yeah…” She lied.

 

“Are you sure?” Lexa heard a sniffle from the other end; she sounded anything _but_ okay.

 

Clarke waited a while before replying, “I broke up with Nate.” She finally said, her voice cracking.

 

“Oh…” Lexa replied, not sure how to react. “Do you…” She hesitated, contemplating whether it would be okay to ask. “Do you want me to come over?”

 

She did, she wanted Lexa here, next to her, but Clarke didn’t know how to say that. “It’s late, I wouldn’t want you to-”

 

“No, no, it’s fine.” Lexa replied, beginning to get up. “I’ll see you in a minute.”

 

And she wasn’t lying. It probably hadn’t even been two minutes before Lexa was knocking on Clarke’s front door. She really hoped Clarke wasn’t too upset over it because if her voice was anything to go by, she was. The door opened a moment later and Lexa was greeted by Abby. “Lexa, hi.” She said, holding the door open for her.

 

“Hi,” Lexa replied with a polite smile.

 

“Is everything okay with Clarke?” Abby asked once Lexa was inside. “She’s been locked up in her room since she got home three hours ago.”

 

“She sounded upset when she called me.” Lexa answered. “She umm…she broke up with Nate.”

 

Abby nodded, motioning towards Clarke’s bedroom upstairs with her head. “Go ahead.”

 

Lexa nodded, walking away as she made her way up the stairs and to Clarke’s room. “Hey,” Lexa said quietly as she entered the room.

 

“Hi,” Clarke looked up at her as Lexa walked over to Clarke’s bed, she was sitting on the far end of it, her back against the headboard.

 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked gently as she sat down and pulled her legs up before moving to sit next to Clarke.

 

“I…” She shook her head slowly, holding back more tears as she leaned closer to Lexa. “I don’t know.”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but put her arm around Clarke’s shoulder and pull her closer. Her head fell on Lexa’s shoulder almost instantly. “You two were together for quite a long time.”

 

“It’s not that.” Clarke replied. “I don’t know, I’m not even the slightest bit upset over breaking up with him and that makes me feel like a terrible person.”

 

“You’re not.” Lexa told her gently. “Your heart just wasn’t in it and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

“But his was.” She continued. “And I feel terrible about doing that to him; being with him for that long when I didn’t even feel what he did.” Clarke paused for a moment before continuing, “I hurt him, like _really_ hurt him.”

 

“It’s okay.” Lexa said softly, moving her hand slowly up and down Clarke’s arm, trying to comfort her. “You didn’t mean to.”

 

“No.” She breathed out. “Not at all.” And right then, Clarke really wanted to just say it, tell Lexa how she really felt. Because in that moment, in her arms, Clarke felt like she could. But at the same time, it could turn everything upside down, make it worse than it already was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, good call finally getting rid of Nate? i think so. Let me know what u thought of this one. (STOP reading if u haven't watched the new episode. how good was the last episode????? lexa bowing to clarke?????? fucking hell man just kill me already)


	13. How r u planning on killing Lexa?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CLARKE GETS HER TATTOO. That's all you need to know really. So obviously, there's clexa and also a wee bit of octaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Clarke gets her tattoo. and it gets intense. there's a conversation (so to speak) between clarke and lexa. and before that, octavia is great, she's done with lexa's crap basically....there's also a small bit with clexa before the tattoo. Umm....yeah, i'm nervous about this because this is an important chapter so.....let me know what you think.

 

> _June 16 th 2016 – Thursday _

 

“So you’re leaving tomorrow morning?” Clarke asked Lexa as they sat in the cafeteria during lunch on their last day of school before summer. Things had gotten back to the normal – so to speak – between the two of them after Clarke ended things with Nate. They were spending more time together again, and Raven and Octavia will definitely agree that they were a lot less awkward around each other.

 

Lexa nodded with a smile. She was spending most of the summer vacation with Anya; their mom not being able to take any time off from work, her sister suggested this would be the best thing to do. And since this was Lexa’s first year back after her _little_ break, she could really use some time away. Yes, this year was definitely better than her previous ones but it was still a lot to handle after not having been in school for an entire year. And getting to spend it with Anya made it that much better.

 

“Looks like me and Clarke are the only ones who don’t have anything planned for the summer.” Raven spoke, looking around the table.

 

“I’m gonna miss you though,” Octavia said, trying to make her feel better. She was going to be out of town with Bellamy, he had a road trip across the country planned out. Octavia thought it was crazy because her brother never followed through but looks like, this time he did and she was looking forward to it.

 

“Don’t worry, we’re gonna be fine.” Clarke said to Raven. “They’re gonna be sorry they left.” In reality Clarke knew better than that, she wouldn’t be doing anything other than sleeping in until way too late and wasting most of her time either in front of the TV or her laptop.

 

-

 

> _September 22 nd 2016 – Thursday _

 

“You’re so screwed tomorrow.” Octavia said to Lexa with a smirk as the team finished with their practice session. Although Lexa wasn’t playing, she couldn’t help but show up during practice even if it meant just sitting on the sidelines and watching the team. That ankle fracture ended up being way worse than she had thought and Lexa was still coming to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be playing, not now and probably not ever; not like she used to anyways.

 

“Don’t remind me.” Lexa shook her head. “I’m trying to convince myself that it’s not tomorrow.”

 

“Well trying to convince yourself isn’t going to work, now is it?” She asked rhetorically, sitting down next to Lexa. “Clarke’s birthday’s tomorrow, which means she’s getting her tattoo.”

 

“Thank you, Octavia for telling me that, because I had _absolutely_ no idea.”

 

She rolled her eyes at Lexa’s sarcasm. “You still have today to talk to her.”

 

“I’m supposed to meet her later.” Lexa told her. “But no, I’m don’t want to say anything just yet.”

 

“Why not?” Octavia asked.

 

“…What if it’s not her?” She spoke hesitantly, knowing Octavia wouldn’t want to hear it. “I mean, she’s not the only _Clarke_ out there so what if she gets someone else’s name?”

 

Her friend threw her head back and let out a frustrated groan before speaking again. “Not that again, Lexa. Because I’m willing to bet everything I have that Clarke’s tattoo’s going to be your name.”

 

“What about Raven?” Lexa changed the subject suddenly. “Her birthday’s in less than a month.”

 

“Don’t you change the subject and throw it on me.” Octavia said threateningly but Lexa only gave her an amused smile. “Whatever happens, happens. There’s nothing either of us can do about it.” She said as she began to stand up and Lexa followed; Octavia heading towards the changing room while Lexa headed for the exit.

 

“I’ll see you later, O.”

 

.

 

“If I stay awake, will I see the word appear on my body?” Clarke asked Lexa later that day. It wasn’t too late, but it was dark outside, they had a biology test tomorrow and Lexa could really use all the help she could get (she could also use a distraction from having to think about Clarke right now). So they decided to study together; Clarke on her bed with all her books and papers sprawled out in front of her and Lexa on Clarke’s desk with her notebook, book and laptop. Only Clarke wasn’t paying much attention to her work because all she could think about was tomorrow.

 

“Yes.” Lexa stated, turning in the swivel chair to look at her.

 

“But like, when exactly does it…appear or whatever?” Clarke looked up from her notes at Lexa.

 

She shrugged, not knowing. “It’s not right after 12, I was up till 3am and still nothing, I only saw it after waking up.”

 

“It has nothing to do with sleeping?” Clarke asked, going back to her work.

 

“Not according to the internet and people who’ve stayed up till they got their tattoo.”

 

“Has there ever been anyone didn’t get their tattoo?” She asked again, not looking up.

 

“Too few to know whether it’s legitimate or whether they’re just making it up.” Lexa replied and Clarke nodded as the two of them went back to work, Lexa occasionally asking Clarke something or Clarke handing her papers with information she would need to know for the test tomorrow.

 

“I find the whole soulmate thing weird.” Clarke said as they were about to finish.

 

“Why?”

 

“In a sense, it’s really sweet but in another…it’s a _bit_ messed up.” She elaborated, “Don’t get me wrong, it’s really cool that whoever it is, you end up falling in love with them no matter what.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile.

 

Lexa nodded. “Most of the time. There have been some where it didn’t work out.”

 

“And that’s what I mean.” Clarke responded, going back to her point. “Because it’s already determined who you end up with. And if it doesn’t work out…” She shrugged. “Good luck finding someone else who’s willing to be with you even temporarily.”

 

“I know…” Lexa said quietly. “That’s something I haven’t really stopped thinking about.”

 

“You have nothing to worry about.” Clarke told her friend. “Whoever’s got you is very lucky.” _Tone it down, Clarke_. She quickly changed the subject before it could get awkward, “What about asexuals and aromantics, though. Well I guess aromantics more than asexual, how does that work?”

 

Lexa was glad about the sudden change in subject. “Well…” She started with a look in her eyes that Clarke loved so much. Every time Lexa was about to geek off about something unusual or something most people wouldn’t even think to ask about, she would get this excited spark in her eyes which was just adorable. “Just because the name you get is of your soulmate’s, doesn’t mean it has to be a romantic relationship. For most people it is, yes. But for some it isn’t; it’s platonic, their best friend who they wanna spend their lives with.” Lexa told her. “Which is also sweet if you ask me.”

 

“It is.” Clarke nodded. “But what if your friend isn’t content with a platonic soulmate?” She asked, genuinely curious.

 

Lexa thought for a moment before shrugging. “I have no idea.”

 

“I’m sorry I’m going off like that.” She told her with a light shrug. “I’m just really nervous about tomorrow.”

 

.

 

> _September 23 rd 2016 – Friday _

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke muttered as she read the name that was now tattooed on the inside of her left forearm, her heart beating faster. She didn’t even have to look for it after waking up, it was more than clear, in large block letters going down her arm. “ _Alexandria_ ” Clarke didn’t doubt for a moment that it wasn’t Lexa. But at the same time, she would’ve said some thing, right? She _should’ve_ said something; by the last couple of weeks of school before summer, Clarke is pretty sure that Lexa already knew how she felt. Okay fine, she wasn’t specific about _who_ she was talking about but…come on, it was more than a little obvious that she was talking about Lexa. And Clarke _really_ thought Lexa picked up on it. The only reason she didn’t say anything was because she thought Lexa’s tattoo was someone else’s name.

 

 _I’m going to kill her_. Clarke thought to herself as she managed to drag herself out of bed and grabbed her phone. Unlocking the screen, there were a bunch of texts as well as a few other notifications, most of them saying happy birthday but there were a couple from Octavia which were… _different_.

 

**Octavia**

**2:01am**

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

 

**Octavia**

**3:03am**

Did you get your tattoo?

 

**Octavia**

**3:03am**

What does it say?

 

**Octavia**

**5:18am**

How r u planning on killing Lexa?

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the last one, not really thinking about why Octavia was even awake at that time, yeah, Lexa wasn’t the only person she was going to kill today. The weather was nice outside, it wasn’t too cold but it gave Clarke an excuse to cover her arms because she didn’t really want anyone to know what her tattoo said before she got the chance to talk to Lexa about it.

 

“Did you get your tattoo?” Abby asked with a hopeful smile as Clarke walked downstairs.

 

“Yep.” Clarke replied monotonously.

 

“Something wrong?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Do you know who it is?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Who is it?” Abby finally asked.

 

“It’s Lexa.” Clarke said slowly, pulling up her sleeve to show her mom the tattoo.

 

“Oh.” She sounded almost disappointed.

 

“What?” Clarke picked up on it. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No, no.” Abby lied, she couldn’t really put her finger on it, but there was something about Lexa that she didn’t quite like. She was okay with the two of them were just hanging out, but knowing that Lexa was her daughter’s soulmate… _well_. “She didn’t tell you?”

 

“No.” She replied, walking towards the front door.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I’m about to find out.” Clarke told her mom as she opened the front door and stepped out.

 

.

 

“Clarke’s going to kill Lexa today.” Octavia said to Raven as they walked in to the school.

 

“Why?”

 

 _Fuck_. Raven still didn’t know about Lexa’s tattoo and Octavia thought she could keep it that way for a while longer. But considering it wouldn’t really be a secret anymore, there was no harm in telling her now. “Lexa’s tattoo…”

 

“It’s _Clarke?!_ ” Raven stopped walking, shooting an arm out in front of her girlfriend to stop her as well. “You didn’t tell me?”

 

“I wanted to, I really did, but Lexa asked me not to say anything about it and…” Her voice lowered as they continued walking till they reached their lockers. “She scares me.”

 

Raven laughed at that, continuing to walk again. “That is hilarious so I’m going to let you off the hook. _But_ do something like that again and I swear to god I’m telling Lexa you’re afraid of her.”

 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Octavia narrowed her eyes as the two of them stopped by their lockers.

 

“Don’t test me.” She told her. “Clarke’s going to be pissed at you too, you know that righ-?” Before Raven could finish, Clarke walked up to them, glaring at Octavia.

 

“You knew!” Was the first thing she said to them.

 

“I didn’t.” Raven shrugged innocently. “I’m almost as mad as you are that O didn’t tell me.”

 

“Wow Raven, you’re such a great girlfriend, always have my back.” Octavia said sarcastically.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke asked.

 

“Lexa asked me not to and well…it’s not my place to say anything really.” Octavia answered. “I really wanted to but…”

 

Clarke sighed impatiently, “Where is Lexa anyways?” She hadn’t seen her when walking to school and assumed Lexa was already there.

 

“No idea.” Raven shrugged.

 

“She’s probably going to show up right before the bell goes so she doesn’t have to face you right now.” Octavia added carefully, not wanting to piss Clarke off too much, but knowing very well that that was perfectly understandable right now.

 

“Yeah, that’s probably smart.” Clarke nodded, almost fuming with rage. “But she’s gonna get here eventuall-” Before Clarke could finish, the bell went off.

 

“Are you gonna wait for her?” Raven asked. Clarke only nodded and her friends began to walk away.

 

It had been a couple of minutes and the hallway was starting to clear up. Clarke decided maybe she should just wait till she saw Lexa later today because she would be late for class. Just as she was about to give up, a brunette walked past her and although her head was lowered, it looked an awful lot like Lexa. Clarke took a couple of wide strides to catch up to her before grabbing her arm, “We need to talk.” Lexa didn’t say anything but the two of them walked a few more steps before Clarke pulled them into an empty classroom.

 

“We are not supposed to be here.” Was the first thing Lexa said after Clarke closed the door behind them.

 

“Screw that.” Clarke muttered as she dropped her bag on the floor, turning around to face Lexa who had walked up to one of the desks on the front row and was leaning against the table. “What the hell Lexa?” Clarke asked, walking up to her and leaning against the teacher’s table directly opposite.

 

Lexa didn’t reply, only looked at her questioningly, pretending to not know what she was talking about.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes before pulling up the sleeve of her shirt and showing the tattoo to Lexa. “You knew.”

 

“Clarke I–” She tried to find something to say to explain but Clarke cut her off.

 

“You knew and you didn’t tell me.” She lowered her voice, sounding more hurt than anything.

 

Lexa’s face changed as her shoulders slumped at Clarke’s voice and hurt expression.

 

“Why?” Lexa didn’t reply. “I get not saying anything right after we met because we were practically strangers but we became really good friends over the year” Clarke paused, “…or at least I think we did.”

 

“We did.” Lexa responded, her voice small and quiet.

 

“Then how could you keep something like this from me?” Clarke asked again, managing to keep her voice from rising but the anger still apparent.

 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa tried.

 

“It’s been a crazy year for me Lex, and you’ve been there whenever I needed you.” Clarke sat down on the table she was leaning against. “And I didn’t think it would happen but…I ended up falling in love with my best friend.” She was looking down at the floor, not wanting to see the way Lexa was probably staring at her.

 

“You…what?” The words spilled out before she could stop them, her voice almost inaudible.

 

“And maybe she didn’t.” Clarke looked up at her, her eyes teary but her voice more composed this time.

 

“What?” She muttered under her breath, shaking her head.

 

“The only reason I can see why you wouldn’t tell me is because you didn’t feel the same way.”

 

“I did.” Lexa answered. “I do.”

 

“Then why not tell me? A month before summer, I practically told you how I felt. And the only reason I didn’t say it directly was because I thought your tattoo was someone else’s name.”

 

Lexa only sighed, not saying anything.

 

“And if you say it was because of Nat-”

 

“But it was.” Lexa cut her off, enable to keep her voice from rising this time as she found herself standing up. “I saw how happy he made you.”

 

“That doesn’t excuse you from keeping something like that from me.” Clarke’s voice was rising, it was very much understandable that she was angry. If anything it was impressive that she hadn’t been yelling at Lexa from the start.

 

“Well, I knew I never could.” Lexa almost yelled but was cut short when the door flew open and a teacher walked in.

 

“What is going on here?” He asked and Lexa watched as Clarke stepped closer to him and she walked to the back of the classroom. Clarke was talking to whoever that was but Lexa was too far away to hear anything.

 

About a minute later, she heard him speak and Lexa turned around to look at them. “I will be back in a few minutes and I better not find you two here when I do.” Clarke nodded and he walked out.

 

Lexa looked at her, impressed and surprised at the same time, “What did you say to him?”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” Clarke dismissed it, waiting for Lexa to walk back to the front but she didn’t, instead Lexa sat down on one of the tables at the back. “What did you mean you never could?” She asked, walking up to her.

 

“I meant what I said.” Lexa responded as Clarke stood in front of her. “I can’t make you happy; definitely not now and I don’t see it happening in the future.” She looked away from Clarke, clenching her jaws as she stood up. “I can’t do this right now, I need some air.” Confrontations were definitely one of Lexa’s least favorite things and she was kind of losing her head right now. She tried to walk away but Clarke trailed behind her.

 

“Why would you say that?” She asked.

 

Lexa stopped after reaching the teacher’s desk at the front of the classroom and turned around to look at Clarke, leaning against it because she knew Clarke wouldn’t let her leave. “Have you met me?” She did her best to hide the crack in her voice with a smile but Clarke saw right through it. “I’m a mess of a person Clarke…I’m broken and messed up and all the wrong things.” She paused, not really wanting to but needing a moment to gather herself as Clarke walked up to her again. “And you…you’re amazing.” Lexa smiled, looking up at Clarke who was standing not even a couple of inches away. “You’re sweet and smart and caring; not to mention incredibly beautiful.”

 

Clarke gave her a small smile, “You’re so much more than that.” She told her. “And I mean, you’re a way better person than I am.” Clarke said lightly, still smiling. Lexa scoffed, looking past her as she continued. “And what if you’re a little broken? That doesn’t mean anything; it doesn’t make you any less of a person. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable.”

 

“Why do I feel like I am?” Lexa asked hesitantly, clenching her jaws.

 

“Then I wouldn’t be standing here.” She told her gently.

 

Lexa went silent for a moment before asking slowly, “What if I’m incapable of loving back?”

 

“Are you?”

 

“God, I hope not,” Lexa almost whispered as she brought her hand up to Clarke’s cheek and tilted her head up to kiss her. Their lips met and Clarke instantly kissed back, she’s not sure what she had imagined Lexa to be like but whatever it was, Clarke had never imagined her to be this soft and gentle. She kissed back harder, causing Lexa to place her hands behind her to stop herself from falling back. Lexa’s lips were gentle on Clarke’s, almost like she was afraid Clarke was going to break. Clarke was quite the opposite, Lexa soon realized; she was more dominant, wanting to take control…which Lexa gave without hesitation, parting her lips slightly to let Clarke slide in her tongue.

 

Suddenly there was a sound of the door opening, and Clarke pulled herself away in a flash, taking a few steps away from Lexa who did her best to sit up straight, still dazed from that kiss. “Out, now! Before I send you to the principal’s office.” The teacher threatened as Lexa managed to get up on her feet and follow Clarke out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs away because idk what to say* *comes back* Let me know what you thought *runs away again*


	14. I kind of get why you didn’t tell me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right from where the last chapter ends. This is mostly just Clexa and more talking because they're finally doing that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a really busy week all week and i really shouldn't be considering its half term break from school. but yeah, really busy so i didn't have time to work on this chapter, i only had the draft written out. so i finished like right now. if there are any typos, i'm sorry but overall, i'm happy posting it. so umm....we're kinda turning back to angst. i think the last chapter was pretty nice so yeah....let's start balancing it out again.

 “Can we pick this up?” Clarke asked as they walked out of the classroom and down to hallway towards their first lesson – which they were more than a little late for. “Late today, after school if you’re up for it?”

 

“Sure.” Lexa nodded.

 

They continued walking in silence, the hallways were empty now with almost everyone in their respective classrooms. “I’ll see you later okay?” Clarke asked as they stopped in front of her classroom.

 

Lexa nodded, contemplating for a moment whether it would be alright to do what her mind was telling her to. Without another word, she suddenly leaned in closer to Clarke, stealing a quick kiss before pulling away. Lexa shot her a small unsure look and walked away wordlessly.

 

Clarke smiled, frozen to her spot for a moment, taken by surprise by that small kiss before she finally made herself knock softly on the door and enter. _Okay I’m late_ , she realized as she looked around, noticing everyone in their seats and their teacher writing something down on the board. Quietly stepping inside, Clarke muttered a small sorry to him, which he only waved off with a small smile as she made her way to her seat next to Raven. Wick didn’t mind if you were late for his class, Clarke had realized within a couple of weeks of being here, that is as long as you showed up.

 

“Was that Lexa?” Raven muttered, leaning towards Clarke.

 

“What?” She asked, realizing for the first time she was even talking to her.

 

“I saw you kiss someone through the little glass thing on the door.” Raven explained, continuing to scribble on her notebook. “But I I couldn’t see who it was.”

 

“Oh right,” Clarke had completely forgotten there was a small glass opening on the door just like all the other classroom doors. “Uh…yeah, it was.”

 

“No way.” Raven’s eyes widened slightly, not being able to keep her voice down this time and earning weird looks from everyone in class. “Sorry,” She muttered, apologizing as she looked around before lowering her head. “Seriously?” Raven muttered to Clarke.

 

“Umm, yeah…”

 

“What happened?”

 

“Raven, please. I can hear you from here.” Wick called out from the front, his back facing the class as he continued writing something on the board.

 

Raven remained quiet for all of five seconds before turning back to Clarke. “What happened?” But this time Clarke didn’t respond. She continued looking down at her notebook as she pretended to pay attention to what was going on.

 

After a couple of seconds, Raven gave up, turning her attention back to their teacher. It was torturous if anything to just sit there in silence because Raven really wanted to know what happened between Clarke and Lexa earlier this morning. “Are you going to talk to me or…?” She asked as class finally ended and they walked out.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Clarke replied, casually as she followed her friend out.

 

“Nothing?” Raven asked, taking a step closer towards Clarke, walking way too close to her. “When I saw you this morning, you were ready to murder Lexa.” She continued. “And when I saw you before class, you were kissing her.”

 

“So?” She asked quickly.

 

“No,” Raven whined. “What happened?” She asked again. “What did you guys talk about? What did Lexa say to make you forgive her for not telling you?”

 

“I…” Clarke trailed off, not really knowing herself. “I don’t really know what happened, to be honest. We still need to talk because it was kind of just me…talking.” She paused. “I can probably tell you what went down once we figure it out ourselves.” Raven opened her mouth to speak but Clarke stopped walking, causing her friend to almost bump into her. “English class.” She nodded towards the door she was standing in front of. “I’ll see you later.”

 

Raven let out a long, slow, frustrated sigh. “Fine.”

 

Clarke gave her a smile, clearly satisfied by the fact that she could get that reaction out of her friend before she walked inside. Making her way to her seat, she realized Lexa was already there. “Hey,” She greeted, gently touching Lexa’s shoulder as she sat down.

 

“Hey,” Lexa gave her a small smile.

 

There was a lot to cover in class today considering Ms. Sydney wasn’t in for the last two lessons – and cover teachers might as well not even show up. That meant Clarke had no choice but to actually pay attention unlike physics but she couldn’t help but look over at Lexa every few minutes; she seemed to be paying attention, doing her best to write down everything their teacher was saying. Even after class was over, the two of them didn’t really get much of a chance to talk. Lexa said she had to see one of her teachers during lunch to catch up with some work and Octavia had soccer practice, so it kind of just left Clarke and Raven. Well it was mostly Clarke trying to avoid her friend’s questions about Lexa and her.

 

“Ready to go?” Clarke asked as she put her things in her bag after the final bell.

 

Lexa took a deep breath as she nodded. “Yeah,” No, she wasn’t. She was actually feeling sick about having to talk to Clarke about it again. Lexa zipped her bag shut before slinging it over one shoulder as she finally stood up. “The playground?”

 

“Yeah sure.” Clarke nodded, following Lexa out. She watched her carefully because something seemed to be off. “You okay?” Clarke finally asked once they were outside.

 

Lexa nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“I don’t know…” She trailed off. “You don’t seem…okay.”

 

“I just…” She continued walked as she turned her head, looking Clarke in the eyes. “I feel like I’m going to screw this up.”

 

“What, us?” Clarke asked just as her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out.

 

Lexa only nodded in response, not saying anything as Clarke answered. From what she could it was her mom and Clarke didn’t seem to happy about what she was telling her. It was a long call and Lexa was curious as to what they were talking about…well, what her mom was saying because Clarke mostly just hummed in response or gave short, one word answers.

 

“Not now, mom, please. I have to go.” Clarke finally hung up once they had walked up to their swing set at the playground.

 

“You didn’t have to hang up.” Lexa told her as she sat down on one of them and Clarke followed.

 

“Yes, I did.” She replied. “She was droning on and I’d rather what you have to say.”

 

Lexa waited a moment, choosing to dismiss that last bit, “What did your mom say?”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” Clarke waved it off. “So…are you okay?” She waited for Lexa to nod before continuing. “I know it got a little out of hand in the morning and I’m really sorry about th-”

 

“No, that’s on me.” Lexa stopped her. “I should’ve told you sooner but…” She shrugged, not knowing what to say.

 

Clarke had the entire day to think about everything, – instead of paying attention to half her classes that is – about what Lexa said, what she said. And thinking back to earlier this morning, Clarke could see why Lexa hadn’t said told her about the tattoo – she was afraid she wouldn’t be enough for Clarke. “I get it.” She finally said. “I _kind of_ get why you didn’t tell me.”

 

“You do?” Lexa asked, surprised more than anything because she really thought Clarke would still be as mad as she was this morning. “So, you’re not mad at me?” She asked carefully.

 

“No,” Clarke replied quietly, shaking her head before falling silent for a couple of seconds. “Are you okay with this?” She asked, motioning towards her arm.

 

“I think I should be the one asking that.” Lexa replied. “You’re kind of stuck with me.”

 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Clarke replied lightly with a small smile.

 

“Isn’t it?” Lexa asked, looking away from Clarke.

 

“No, why would it be?” She asked, her tone more serious this time. Clarke waited, wanting Lexa to say something but she didn’t. “I love you.” She tried gently, causing Lexa to turn her head and look back at her, still a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. “And I wouldn’t change it even if I could.”

 

“You won’t be saying that after a while.” Lexa finally spoke, her voice quiet.

 

Clarke’s shoulders slumped at her words; it was almost unbelievable how much Lexa…hated herself and how she could only see the bad in her. It was sad to say the least and it broke Clarke’s heart to see someone like her; someone who was so sweet and caring and just amazing, thinking about themselves like they were worth nothing. She really hoped she could change that, convince Lexa that she was actually a good person despite what she believed. Because she deserved to know how she really was and that she wasn’t the terrible person she made herself out to be. It would take a bit of work…okay a lot considering how stubborn Lexa could be, but Clarke really wanted to find a way to show Lexa who she really was. “Well, you don’t know that.” She finally told her. “I’m saying it now, what makes you think I won’t be after a while?”

 

Lexa waited a moment before replying, trying to find the right words because she didn’t want to get into that right now. “Let’s just say I have that effect on people.”

 

“You don’t.” Clarke disagreed, shaking her head.

 

“Trust me, I do.” Lexa stopped, desperate for a change of topic. “What did your mom say?” She asked once again. “You two were talking for a while and you didn’t seem to happy about what she was saying.”

 

Clarke didn’t want to tell Lexa about it, not now considering how she was still trying to convince her frie- _no, wait that’s not right. Girlfriend, maybe? It might be a bit too soon for that…Lexa, let’s stick to just Lexa_. She was still trying to convince Lexa that she was more than just okay with her soulmate being her, Clarke’s pretty sure she couldn’t have asked for someone better. For some reason her mom wouldn’t tell her, Abby wasn’t too happy about Lexa being her daughter’s soulmate. Clarke didn’t know where this was coming from because her mom never objected to the two of them spending time together. And Clarke had come too far with Lexa to tell her something that might push her back again. Also _not_ saying anything was looking suspicious.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa spoke when she realized Clarke was lost in her thoughts.

 

“Yeah,” She blinked, bringing herself back to reality. “It was nothing, just something about the party tonight and how she won’t be home till after midnight.”

 

“You sure?” Lexa pressed on.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa looked at her, wanting her to tell her the whole truth.

 

“It was…about the tattoo.” Clarke finally told her.

 

“What about it…?” She asked hesitantly.

 

“It’s not important, trust me.” Clarke tried.

 

“Sounded like it was.” Lexa was a little concerned now because it wasn’t like Clarke to try and brush things off by giving half answers like this. _Is something wrong? Is Abby not okay with Clarke’s soulmate being me?_ “Is your mom not okay with it?” She finally asked, not really wanting a reply. When Clarke didn’t say anything, Lexa spoke. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

Clarke sighed, _it would’ve been easier to lie to her_ but she really didn’t want to lie to Lexa about anything, especially this. “It doesn’t matter.” Clarke told her. “My mom not being okay with it doesn’t change anything.” She paused. “Doesn’t change _that_.” She pulled up the sleeve of her shirt. “And it sure as hell doesn’t change how I feel either.” Clarke stopped again. “So, eventually…she’ll have to be okay with it.”

 

“So, it’s me?” Lexa asked. “Your mom’s not okay with it being me?”

 

“It’s not like that.” _It’s exactly like that_. “She just thought it would take me a little longer to find my person.”

 

“That was it?” Lexa asked skeptically.

 

Clarke didn’t reply, which she figured was pretty much the same thing was telling Lexa that wasn’t it. So instead, Clarke sighed, willing herself to speak, “She was just telling me how she didn’t think we should get together right away because for some godforsaken reason that I don’t understand, she thinks it’ll work out better if we wait a while.” That was only half the truth but she stopped. “I don’t agree with that of course. My mom can’t really expect to tell he what to do about this.”

 

“And you’re sure that’s it?”

 

“Yeah,” This time Clarke lied because right now, _yeah_ sounded better than _no, Lexa, my mom doesn’t like you for some reason and she doesn’t want us to get together at all and that doesn’t really make much sense_.

 

Lexa watched her, not entirely convinced. “Your mom doesn’t like me very much, does she?” She asked hesitantly as she watched Clarke open her mouth to say something but nothing came out. “I thought so.”

 

“That doesn’t matter.” Clarke tried slowly, placing a hand on Lexa’s knee. “She can’t say anything to change how I feel.”

 

“Did she…say why?”

 

“No,” She shook her head. “Just to think about what I say to you.” Clarke continued. “And not to just say whatever’s on my mind without thinking about it because of the heat of the moment, or because I’m too caught up in the tattoo…” She stopped, realizing Lexa might think that’s _exactly_ what happened today. Lexa looked at her with a small sigh and Clarke’s eyes widened slightly before backtracking. “No, no, that’s not why I said everything.” She tried but it didn’t seem to help.

 

“Of course it wasn’t.” Lexa said sarcastically, standing up and beginning to walk away.

 

“Lexa, wait.” Clarke said quickly, getting up on her feet and grabbing her arm in an attempt to stop her. It took her a moment to realize why Lexa was so upset by this; Lexa had been falling for Clarke since they met and Clarke knew that now because of their talk earlier today, but it occurred to her that Lexa probably didn’t realize that Clarke had been falling for her as well…and that by now, she was actually very much in love with Lexa Woods.

 

“I have to go.” Lexa said, shrugging the hand off before walking away. She bit down on her lower lip, trying to hide the quiver because it made sense for Clarke to say everything she did just because she was too caught up in getting her tattoo to be thinking straight. _No, she didn’t mean it, why would she? **I’m** her soulmate why would Clarke mean any of what she said?_ Lexa almost felt stupid to have believed for even a moment that Clarke meant what she said, that she actually was in love with her. Abby was right, Clarke would be feeling differently soon enough. Maybe giving her a couple of days to think about it and clear her head would be the best thing to do.

 

.

 

“I don’t know Anya, I let myself believe that she meant it.” Lexa said into her phone later that night, lying on her bed.

 

“I think she did.” Anya tried, it had been a while since she last heard that quiver in her sister’s voice. “She was just telling you what her mom said, not what she was thinking.”

 

“But her mom was right.” Lexa argued, trying to keep her voice from breaking and the tears from falling. “Clarke talked to me in the morning and maybe she was just caught up in the moment to be thinking straight. I mean…” … _she said she was in love me and who in their right minds would be?_ But instead of saying that, Lexa just shook her head, stopping herself.

 

“Did she call you after that?”

 

“Several times.”

 

“Did you answer?” Anya asked, knowing her answer.

 

“No…”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I think it’s best to give Clarke some time to think it through before we talk again…it will give her chance to clear her mind and then I’ll know she means what she says.”

 

Lexa heard Anya sigh from the other end, “She will be saying the same thing she did today.” She paused. “Doesn’t she have a party tonight?”

 

“Yeah…why?”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be there?” Anya asked slowly.

 

“Yes, but after…today I don’t really want to.”

 

.

 

“People are starting to show up, Clarke.” Octavia said as she and Raven burst into Clarke’s bedroom. “You can’t lock yourself away, it’s _your_ birthday party.”

 

But right now, the last thing on her mind was her birthday party. It didn’t matter that people were starting to show up or that she was missing out on her own party; Lexa wasn’t here and that’s because she messed up, _big time_. And Clarke really wanted to just call her and talk and clears things up but Lexa _wouldn’t answer her fucking phone_. “I fucked up.” She whined, looking up at her friends from her bed.

 

“What are you talking about?” Raven asked, sitting down next to her.

 

“Lexa.”

 

“What happened? You two were kissing this morning.” Octavia asked, standing across from Clarke.

 

“My mom called right after we left school and…” Clarke did her best to keep it short, telling her friends what happened after that and why Lexa wasn’t here right now.

 

“Did you talk to Lexa after that?” Octavia asked once Clarke finished.

 

“No, she won’t answer my calls.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“Well, you need to clear things up.” Raven told her.

 

“You think she would even want to hear what I have to say? After… _that_?”

 

“Yes.” Octavia said with a single nod.

 

“Go over to her place.” Raven added.

 

“I don’t know…” Clarke started, unsure. “There are people downstairs and I can’t just bail on my own part-”

 

“JUST _GO_!” They both exclaimed in unison.

 

 

“We can take care of things till you get back.” Raven told her.

 

 

“With Lexa, preferably.” Octavia added.

 

Clarke thought over it for a second. “Okay.” She said as she bolted to her feet and rushed down the stairs. “Are you sure you got this?” She asked as she walked up to the living room. Raven and Octavia nodded from on top of the staircase before Clarke finally walked out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is lexa overreacting? yes, she is. but like, by now we know that's because she's not the most self-confident person out there and she doubts herself a lot. so yes, she is overreacting, and i meant to write it like that. 
> 
> now for the last episode, u can stop reading now if u want. i'm gonna rant for a bit so yea.... who else was raging all the way through it? because i was just so freaking mad. i don't even know who i was more angry at pike or bellamy. because i really did love bellamy and brollarke was a thing for me. but after what he did to clarke?? i mean come on, he made her cry. blamed all those deaths on her, made her cry, then manipulated her into handcuffing her?? yeah...he's done for me. on a more positive note, i have a new ship and it came at me from nowhere, lextavia. and if clarke didn't exist, they'd be my main ship. but clexa before anyone else, i could never love a ship as much as clexa.


	15. Don't go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right after the last chapter. There's clexa. And a lot of it. There is literally no one in this chapter other than Clarke and Lexa. But there's one bit with Clarke and Abby, other than that, it's all clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not all angst. I don't think most of it is. this is a pretty nice chapter imo. i'm trying to make up for that last one coz i know it wasn't very nice. i think this one's pretty cute so yeah....  
> also, i just finished writing it, so there might be typos in there, sorry about that. but other than that, i'm kinda happy with this chapter.  
> and....thanks for all the positive feedback on the last chapter. i wasn't sure how the whole "insecure Lexa" would come off. i kinda thought everyone would find it unrealistic and unnecessary because "clarke is her soulmate and she said she loved her so what's the problem now?" so yeah, thank you so much for that, because i was really worried about how it would come off to the readers.

 

Lexa stopped midsentence as she heard someone at the bell. “There’s someone at the door.” She said into her phone as she began to get up. “I’ll call you back…” Anya muttered a small okay as she hung up.

 

Lexa didn’t bother asking who it was, she wasn’t expecting anyone right now and her mom had a key. _Okay maybe I should’ve asked who it was,_ Lexa thought to herself as she pulled the door open.

 

“Hi,” Clarke said uncertainly with a sheepish smile.

 

Lexa let out a small sigh, not wanting to sound like she was annoyed to see her. “What are you doing here, Clarke?” She asked, and Clarke noticed how her voice sounded tired. “Don’t you have a party tonight at your place?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke replied with a nod. “Raven and Octavia are taking care of it for now.” She told her, the awkwardness in the air weighing her down. “Can we talk, please?”

 

“I think we’ve done enough of that for one day.” Lexa replied but held the door open anyways.

 

Clarke stepped inside as Lexa closed it behind her. “I did mean it.” She said the moment the door closed, waiting for Lexa to turn around and face her. “Every word I said; in the morning, at the playground, before my mom got into my head…I meant every word.”

 

“Are you sure about that?” Lexa asked quietly.

 

“Yes.” Clarke tried again. “And I’m really annoyed by my mom because I was finally getting through to you but then I blew it.” She said quickly. “And Lexa, I’m sorry but I didn’t just say it because I hadn’t thought it through. I was in love with you before I got my tattoo and I know that probably sounds like something I’m just saying becau-”

 

“No, I’m sorry.” Lexa stopped her, shaking her head. “I overreacted, running out like that.”

 

“Not at all, I get it.” Clarke told her. “The way I told you what my mom said…it sounded like that was what was actually happening.” She paused. “But it wasn’t. And I’m sorry I made you think it was.”

 

Lexa looked away, unable to meet her eyes as contemplated about saying what she wanted to. “I’m in love you Clarke.” She finally muttered. “And it happened way too fast for me to make sense of. So I’m just…having a little difficulty believing that you feel the same way.” Lexa looked up at her. “People usually don’t.”

 

“I do.” Clarke smiled at her reassuringly. “I do feel the same way.” She waited, wanting Lexa to say something but she didn’t. “I get where you’re coming from though.”

 

“You do?” Lexa ask, slightly confused, no one ever did.

 

Clarke nodded, she did get it; from what Lexa had told her about herself, and the little bit about her past, Clarke understood that she pretty much grew up not being liked. And that leaves a lasting impression on person; making them feel like they weren’t enough, or that they were downright unlikable, that there was something wrong with them.

 

“I’m not the most likable person, Clarke,” Lexa started slowly. “So I would under-”

 

“Don’t.” She stopped her, shaking her head slowly. “Because you are.” Clarke reached forward, taking Lexa’s hand in her’s. “You are likable, okay? Far from it really.” She waited until Lexa was looking at her. “And anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know you the way I do.” Clarke paused, wanting Lexa to say something but she didn’t. “Don’t think of yourself like, please. You are a lot more than you make yourself out to be.”

 

“I’m not.” Lexa managed to say, her throat tightening as she looked down again

 

“You are.” Clarke responded, not missing a beat.

 

Lexa only shook her head as she felt tears stinging the back of her eyes, not trusting herself enough to speak.

 

“Look at me.” Clarke tried and Lexa did after a moment. “You are a lot more than you make yourself out to be.” She repeated, slower this time, wanting the words to reach Lexa. “And sooner or later, I will convince you.” Lexa looked up at her finally and Clarke gave her a smile.

 

“Good luck with that.” This time, Lexa smiled.

 

Clarke’s smile widened “Now go get dressed, we’re going back to my place.”

 

.

 

“You should go to bed.” Lexa said to Clarke as she walked up to her with a glass of water once everyone had left. “Everyone’s gone and it’s very late.” She sat down on the couch next to Clarke and handed the glass to her. “And you are very drunk. I don’t think you want your mom to find you like this.”

 

“I don’t.” Clarke managed to reply, taking a sip of the water. It was probably past 1am by now but Abby had texted Clarke earlier letting her know that she probably wouldn’t make it home tonight; there was a fire at a building near by so it was chaotic down at the hospital to say the least. “There’s nothing left for my mom to find is there?”

 

“No.” Lexa replied. “Raven and Octavia took all the bottles.” A couple of hours into the night, they had all decided on letting Octavia’s brother dispose of the liquor bottles, figuring that was the safest way to go without any of them getting into trouble. Bellamy wouldn’t get them into any trouble – just a few disapproving glares directed at his sister and Raven – and it didn’t look suspicious of him to be throwing out liquor bottles.

 

“Good.” Clarke responded, doing her best to keep her eyes open.

 

“Come on,” Lexa said shaking her head as she stood up and held out her hand for Clarke. “Let’s get you to bed.”

 

“Fine.” Clarke sighed, taking her hand and letting Lexa pull her off the couch.

 

They made their way up to Clarke’s room, Lexa’s hands having moved to Clarke’s waist, helping her keep her balance and keeping her from falling over more than a couple of times. Once inside her room, Clarke made a beeline for her drawers to change into a set of pajamas and Lexa sat down on the bed. “Aren’t you going to be hung over in the morning?”

 

“I will be.” Clarke replied as she pulled off her shirt and turned around, facing her back towards Lexa before unhooking her bra.

 

“Isn’t…umm,” Lexa cleared her throat, trying to remember what she was going to say as she took in the sight in front of her. “Isn’t your mom going to notice?” She managed to ask, tearing her eyes away.

 

“Probably.” She replied, pulling on a t-shirt before stepping out of her jeans and stepping into a pair of pajama bottoms. “This is probably the first time I got drunk since moving from Seattle.” Clarke realized as she walked over to Lexa and sat down next to her.

 

“Is that…good or bad?” Lexa asked, tilting her head slightly.

 

“Bad, definitely.” Clarke stifled a yawn. “It should’ve happened way sooner.”

 

Lexa nodded with a small smile as she stood up and walked over to the other end of the room to turn the lights off. By the time Lexa made her way back to Clarke, she noticed the blonde was just getting into bed. “Good night, Clarke.” She told her, pulling the comforter over her and kissing her forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Don’t go.” Clarke said just as Lexa was about to walk away. “Stay the night.” She muttered. “My mom’s not back till morning and it’s late.” Lexa didn’t respond, thinking over it because she didn’t want to leave. “Come on, I know you don’t want to walk all the way back home now.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes with an amused half-smile, “You know it’s only a couple of houses down, right?”

 

“Still, it’s late…and your mom already knows where you are.” Her words were slurring by now and Lexa finally nodded. “You know where the pjs are.” Clarke told her with a triumphant smile as Lexa pulled out her phone and texted her mom before walking over to the chest of drawers.

 

Clarke turned on her side to face Lexa as she got into bed; it was dark but she could feel Clarke moving closer to her before her lips were suddenly on Lexa’s. Clarke kissed her hard and it took Lexa a moment to kiss back as she realized what was happening. She was gentler, her lips moving softly against Clarke’s as her hand came up to her cup her cheek. It was fast and hot and messy, and nothing like how it was earlier this morning. Lexa didn’t complain, especially when she found Clarke on top of her. Her hands made their way to her waist, holding Clarke in place as she slid her tongue into Lexa’s mouth. She couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped her lips but her breath hitched as she felt Clarke’s hand slipping down her pants. “Clarke stop.” Lexa pulled back, pressing her head into the pillow in order to put some distance between the two of them as one of her hands stopped Clarke’s. “We can’t.”

 

“We can,” She breathed out, her lips ghosting over Lexa’s.

 

“No.” Lexa looked up at Clarke, doing her best to shake her head. “You’re drunk.”

 

“It’s fine.” Clarke told her, bringing her head up slightly so she could look at Lexa properly. “I’m saying yes.”

 

Lexa watched her, in the darkness of the room, she could barely make out Clarke but she could see those blue eyes looking down at her very clearly. Her hair had fallen over the side of her face and all Lexa really wanted to do right now was brush it out of her face and pull her back down to kiss her. “That’s not how it works.” She told her. “You’re too drunk to say ‘yes’.” Lexa said apologetically.

 

Clarke finally nodded. “You’re probably right.” She told Lexa before lying back down.

 

Lexa’s arm found it’s way around Clarke’s shoulder and she brought herself closer, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She muttered a moment later, hoping Clarke had heard her.

 

“Don’t be.” Clarke replied, holding back another yawn as she tilted her head up and placed a kiss on Lexa’s jaw before returning to her previous position.

 

It didn’t take the two of them long to fall asleep after that; Clarke probably didn’t take more than a couple of seconds and Lexa had had a really long day so she couldn’t really keep her self awake much longer than Clarke. A part of her felt guilty for turning Clarke down like that; her being too drunk to actually consent was only half the reason behind it and Lexa didn’t really feel like telling her why the other reason was, not right now anyways.

 

.

 

> _September 24 th 2016 – Saturday _

 

“Clarke?!” Lexa cracked an eyes open at the sudden noise, still half asleep and almost buried under the comforted with Clarke’s body pressed against her.

 

“Mom?” Clarke asked, her voice raspy as she brought her head up to look at the person standing over them.

 

“What is going on here?” Abby asked as her eyes landed on Lexa.

 

She felt Clarke flinch next to her. “Why are you yelling?” Clarke asked.

 

“I’m not…” Her mom responded, slightly confused. “But I should be.” She stopped. “Are you hung over?”

 

She remained silent for a moment, “…no,”

 

Abby was getting impatient and they could hear her tapping her foot as she waited for Clarke to explain what was actually going on. “Clarke.” She finally said, louder this time.

 

Clarke flinched again. “Okay, okay, I’m up.” She sat up, throwing the comforter off of herself and almost completely off Lexa, who really just wanted to either crawl under it and pretend she wasn’t there or disappear. “Nothing’s going on.” Clarke tried. “Lexa just stayed over.”

 

“If you’re dating someone, they can’t sleep over, you know that.” Abby reminded her daughter. “You can’t really have them over unless I’m home.”

 

“I know.” She replied. “But it was past midnight by the time everyone had left…”

 

Abby nodded sarcastically, not entirely convinced.

 

“Mom, I’m telling you, nothing happened.” Clarke tried again.

 

This time, Lexa nodded from next to her, “Nothing happened, we fell asleep in a matter of minutes.”

 

“Yeah.” Clarke looked back at her mom from Lexa, surprised that she was talking.

 

“I want to see you downstairs.” Abby told Clarke sternly before turning around and walking away.

 

“Be there in a minute.” She muttered before sighing and falling back into bed.

 

Lexa waited until Abby was gone before getting out of bed. “I’m sorry about that.”

 

“Don’t be, my mom can be like that.” Clarke brushed it off. “Thanks for backing me up.” She gave her a small smile and Lexa only shrugged. Clarke turned on her side as she pressed her face into the pillow, wanting to fall back asleep but knowing her mom was serious when she asked her to meet her downstairs.

 

It took Lexa no more than a minute to change back into her clothes from the previous night before she walked back to Clarke. “I’ll see you later.” She told her as she bent down and kissed her hair.

 

Clarke only hummed in response as she heard Lexa leave, she remained in bed, lying there motionlessly for a couple of minutes before finally deciding to get up.

 

.

 

“What did I tell you?” Was the first thing Abby said as Clarke walked into the kitchen where her mom was waiting for her.

 

“About what?” She asked.

 

“About Lexa.”

 

“Right.” Clarke nodded, pushing herself up to sit on the kitchen counter. “Well, that advice kind of ruined things between the two of us so…”

 

“You’re not thinking straight.” She started. “You only got your tattoo yesterday, give yourself some time to figure things out before you say anything.”

 

“To Lexa?” Clarke asked and her mom nodded in response. “Well, I kind of already said…a lot of things.” She paused, thinking her mom would say something but Abby only waited for Clarke to continue. “The thing is, I started developing feelings for her way before this.” Clarke nodded towards her tattoo. “I was falling for her and I was falling hard. But up until yesterday, I couldn’t figure out why.” She paused again. “The only reason I didn’t tell Lexa sooner was because I knew she had her tattoo and I thought it wasn’t me, so I didn’t see the point in being with someone with whom it wasn’t meant to work out.” Her mom didn’t say anything again, only continued to watch her without a hint of an expression. “So finding out that my person was Lexa…I took the first chance I got to actually talk to her instead of putting it off.”

 

“I have a bad feeling about her, Clarke.” Abby finally said.

 

“What do you mean ‘ _a bad feeling_ ’?” She asked, stopping herself from rolling her eyes.

 

“There is just something…off about her.” Her mom answered. “So if I were you, I would take things slow.”

 

 _Well, I’m not you_. “Taking things slow won’t change this.” Clarke held up her arm, motioning towards the name going down her forearm.

 

“So…are you two together now?” Abby asked hesitantly.

 

Clarke thought for a moment, “I…think…so…” She hesitated. “We’re figuring things out.”

 

“I just don’t think she’s good for you.” She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“Well mom,” Clarke started, taking in a deep breath. “There is _nothing_ either of us can do about that.” She told her mom calmly. “Lexa’s mine and I’m her’s, you can’t change that.”

 

“No, I can’t.” Abby sighed. “But I still you should take it slow, you two were friends just before your birthday, so jumping ahead like that isn’t really the smartest thing to do.”

 

“It’s like you don’t even hear what I’m saying.” Clarke groaned, throwing her head back in frustration for a moment before looking back at her mom. “I _just_ told you that I’ve been falling for since way before my tattoo. And from what I can tell, so was Lexa.” She paused. “So we weren’t really jumping into something serious while our feeling were still stuck to being friends.” She paused. “If anything, me and Lexa are just catching up to our feelings.”

 

“And about last night…” She said once Clarke was done. Her daughter let out a frustrated sigh and looked away. “Don’t you do that,” Abby stopped her. “You were drinking last night? And so bad that you are actually hung over right now.”

 

“Mom I…” She tried to find her words to explain herself but she couldn’t. “Come on.” Clarke whined, looking at her desperately.

 

“Grounded.” Her mom stated. “Two weeks.”

 

“Are you kidding me?” She asked in disbelief. “Mom, the last time you grounded me was when I was 12.”

 

“If you’re going to be drinking before 21, you are going to be grounded.”

 

“Is this because of Lexa?” Clarke asked, standing up.

 

“No,” Abby lied. “I thought you were responsible enough to throw a party without me present, turns out you’re not.” She sounded more upset than Clarke thought this would make her.

 

“Mom, you’re overreacting, it’s not that big of a deal.” Clarke said slowly, trying to calm her down.

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

“Fine.” She nodded, giving up. “So how does this work? Because I don’t really remember what I have to do when I’m grounded…is it like, no TV, no Internet, no phone, no going out…?”

 

“No TV, no internet. But you can keep your phone and go out.” Abby settled on not being too harsh.

 

“Okay, then I’m going out.” Clarke said, walking out of the kitchen and back upstairs to get changed.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:03am**

Where can I get some decent breakfast?

 

She texted Lexa as she walked back to her room. Clarke was starving and knew eating something would help with the hangover. But her head was also killing her and she didn’t really want to go back downstairs to get an Advil…or something to eat.

 

**Lexa**

**8:04am**

Are you up for a drive?

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:04am**

??

 

**Lexa**

**8:05am**

I’ll pick you up in 10 mins.

 

Clarke tilted her head slightly as she read the text, she was expecting an explanation from Lexa.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:05am**

Ok.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:06am**

Make it 20.

 

Clarke wasn’t sure what Lexa was talking about but she knew whatever it was, it was better than the alternative. And spending her morning with Lexa was nothing to complain about. So Clarke took a quick shower, realizing that was the best way to wake herself up right now before changing into a t-shirt, jeans and hoodie. Just as she had put on her shoes, her phone lit up with a text from Lexa letting her know she was outside.

 

“Bye mom.” Clarke called out as she unlocked the front door.

 

“Where are you going?” Her mom asked.

 

“Out.” She replied, walking out. Okay, fine, she was still mad at her mom…but it was justified considering the whole thing with Lexa and then grounding her. _Maybe I deserved that one…_

 

Walking out, Lexa’s car was pulled up in front of their driveway with the window of the driver’s side rolled down. She gave Clarke a smile as she watched the blonde walk up to her. “Hey,” Lexa said once Clarke sat down.

 

“Hi,” Clarke replied, “Where are we going?”

 

“You said you wanted breakfast and there’s a nice diner about an hour away.” Lexa replied. “Octavia says they have the best apple pie but I prefer their pancakes.”

 

“An hour drive to a diner?” She asked rhetorically. “Must be really good apple pie…or pancakes.”

 

“It is.” Lexa nodded. “So are you up for it?”

 

“Sure.” Clarke replied as Lexa put the car on drive. “I’m grounded so there’s not much for me to do at home.”

 

“Wait,” Lexa said suddenly, her eyes still on the road. “You’re grounded?”

 

“I know right?”

 

“Is it because of me…?” Lexa felt a little guilty, maybe she shouldn’t have stayed the night.

 

“No, no. It’s because I was drinking.” Clarke reassured her.

 

“Oh.” She nodded, not entirely convinced. “For how long?”

 

“Two weeks.” Lexa muttered a quiet ‘wow’ before Clarke spoke again. “Hey, can we stop on the way? I need an Advil or something, my head’s killing me.”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, i hope there weren't too many typos in there. let me know what u think and any guesses on what the other reason was for lexa to stop clarke?


	16. You’re actually blushing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up from the last chapter. Clarke and Lexa go to get breakfast and they are happy, and cute, and alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's fluff okay. i think we all need it after the last episode. its just clexa on their drive to grab breakfast and then talking and being....themselves. and alive. they're both alive. lexa's ali- *deep breath*. you get my point.  
> disclaimer: i'm still a f*cking wreck over the last episode so i'm sorry if my writing's a bit off, i'm sorry. but i do hope the lack of angst makes up for it.

“Hangover’s suck.” Clarke groaned as she swallowed the pill. “You think it’s fun the night before but then in the morning…” She said to no one in particular with a small sigh.

 

“So your advice would be to not drink?” Lexa asked with an amused smile, stopping at a red light.

 

“Yes.” She nodded. “But I never take my advice.” Clarke brushed it off. “Just so you know, I am way more fun on drives when my head isn’t pounding and sunlight doesn’t feel like it’s blinding me.”

 

They drove in silence for a while; the radio playing quietly because neither of them were paying attention to it but decided it was better than complete silence. Lexa had her full attention on the road, occasionally stealing glances of the blonde sitting next to her as she looked out the window; her hair was still damp from the shower and it almost looked like Clarke was about to fall asleep, in that moment, Lexa couldn’t help but think that was probably the most adorable she had seen Clarke so far.

 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked after a while.

 

“Hmm?” Clarke brought her head up, Lexa’s voice bringing her out of her thoughts as she looked at her. “Yeah,” She nodded. “Why?”

 

She shrugged. “The tattoo and everything, it’s a lot to take in.” Lexa glanced at her quickly before looking back at the road, “I guess it’s a little easier if you don’t know who your soulmate is the moment you get it…” She paused, still feeling a little guilty about not having told Clarke sooner. “And then there’s your mom…”

 

“I know.” Clarke nodded. “But I don’t really see where she’s coming from with all of this.” Her tone changed, sounding a bit annoyed. “And it’s not like her being disapproving of it is going to change anything.” Clarke stopped, suddenly realizing she never really told Lexa her mom disapproved of her. _Well_ , technically, _she_ just found out for herself, her mom had tried to cover it up with ‘ _wait and figure things out before actually getting in a relationship_ ’ but Clarke knew what she meant by that. “Just forget about it,” She tried to brush it off, and to her surprise, Lexa actually nodded, letting it go. “I have a question.” She said suddenly.

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“How are you awake enough to be driving? We didn’t sleep for even six hours before my mom woke us up.”

 

“Coffee.” Lexa replied almost instantly. “And six hours is more sleep than I usually get…” She added hesitantly. “You seem tired.”

 

“I’m probably going to take a nap after getting back home.” Clarke replied, stifling a yawn. “Hopefully an emergency comes up at the hospital so my mom has to leave.”

 

“You don’t mean that.” Lexa tried. “She’ll come around, give her some time.”

 

“I _do_ mean it,” She said in response, before speaking more gently. “I hope she comes around.” Clarke decided it was best to change the topic of their conversation; her mom had done enough damage already, they didn’t need a repeat of yesterday, “How long till we get there?”

 

“Should be no more than 5 minutes.”

 

.

 

Clarke could see why the drive was worth it, their pancakes really were that good – and exactly what her hangover needed right now. That paired with the coffee, Clarke was finally starting to wake up. The two of them didn’t really have anything to talk about, not needing to but just enjoying the silence; Lexa couldn’t really remember the last time someone made her feel the way Clarke did, completely at ease and just…relaxed; and Clarke couldn’t put her finger on it but she felt more than a little comfortable around Lexa, she knew she could be herself around her without having worry about anything.

 

“Mmm,” Clarke suddenly remembered, still swallowing her coffee before setting the mug down. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

 

“Yeah?” Lexa raised her eyebrows questioningly.

 

“How’s your ankle?” Clarke asked. “I mean, it’s been like six months, when can you play again?” She had noticed Lexa staying back after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays to watch the team practice, and if that was anything to go by, Clarke knew she missed playing.

 

“Right…about that…” Lexa leaned back into her seat. “I…won’t be.” She answered after a moment, noticing the questioning look Clarke was giving her. “The fracture was really bad and my doctor doesn’t think I can play again.” She explained. “Not…like I used to anyways.” Lexa gave Clarke a small smile, not wanting her to see her upset.

 

“I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” Clarke didn’t really know what to say to that, this was definitely not easy on Lexa; and from her voice, Clarke could tell she was upset just talking about it.

 

“I didn’t really say anything so you had no way of knowing.” Her voice was low this time, just above a whisper.

 

“I know you loved to play so it can’t be easy.” Clarke told her, reaching across the table, taking Lexa’s hand.

 

“No…” Lexa said with half a shrug, sitting up straight again. “But there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

 

“Do you miss it?” Clarke asked.

 

“Yeah.” She breathed out, looking down at the table. “And watching the team practice after school doesn’t help.” Lexa told Clarke. “That’s kind of what I’m used to doing after school on those days.” She explained, knowing Clarke would ask her why.

 

“Well, maybe its time we find something else to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays after school.” She suggested.

 

From there, their conversation drifted to random things, Clarke realizing Lexa didn’t want to talk about soccer anymore as she was getting increasingly upset over it. Lexa had asked Clarke about her mom, and what being grounded meant right now because from what Lexa knew, it meant you were pretty much stuck at home doing…nothing; but Clarke was out, with her…“ _My mom doesn’t think things through when she’s mad._ ” She had told Lexa. “ _And I don’t mind it one bit._ ” After a few minutes, Clarke realized she hadn’t said anything about what happened last night; well, _she_ just remembered what happened last night. “I’m sorry about last night.” She apologized, trying to sound casual.

 

“Sorry about what?” Lexa asked, looking over the rim of her coffee mug.

 

“After we kissed…” She started. “And I…”

 

“What? No.” Lexa’s face changed immediately and she set down her mug before speaking again. “No, Clarke, it’s fine, really.” She insisted.

 

“It’s not.” Clarke shook her head. “I should’ve at least asked you first.”

 

“I mean it, it’s okay.” Lexa told her, lowering her voice slightly as she continued, “And since you were drunk-”

 

“That’s not why you stopped me…well, not really because I mean, you’re _you_ so a drunk yes is a no.” Clarke paused, she knew how Lexa was, and there was no way she would go along with it. “But you didn’t want to… _do anything_ , and I should’ve thought about that.” She lowered her head slightly, trying to hide the embarrassment.

 

“It’s not that I didn’t want to…” Lexa stopped, trying to gather her words. “Well yes, _but_ , it’s not why you think.” She backtracked and noticed the questioning look on Clarke’s face. “I…umm…” She stopped again, unsure of how to say it as she brought her hand up to her neck, rubbing it uneasily. “I’ve never…” Lexa trailed off, noticing the realization dawning on Clarke’s face.

 

“You’re a virgin?” Clarke asked, genuinely surprised.

 

“Yeah…” She shifted uneasily in her seat.

 

“I would’ve never guessed.” Clarke told her with a half shrug.

 

“No?”

 

“Nope.” She shook her head. “I mean…you’re hot…like _really_ hot.” Clarke said hesitantly but paused for a moment as she looked at Lexa and noticed the slight redness starting to creep up her neck and decided to keep going, wondering if she could actually make her blush. “I mean, you are pretty amazing, so it’s kind of a surprise.” She told her as she placed her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her knuckles. “You have the most gorgeous eyes, you’re really sweet, a great listener, and your abs are _so_ on point.” Clarke continued. “And to top it off, you also happen to be an amazing kisser.”

 

Lexa bit down on her tongue as Clarke went on, doing her best to keep her expression neutral but she could feel her cheeks heating up and could only hope they weren’t going red.

 

A smile suddenly broke out on Clarke’s face, “Oh my god,” She held herself back from laughing, “You’re actually blushing.”

 

“Am not.” Lexa tried.

 

“You are.” Clarke said again, leaning over the table and touching Lexa’s cheek with the back of her hand. “Your cheeks are burning.”

 

“No,” She pulled her face away with a slightly embarrassed smile. “Your hands are freezing.”

 

“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” Clarke grinned, withdrawing her hand.

 

.

 

By the time they left, Clarke was in a much better mood and the drive back felt shorter than the last one. Clarke was singing along to the songs now playing from Lexa’s phone instead of the radio. She couldn’t help but smile at Clarke, shaking her head slightly. She had asked Lexa to join in a couple of times but she wouldn’t, saying how she can’t sing. “ _Well neither can I but that’s not stopping me, is it?_ ” she had said. After about 3 songs, Lexa gave in, singing along with Clarke until they reached their street. Pulling up in front of Clarke’s house, they noticed that her mom’s car was still there.

 

“Looks like your mom’s still home.” Lexa said as the car came to a halt.

 

“Great.” Clarke nodded, looking out through the window before turning back to Lexa. “Thanks for getting me out of there for a while. My mom’s kinda overreacting…I really hope she comes around.” She stopped. “Or at least tones it down a bit.”

 

“She’ll come around.” Lexa told her with a comforting smile. “Give her some time.” Clarke smiled back, leaning in to kiss her. Lexa smiled into it, it was short but sweet and the type of kiss she knew she would always be looking forward to. Clarke lingered for a moment longer than necessary before pulling away, her eyes still closed and a smile playing on her lips.

 

.

 

“Where were you?” Abby asked the moment Clarke walked into the house. She was sitting in the living room and Clarke knew she couldn’t see the front door from there.

 

“Went for breakfast.” Clarke replied, walking up to her mom. “I was with Lexa.”

 

“Oh…” She replied as Clarke sat down on the couch across from her.

 

“There’s a nice little diner about an hour from here and Lexa asked if I was up for the drive, so…” Clarke replied casually, trying to reassure her mom. “Mom, why don’t you like her?” She finally asked what she had been meaning to. “You never said anything when we hung out before. What’s different now?”

 

“It was different when she was just a friend, Clarke.” Abby replied. “I just…” She stopped, thinking about what she could actually say. “I can’t see her as someone in a steady relationship and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

 

“You don’t know her.” Clarke said calmly with a shrug. “Not like I do.”

 

“Your still young, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

 

“No, I don’t.” She agreed. “Not yet, but we’ll figure it out.”

 

“Just wait a little longe-”

 

“Not again with that.” Clarke rolled her eyes before speaking again. “And what do you mean you can’t see her as someone in a steady relationship?”

 

Abby shrugged. “Lexa doesn’t seem very…stable.”

 

“What does that mean?” Clarke asked, clearly annoyed by now.

 

“Is everything okay with her?” Her mom asked, ignoring her daughter’s question. “Because she seems a bit distracted and withdrawn.”

 

“She hasn’t had the easiest time with…well, everything.” Clarke replied. “But that doesn’t mean anything mom. Like I said, you don’t know her like I do.” She shrugged, beginning to stand up.

 

“Where are you going?” Abby asked.

“To my room.” Clarke said, walking out. “I’m grounded, remember.”

 

With that, she went back to her room, not even bother changing into something more confortable before collapsing in her bed. It had been a long night yesterday and her mom just _had_ to wake her up at the crack of dawn. _Okay, maybe not at the crack of dawn but still early for a Saturday morning_. Turning out the lights and closing her door, Clarke pretty much fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

 

Waking up, the first thing Clarke did was look at her phone screen only to realize that she had been asleep for two hours and that there were a couple of texts from Lexa.

 

**Lexa**

**12:08pm**

I forgot to give you your birthday present.

 

**Lexa**

**12:08pm**

I know you’re asleep, just let me know when you’re up and I’ll drop by.

 

She smiled at it before replying. _I should probably change her contact name to something cute_.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**2:01pm**

Aww thank u but u didn’t have to.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**2:02pm**

And I just woke up, so meet me in a few mins?

 

**Lexa**

**2:02pm**

Okay.

 

.

 

Lexa was over in a few minutes, knocking on the front door as Clarke opened it and stepped outside with her. “Hey,” She said with a smile, closing the door behind her.

 

“Did you have a good nap?” Lexa asked.

 

Clarke nodded. “You should give that go, they’re good for you; especially when you barely get any sleep at night.”

 

“I probably should.” Lexa huffed out a small laugh, looking down before handing Clarke a relatively small gift box.

 

“Thank you.” Clarke took it from her. “You didn’t have to.”

 

“Open it.” She told her, unsure.

 

Clarke did, slowly ripping off the wrapping paper. “Agent Carter.” She said with a smile, looking down at the _Funko Pop!_ box in her hands.

 

“I’m bad at the whole _sentimental thing_ when it comes presents…well, when it comes to anything really.” Lexa said awkwardly, looking down and away from Clarke. “So this is kind of the best I could do…” She continued, her small. “Because we watched that…on our first sleepover…” Lexa tried to explain but decided it was best to just stop talking. “And I’m going to stop talking now…”

 

Clarke smiled, Lexa was getting all flustered and although it was one of the cutest things ever, Clarke couldn’t help but feel a little smug for making her feel that wa. Instead of saying anything, she suddenly leaned forward, pressing her lips gently against Lexa’s. “I love it.” She told her after pulling away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last episode hit me really hard and i refuse to accept it. lexa might be dead to jroth, in jroth's universe but she will live on in mine because i can't let her go. 
> 
> so i'm going to keep writing and she's going to live on in my fics, she's gonna be happy (most of the time) and she's going to be with clarke....and they're both going to be happy and together and alive. (i've started writing a series of oneshots set in canon-verse where lexa survives the bullet, that' kinda how i'm coping).
> 
> anyways, let me know what you thought of this chapter :)


	17. Is this it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's mostly Clexa but there's a fair bit of Octaven. Lexacoon makes a cute appearance. And we finally get to see Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there's more octaven in this chapter than any of my other ones. because i think it was time i brought them up again. but its still mostly clexa and its mostly fluff.   
> also, thanks to everyone who's reading this and leaving me comments, they mean a lot to me and i don't thank my readers enough. it makes writing this thing worthwhile. 
> 
> ps. it's 4am and i just finished writing this chapter. its a long chapter and i didn't get the chance to edit it, so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes or typos. i only had a draft for it but i was too busy all week to write it up. i also ended up adding an extra clexa bit just because. anyways, i hope you like it.

“So things are okay with Clarke now?” Anya asked her sister over the phone later that night.

 

“Yeah…” Lexa started. “I kind of overreacted with the thing with her mom, I-”

 

“Did Clarke say you were overreacting?” Anya cut her off.

 

“No, bu-”

 

“Exactly, because you weren’t.” She sister told her. “Now tell, how did your night go because I assume you were with her till late.”

 

Lexa nodded to herself, she hadn’t replied to any of Anya’s texts from last night until later on the morning. But she did send her sister a text before leaving the house with Clarke, letting her know where she would be because it was very much like Anya to worry about her. “I spent the night with her.” Lexa stopped suddenly, her eyes widening as she realized what that sounded like.

 

“Oh…” Anya was a bit surprised by her sister’s response and didn’t really know what she should say to that. If she was being honest, that was the last thing she expected to hear from Lexa after how things were going with her and Clarke just yesterday. “And how…umm how did th-”

 

“ _Not_ like that.” She stopped her. “I just slept ov-” Lexa stopped again with a short, exasperated sigh, wanting to smack herself.

 

“Whatever you say.” Lexa could hear the smirk in her voice.

 

“I just stayed over.” She said, finally satisfied with her answer. “Clarke was drunk and it was really late…and she asked me to stay so…I did.” I was a little amusing, Lexa realized, every time she tried talking about Clarke, her words would refuse to come out and she would just turn into a stuttering mess.

 

“She was drunk?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay, I believe you.” Anya knew her sister well enough, there was a very slim possibility of her making the first move on someone, that’s why she was surprised when Lexa had first told her she’d spent the night with Clarke. But now knowing that she had a bit too much to drink, _which she shouldn’t have_ , Anya knew there was no way Lexa would make a move. “Were you drinking?” She already knew the answer, but it didn’t hurt to ask.

 

“You already know the answer to that.”

 

Anya nodded to herself before asking Lexa about the rest of her and Lexa telling her about how she and Clarke spent the morning together. It was nice listening to her talk about Clarke, Anya realized, she sounded happy and there was a hint of smile in her voice. She hadn’t really met Clarke other than for a couple of minutes when she was over on New Year’s Eve but Anya knew everything she needed to about her, – mostly because Lexa talked about her a lot – she made Lexa happy, and that’s all that really mattered to her.

 

.

 

> _September 27 th 2016 – Tuesday _

 

“So…Raven’s birthday’s coming up.” Bellamy said to his sister as he walked up to her room, leaning against the doorframe.

 

“Uh huh.” Octavia nodded from her bed, not bothering to look up from her phone.

 

“And…you are okay…with it?” He asked hesitantly; Octavia hadn’t brought it up even once but since they’d started dating. _Well, they have been friends for ages, it was bound to happen eventually_ , was the first thought that came to Bellamy’s head when she found out about them. It didn’t take long for him to realize how much the two of them actually cared about each other; so he knew there was no way either of them were willing to let go of their relationship, not right now anyways.

 

“Okay with…?” Octavia looked up at her brother as he stepped inside her room.

 

“She _is_ turning 18 right?” He asked, sitting down on the chair by her desk. “You’re not worried about her getting her tattoo?”

 

“Umm…I’m thinking not to think about it.” She shrugged, trying to show her brother she wasn’t too worried about it (she was).

 

“You worried?” Bellamy asked.

 

“Well, duh.” She gave him an unimpressed look. “But I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.”

 

There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, but he decided not to pay attention to it. “Did you guys talk?” He looked at her, waiting for her to say something but she didn’t. “About what you’re going to do after she gets her tattoo?”

 

Octavia sighed, shaking her head. “No…I mean, what will we say to each other?” She paused. “‘ _Hey, we’re going to end this on your birthday after you get your tattoo.’_ ” She suggested sarcastically. “Or should it be more off, ‘ _Ray, why don’t we continue dating despite you knowing we don’t end up together but we’ll end it the moment your soulmate comes around?_ ’”

 

Bellamy rolled his eyes with a sigh, “Maybe not those _exact_ words…” He suggested. “But maybe try to figure out how you two are going to work things out if her tattoo isn’t your name.” He didn’t want to give her false hope, Bellamy knew there was a very slim chance that the tattoo would be Octavia’s name. “Which there is still a chance for, you know?” He asked. “You _could_ be her soulmate.”

 

She scoffed at that. “Please, Lexa and Clarke were lucky enough for something like that to happen, but I’m not counting on it.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Luck’s never on my side?” Octavia offered with a shrug. “I don’t know Bell, the chances of that are…well close to impossible, it could be anyone.”

 

Bellamy nodded. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt, O.”

 

“Why can’t I just leave it as it and deal with it after her birthday?”

 

“You can if you want to…but I don’t think that’s the smartest thing to do.” He paused. “Has Raven tried to bring it up?”

 

“No.”

 

.

 

> _September 28 th 2016 – Wednesday_

 

“Question,” Clarke said suddenly as she and Lexa changed out of their clothes for PE. “How come you still have to do PE, I mean, with your ankle and all…?”

 

“It’s not as bad as soccer.” Lexa replied, pulling on a t-shirt. “Unless there’s too much running, then my ankle hurts afterwards.”

 

“I think we’re running laps around the track today.” Clarke told her, “Are you going to be okay?” She asked as she closed the locker and the two of them started to make their way outside.

 

“I’ll be fine.” Lexa gave her a small smile. “I didn’t really mind running until now.” She continued as they walked up to the track outside. “Especially today.” Lexa sighed, looking up at the dark and cloudy sky. _Yeah, it was going to rain_.

 

“It’s gonna rain.” Clarke sighed. “I just hope it can wait an hour.”

 

It didn’t. Ten minutes before they were meant to head back inside, it started to pour. No one seemed to be bothered by it enough to rush back inside, but mostly just annoyed, letting out a string of ‘ _are you kidding me’_ s and ‘ _seriously_ ’s before finally making their way inside. By the time they were inside and standing by their lockers, Clarke and Lexa were almost soaking wet.

 

“Great, now my hair’s wet.” Clarke let out and annoyed sigh as she opened her locker and shuffled through her bag for her clothes. She looked back up at Lexa, noticing her face for the first time. Clarke had wanted to ask her something but instead had to stop the sudden burst of laughter trying to bubble up from inside her.

 

“What?” Lexa asked, confused as she looked around.

 

“Your make-up ran down your face.” A giggle escaped her. “You look like a raccoon.”

 

Lexa gave her an unimpressed look as she tilted her head ever so slightly, doing her best to look intimidating.

 

It didn’t work. “But you do.” Clarke continued, smiling. “It’s cute.”

 

Lexa could feel a smile coming on but held back on it, it was almost unbelievable how quickly Clarke could get a reaction like that out of her. Doing her best to hide it, she turned away, looking into her bag to try and find something to wipe her face.

 

Clarke went back to looking through her bag, this time pulling out a small white packet and holding it out to Lexa, “Try this.” She said, as Lexa took the pack of makeup wipes from her.

 

“Thanks,” Lexa replied, setting it down next to her things as she took of her wet t-shirt.

 

Clarke changed into her clothes before running a hand through her damp hair as she watched Lexa trying to get the rundown eyeliner and mascara off her face.

 

“Did I get all of it?” Lexa asked once she was done, wanting to make sure no one else would mistaken her for a raccoon today.

 

“Almost.” Clarke replied, standing up and taking a step closer to Lexa. They were only inches apart when Clarke reached up to wipe away the last smear of black from her girlfriend’s face. “There, you don’t look like a raccoon anymore.” She told her, a hint of smile playing on her lips. Lexa tried to give her that unimpressed look again but it was a _little_ difficult considering how close Clarke was standing.

 

“What? Raccoons are cute.” Clarke said defensively as she stepped away, letting Lexa lean down and zip her bag before the two of them walked out together.

 

“Sure they are.” Lexa rolled her eyes, unable to stop a small smile from breaking out on her face.

 

“Well, you’d make a cute one.” She responded, nudging her shoulder playfully.

 

“Was that…was that you trying to say I’m cute?” Lexa asked with a neutral expression, pretending to not know what Clarke meant.

 

“No, that was me trying to say you’d make a cute raccoon.” She said sarcastically with a straight face mirroring Lexa’s before allowing herself to smile. “Yes, it was. You know why?” Clarke waited for a second but did not give Lexa the chance to reply. “Because you’re cute.” She would have never guessed that it was this easy to get Lexa all flustered before they had gotten together; Clarke watched her with an amused smile as a slight redness crept up her cheeks.

 

Lexa scoffed, “Yeah right.”

 

Clarke didn’t get the chance to ask her why she was scoffing when Raven walked up to them in the hallway.

 

“Why is Lexa blushing?” She asked, falling in stride with her friends as they walked towards their classrooms.

 

“I’m not.” She tried.

 

“You are.” Raven argued, turning to Clarke questioningly, hoping for an answer.

 

“I called her cute.” She stated matter-of-factly.

 

“That’s all it took?” Her friend asked and Clarke nodded. “Nice.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes with a sigh, not bothering to say anything as the three of them continued walking until she and Clarke reached their classroom. “This is us.” Lexa said, stopping with Clarke as Raven gave them a small wave and walked off.

 

.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Clarke asked later that day. She and Lexa were at the playground after school because for the first time in a while, they had some free time on their hands. There weren’t any homework due for tomorrow for Clarke and it was her mom’s day off which meant she was at home and Clarke wasn’t too keen on spending so much time with her. And since it had stopped raining, they thought why not, it had been a while since they were here.

 

“Sure,” Lexa replied, pushing in the ground lightly with the foot to make the swing move ever so slightly.

 

“You know when I called you cute earlier today,” She started. “Why did you just scoff and just brush it off like it was the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard?”

 

“Because…” Lexa started, “I’m not.”

 

Clarke tilted her head slightly, the lack of hesitation or emotion in Lexa’s tone catching her by surprise. “You are.”

 

She only shook her head, disagreeing; she wasn’t one for accepting compliments. “You’re just saying that.”

 

Clarke’s shoulders slumped, “No, I’m not. Why would you think that?” Lexa didn’t have an answer, she only shrugged. “Is this one of the things about yourself I have to convince you is true?” She asked lightly. “Like how you are amazing person but refuse to believe it?”

 

Lexa smiled at her, nodding slowly, “Yeah.” She replied. “Only none of those are true.”

 

“They are.” Clarke argued.

 

“I doubt it.” She responded; maybe Clarke had a point. But it was a little difficult for Lexa to believe anything good about herself, especially since she’s only ever heard negative things.

 

“Well, I’m not giving up.” This time Clarke smiled before going silent for a moment. “Can I ask you another question?”

 

“Go ahead.” Lexa told her.

 

“Why?” Clarke asked, only to receive a questioning look from Lexa. “Why do you always deny it?”

 

“Deny what?” She wasn’t sure what Clarke was talking about right now.

 

“Everything I say something good about you, you deny it. This isn’t the first time.” Clarke answered. “So, why?”

 

“Well…” Lexa brought a hand up to her neck, rubbing it uneasily. It took her a moment, trying to figure out how to actually answer Clarke. Finally, deciding on a response, she looked Clarke in the eyes, “If you’re told enough times that there is nothing good in you, you soon begin to believe it.” She spoke slowly, every word reaching Clarke as Lexa saw her face fall.

 

Clarke didn’t really have anything to say to that, she watched Lexa for a moment, worrying for a second that this might’ve upset her. But there wasn’t even a slight change in her expression. “Well, maybe I will manage to tell you enough times that there is _a lot_ of good in you, enough times to to finally make you believe it’s the truth.”

 

“What did I do to deserve you?” A smile broke out on her face.

 

“You were you,” Clarke suggested, “Which, believe it or not, is enough.”

 

.

 

> _October 2 nd 2016 – Sunday _

 

“My birthday’s coming up…” Raven said casually later at night to Octavia as they sat on the couch in her living room doing homework.

 

“Yeah…” Octavia looked up from her notebook. “About that…”

 

“We should probably talk.” Raven told her, she had been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks but since Octavia hadn’t brought it up, she had decided to leave it for a while. Only now, her birthday was in five days and they needed to figure out where they stood.

 

“Yes.” She nodded, unsure of how to say anything. “So…what do we do after you get you tattoo?”

 

“You mean what do we do if it’s not your name?” Raven corrected.

 

Octavia shrugged, “Same thing, because the chances of it being me is close to zero.”

 

“You don’t know that.” She tried.

 

Octavia decided to play along because arguing about her chanes of being soulmates with Raven wouldn’t get them anywhere. “Well, what if it’s not me? What do we do then?” She asked. “Do we continue as it is or do we go back to being friends…?”

 

“I don’t know what we do but,” Raven paused. “I know what I can’t go back to being just friends, not after the last few months…” She trailed off.

 

They went silent for a moment before Octavia spoke again. “I really like you Ray and I don’t think I’m ready to end this just yet.” That’s the closet Octavia had gotten to saying ‘ _I love you_ ’, but saying it now wouldn’t be right.

 

“Me neither.” Raven muttered.

 

“But what’s the point in being together if it’s only meant to end the moment your right person walks in?”

 

“You mean if my right person isn’t you? She asked and Octavia rolled her eyes but nodded nonetheless. Raven thought for a moment; her answer should’ve been what she’d told Clarke before she and Lexa got together, about how being happy in the present mattered just as much as the future did…but she couldn’t. No, it was different when you were in the position rather than just watching from the sidelines. And in that moment, Raven understood why Clarke didn’t say anything to Lexa before she got her tattoo. “There isn’t a point is there?” When Octavia shook her head, she continued, “I do stand by what I said to Clarke about how the present matters just as much as the future…”

 

“ _But_ ,”

 

“But it’s hard when you’re in the situation yourself rather than just watching your friends.”

 

Octavia nodded but didn’t say anything. An uncomfortable silence fell over the room, both of them knowing where this was going but neither of them wanting to say it.

 

“So…” Octavia spoke after about a minute. “Is this it?” She asked hesitantly, already knowing the answer.

 

“We can wait until I actually get the tattoo…” Raven tried desperately.

 

“There’s no point.” Octavia replied, beginning to put her things away.

 

“You’re leaving?” She asked.

 

Octavia only nodded, standing up and grabbing her bag. She didn’t dare speak, worrying her voice would betray her and show how much she was hurting right now. With her head lowered to hide her teary eyes, she walked out, finally speaking once she’d reached the front door and Raven still sitting in the living room. “I’ll see you around Raven.”

 

Raven didn’t answer, couldn’t make herself answer as she heard the door open and close behind her girlf- _ex-girlfriend_.

 

.

 

“What are you thinking?” Lexa asked, turning her head to look at Clarke. She was sitting at her desk, meant to be working on an assignment from her art class but instead was staring blankly ahead with a pencil twirling in her fingers. Lexa was no better either, she was on Clarke’s bed with her laptop, also meant to be doing homework but scrolling though Tumblr instead.

 

“Hmm?” Clarke blinked a few times, Lexa’s voice bringing her out of her thoughts. “It’s nothing.” She dismissed it, going back to her work.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa tried again.

 

“I was just thinking about Raven and Octavia.” She finally said, dropping her pencil on the table and making her way to her bed before sitting down next to Lexa.

 

“What’d you mean?”

 

“Raven’s birthday’s on Friday and I was just thinking how that’s gonna be on O.” Clarke told her.

 

“I hope the name on her tattoo’s Octavia.” Lexa responded, closing her laptop and setting it aside before moving back to lean against the headboard, motioning Clarke to join her. “They’re good for each other.”

 

“Me too.” She replied, moving closer to Lexa who put her arms around Clarke, one hand coming down to hold Clarke’s hand. “And even if it’s not, I hope they don’t end things straight away.”

 

“Well, what’s the point of being together now if they know it won’t work out?” Lexa asked.

 

“The same reason Raven told me to tell you before either of us knew that your tattoo _was_ actually me.”

 

“Which was?” She asked, leaning her head against Clarke so her cheek was resting against the top of Clarke’s head.

 

“The present matters just as much as the future.” She stated matter-of-factly. “And how being happy now is also important, not just setting things up for the future.”

 

“She had a point.” Lexa said, not really moving. “But I don’t think I would want to be with someone knowing it was meant to end.”

 

“Yeah.” Clarke muttered. “Why do you think I didn’t tell you?”

 

They fell silent from there; not needing to say anything but just being in each other’s presence was enough. And Clarke realized there was something oddly comforting about being in Lexa’s arms like this. _Does this count as something?_ Lexa asked herself thinking about how this was the first time she initiated _something_ since Clarke got her tattoo. Although they had worked things out, it was always Clarke who made the first move; first one to lean in for a kiss, or pull Lexa into a hug, or ask her to join her in bed when they were just spending time together. It was Clarke who always put her arm around Lexa or moved closer to cuddle when they were watching a movie or something. Lexa just wasn’t sure if Clarke would be okay with it, she was still tiptoeing around how far she could go, making sure she didn’t cross a line or make her uncomfortable.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa spoke after a while and she hummed in respond. “I love you.” She said quietly, almost whispering.

 

Clarke smiled, turning her head to look up at Lexa, “I love you too.”

 

They were lost in each other’s eyes for a moment before Clarke found herself leaning in to kiss her. But before their lips could meet, her phone rang from the desk. She groaned, rolling her eyes, not wanting to get up and move away from Lexa’s arms. But she did so anyways, getting up before taking a couple of steps to her phone.

 

“Who is it?” Lexa asked as Clarke picked it up.

 

“Raven.” She replied, answering, “Hi.”

 

“Are you home?” Was the first thing her friend said.

 

“Yes…” Clarke replied hesitantly, wondering whether something was wrong.

 

“Are you alone?”

 

“Sort of…” She replied, knowing why Raven was asking.

 

“Lexa?” Raven asked simply.

 

“Yeah…and my mom’s home too.”

 

“Can I come over?” She asked. “Or are you two…busy?” Raven added suggestively.

 

“We’re not.” Clarke told her. “And yeah, sure, come over.”

 

.

 

Raven was over in about ten minutes and the first thing she saw upon entering Clarke’s room were her two friends making out. She could almost hear their lips slowly moving against each other’s and she almost wanted to tell them to speed it up, “You wanna speed things up a bit?"

 

“ _Fuck_.” Clarke snapped away from Lexa who remained frozen for a moment before slowly opening her eyes and catching her breath before looking at Raven.

 

“I would’ve knocked but your door was open.” She told them with a slight shrug, walking further into the room and sitting down on the chair by Clarke’s desk.

 

“My mom won’t let me close it.” Clarke explained, running a thumb over her lower lip and hoping her voice sounded as normal as she thought it did.

 

“Well at least I didn’t walk in on you two doing it.” Raven shrugged. “Probably would’ve if I showed up a few minutes later.” She smiled at them causing Lexa to roll her eyes, still not saying anything.

 

“So what’s up?” Clarke asked casually, doing her best to not ask why Raven interrupted a perfectly good make-out session.

 

Her face changed suddenly, “Me and Octavia broke up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on a kinda negative note, i think the fic's coming to an end. i originally planned on making it 20 chapters long but now it seems like it'll be a chapter or two over that. it might be longer again coz i'm thinking about keeping the story going for a while. but don't really know how so rn, it's looking like it's going to be around 21-22 chapters long. i have it planned out till chapter 20 now but it needs a couple more chapters to end it properly.
> 
> back to this chapter, yikes on that ending, i'm sorry. let me know what you thought :)


	18. Thank you for tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven gets her tattoo. It's Lexa's birthday and Clexa spend the night together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u follow me on tumblr, u probably know what happens in this chapter given how annoying i've been about it. also i am really sorry i didn't update in like 2/3 weeks (its not more than that is it?). well this chapter felt incomplete and i really didn't want it to feel incomplete. so i crawled out from under the rock i was living under after posting the second chapter of that two-shot to write this. and i spent a couple of days on it so.......yeah.

> _October 7 th 2016 – Friday_

Raven and Octavia walked into school hand in hand, walking up to Clarke and Lexa who were standing by the lockers.

 

It had been an eventful morning for the two of them. Raven had stayed up most of the night but eventually fell asleep before her tattoo appeared. And waking up, the first thing she did was look for where it was; it had taken longer than she is willing to admit but eventually she spotted the name on the back of her left shoulder. _Octavia_. It was a relief to say the least and despite her eagerness to tell Octavia, her first call was to Clarke because she didn’t want to do it over the phone but at the same time, Raven really needed to tell someone about it. She’s pretty sure she damaged Clarke’s hearing even if it was just slightly. It wasn’t long after that that Raven went to Octavia’s place. Bellamy was the one to answer the door because it was still too early for his sister to be awake. He sounded almost as happy as Clarke did about it as she raced up the stairs to wake up Octavia.

 

It had taken her a moment to wake up enough to comprehend what Raven was saying. The sudden noise of the door opening was anything but welcome; Octavia really didn’t want to be woken up even a moment before she needed to be. But realizing it was Raven, she pretended to be a little pissed off, the two of them weren’t on the best of terms right now, but once Raven told her why she was here, Octavia couldn’t really do anything but be happy about it.

 

“Hey, look who made up.” Clarke said with a smile, looking at them.

 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile when she saw the look on her friends’ faces. “Happy birthday, Raven.”

 

“I would say we’re going to go back to being disgustingly cute but after seeing you two together…” Octavia trailed off jokingly.

 

“Oh please,” Raven scoffed, “They’ve got nothing on us.” She continued before adding. “But nothing makes me nauseous as quickly as you guys do.” She shook her head.

 

Clarke took that as a challenge, narrowing her eyes slightly and contemplating whether it would be okay to grab the collar of Lexa’s shirt and pull her in for a kiss in the middle of the hallway. But before she could do anything, Lexa’s hands were already cupping her face as she brought her face to press her lips against Clarke’s. Clarke’s eyes widened slightly, _well that wasn’t unexpected at all_ , she thought before kissing back; fast and hard isn’t Lexa’s thing, well this was the first time for Clarke. She smiled against Lexa’s lips when they heard Octavia and Raven making gagging noises before pulling away. Clarke was still dazed from that unexpected kiss as she opened her eyes slowly, still looking at Lexa who’s face was still only an inch away before they turned back to look at their friends.

 

“And you just made my point.” Raven said with a slight shrug as the bell went off.

 

“We’ll see you later,” Octavia said as they walked away.

 

“Nice.” Clarke muttered quickly to Lexa as they walked down the corridor.

 

“You didn’t mind…right?” Lexa asked, yes, that was completely unexpected and even she didn’t think she would be doing that.

 

“No, no.” Clarke replied. “I liked it.” She said with a smirk, stopping in front a classroom. “You should try doing that more often.” She said quickly before stepping in through the door, leaving Lexa standing there frozen to her spot because she wasn’t expecting that answer.

 

.

 

> _October 15 th 2016 – Saturday _

 

“Thank you for tonight.” Lexa said to Clarke, turning her head to look at her. They were both lying on Clarke’s bed with her laptop, her back against the headboard and her arms around Lexa. It was a little past 10 and the two of them were looking for something to watch, only they’d watched everything worth watching on Netflix by now. Lexa’s birthday was today and…well, she kind of forgot about it until Clarke mentioned it last night. Although she didn’t care about it much, – it was never a big deal anyways – Clarke decided they should do something and it ended up being their first date; a movie followed by a dinner…and now a movie again apparently – they just wanted an excuse to spend more time with each other.

 

“I’m glad you had a good time.” Clarke told her with a soft smile, feeling a small flutter in her chest because of the way Lexa was looking at her.

 

“What?” Lexa asked after a moment, noticing the way Clarke was staring.

 

“Nothing.” She blinked, shaking her head and bringing herself back to reality. “Oh, I almost forgot.” She suddenly remembered, beginning to get up.

 

Lexa sat up straight, not having a choice but to do so as Clarke got up and walked up to her desk. “What are you looking for?” She asked, when Clarke opened one of her drawers, clearly looking for something.

 

“Your birthday present.” Clarke explained, not needing to see Lexa to know the questioning look she was giving her right now. “Got it.” She said after a moment, walking back over to Lexa with a white envelope.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa said with a smile as Clarke handed it to her. “You know, you didn’t have to right?”

 

“Open it, I think you’ll like it.” She told her, disregarding what Lexa had just said.

 

Lexa did as Clarke asked, carefully pulling out the single sheet of A4 sized paper from inside it. She’s not sure what she had expected but whatever it was, this wasn’t it; it was a sketch of her from some time last year, either during one of her soccer practice sessions or one of the team’s games. It showed Lexa in her old uniform, just about to kick the ball. “Clarke,” She breathed out after a moment, still taking it in. “I don’t know what to say, it’s beautiful.” Lexa finally tore her eyes away from the drawing and looked up at Clarke. She could almost feel tears stinging the back of her eyes; Lexa’s not sure whether it was because of the memories that it brought back or the fact that Clarke cared enough to the time to draw this. “Thank you so much.”

 

Clarke shrugged, a wide grin forming on her face. “I’m glad you like it.”

 

“I can’t believe you drew this.” Lexa said, looking back down at the drawing in her hand.

 

“I did a small sketch of it a while back, when you were still playing,” She started. “And I thought I’d finally finish it because you might like it.”

 

“I love it.” Lexa smiled back, getting up to place it back on the desk before walking back over to the bed. She pulled Clarke in for a hug, arms tightening around her as she buried her face into her shoulder. “Thank you.” She muttered again, this time trying to hold back tears because of the sudden surge of emotions going through her.

 

They pulled away a moment later, Clarke’s hands slowly coming up to Lexa’s face as they did so, “Are you okay?” She asked, having noticed the waver in Lexa’s voice when she spoke last.

 

Lexa nodded slowly, leaning into Clarke’s touch as she closed her eyes, “I’m fine.” This was all still very new to her; _Clarke_ was still very new to her. Lexa didn’t really know what it felt like to actually have someone that cared about her the way Clarke did. Other than her parents and Anya, no one really gave her a second thought, so it was different with Clarke; she actually did care about her and Lexa was still trying to convince herself that _yes_ , this was real.

 

“Babe?” Clarke asked, suddenly concerned because Lexa didn’t sound like it. “Hey,” She tried again, waiting for Lexa to open her eyes.

 

“I’m fine, Clarke.” Lexa gave her a small smile, trying to reassure her.

 

“What are you thinking?” She asked, moving her hands and placing them on the slope of her neck instead.

 

She remained silent for a moment, thinking about how to answer, “You.” Lexa muttered, her eyes looking into Clarke’s. “I still can’t believe that we…” She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence as she leaned her forehead against Clarke’s.

 

“I know,” Clarke breathed out, closing her eyes as she closed the distance between their lips, taking Lexa’s bottom lip between her’s.

 

Lexa kissed back, slow and gentle, letting everything she was feeling at the moment pour out. Clarke slowed her pace down, matching Lexa’s for a moment as her hand moved to the back of her neck before moving into her hair. But before she could pick it up again, Lexa deepened the kiss and pushed her back slightly. She couldn’t help the small moan that escaped her lips, Lexa almost never took control and Clarke liked it when she did. She could feel Lexa’s tongue desperately looking for a way into her mouth so Clarke parted her lips slightly, giving her what she wanted.

 

It wasn’t long before Clarke had pulled the two of them to lie down on the bed, Lexa practically on top of her as she kissed her passionately, harder than she usually did. Clarke didn’t protest, only smiled into it, wanting to see the side of Lexa that liked to take control every now and then. She kissed back, as Lexa reached back to pull off her plaid shirt and let it fall on the floor before she realized she was grinding on Clarke.

 

Tearing her lips away from Lexa’s for a moment, Clarke tried to catch her breath, “What are we doing?” She asked breathlessly as she untangled her fingers from Lexa’s hair, their faces no more than an inch apart.

 

Lexa stopped immediately, pulling herself back up, “I’m sorry,” She stumbled over her words, still flustered from the kiss. “If you want to stop I-”

 

“No, no,” Clarke shook her head quickly. “Not at all.” She gave Lexa a suggestive smile. “I just…” She continued. “I just want to make sure that this is what _you_ want.”

 

“It is.” Lexa replied, her voice low and quiet. “As long as you do too.”

 

Clarke didn’t reply, only brought her hands up to grab the collar of Lexa’s t-shirt to pull her down. She could feel the smile playing on Lexa’s lips as their lips pressed against each other’s. For a moment, there was nothing on Lexa’s mind other than Clarke; everything else that usually weighs her down didn’t seemed to matter right now. Yes, this was something she had been looking forward to for a while now and Lexa did want to wait until the moment was just right. And now seemed to be it; she was happy, like _actually_ happy and with the person she loved, nothing could change her mind right now.

 

“Can I take it off?” She asked hesitantly, her voice barely audible as her hands skimmed the skin at the hem on Clarke’s shirt.

 

“Yes,” Clarke replied, closing the small distance between their lips for a quick kiss before speaking again. “As long as you take your one off as well.”

Lexa only hummed in response as their lips reconnected and her hands slowly pulled her shirt up. Clarke’s eyes fluttered as Lexa’s hands brushed against her skin, Lexa going as slowly as she possibly could. Their lips didn’t leave the other’s for a moment, but Clarke found it slightly difficult to pay attention to it while Lexa so carefully undressed her. Lexa brought herself up for a moment as Clarke raised her shoulders off the bed, allowing her to pull it off over her head.

 

“Your turn.” Before the words had completely left her mouth, Lexa was pulling of the black tank top she wearing under her shirt as she tossed it aside.

 

She remained silent for a moment, scanning her eyes over Clarke, taking in every inch of her before her eyes found Clarke’s again. “You’re beautiful Clarke.” Lexa told her, her voice soft and gentle as a small smile played on her lips.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at her, there was something in the way Lexa said it – maybe it was how she could all but hear Lexa’s love for her in her voice – that filled Clarke with a warm feeling. “So are you.” She replied, her hand coming up as her fingers brushed against Lexa’s abs before she placed her hand flat against it. Clarke’s hand on her caught her off for a moment, distracting her as the warmth from the blonde’s hand radiated onto her skin. That was all it took, one moment where Lexa was slightly distracted for Clarke to turn them around, pinning Lexa to the mattress as she straddled her.

 

“Huh,” Was all Lexa could manage right now.

 

Clarke looked down at her with a cocked eyebrow, finding Lexa with that look on her face which said nothing less than ‘you mean the world to me’. She gave her a soft smile, Clarke would never get tired of this, but this time it was more intense than the previous times she had noticed Lexa look at her like that. She took a moment, needing to take it all in before she could lean back down to kiss her. It was gentle this time, Clarke taking Lexa’s lips in her’s before kissing her softly. She could feel Lexa’s lips trembling as she kissed back.

 

“You alright there?” Clarke asked a moment later, doing her best to not sound smug as her hands made their way to the waist of Lexa’s jeans.

 

“Uh huh,” She forced out, bringing her head up to reconnect their lips.

 

Clarke’s fingers toyed with a button for a little while, her lips having moved to kiss Lexa’s jaw now. She wasn’t sure how far Lexa was willing to go right now and Clarke wanted to make sure she was comfortable. “Is it okay if I take it off?” Clarke asked between kisses.

 

Lexa’s eyes had slowly shut the moment she had felt Clarke’s mouth on her jaw. Biting back a moan, she nodded quickly.

 

It didn’t take Clarke long to notice Lexa’s impatience; deciding to have some fun with it, she smiled against her, stopping for a moment as her hands traveled up. As much as Lexa didn’t want Clarke to move her hands away, she couldn’t help but let her because of the way her fingers felt trailing up her skin. But suddenly, it stopped, for a moment, Lexa couldn’t feel Clarke’s mouth on her and her hands weren’t moving anymore. Opening her eyes, she found Clarke, sitting up straight now, looking down at her. Lexa was about to ask Clarke when she noticed the smirk on the blonde’s face as her hands left Lexa, reaching behind her back to unhook her bra before pulling it off and tossing aside.

 

Clarke noticed as Lexa visibly relaxed for a moment, her head sinking into the pillow ever so slightly and her pupils dilating as she swallowed. She couldn’t help but smile at her as Lexa’s hands slowly made their way to rest on Clarke’s waist, doing her best to keep breathing steady.

 

She waited a moment before speaking, “My face is up here.” Clarke said jokingly with a smile after a moment, noticing how Lexa was staring.

 

Lexa hadn’t noticed how her hands was creeping up Clarke’s side, inching their way towards her breasts when she heard her. “Sorry,” Her eyes snapped away as she withdrew her hands in a flash.

 

Clarke’s shoulders slumped for a moment, “Lexa,” she tried, wanting her to look back at her. “Hey, look at me.” She placed her hands over Lexa’s which were now lying on the bed next to her. “I was joking.” Clarke waited until Lexa looked back up at her, this time looking her in the eyes. Deciding not to say anything else, Clarke leaned back down, her lips meeting Lexa’s only a moment later.

 

Lexa’s hands involuntarily came to Clarke’s back, her eyes having closed yet again as she found herself bringing her head up to kiss Clarke.

 

“Take your one off.” Clarke said against her, a finger tugging on the strap of her bra.

 

She raised her back of the bed, doing as Clarke asked. But before she could reach back to undo it, Clarke’s hands were already there and Lexa is sure she has never seen anyone pull off a bra as quick as that. She wasn’t prepared for what came next; her eyes rolled to the back of her head as they slowly slid shut, not being prepared for what Clarke’s mouth felt like on her breast. Lexa bit down on her bottom lip, unable to help the small sound that left her throat as she felt Clarke’s tongue making slow circles around her nipple. “ _Clarke_.” She gasped out, unable to say anything else as her hands came up to Clarke’s back again.

 

Clarke didn’t say anything else, only continued doing what she was doing as she felt Lexa’s body start to tense against her’s. She dragged the moment out for a little longer than necessary before her hands trailed back down and her mouth came up to Lexa’s neck, sucking on the skin, determined to leave a mark on her. This time she unbuttoned Lexa’s pants, but instead of pulling them down as she was expecting, Clarke slid her hand down. “You’re already wet Lex.” She smiled against her skin, as her thumb made small circles over the fabric of her underwear.

 

Lexa didn’t reply, _couldn’t_ reply; she only let out a small groan, letting Clarke know she’d heard her. It took her a couple of long seconds to get her breathing back to normal when suddenly Clarke applied a bit more pressure. “ _Oh god_ ,” Lexa gasped out.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but feel a little smug about it, from how it was going right now, Lexa would probably come before she really _did_ anything. Finally deciding it had been long enough, Clarke stopped, pulling herself up as she moved down to pull off her jeans and underwear. It wasn’t long before she was back to her previous position, her mouth on Lexa’s neck as her fingers continued to tease her.

 

She tried to relax she really did, but it wasn’t exactly possible when Clarke was sucking on the skin on her neck as her hand did what it was doing. Lexa needed more, she needed Clarke inside her already. “Clarke.” Her vocabulary seemed to be very limited right now, Clarke’s name being one of the very few things she could actually say. “Please.” She breathed out, not being able to say anything else.

 

Clarke didn’t wait any longer, growing impatient herself and Lexa was practically squirming right now. She inched her fingers closer to her wet center. “Are you sure?” She asked her.

 

It took a moment for Lexa to register what Clarke was asking before she finally nodded, unable to say anything right now as she kept her eyes squeezed shut. A moment passed before Clarke slowly slid two fingers inside, Lexa letting out a sharp gasp as her fingers pressed into the back of Clarke’s shoulder.

 

“Is that okay?” She brought her face up slightly, wanting to make sure Lexa was comfortable. Clarke moved her fingers slowly, noticing the unsteady rise and fall of Lexa’s chest as she finally nodded. She seemed a little overwhelmed right now to say the least and Clarke couldn’t do anything but smile as she started to feel Lexa’s nails digging into her back. She didn’t mind, only continued doing what she was, her fingers now moving at a steady rhythm as she noticed the small changes in Lexa; her breathing becoming more uneven by the second as she pressed her head into the pillow, trying to contain herself. The small moans were getting louder as well and after about a minute, Clarke was grateful for the fact that her mom wasn’t home. Bringing her other hand up, Clarke pinched her nipples gently, eliciting another moan from Lexa, louder this time, followed by her name.

 

She was getting there, Clarke realized with a small smile as she noticed Lexa’s hips bucking as she started to tense around her. Clarke’s thumb found her clit, making small circles as Lexa let out another groan, “So close, Clarke.” She choked out, not noticing how her hand was moving down Clarke’s back with her nails pressed into her skin.

 

It didn’t take long after that, Lexa came shuddering and screaming Clarke’s name as her back arched of the bed and Clarke only watched her with a satisfied smug, trying to ignore the wetness between her thighs from just watching her. She curled her fingers, bringing her face back down to kiss the base of her throat, prolonging the orgasm for as long as she could.

 

Finally coming down from that intense high, Lexa relaxed back onto the bed, her eyes still closed as she tried to catch her breath. She could feel Clarke slowly pulling out her fingers before trailing them over her side. Lexa managed to open her eyes, still dazed from it all as she watched Clarke, who was now lying on her side as she brought her fingers to her mouth, licking it clean. Lexa gulped, not having it in her to say anything right now.

 

Clarke brought herself closer, kissing Lexa again; slowly this time, calming her down as she noticed how her girlfriend was trembling. “You good?” She asked as the pulled away.

 

Lexa nodded, “I’m great.” She smiled at Clarke.

 

She smiled back, pulling the comforter over them as she lied down, practically on top of Lexa. A few minutes passed in silence, the only sound in the room coming from their breathing – Lexa mostly as she finally managed to catch her breath – as they took in the moment. She couldn’t help the small smile playing on her lips as her eyes drifted close for a moment.

 

“You’re overdressed.” Lexa said after a little while, her voice a little raspy as she noticed how Clarke was still wearing her pants.

 

Clarke let out a small laugh, one that filled Lexa with a warm feeling and caused her to smile uncontrollably. “Then do something about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i probably downplayed octaven but like, this is a clexa fic after all and they're just the minor ship. but i hope it was alright. and also the clexa bit, i'm sorry, i kinda have next to no idea about what i'm doing when it comes to stuff like this. like i've only ever written smut once before so i'm just gonna go back to that rock and crawl back under it......let me know what you thought about it tho. 
> 
> also, i'm taking prompts on tumblr now if anyone wants to send me any. (k17l53.tumblr.com)


	19. Really?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-sex clexa and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE. FINALLY. Okay, so this chapter is mostly just fluff and clexa being all cute with each other. I haven't written anything since my last fic update which was about two months ago, so my writing is a little off, but i'm hoping it's not too bad. this chapter's also kinda short, well shorter than the last two. they will get longer again and my writing will also get back to how it was pretty soon.

 

> _October 16 th 2016 – Sunday_

 

Clarke let out a small breath, watching the steady rise and fall of Lexa’s back as she leaned forward and placed a small kiss on her bare shoulder, letting her lips linger for a moment as she let herself take it all in. She couldn’t help but smile, Clarke was tired out and feeling better than she thought she would be – this _was_ Lexa’s first time after all. Lexa had fallen asleep about an hour ago, but there was something keeping her awake. She wasn’t really sure what, but whatever it was, Clarke figured it wasn’t anything bad; right now, it couldn’t be. There was something calming about having Lexa next to her like this, with their bodies pressed against each other’s, and something told her that Lexa felt the same way; this was probably the first time Clarke has actually seen Lexa completely relaxed in the time she’s known her. Even when they had their sleepovers and Clarke had seen her asleep, she never looked _this_ relaxed.

 

“I can hear you thinking.” Lexa spoke suddenly, her voice low and raspy, still heavy with sleep.

 

Clarke smiled against Lexa’s back. “I thought you were asleep.”

 

“I was…?” She asked, sounding a little confused as she turned on her side to face Clarke. “I’m not really sure when I fell asleep…” Lexa remained silent for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the dark as she found Clarke. “What’s keeping you up?”

 

“You’re a little too distracting to fall asleep next to when you’re naked.” Clarke replied, unable to keep herself from smiling. She waited a moment for Lexa’s response but all she could make out was her rolling her eyes. “What?” She asked rhetorically. “You’re hot and it’s really distracting. There’s no getting around that.” Clarke added matter-of-factly.

 

“Shut up,” Lexa scoffed, doing her best to not smile at Clarke as she shook her head slowly.

 

“It’s true.” Clarke continued, moving closer to Lexa.

 

She stiffened slightly at the closeness – yeah, it was going to take her a little while to get used to Clarke like this; sure, Lexa had thought after being together for a about two weeks and having been friends for over a year, this wouldn’t have caught her off guard like this. But Clarke was…beautiful. Lexa didn’t really have any other word to describe her but _beautiful_ didn’t feel enough. It took her a moment before she could bring her arms up and around Clarke. “I’m sorry I’m keeping you up.” She responded with a smile as Clarke placed her head on her shoulder.

 

“If something’s going to keep me up at night, I’m glad it’s you.” Clarke replied, tilting her head up and placing a small kiss on Lexa’s jaw. She waited a moment, contemplating whether or not to say what she was thinking for all of two seconds before opening her mouth, “In all your naked glory.”

 

Lexa groaned at that, rolling her eyes again.

 

Clarke couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her lips, “You know I mean it, right?” She quirked an eyebrow with a smile, wanting to see how far she could go.

 

Lexa shook her head slowly, dismissing what Clarke had just said with a small smile before asking, “When’s your mom coming home?”

 

“Umm…” Clarke thought for a moment, realizing for the first time she wouldn’t want her mom to find them like this. “Early…?” Was the best she could do; when her mom had an emergency at the hospital, she could never be sure when exactly she would be getting home. “Around…seven, maybe eight…?” She told Lexa, unsure. “That’s usually around the time she comes home.”

 

Lexa nodded slowly, “Okay, I’ll be g-” she stopped mid-sentence, unable to suppress a yawn before continuing, “I’ll be gone before then.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Clarke told her casually. “My mom’s walked in on worse.” It was cute how Lexa seemed almost worried about being caught by her mom.

 

“But she doesn’t really like me so…” She trailed off.

 

“She doesn’t like half the people I date.” Clarke shrugged. “So, don’t worry, she’ll warm up to you soon enough.” She tilted her head up to look at Lexa. “Oh,” She remembered suddenly, “What are you going to tell your mom about where you were all night?”

 

“I…” Lexa thought for a moment, not really sure, suddenly realizing her mom would ask. “I don’t know…?” A small laugh left her, realizing how she has never really needed to come up with an excuse until now.

 

Clarke smiled at her, unable to help herself; Lexa’s laugh was one of the cutest things Clarke has ever heard, but it wasn’t everyday that she got to hear it. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much, I’m sure she won’t even ask.” She told. “I mean, this isn’t the first time you stayed over.”

 

“No, but this is the first time since we got together.” Lexa replied. “And I usually let her know before hand.”

 

“Are you worried she’s going to be angry about it?”

 

“No…” Lexa shook her head slowly. “Well…I don’t think she’s going to be…but I mean…parents are never too thrilled about this, are they?”

 

“You are right about that.” Clarke agreed before changing the subject. “How about we don’t think about that now? My mom won’t be home for at least another six hours and your mom is fine…so, why don’t we just go back to what we were doing?”

 

“And what was that?” Lexa asked, the corners of her lips lifting against her will.

 

“You distracting me from sleeping.” Clarke reminded.

 

“Right…” Lexa replied seriously, before letting her hands wander to Clarke’s waist. “I think I can be a bit more distracting when I’m actually awake.”

 

.

 

It was a long night and neither of them had gotten much sleep so when Lexa woke up in the morning, she didn’t want to wake up Clarke. Clarke’s body soft and warm against her, and the sunlight making its way into the room through the room, Lexa didn’t really want to get out of bed. Reaching out for her phone on the nightstand, a soft smile broke on her face. But it quickly disappeared once she looked at her time, _7:36._ “Fuck,” She muttered softly, Abby would probably be home soon. Turning her head, Lexa realized that Clarke was sound asleep and decided it was best to just slip out of bed and leave without waking her up.

 

“So you’re just going to leave without telling me?”

 

Lexa heard Clarke a moment later as she pulled on her pants.

 

“Can I at least expect you to call me?” Clarke joked, her voice still sleepy.

 

“Hmm,” Lexa pretended to think about it, before turning her head to look at Clarke over her shoulder. “I don’t know, I was thinking this was a one time thing.”

 

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Clarke replied, getting out of bed and grabbing Lexa’s shirt from floor and putting it on before making her way towards her. “Looking for your shirt?” Clarke asked as her hands went to rest on Lexa’s waist.

 

She turned around slowly, “It looks better on you.” Lexa told her with a small smile, biting her lower lip as she looked at her; her hair was a perfect mess and she had the same playful look in her eyes as last night which only made Lexa take her back to bed. “I’m just looking for my t-shirt.”

 

“I don’t think you need it…” Clarke trailed off, moving her thumbs over the skin on Lexa’s hips.

 

“Well, I need to get out of here before your mom shows up.” She reminded her quietly. “And I can’t real–” Before she could finish their heads snapped away from each other as they heard the front door unlocking.

 

“That’s not good.” Clarke stated the obvious as Lexa looked around almost frantically, trying to figure out what to do.

 

“No, no it’s not.” She replied. “What do I do?”

 

Clarke smiled suddenly, “You’re asking me what to do?” She asked, almost surprised. “That’s not something you hear everyday.”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa stated, clearly unimpressed. “Your mom’s home and we’re both standing here half naked…?”

 

“Right,” Clarke nodded to herself, “Bathroom, hide. My mom’s probably going to come check on me and then go to her room.” Lexa began to step away as Clarke explained. “You can sneak out then.”

 

“You might wanna change out of that shirt.” Lexa told her as she stepped inside and Clarke pulled the door to close it.

 

She nodded. “Sneaking around’s fun right?” Clarke asked rhetorically before closing the door.

 

.

 

Lexa opened her mouth but before she could answer, the door closed. Sighing, she sat down on the closed toilet, listening to what was going on in Clarke’s bedroom. She couldn’t hear much but it was only a few seconds before she heard someone walk into the room; it was safe to assume that it was Clarke’s mom. But Abby didn’t seem to stay long, no more than a minute passed before Lexa heard the door close again.

 

It went quiet for about ten seconds before she heard soft foot steps again. “You can come out now.” Clarke said quietly with a small smile as she opened the door.

 

Lexa nodded, stepping out and closing the door behind her. “So your mom didn’t suspect anything?”

 

“Well, I managed to get most of the clothes out of the way but I missed your shirt.” Clarke pointed at it on the floor. “So she did ask me about that…”

 

“What did you say–” Before she could finish the door flew open, freezing both Lexa and Clarke to their spots as Abby stepped in.

 

Clarke turned around slightly towards her mom as Lexa took a step behind her, not saying anything.

 

Once the initial surprise passed, Abby only crossed her arms over her chest and took in the sight in front of her with an unimpressed look; her daughter in nothing but her underwear and a t-shirt, and her daughter’s girlfriend almost hiding behind her in only her jeans and bra, well, it’s safe to say that’s not something you would want to walk in on. “Really?”

 

“Mom I–”

 

“…didn’t think I would be home just yet?” She asked rhetorically, but to Clarke’s surprise, Abby didn’t sound angry.

 

“I’m gonna go…” Lexa muttered to Clarke quietly as she stepped away.

 

The room went silent as Lexa picked up her shirt from the floor and threw it on as she walked away.

 

“Are you going to say anything or…?” Abby asked after a moment of silence.

 

“I don’t…think I…have anything to…say…” Clarke trailed off, not meeting her mom’s eyes.

 

“Well at least this time it was someone I’d met before.” Abby replied with a sigh, not bothering to say anything as she turned around to leave.

 

Clarke stood there for a moment as she opened the door before speaking, “Wait, that’s it?” She sounded confused. “I’m not…in trouble or anything?”

 

“I don’t see the point.” Abby only shrugged. “And I had a long night so just make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

 

Clarke stood there stunned, not saying anything as her mom left the room and closed the door behind her.

 

.

 

Clarke ended up falling asleep after that and not waking up until noon, she could only hope that Lexa did the same; they could both do with a little more sleep. After waking up, Clarke realized there were about ten texts from Lexa, most of them asking if everything went alright with her mom and whether she got into any trouble. If anything, she sounded worried and given how Abby had reacted the morning after Clarke’s birthday, Clarke realized it was understandable. She felt a little bad about it, maybe she should’ve at least texted Lexa knowing that everything was alright.

 

“Hey,” Clarke rolled on her back as she held the phone to her ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your texts, I fell asleep.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Lexa said from the other side. “Is everything okay with your mom?”

 

“Surprisingly, yeah.” Clarke nodded to herself. “She just said she’s glad it was you and not someone she’s never met before.”

 

“Wait,” Lexa stopped her “Has that happened?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Oh, Octavia asked if you want to meet up with her and Raven later tonight at her place.” Lexa told her. “Movie night.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke replied.

 

“Pick you up at nine?”

 

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my writing wasn't too off and even if it was, i hope the fluff made up for it. thanks to everyone who's still reading this, it means a lot. and i've decided to make this fic a lot longer than i'd initially planned, so that's probably a good thing. anyways, thanks again for reading and let me know what you think.


	20. Is Clarke happy with you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa movie night with Octaven. So...it's fluff and cuteness. And there's a bit with Lexa and Anya at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna start by saying THANK YOU FOR STICKING AROUND AND READING AND LEAVING COMMENTS. reading the comments of the last chapter felt so great and i'm starting to get my bearings again. this chapter's longer than the last one and it's all fluff. again. i had a long (but pretty good) day and a not-so-good night; lexa's good with her girlfriend, maybe i should take a couple of pointers from her. so i kinda just finished with this chapter and only read over it once, but i wanted to update tonight so i can return to my old schedule (updates every saturday night).   
> anyways, fluff, movie night, clexa + octaven, and lexa being a cutie, that's pretty much what this chapter is.

> _October 16 th 2016 - Sunday_

 

“So, what are we watching?” Clarke asked Octavia who was putting a DVD into the player as she let herself fall on the couch next to Lexa.

 

“ _The Conjuring 2._ ” Octavia answered.

 

“You guys still haven’t watched it?” Clarke asked her and Raven, almost surprised.

 

“Who says I want to?” Raven asked rhetorically. “And O hasn’t watched it yet and we know you like horror so we thought we’d watch it tonight…” Raven added.

 

“It came out like four months ago, O.” Clarke told her; knowing how much Octavia was into horror movies, this was definitely surprising.

 

“I know, I know.” She nodded, walking back over to her girlfriend who was on the floor in front of the couch with a bowl of popcorn. “I couldn’t get myself to watch it until now, Bell got the DVD last week and I thought why not.”

 

“She’s scared.” Raven quipped, only to receive a glare from Octavia.

 

“Can’t be worse than Clarke.” Lexa added from behind them with a small smirk; receiving a glare and a swat on the arm from her girlfriend.

 

“Why do you guys like them so much if they scare you this bad?” Raven asked. She had never really seen Clarke scared but if it was anything like Octavia was, it was probably bad.

 

“That’s the whole point…” Octavia replied matter-of-factly with a shrug and Clarke nodded in agreement.

 

“I don’t get it.” Raven and Lexa said with a sigh simultaneously.

 

The next two hours passed by how they’d expected it, Lexa and Raven rolling their eyes at their girlfriends every time something even remotely scary showed up on screen. Lexa seemed to be more used to it than Raven was – and they realized why when she muttered something about this being the reason behind her and Octavia barely ever watching horror movies together. But unlike Raven, Lexa didn’t seem to mind it, there wasn’t much to complain about really; Clarke was adorable and Lexa couldn’t help but smile every time she pressed her face against her side to keep herself from looking at the television screen.

 

“Fuck,” Clarke muttered suddenly, forgetting for a moment what had made her jump as she felt the contents of her cup soak through her shirt.

 

“Oh,” Lexa moved away slightly, not wanting any of it to get on her as Raven paused the movie.

 

Clarke let out a small sigh, shaking her head slightly before speaking, “Good news is, I didn’t get any of it on the couch.” She told them calmly. “Bad news is, I got it all over me.”

 

“Here,” Lexa said, grabbing a few napkins from the floor and handing them to Clarke.

 

“Hold on, I’ll get you a dry t-shirt.” Octavia told her as she pushed herself off the floor and out of the room before Clarke could say anything.

 

“Great,” Clarke groaned out in annoyance as she looked down at the t-shirt now sticking to her body.

 

As much as Lexa hated the fact that her eyes had moved down to Clarke’s chest, she couldn’t really make herself look away. She didn’t really want to admit it, but after last night she didn’t think this would have caught her attention like this and blocked out pretty much everything else. The soda spilling on Clarke’s white t-shirt had caused it to go practically see through and a lot of memories from the previous night started to come flooding back.

 

“Staring much?” She was suddenly brought back her back to reality when Clarke’s hand touched her arm and Lexa’s eyes shot up to find Clarke grinning at her.

 

She could feel the heat creeping up her cheeks and only hoped that Clarke couldn’t see her blushing in the dark. A small laugh from Raven told her that Clarke wasn’t the only one who had noticed. “Sorry,” Lexa managed to get out, wanting nothing more than to disappear right now.

 

“What’d I miss?” Octavia asked as she walked back into the room, noticing the looks on everyone’s faces; Clarke with a smug and slightly surprised grin, Raven looking almost amused, and Lexa looking like she wanted the Earth’s surface to crack open and swallow her whole.

 

“Nothing,” Lexa replied quickly before Raven could reply. Octavia only nodded, not entirely convinced as she handed the t-shirt in her hands to Clarke and sat back down.

 

Lexa moved her eyes back to the TV screen, not wanting a repeat of what had just happened as Raven unpaused the movie and Clarke began to peel of the shirt she was wearing. “Wait,” Lexa stopped, speaking quietly to Clarke as something suddenly caught her eyes. “What happened to your back?” There were marks she hadn’t seen last night, mostly a few streaks of angry red skin and a couple of streaks which were completely red, making it safe to assume that whatever it was had cut into her.

 

Clarke looked at her questioningly for a moment before turning her head to look over her shoulder. “Oh that,” She looked back at her before pulling Octavia’s t-shirt over her head.

 

Lexa waited for Clarke to explain but she only pulled the shirt down over herself and settled back next to Lexa. “Clarke?” She asked, almost whispering, not wanting to draw attention from Raven and Octavia. “What happened?”

 

“Umm…” Clarke trailed off, moving slightly closer to her and bringing her lips up to Lexa’s ear. “That was you.” She whispered. “Last night.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened more than just slightly as she heard Clarke’s response; moving away slightly to look at her. “I am so sorry,” She blurted out, but careful to keep her voice quiet. “I didn’t mean to-” She stopped suddenly when realizing Clarke was smiling at her. “What…?”

 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Clarke shook her head with a small smile. “It…happens.” She shrugged. Lexa didn’t have much to add to that as she noticed Clarke’s attention reverting to the movie; and given the silence from Raven and Octavia, they hadn’t heard anything.

 

But the silence from their friends only lasted a couple of seconds before Raven suddenly spoke, “You know we heard almost everything you two said right?” The two of them turned around slightly, enough to look at Clarke and Lexa, and Octavia nodded in agreement.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, as Octavia asked, “What happened to your back?”

 

“Nothing.” Clarke replied.

 

“And why did you apologize for it?” Raven asked Lexa as realization started to dawn on her. “Wait…did you?” She started, not finishing her question as her eyes darted between Clarke and Lexa.

 

Octavia waited for them to say anything, when neither of them did, she opened her mouth excitedly but before she could say anything, Lexa got up, “I’m gonna get something to drink.”

 

Clarke shook her head slightly as her girlfriend walked out of the room, leaving her alone with their two really curious friends. “Yes, fine. We did.” Clarke threw her hands up in surrender.

 

“Yeah, well, Lexa’s reaction was enough to tell us that.” Octavia said in response, the movie almost forgotten. “So did she end up scratching your back or something?” She waited until Clarke gave her a small, hesitant nod before continuing. “Was this the first time she did that?”

 

“Well…she never really had the chance to do it before…” Clarke trailed off, realizing she didn’t need to tell either of them much of anything about this.

 

“Wait…” Raven started. “Was this the first time you two…?”

 

Clarke let out a small sigh, thinking about how to respond to them. Not saying anything was the same as saying yes. And Lexa- _wait, where is Lexa?_ “Yeah…” She finally answered quietly.

 

“What?!” Octavia exclaimed louder than she had intended it to be. “You two’ve been together for what? Three weeks now?” She asked. “And last night was just the first time yo–” Before she could finish Lexa walked in. And if the low-key glare was anything to go by, she didn’t want Octavia to finish that sentence. “I’m gonna take that as a yes unless you tell me otherwise.” She told Lexa with a shrug as she sat back down next to Clarke.

 

“Let’s just get back to the movie,” Lexa told them with a sigh. “There’s only a few minutes left.”

 

“That’s a yes.” Octavia said triumphantly with a nod as they turned back to the movie.

 

.

 

“They have a way of getting things out of me,” Clarke said to Lexa as the two of them walked out of the house a little while later. “I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to tell them about last night.”

 

Lexa only shook her head, reaching out to take Clarke’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “I don’t mind.” She told her with a small smile as they walked up to the car. “I didn’t realize I umm…did that.”

 

“What? My back?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded. “That’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

 

“Because I didn’t mean to, I–” Before she could finish, Lexa felt Clarke’s lips against her’s as she pushed her back until Lexa’s back was against the side of the car. Although it was quick and sudden, it didn’t take Lexa long to register what was happening before she kissed back. Her hands went to rest on Clarke’s waist as Clarke hummed into the kiss, letting her arms snake around Lexa’s neck. It was slow and almost lazy, Lexa moving her lips slowly against Clarke’s and parting them slightly to let her slip her tongue into her mouth. In the silence of the night, and the only sounds were coming from each other, Lexa didn’t have a better word for how she felt in that moment other than peaceful. And the last thing either of them wanted to do was rush the moment.

 

Finally pulling back, Clarke remained close, not even taking a step away from Lexa as she looked up at her and touched her nose with her’s. “Stop apologizing.” She told her with a smile, waiting for Lexa to return it before taking a step back.

 

“You know,” Lexa started, looking at Clarke as she mirrored her smile. “Raven and Octavia are probably watching us right now.”

 

“I know,” Clarke said with a small nod. “I don’t really care.” She told Lexa before leaning in to kiss her again. It didn’t last as long as the previous one before they broke away. “Now, come on, we should go.”

 

.

 

> _October 18 th 2016 – Tuesday_

 

“So…mom told me you spent your birthday with Clarke.” Anya said to Lexa through the screen on her laptop. It had been a while since the two of them had gotten the chance to really talk; Anya busy with…well pretty much everything and Lexa for once having a life outside of home and school. So it didn’t bother either of them that it was probably a little late for a school night.

 

“Yeah…I did.” Lexa nodded slowly, not really sure what her sister was asking.

 

“Spent the night with her too.” Anya stated before Lexa could even finish her sentence.

 

Lexa nodded again, her mind going back to that night as it made the corners of her lips lift ever so slightly. “And?” She asked calmly, doing her best to keep a straight face.

 

“And…what happened?”

 

Lexa remained silent for a moment, watching her sister carefully before suddenly asking, “You’re my sister, why would you even want to know what happened?”

 

“So you and Clarke…?” Anya trailed off, not saying anything more as she waited for her sister’s response. It took her a second but Lexa finally nodded, it was slow and hesitant, not knowing the reaction she would get out of her sister. “Yeah, you were right, I don’t want to know.” Her face grimaced suddenly as she shook her head at herself. “I shouldn’t have even asked.”

 

“Exactly.” Lexa replied with a small laugh, glad they were changing the subject. “I didn’t show you what she got me.” Her eyes lit up suddenly as she moved away from the laptop to grab the drawing before Anya could even respond.

 

She couldn’t help but smile at how happy Clarke seemed to make her little sister; if anyone deserved it, it was Lexa. It wasn’t more than a couple of seconds before Lexa returned but she only had her phone in her hands. “Forget something…?”

 

“No,” Lexa replied distractedly, looking down at her phone as she tapped on it. “I sent you a picture of it.” She explained, looking back at her laptop’s screen and watching as her sister’s phone went off on the other side.

 

Anya looked at her questioningly as she reached her hand out to grab the phone and unlocked it. “Did Clarke draw that?” She asked a moment later and Lexa nodded. “Wow, it’s beautiful.”

 

“I know.” Lexa muttered, unable to stop herself from smiling again and doing her best to hide it this time by lowering her head.

 

“I haven’t seen you smile like that since…” Anya started, only to stop and have to think about it. “Let’s just say it’s been a while since I’ve seen you this happy,” she finally continued. “What?” Anya asked when Lexa rolled her eyes. “I told you she would be good for you.”

 

Lexa let out a sigh, not wanting to admit to Anya that she was right. “You did.” She told her reluctantly.

 

“And…” Anya started again, remembering back to how Lexa had said she wouldn’t be good for Clarke. “Is Clarke happy with you?”

 

“I think she is, yes.” Lexa said with a nod, her brain refusing to cooperate again as a smile broke out on her face. She bit down on her lip, trying to compose herself. “We’re happy so…” Lexa shrugged, not really knowing what else to say, because right now, that’s all that mattered to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that was alright. i'm excited for the next chapter and umm......enjoy the fluff while it lasts.   
> also, let me know what you thought.


	21. Lexa, is everything okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a Clexa chapter...well, mostly Lexa, this is a Lexa chapter. She's having a bad day, like a really bad day. And Clarke's there for her. Yes, that doesn't fix things, but it does help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda angst + hurt/comfort; so as a response to a couple of comments, no one's dying, i promise. and it's a pretty long chapter. well, longer than the last two.  
> you know those days where you just feel like sh*t for no real reason and something small kinda makes you lose it? yeah, lexa's having one of those days. but clarke's here and that doesn't fix everything, but it does help.  
> i enjoyed writing this one (coz angst + hurt/comfort is kinda my favorite and it was mostly lexa), so i hope it's a good.

 

> _November 11 th 2016 – Friday _

 

“Lexa, is everything okay?” Clarke asked after their first lesson, unable to hide her concern any longer.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa replied casually as she put her things into her backpack, not really sure what Clarke was asking. “Why do you ask?”

 

“I can’t put my finger on it,” Clarke thought for a moment, zipping her bag closed before continuing with a shrug. “You’ve just seemed a little down the last couple of days.” She couldn’t explain it, not really, but there was something that didn’t seem alright with Lexa; she wasn’t herself, but at the same time, Clarke wasn’t sure how exactly. Maybe it was the little things; how she wasn’t only zoning out during classes (more than usual) but also when she was with her friends, or maybe it was how Lexa was barely talking – which isn’t really unusual for her, she’s not much of a talker but right now, it felt different.

 

“I’m fine.” Lexa tried to reassure her, giving her a small smile as they walked out of the classroom together.

 

“Is something wrong?” Clarke tried again, disregarding what Lexa had just said; she knew her well enough by now to know when a smile was forced.

 

“No,” She replied, shaking her head slightly as they continued walking. “I’m fine, really.” The moment the words left her mouth, Lexa knew Clarke would pick up on how forced it sounded. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything at all, just left it at _no_.

 

“You don’t sound like it.” Clarke said slowly, realizing something was wrong. “Lexa, if something is going on, you know you can talk to m-”

 

“Clarke, I’m fine.” Lexa snapped at her suddenly, her voice louder than she had intended it to be and regretting it the moment the words left her mouth. She closed her eyes for a moment, exhaling sharply as she opened them again. “I have to go.” Her voice was quiet this time, just above a whisper as she stepped away. “I’ll see you later.”

 

“Okay…” Clarke replied with a small nod, suddenly more worried about her girlfriend as she watched her walk away. Fine, maybe Clarke was being a little persistent but Lexa never snapped like that, not to anyone let alone Clarke.

 

The two of them didn’t have any lessons together after the first one so Clarke had no choice but to wait till lunch to apologize for being pushy. She did try texting her, but Lexa didn’t seem to want to respond. A few hours later, once the bell had gone off telling them it was lunch break; Clarke made her way to their lockers, hoping to finally see Lexa. But the only people there were Raven and Octavia, and neither of them had seen much of Lexa all day. “I’ll see if she’s in the library then catch up with you guys, okay?” Clarke asked as she walked away, not so much as waiting for her friends’ response.

 

The school’s library was relatively small, apparently they’d decided to downsize it a couple of years back because only a small handful of students ever went up there anymore. Clarke realized now that it made perfect sense because it was almost completely empty minus the two people on the computers, and the librarian; so it didn’t take long to take a look around and realize Lexa wasn’t there. _Okay…what’s going on with you?_ Not only has she seemed off the last couple of days, but Lexa had completely shut Clarke down when she asked whether everything okay, and _now_ she was…somewhere neither her friends nor her girlfriend knew? _Yeah, something has to be wrong_.

 

“Find Lexa?” Raven asked as Clarke walked up to them in the cafeteria and sat down.

 

“No,” She replied with a sigh.

 

“Trouble in paradise?” Octavia asked half jokingly.

 

Clarke thought for a moment before replying unsurely, “Not really…I don’t think so.” She shrugged. “I don’t know…something seems off with her but when I asked if she was okay, she shut me down.” She let out another frustrated sigh. “And now I don’t know where she is, she won’t even reply to my texts.”

 

“Maybe she went out of school for lunch?” Raven suggested.

 

“Probably,” Clarke replied, that was the only possible explanation right now; she had even checked the bleachers by the football field hoping to find Lexa before coming back to meet her friends, but she wasn’t there either. “Cover me, I’ll try her again.” She muttered to her friends as she pulled out her phone, asking them to let her know if a teacher was around.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:23pm**

Where r u?

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:23pm**

I’m sorry for being pushy, I was just worried about u.

 

“Clarke,” Octavia hissed.

 

“Incoming.” Raven muttered as Clarke put her phone away.

 

.

 

She needed to get away. The last thing Lexa wanted to do after her… _talk_ – more like _outburst_ – with Clarke was go to class but she didn’t really have a choice. At least she could get away from here for an hour during lunch break. She might have an idea, but for the most part, Lexa didn’t even know what was really wrong with her; so when Clarke asked, she had no choice but to fall back on her default _I’m fine_. Lexa shook her head at the thought of Clarke, regretting how that conversation had gone; snapping at her was definitely not necessary. The only reason she was even asking was because she cared enough about her and Lexa responded by shutting her down like that.

 

Lexa’s not sure how the hours went by with her classes, but before she knew it, it was break and she was walking down the sidewalk away from the school and towards the playground. She probably should’ve told someone before leaving; at least Clarke, she would probably be looking for her. The hour passed by too quickly for Lexa and she couldn’t really make herself go back to school for another hour. She knew she’d just missed biology with Clarke but a part of her didn’t really care about that right now; yes, Clarke would probably be worried and Lexa would apologize for that later but right now, she just needed to be alone. By the time she finally walked back into the school, the last lesson was just about to begin.

 

“Where were you?” She heard Clarke as she sat down on the desk next to her. It didn’t sound like she was annoyed or frustrated, – what Lexa _was_ expecting – it sounded more concerned and worried.

 

“I needed to get some air.” Lexa replied, not looking at Clarke as she pulled out her books.

 

“For two hours?” Clarke asked slowly, not wanting a repeat of this morning. “You missed biology.”

 

“I know.” Lexa breathed out, finally turning to look at Clarke. “I’m sorry,” She apologized. “For not telling you before leaving, and for snapping at you like that earlier.” A moment passed, the guilt washing over her. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“It’s alright.” Clarke told her with a gentle smile, not really understanding why Lexa seemed to feel so guilty about it; it wasn’t that big of a deal, everyone has bad days. Lexa seemed to be on edge even now so Clarke decided against saying anything that might push her over. She didn’t really get the chance to say anything anyways because just as she’d finished, Mr. Kane walked in.

 

.

 

“Clarke I didn’t mean to snap at you like that,” Lexa brought it up again as the two of them walked out after class finished. “I’m really sorry.” She felt bad about it, she really did; Clarke was only worried about her and she responded by snapping at her.

 

“I told you,” Clarke reassured her, “It’s not a big deal, it’s okay.” She touched her arm gently, “ _I’m_ the one who should be sorry.” Lexa only gave her a slightly confused look. “And I am, I was being pushy, I should’ve let it go when you didn’t want to talk about it-”

 

“No, no.” Lexa shook her head, stopping her. “You weren’t, you were just worried. And it wasn’t okay for me to talk to you like that, I’m just…” She trailed off, searching for a word to at least explain her actions. “I don’t know.”

 

“It’s not a big deal.” Clarke repeated, slower this time as they continued to walk. “And after what happened earlier, I should probably stop asking you and let this go but…” She paused uncertainly, almost waiting for Lexa to stop her. “Are you okay?”

 

Lexa fell silent, walking the next few steps without saying anything. “I don’t really know.” She told her quietly.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Just that.” She shrugged. “I’ve just been a little off the last couple of days and I can’t really explain why. I don’t even know.”

 

“Something wrong?” Clarke tried again.

 

“No,” Lexa replied; that was only half the truth, if Clarke had asked her yesterday, it would’ve been true but right now…nope, she couldn’t get herself to talk to Clarke about it. Not yet anyways. “It’s just one of those da- weeks.” She corrected herself. “Just one of those weeks.”

 

Clarke watched her with a worried expression, her voice was low and quiet and Clarke didn’t know what was wrong but she didn’t like seeing Lexa like this. Whatever was bothering her, Clarke wanted to find a way to make it stop.

 

“It’ll pass.” Lexa spoke before Clarke could say anything, her voice back to normal. “Don’t worry about it.”

 

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, letting it go at that as they came up to her house. “But listen,” She stopped Lexa just as she was about to walk away. “If you want to talk…or just want someone around,” She told her, not entirely sure what helped during _one of those days_. “Give me a call.”

 

“I will probably hold you on for that.” Lexa gave her a small smile – a real one this time – before walking away.

 

.

 

**Lexacoon**

**9:57pm**

Are you up for a movie tonight?

 

Clarke’s phone lit up later that night with a text from Lexa; she had her contact name changed since that incident during PE about a month ago (and no, Lexa _not_ approve). It wasn’t too late considering it was Saturday tomorrow so Clarke figured why not; she wouldn’t say no to spending time with Lexa if she could help it. Her mom was home tonight and although they hadn’t really talked about it, Abby was starting to warm up to Lexa – or at least that’s what Clarke thought because she didn’t seem to question it every time the two of them hung out together anymore.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**9:58pm**

Sure

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**9:58pm**

What do u wanna watch?

 

Lexa’s reply came only a couple of seconds later.

 

**Lexacoon**

**9:59pm**

Disney sound okay?

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**9:59pm**

Disney always sounds okay.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**10:00pm**

Anything specific?

 

**Lexacoon**

**10:00pm**

I was thinking Big Hero Six?

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**10:01pm**

Head’s up, I WILL cry.

 

Lexa was over in no more than a few minutes, it didn’t take long to walk from her place to Clarke’s. She wasn’t really in the mood to watch a movie right now, she was more in the mood for locking herself in her room and pretending the outside world didn’t exist… _but_ at the same time, being alone right now was feeling more overwhelming than she could handle right now. So instead of telling Clarke the truth about not wanting to be alone and asking to come over – like a normal person – Lexa decided suggesting a movie would raise less questions from her. And Big Hero Six would give her a good enough excuse to cry without worrying Clarke, which was good considering how Lexa was having a hard time keeping a lid on things right now.

 

She wasn’t too sure about coming over to Clarke right now; given how she was feeling and how much Lexa hated people asking her what was wrong, it was probably not the greatest idea to be around someone right now. There was a lot going on in her mind right now, and there was a good chance the movie would cause all of that to come pouring out. _What if I freaks out Clarke?_ Was Lexa really ready to let someone see this side of her, the one that has all this baggage and is just downright messy?

 

The thoughts disappeared the moment Clarke opened the door, her smile momentarily making her feel better. “Hey,” Lexa couldn’t help but smile back before the two of them made their way up to Clarke’s room. Her mom didn’t seem to have anything to say when she noticed Lexa come in other than asking Clarke to leave the door to her room open.

 

“So, Big Hero Six?” Clarke asked as the two of them settled into bed with her laptop.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa replied with a small nod.

 

.

 

By the time the scene with Hiro and Baymax inside the teleporter came on, Clarke found herself _unsuccessfully_ trying to hold back tears – again. Although she had watched the movie countless times and knew it had a happy, she couldn’t really stop the tears from escaping. The two of them were cuddled up together in Clarke’s bed, with Clarke’s arms around Lexa and Lexa’s head on Clarke’s chest with the laptop in front of them. It took her a little while to notice it, but to her surprise, Lexa was also crying. Clarke would’ve never thought of Lexa as someone who cried while watching Disney movies. But before she could say something about it, she realized Lexa was _actually_ crying; as in, _not_ because of the movie but because of something that was a little more real.

 

Suddenly worried, Clarke reached out to pause the movie so she could ask Lexa if she was alright. But before she could, Lexa brought her hand up to Clarke’s, stopping her, wanting the movie to keep playing. It worried her to say the least but Clarke did as Lexa wanted; not pausing the movie, instead she tightened her arm around her girlfriend and pulled her closer. Lexa finally pulled her glasses off, clearly not watching the movie anymore as she shifted closer to Clarke, pressing her face against her and let herself fall apart. So for the remainder of the movie, Clarke held her, pretending she couldn’t hear the soft sobs coming from Lexa or feel the tears beginning to soak through her t-shirt.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke finally spoke, asking carefully in a small voice as the credits finally began to roll.

 

Lexa remained quiet for a moment, unmoving, almost like she hadn’t heard Clarke. “Don’t…just don’t say anything.” Lexa replied, her voice broken and raspy, barely audible. “Please.”

 

And for the next few seconds, Clarke didn’t, trying to figure out what would be the best way to go about it…whatever _it_ was. “What’s going on?” She asked after a couple of long seconds, unable to stay quiet any longer.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed out, bringing her head up slightly to look at her, almost asking her to stop.

 

“Lexa if something’s wro-”

 

“Nothing’s wrong.” Lexa stopped her, sounding nothing like she had earlier this morning when she had cut Clarke off. She sounded tired now more than anything. “Please…just let it go.”

 

Clarke could usually see through Lexa when she was trying to keep something from her…but not this time; well, no, she didn’t sound alright but at the same time Lexa almost sounded like she meant it when she said nothing was wrong. She stopped for a moment, trying to think of how to continue. “I don’t want to overstep,” Clarke started gently, having realized Lexa did not do well with being pushed. “But Lex, you can’t break down in front of me and expect me to not ask about it.”

 

She remained unmoving for a moment before nodding slowly. “I don’t know Clarke…there’s not much to say.” Lexa replied, sounding unsure. “It just…happens sometimes.”

 

Clarke looked at her, making small circles on Lexa’s shoulder, trying to comfort her. “What do you mean?”

 

“This,” She let out a small sigh, “Breaking down…it’s just something that happens.”

 

“Why?” Clarke asked before she could stop herself, regretting it the moment the word left her mouth because Lexa was _just_ starting to open up and there was a very good chance this would cause her to shut down again.

 

“Most of the time, I’m not entirely sure…” Lexa hesitated as she relaxed against Clarke again, letting her head rest on her chest again. “It’s probably a side effect of bottling up my feeling and emotions, and ignoring them for too long instead of dealing with them.” She replied lightly, almost like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

 

Clarke went silent for a moment, not knowing how to respond. “Lexa if you need someone to talk to, I’m right here.”

 

“I’m…not very…good at that…” Lexa said uncertainly, going silent for a little while, hoping Clarke would say something – _anything_ – but when she didn’t Lexa continued, “Talking…I can’t really do that.” She explained. “It’s mostly because I never really have someone to talk to…” Lexa trailed off, talking to no one specifically, almost like Clarke wasn’t even here right now. “I’ve kind of gotten used to it.” She tilted her head up, talking to Clarke again. “It doesn’t happen as much as it used to.”

 

“So it just happens…for no real reason?” Clarke asked carefully; she didn’t like seeing Lexa like this, and the thought of her being alone in her room when…she had one of these days was not something she wanted to think about.

 

“It’s hard to explain…” Lexa replied, trying to figure out how to explain it. “Most of the time I don’t really get it myself.” She shrugged. “After a while… _everything_ just becomes too much…and I can’t take it anymore.” But it felt different with Clarke by her side, it wasn’t as bad; most times when the lid comes off, she’s alone in her bed with a crippling sense of loneliness and nothing to keep her company other than her headphones – which made things worse than they needed to be. “And being alone doesn’t help.” Lexa added after a moment.

 

“You’re not anymore.” Clarke told her, pressing a kiss on the top of her head before falling silent. “You told me…” She stopped herself, unsure whether this was a good idea. “You told me you had a…hard time at school for a while” Carefully, she continued. “Does that have anything to do with this?”

 

“Partly.” Lexa breathed out reluctantly. “It’s just…I’ve been made to feel like I wasn’t good enough and alone for so long…it feels normal now.” She paused, but spoke before Clarke could say anything. “Not good normal, just…I’ve learned to deal with it on my own.” She stopped. “So…it feels weird when you say I’m not anymore.”

 

“Good weird or bad weird?” Clarke asked quietly.

 

“Good, definitely good.” Lexa told her with a nod, sitting up straight so she could look at her. “I didn’t mean to go off like that,” She shook her head. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.” She replied with a small smile, taking Lexa’s hands. “I’m glad you opened up.” Clarke leaned forward for a kiss, Lexa closing her eyes as their lips met; it was short and sweet on Clarke’s part but she could feel the heaviness coming from Lexa as they pulled away slightly, leaning their foreheads against each other. “Hey,” Clarke asked quietly, causing Lexa to open her eyes. “You are good enough.” She almost whispered.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed out, her lip quivering as her tears welled in her eyes and she pulled back.

 

She didn’t say anything for a moment, watching Lexa as she turned her head away, trying to compose herself. “You are.” Clarke tried again. “More than that,” Lexa finally looked back at her. “You’re more than just good enough, okay?” Lexa only watched her skeptically, chewing on her bottom lip. “Just because there are people out there who don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

 

She shook her head slowly, stopping her. “No,” was all she had before Clarke pulled her into a hug. Lexa almost melted into her, letting her arms tighten around Clarke as she held her. She didn’t want to let go, only clenched her jaws, doing her best to hold the tears back.

 

“Stay tonight.” Clarke said as the two of them finally pulled away.

 

“I can’t…” Lexa trailed off. “I don’t think your mom would be okay with it.”

 

“I’ll talk to her.” She said with a nod. “And you don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, okay?” She told her before Lexa could protest. “It’s late Lex, and you’re tired.” Clarke paused for a moment. “I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this chapter left a few questions. and i'll probably answer most of them with the next chapter....like a bit more backstory on lexa maybe.....?  
> so yeah, let me know what you thought, comments always make my day.  
> also, the fic is gonna be a lot longer than i originally intended so yeah....longer than 22 chapters. that's probably a good thing. and my askbox is always open on tumblr (k17l53.tumblr.com), if anyone wants to ask me anything about the fic.


	22. That’s why I kind of lost it today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a Lexa chapter that picks up right after the last one and we get more into her past and...well, it's not pretty. So, BACKSTORY CHAPTER.
> 
> ******TRIGGER WARNING: Child abuse/mentions of child abuse******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like i said, it's not pretty. not gonna lie, i'm nervous af about this chapter. and i thought i wouldn't be done till tomorrow, but i guess i am, so i'm posting it. (i'm nervous as i type this okay) i'm 99% sure that's the only TW that applies to this but Lexa's in a pretty bad place throughout this chapter, so head's up on that as well. i mean, i kinda cried while writing it......and then again while editing it.  
> but there is a lot of clexa because clarke loves lexa no matter what and she's there for her. it's mostly angst with bits of hurt/comfort and i like to think that's what i do best.

“What’s going on with you?” Clarke asked gently a little later that night. The room was dark, they had turned the lights out and gotten into bed not too long ago, trying to fall asleep but that was the last thing on either of their minds right now. Lexa was lying on her side with her back to Clarke and Clarke’s arm around her waist, holding her close. She hadn’t said much after they’re conversation; well, nothing at all really. Clarke had returned to her room after talking to her mom – which went better than she was expecting, getting a yes from Abby about Lexa staying – and since then, Lexa hadn’t really said a single word. “Lex?” She asked again after a moment when Lexa didn’t answer.

 

“It’s nothing.” Lexa finally answered, her voice sounding tired and quiet.

 

“It’s bothering you, so it’s something.” Clarke replied, doing her best to sound like she wasn’t pushing. “You can talk to me.”

 

“I think it’s probably best I don’t.” She replied hesitantly. “About this anyways.”

 

Clarke let out a small breath, thinking about what to say for a moment before speaking, “You said most times this happens,” She started. “When you can’t take it anymore…” Clarke continued, thinking back to earlier that night and watching Lexa as she nodded. “But you didn’t really tell me what _it_ was.”

 

“ _It_ is a lot of things.” Lexa sighed, giving into Clarke as she turned around on her side to face her. “One thing more than others…” She corrected herself hesitantly, looking away from Clarke for a moment, “Let’s just say,” Lexa sighed, turning back to her, “My way of dealing with my emotions probably isn’t a healthy one.” She tried to reassure Clarke, trying to make her believe it wasn’t that big of a deal but Clarke seemed anything but. “I distract myself and don’t let myself feel anything…or pay attention to what I’m feeling…” Lexa explained, pausing again, “But after a while everything in my head just gets a bit too much and... _this_ is triggered pretty easily.”

 

Clarke let a moment pass before asking, “What triggered it this time?” Her tone was careful, almost hesitant, not wanting to say something wrong because Lexa was starting to open up and Clarke didn’t want to say anything that might make her shut down again. And Clarke could see she wasn’t in a good place right now so she didn’t want to unintentionally say something that could make it worse.

 

“Something in the mail…” She trailed off uncertainly, realizing how vague that sounded. Lexa was expecting her to ask something, but Clarke decided it was best to give her some space right now and let her continue at her own pace. She waited a moment before lifting her head off the pillow, watching Clarke carefully for a moment before asking. “Are you sure you wanna hear this?”

 

“If you’re comfortable talking about it, then yeah,” Clarke gave her a small smile, encouraging her to continue. “What did you get in the mail?”

 

“A letter…” Lexa replied with a sigh, letting her head fall back onto the pillow as she looked away from Clarke. “…from someone I didn’t want to hear from again… _ever_.”

 

“Who was it?” Clarke asked once Lexa fell silent again.

 

“Umm…” She trailed off, bringing her hand up to her neck and rubbing it uneasily, thinking for a moment about whether she was ready to get into this; well she would eventually, but Lexa didn’t know whether she wanted Clarke to hear this right now. “My mom.” She finally answered, the uncertainty in her tone almost making it sound like a question.

 

“As in…” Clarke started but Lexa nodded before she could finish her question, stopping her. Given how every time Lexa talked about her family, it was always either Indra or Anya, Clarke kind of assumed she didn’t know who her birth parents were. “Do you know who it is?”

 

“I…” Lexa trailed off again, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I wish I didn’t.” She continued quietly, falling silent for a second before making herself continue, her voice slightly louder this time. “Indra and Gustus adopted me when I was nine.” Lexa stopped herself suddenly, realizing she never even told Clarke about Gustus. “There’s so much you don’t know about me,” She said with a small sigh. “There’s so much I haven’t told you.” She added, realizing how she never really talks to Clarke about anything from her past. “And most of it is so messy, I don’t even know how to tell you.”

 

“You don’t have to if you’re not ready.” Clarke told her, touching Lexa’s arm gently. “No pressure okay?”

 

Lexa nodded, taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly, trying to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach. “It’s not that I don’t want to…I just don’t know how…”

 

Clarke thought for a moment, “Okay, well, we don’t need to get into it all at once; baby steps.” She waited for Lexa give her a nod before continuing. “Who’s Gustus?”

 

She smiled at herself, shaking her head, almost surprised that she never brought him up. “My dad.” Lexa told her. “Well, Indra’s husband…so my dad.”

 

“How come I haven’t met him yet?” Clarke asked after a moment, Lexa’s tone was positive, so Clarke thought it was safe to ask.

 

“He umm…he passed away.” She replied slowly.

 

“Oh,” She regretted the question immediately; that was definitely not something Lexa wanted to talk about now. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have asked that right now.”

 

Lexa shook her head slowly, “It was almost four years ago.” She told her with a sigh, “Don’t worry about it.”

 

Clarke gave her a small nod, returning to what they were talking about “So you’ve been here since you were nine?” Lexa only nodded, not saying anything. “How come?” Clarke asked, urging her to continue.

 

“How come they adopted me? Or how come they adopted me when I was nine?” They both had the same answer, _almost_ the same answer, but Lexa still wasn’t sure whether she was ready to tell Clarke about… _all of this_.

 

“Both.” Clarke asked carefully.

 

“Short version,” Lexa started, suddenly ridding herself of any hint of emotion in her voice. “My parents were terrible people and no one really did anything about it until I was eight.” She told Clarke monotonously. “I was in the system for about a year before Indra and Gustus took me in.”

 

Clarke waited a long moment before asking uncertainly, “And what’s the long version?”

 

 _The long version_ is the one no gets to hear; it’s the one that no one even knows other than a small handful of people. Lexa’s pretty sure she hasn’t even said it out loud to anyone other than Anya, and she didn’t really know how to tell Clarke about it…or how Clarke would take it. The short version was relatively straight forward; but once you got into it… _messy_ didn’t even begin to describe it. “The long version…” Lexa clenched her jaws, moving closer to Clarke and pressing her face against her side to avoid having to look at her. “…is kind of messy.” She added, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking.

 

Clarke put her arm around Lexa, worried about her again. “How messy?”

 

“Very.” She breathed out slowly, dragging it out before falling silent again as she tried to figure out what the best way to start would be. A part of her was almost scared that Clarke would be too freaked out by all of this – or at least never be able to look at her the same way again after finding out about… _this_. “My parents…” _That’s probably as good of a place as any to start_. “My birth parents, not Indra and Gustus.” She felt Clarke nod against her before continuing. “They were umm…not the greatest people out there.” She paused, a humorless laugh escaping her because that was an understatement to say the least, “Well, they were probably the worst people you could ask for to be your parents.”

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked once Lexa went quiet again. She might have an idea as to what Lexa meant by that but she didn’t want to make any assumptions.

 

“Abusive.” Lexa stated almost instantly. “They were abusive.” She repeated, her voice barely audible this time. Clarke let out a small ‘ _oh’_ , it sounded a little surprised, mostly upset and disappointed. “From what I remember…” She started, taking a deep breath. “My dad liked to drink and he had a bad temper…those two things don’t really go too well together.” Lexa paused again, unable to make herself look up at Clarke as she chewed on her bottom lip nervously. “And every time he had a bad day, he would take it out on me…which was more often than you’d think.” She could feel her throat starting to close up as the words left her, doing her best to fight back the tears that were threatening to escape and needing to take a moment before continuing. “From what I know now…he was always like that.” When Clarke didn’t answer, Lexa finally brought her head up, looking at her uncertainly. “I’m freaking you out, aren’t I?”

 

“No, not at all.” Clarke replied. “I just…wasn’t expecting that.” That was probably the _last_ _thing_ she was expecting. It’s not something you would _want_ to hear from anyone really; you would never want to find out someone you love was put through that sort of hell. “How bad was it?” Clarke was almost afraid to ask; from what Lexa had said so far, it sounded like it was _really bad_ and all Clarke wanted to right now was hold Lexa close and not let go.

 

“Very…” She replied, letting out a shaky breath and taking Clarke’s hand before continuing. “It was so bad Clarke.” Lexa hadn’t even started talking about it yet, not really, but it was already getting overwhelming. Figuring it was best to just get it out, Lexa continued, “I…pretty much spent the first eight years of my life, _quite literally_ , in physical pain.” _Okay maybe I should tone it down a little_. She told herself as she felt Clarke stiffen slightly against her “My mom wasn’t much better than my dad…I mean, she never tried to stop him. And I was always ended up being covered in bruises, sometimes small cuts even…but for a while…” _The first couple of years,_ “They weren’t in visible places so no one could tell anything was wrong.” She could feel tears stinging the back of her eye again as the memories came back to her and she pressed herself closer to Clarke, reminding herself she wasn’t alone anymore. “But it just kept getting worse.” Lexa continued, realizing her voice was starting to crack. “Eventually people at school started to notice; teachers, other parents…but they pretended not to.” She stopped again, shaking her head as Clarke made small circles on her shoulder. “No one said anything…” There was an almost physical ache in her chest as she thought back to it, unable to fight the tears any longer. “Why wouldn’t anyone say anything?”

 

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke spoke quietly, not really knowing what to even think right now let alone say as she did her best to hold back her own tears.

 

“It kept getting worse.” Lexa repeated, realizing she was crying now. “When I was eight…it got really bad Clarke.” She tried to keep herself together but it wasn’t really working, her voice was cracking and it was barely audible. “So bad that I ended up in the hospital.” Pausing again, she heard Clarke let out a soft ‘ _oh my god_ ’. “I broke my arm and hurt my shoulder pretty bad, I think I even got a concussion.” Letting out a small breath, she continued, “But as bad as it was, that’s what finally got me out of there…away from them.” A moment passed before Lexa opened her mouth again to continue but shook her head instead, unable to keep going.

 

“You don’t have to keep going, it’s okay.” Clarke told her gently, bringing her other arm around Lexa to pull her into a hug.

 

“Fuck,” Lexa muttered as she brought her arms up, holding on to Clarke and burying her face in the crook of her neck. She thought she had put all of this behind her – it’s been over ten years after all – but talking about it and thinking back to it…it just made all the memories come flooding back. But after the letter from her mom today, it was almost a relief to finally talk about it and get it off her chest. Sure, there was still more to say, but Lexa couldn’t, she couldn’t make herself do it anymore; just thinking back to all of… _that_ was filling her with an anger and sadness she hadn’t felt in a very long time. So instead of saying anything else, she only clenched her jaws and stopped trying to fight the tears.

 

Clarke didn’t say anything, she didn’t think there was anything that could help; a hug seemed more helpful than words right now. So Clarke held her, moving her hand up and down Lexa’s back slowly in an attempt to comfort her. No, she wasn’t expecting this, at all, and all Clarke wanted to do right now was shield her away from the outside world and protect her. _Yes_ , she knew that wasn’t realistic and Lexa could take care of herself but no one deserved to be put through something like that. And _Lexa_ …sweet and gentle and caring Lexa who had been put through this a hell like this but was still such a good person.

 

The two of them pulled away slightly after a little while, Lexa lying close to Clarke who still had an arm around her, neither of them finding the need to say anything right away. “That’s why I kind of lost it today.” Lexa spoke after a couple of seconds, her voice raspy, sounding almost detached. “I was a little… _off_ the last couple of days for nothing really and then the letter came in today…” She trailed off with a small, defeated sigh.

 

Clarke gave her a small nod, pressing her lips to the top of her head and waiting a moment before asking, “What did it say?”

 

Lexa looked away, biting her lip, “They want to meet with me; my mom and my dad.” She replied slowly before explaining, “The letter kept saying how they’re sorry about everything that happened-” Lexa stopped again, still unable to believe what it had said. It sounded crazy to say the least, after everything that had happened, how could her mom even think Lexa would want to even hear from them? “This isn’t just something they can apologize for…it won’t make it okay.” Lexa shook her head slightly, the words almost coming out on their own. “It doesn’t change what happened, what they did,” She let out a shaky breath, realizing her voice was cracking again. “What they put me through…”

 

The last bit came out so quietly that Clarke almost didn’t even hear her. “You’re okay now.” She told Lexa quietly, trying to keep herself together because Clarke was doing her best to keep her own voice from cracking. She still couldn’t believe it really, hearing Lexa say it like that especially, made her almost physically hurt. She wanted to do something to make her feel better, make her feel safe. _Okay, maybe just calm her down for now_ , Clarke thought to herself as she realized how Lexa was breathing more rapidly. “Babe, you’re okay.” She tightened her arm around Lexa again, reminding her she wasn’t alone. “Hey,” Clarke tried, realizing Lexa was crying again. “They can’t hurt you, not anymore.”

 

She couldn’t stop her lips from quivering and Lexa bit down on it in an attempt to stop it. _I’m spiraling again_. Her hand fisted around Clarke’s t-shirt, grounding herself to reality; telling herself that _this_ was real, Clarke next to her, and refusing to let herself get carried away by the past. “And I can’t do that.” She shook her head. “Just reading that letter has me spiraling again,” Lexa managed to get out. “I don’t even want to know what would happen if I actually had to see them.”

 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Clarke told her quietly before pausing. “What did Indra say?”

 

“That I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to.” Lexa replied. “And she said if I want to meet them, she’ll support me.” She felt herself relax again. “But she thinks it’s best I don’t, which is good because I don’t want to.”

 

Clarke nodded, “So what do you plan on doing? Are you going to reply or…?”

 

“No,” She shook her head. “I want to forget I even read it.” Tears filled her eyes again. “It made me so angry, Clarke.” Lexa tilted her head up to look at Clarke, “I hadn’t felt like that in such a long time.” She tried to explain it, but she didn’t really know how. “I hated feeling like that; it felt like I wasn’t in control anymore…I just felt angry and helpless. I almost felt violent.” She stopped suddenly; freaking Clarke out was one thing, but this might actually scare her. “That’s not me, Clarke.”

 

“I know.” Clarke replied quietly, loosening Lexa’s grip from her t-shirt and taking her hand.

 

She remained silent for a few long seconds, tears spilling again. “I don’t know Clarke.” She choked out, refusing to look up at her. “Every time I think I’ve put it behind me something brings it back…and it just gets too much and I-” An involuntary sob escaped her, cutting her off.

 

“Shh,” Clarke tried to comfort her, holding Lexa much like she had earlier that night as she cried.

 

“I’m such a wreck.” She sighed after a moment, her chest feeling tight, almost making it difficult to breathe. “You deserve so much better than this.”

 

“No, no, that’s not true.” Clarke tried.

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed tonight,” Lexa replied quietly. “I didn’t mean to dump all of this on-”

 

“You didn’t,” Clarke stopped her. “I’m glad you felt safe enough to open up to me.” She told her, making small circles on her shoulder as she realized Lexa was finally starting to calm down.

 

“I didn’t freak you out?”

 

“No, I just had no idea.” She told her. “And I never would’ve if you hadn’t told me.”

 

“I don’t come off as the mess I am?” Lexa asked rhetorically. “You know…” She started, suddenly realizing something, “That’s probably why your mom doesn’t like me.”

 

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, clearly confused.

 

“You know how people say abuse victims grow up to be abusers? That’s probably it.” Although that was something a lot of people believed to be true, Lexa wasn’t sure how much truth there was to it. No, she hadn’t looked it up. No part of her really wanted to, so Lexa just went with what made her feel slightly better about herself.

 

“Yeah, but” She gave her a single nod. “You’re you. You’re always so sweet and caring…gentle. She can’t possibly think that.” Lexa didn’t seem entirely convinced, only giving Clarke a small shrug. “And how would she know?”

 

“Medical records…?” Lexa took a wild guess. “She’s a doctor, she has access to them-” She was cut off by herself; unable to stop the yawn that managed to escape, realizing for the first time how tired she was. “And it doesn’t take a detective to figure out how I got hurt.”

 

Clarke watched Lexa carefully for a moment, she seemed okay right now – well, she seemed better than she had a while ago. “Don’t worry about that now.” She told her, bringing her hand up to Lexa’s face and running her thumb gently over her cheek. “I think you could use some sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who's reading this and left comments and kudos. i noticed yesterday that i passed 100K views and almost screamed, so thank you so much.  
> and as always, let me know what you thought because i'm really kinda worried about this one.


	23. Nothing to worry about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke talks to Abby about Lexa. Anya's back, sorta. And Clexa's cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry i took forever with this update, i really wanted to update sooner but i was just.....ugh i don't even know.
> 
> it's a lighter chapter than the last two, kinda fluffy i'd say. clarke makes some progress with abby about lexa. anya's worried about her lil sister. and clexa's soft and cute. octavia and raven also show up.

 

 

> _November 12 th 2016 – Saturday_

 

“Can we talk?” Clarke asked her mom later at night. It was a little late and Clarke was almost surprised that she was home on a Saturday night; Raven and Octavia were busy as far as Clarke knew, and Lexa was feeling better and decided to call it a night a little early today – but she did promise to call Clarke if that changed. As much as Clarke didn’t mind a quiet night in, it usually meant spending _quality time_ with her mom; and ‘ _fun_ ’ isn’t a word she’d use to describe it, especially considering it only consisted of them staring blankly at the TV and not so much as talking.

 

“About what?” Abby asked distractedly, not looking away from the TV screen.

 

“Lexa.” She stated simply, knowing this would get her mom’s attention.

 

“What about her?” She turned to look at Clarke.

 

“You know how the morning after my birthday, you told me you had a ‘ _bad feeling_ ’ about her.’” She reminded her mom of their conversation almost two months ago, putting air quotes around ‘bad feeling’. “But you never really told me what it was or why you felt that way.”

 

“And _you_ told me there was nothing any of us could do to change the fact that she was your soulmate.” Abby reminded her. “So it’s nothing important.” She tried to brush it off, turning back to look at the TV screen.

 

“No,” Clarke sat up straight; she wasn’t going to let it go at that. “It _is_ important. You made a big deal out of it then…and even now, you’re not a hundred percent okay with Lexa.” She told her. “So I think I deserve to know why.” After last night, Clarke had an idea as to why her mom felt that way…so did Lexa; but then again, she could be wrong. And Clarke loved Lexa; she was the person Clarke was going to spend the rest of her life with, so yes, she wanted to know why her mom had a problem with her.

 

Abby remained silent for moment, contemplating her response before finally answering. “I think it’s best I _don’t_ tell you.” She paused again. “For one, it won’t change anything. And second, I think _Lexa_ should be the one to tell you.” Clarke gave her mom a confused look, tilting her head slightly. She was almost tempted to ask her what she meant. “It’s something personal…about her.” She finally explained.

 

“She’s told me a lot of things about herself, so you have to be more specific.” Clarke pressed for a better answering, pretending to not know what her mom was referring to. “And if it’s something personal, how would you know?”

 

A beat of silence passed. “I have access to medical records.” Abby sighed, thinking about how to continue. “Did she tell you about her parents?” She asked but before Clarke could say anything, Abby spoke again. “Not her family now, her birth parents?”

 

Clarke only nodded slowly, not needing to say anything about it. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“Did she tell you about her father?” Clarke nodded, realizing Lexa was right in thinking that’s why Abby had a problem with her. “Well kids with…” She paused, looking for the right word. “Problematic pasts usually end up…like their parents.” Abby hesitated with her answering, unable to find a better way to say it.

 

“You can’t honestly expect me think that Lexa would turn out anything like that.” Clarke said, almost surprised at how her mom could even think that. “This is Lexa we’re talking about…I mean, you have met her right?” She asked rhetorically.

 

Abby only sighed. “I don’t want you to get hurt, okay?” She tried. “I hope I’m wrong about her, I really do…but I just think it’s best you take it slow, make sure you’re right about her.”

 

“I know I am.” She told her mom. “And did you really look up her medical records?” Clarke asked, tilting her head as she narrowed her eyes slightly. _Looking at her medical, come on mom? Really?_

 

“I did,” Abby nodded slowly, before noticing the disapproving glare she was getting from her daughter. “Come on, Clarke, if your dad was still here, you know he would’ve run a background check on her.”

 

Clarke sighed, knowing she was right. Her dad passed away when she was thirteen; he was a police officer who got shot in the line of duty. But her mom was right, he would definitely do that; Jake was protective of Clarke, maybe a bit too much but unlike her mom, he knew where the line was. Okay, maybe there wasn’t much of a difference between her mom looking up Lexa’s medical records and her dad running a background check on her. _But…_ She thought about it for a moment before realizing, _dad would never ask me to ‘take things slowly’ with Lexa_. No, he would see how much she meant to Clarke and see Lexa for who she was rather than her past. “But dad wouldn’t ask me to _take things slow_ just because she had a ‘ _problematic past_ ’.” She quoted her mom, air-quoting the words. “He would see Lexa for who she was, not anything else.” Clarke waited for her mom to say something but Abby didn’t. “Give her a fair shot, okay? It’s been ten years since she was adopted; she’s spent more time with her family here then with her birth parents.”

 

“You’re right,” Abby finally said, giving her a single nod. “But you can’t help me from worrying about you.”

 

“Yes,” Clarke agreed; she understood where her mom was coming from, she did, but she still didn’t like how her mom thought about Lexa. “Mom, I love her, okay?” She continued, “And I would really appreciate it if you could at least make an effort to get to know her. Like _really_ get to know her, not _look-up-her-medical-records-and-draw-conclusions-from-there_ know her.”

 

“Okay,” Abby agreed, Clarke was right, she hadn’t really made an effort to get to know her. Now that she thought about it, she _didn’t_ really know Lexa; they’ve barely even had a proper conversation. “Why don’t we have dinner together?” She offered. “With Lexa and her mom.” Abby shrugged, “I don’t really know Indra either.”

 

Clarke nodded, “And _she_ doesn’t really know you.” She gave her mom a small smile; this was nice, well it was a step in the right direction at least. “So yeah, let’s do that.”

 

Abby smiled at her daughter, “Well talk to her, maybe next Saturday?”

 

“Saturday might not be good for them.” She replied, getting a questioning look from her mom. “Lexa’s going through something right now; so I don’t know if they’re going to have it sorted out by the end of the week.”

 

“ _Something?_ “ Abby asked, waiting for Clarke to explain.

 

She let out a long sigh; Abby was just starting to warm up to Lexa, well she was willing to give her a fair shot before coming to a conclusion, and this would probably push her back again. “Lexa got a letter from her mom.” Clarke started. “Her birth mom…” She noticed Abby’s expression change. “That’s why she stayed over last night.” Clarke continued. “It brought back a lot of memories for her and god, she was just so broken up.”

 

“Her mom?” Abby asked.

 

“Yes,” She nodded. “ _But_ Lexa wants nothing to do with her, so this doesn’t mean anything.” _This doesn’t mean you should go back to thinking of her like there’s something wrong with her_.

 

She thought about it for a moment, thinking back to the previous night; Lexa looked upset, Abby had picked up on that and maybe Clarke was right. “Okay, I’ll stick to what I said and ‘ _give her a fair shot_ ’.”

 

“Thank you.” Clarke let out a small sigh of relief. “I’ll talk to her, see when we can do dinner.”

 

-

 

 

 

> _November 13 th 2016 – Sunday_

 

Most of the day had gone by in a blur; Lexa hadn’t really done much, just sat in front of the TV and stared at it blankly. Her mom had gotten called into work some time in the afternoon, and Lexa was kind of glad to be alone. Although her mind was preoccupied with the letter and what she wanted to do about it, the quiet actually helped. She felt a little calmer than the previous night, lighter even; maybe talking about it with Clarke had actually helped. So surprisingly it was a better day than Lexa was expecting.

 

Now she was half lying on the couch with her laptop and headphones on, talking to Anya. “Did mom put you up to this? You don’t usually call on Sunday nights.” Lexa asked, almost suspiciously.

 

“She might have _suggested_ I give you a call.” Anya replied tentatively with a nod and Lexa rolled her eyes. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m fine.” Lexa replied with a shrug. “Nothing to worry about.”

 

Anya gave her an unimpressed look, not saying anything for a second. “ _Nothing to worry about?_ ” She asked. “Your ‘ _mom_ ’ sent you a letter and there’s nothing to worry about?” Lexa just shrugged again, smiling at how Anya put air-quotes around _mom_. “Seriously Lexa, are you okay?”

 

She sighed in defeat, Anya wouldn’t let it go until she actually talked about it. “I _am_ fine.” Lexa replied. “I’m better than I was the last couple of days…but it’s still on my mind.” She continued, talking more to herself this time, “It’s _constantly_ on my mind.”

 

Anya nodded at her. “You want to talk about it?”

 

“Not really.” Lexa shook her head, going silent. “I talked about it with Clarke,” She explained. “Got it all out of my system; that’s what you say I should do right?” She asked, finishing with a small smile.

 

“Yes,” Anya agreed, sounding more than a little surprised that her sister would talk to anyone about anything, let alone this. “I’m impressed; Clarke got you to talk to her…about this. That’s big.” Lexa rolled her at her sister, she was making it sound like a bigger deal than it really was. “Took me forever to get you to open up to me about anything really.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” She brought her hand up, rubbing her neck before continuing. “So…instead of bottling it up, I did the ‘ _healthy_ ’ thing and talked about it, you should be proud of me.”

 

Anya let out a small laugh, “I am.” And she was, Lexa wasn’t the type of person who opened up or let her emotions show; she was more of ‘ _I’m going to ignore everything as long as I can and see how that goes_ ’ kind of person. Anya was happy for her, this was a big deal to Lexa – _really big_ – so it was great that she had found someone like Clarke, someone she felt comfortable and safe with to talk to. “I’m glad you could talk to her about it.”

 

Lexa only nodded, going silent for a moment before suddenly speaking. “I just realized something.” Anya shot her a confused look, waiting for her to continue. “You’ve never really met Clarke…I mean, I’ve told you about her and you saw her last New Year’s but you haven’t actually met her.”

 

“Huh,” Lexa was right, she hasn’t actually met Clarke yet. “Well, next time I’m in town, I expect you to introduce me to your _soulmate_.” She told her. “I can’t believe you haven’t yet.” Anya added jokingly.

 

-

 

 

 

> _November14 th 2016 - Monday_

 

“Someone didn’t get much sleep last night.” Octavia said to Lexa as she and Raven walked up to Clarke and Lexa by their lockers that morning.

 

Lexa brought up a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle a yawn – and failing. “That would be me, yeah.” She nodded distractedly.

 

“Pulled an all-nighter for the physics test today?” Raven asked casually.

 

Lexa’s eyes shot up in Raven’s direction. “Pulled a what for _what_?” She blurted out as panic surged through her, Lexa had no idea what Raven was talking about.

 

Suddenly Raven and Octavia burst out laughing, “We don’t even have physics today.” She replied, finally managing to stop laughing.

 

Lexa sighed, relaxing again. “Can’t believe you got me with that.” If anything she was a little impressed…but also disappointed in herself for falling for it.

 

“Slept late?” Clarke asked, placing a hand on Lexa’s back, comforting her from their two _terrible friends_.

 

“Didn’t sleep at all.” She replied, tilting her head and letting it fall on Clarke’s shoulder. Lexa wasn’t usually this affectionate in public, at all really, especially at school. But she was too tired to even think about it now.

 

“Everything okay?” Octavia asked, a little confused, maybe even worried for her friend.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa answered as she brought her head up, _that didn’t sound convincing…at all_.

 

“No you’re not.” Clarke muttered, not thinking as she brought her arms up around Lexa. She felt Lexa let out a small sigh as she hugged her back, arms wrapping around Clarke’s back. Lexa had her back to Raven and Octavia so Clarke could see the questioning looks on their faces. She only shook her head at them slightly, wanting to ask them to not bring it up to Lexa. “You need a minute?” Clarke asked her quietly, whispering into her ear.

 

Lexa shook her head slightly, muttering a small ‘ _no_ ’ as she pulled away. “I’m just tired.” The bell went off just as she finished, almost thankful for it because now she wouldn’t have to explain anything to Raven and Octavia. “And really sleepy.” She said to Clarke, taking a sip from her travel mug as they walked towards their first class.

 

“Coffee?” Clarke asked as they walked down the hallway.

 

Lexa nodded. “I need something to keep me up. Or at least try.” She paused for a moment as they continued walking, “There’s just way too much going on in my head right now and it won’t shut up.”

 

Clarke stopped suddenly, realizing how Lexa sounded annoyed, almost pissed – two things Clarke was unaccustomed to hearing from her. She put her hand on Lexa’s arm, stopping her as well. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

 

She nodded, forcing out a small smile and regretting the tone of her voice. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.”

 

The rest of the day was uneventful; Lexa being out of it for the most part due to the lack of sleep, and to her surprise, Raven and Octavia didn’t bring it up or even ask her if anything was wrong. But they did ask Clarke…more than once; yeah, they can be persistent sometimes. And stubborn, but Clarke was just as bad so they couldn’t really get much out of her other than, “ _She’s going through something._ ” and eventually “ _It’s not my place._ ” Raven wanted to ask Lexa about it, she really did, and she came very close to doing it too but Clarke wouldn’t let her…Octavia wouldn’t either for some reason. Well, she wouldn’t admit it to Raven, but Octavia cared about Lexa and she could see something was bothering her. But Clarke seemed pretty determined to not have either of them ask Lexa about it so she figured it must’ve been something serious.

 

The two of them had gone over to Clarke’s place after school; there was a history test tomorrow and studying together seemed like a good idea right now; especially to Lexa because her mind was too preoccupied with _everything else_ to be paying attention to work. Neither of them were up for studying straight away given school had finished only a little while go and Lexa could barely keep herself awake so maybe a nap sounded better. Turning to lie on her back, Lexa felt Clarke’s arm around her as she moved closer. Lexa closed her eyes, realizing how she finally felt at ease with her.

 

“You sure you’re okay?” Clarke asked quietly.

 

Lexa nodded. “Just tired.” Her voice was barely audible; the lack – _absence_ – of sleep, the feeling of Clarke next to her, and the softly lit bedroom making it harder to stay awake and probably keeping her brain from functioning properly.

 

“You need to sleep.” She replied, noticing Lexa’s tone as she tilted her head up slightly to kiss Lexa’s jaw. “At least a couple of hours.” Lexa only nodded, bringing an arm up around Clarke as she let out a small breath and relaxed against her.

 

.

 

“So what are you gonna do?” Clarke asked about an hour later after they’d woken up. Lexa was still lying on her back with Clarke’s head on her chest; neither of them had said anything for a while and there was a comfortable silence between them.

 

Lexa blinked, bringing herself back to reality as she heard Clarke. “Umm…” She thought for a moment. “I don’t really know.” She knew Clarke was asking about the letter she had gotten; it was all she had been thinking about lately so obviously Clarke had picked up on it. “Probably nothing.” Lexa added with a shrug. “I don’t plan on replying, I just want to forget about it to be honest.” Clarke hummed in acknowledgement as she continued. “There is no point in replying if all it’s going to say is ‘ _I don’t want to hear from you ever again_ ’.” It almost surprised her how at ease she was talking to Clarke about it…or maybe Lexa was surprised at how at ease she was around Clarke, not only about this but just in general. There was just something about Clarke, the way she made Lexa feel; no one else really made her feel this way until now – at ease, relaxed, content… _safe_. Sure, she felt most of these around her family but it was… _different_ with Clarke and Lexa couldn’t really explain how.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke muttered. “You think they’re going to stop trying to reach out to you?”

 

“Well, I hope so.” She replied. “I mean, there’s not much they can do if I don’t want to see them; _legally_ I’m an adult so they don’t have much of a say in anything.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly, it was a relief knowing Lexa wouldn’t be forced into doing something she didn’t want to or wasn’t ready to. “Are you doing okay?” She asked suddenly, looking up at Lexa “Because you seemed better yesterday.” They hadn’t talked much about… _this_ yesterday, Lexa seemed to be doing better and didn’t bring it up so Clarke had figured it was best not to either. But it was clear that she was distracted most of the day, and when Clarke had asked her about what she was going to do about the letter, it was Lexa who continued talking about it.

 

“Umm…” Lexa thought about how to reply, there was something she hadn’t told Clarke yet. “My dad called…”

 

“What?” She asked abruptly, straightening up slightly as she brought herself up. “When?”

 

“This morning.” Lexa replied, her voice dropping. “Well, he called my mom.”

 

“What did she say?” Clarke asked gently, unsure of whether Lexa was alright with bringing this up again.

 

“Well, she hung up when he introduced himself.” Lexa told her. “But then he called again. And they talked for a while, my mom didn’t sound too happy – well, she looked like she was waiting for him to hang up.” She continued. “Then she told me that they really want to see me because they’re _so sorry for what they did_.” Lexa rolled her eyes, the sarcasm less than subtle in her tone.

 

“And what did your mom say?”

 

“She rolled her eyes and told them I didn’t want to see them.” Lexa answered, pausing. “So yeah, that’s kind of been on my mind all day.” She let out a long sigh.

 

Clarke waited a moment before asking cautiously, “What are you thinking?”

 

“ _Why are they even trying?_ ” She stated instantly. “There is literally no point in them trying to reach out to me, or trying to apologize because…” Lexa shrugged, trying to find her words. “No matter what, every time I so much as hear about them, my mind will go back to what they did to me. And I don’t think anything can change that.” Clarke only watched her carefully, not saying anything; Lexa sounded upset again, but not the way she had been on Friday night. She sounded more somber, tired, maybe even defeated. “I just want to put it behind me…but it’s hard when they’re pulling me back.” Lexa paused again, waiting a second and letting her voice return to normal before speaking. "But I don't want to think about it." She looked at Clarke; yeah that was enough ‘ _talking_ ’ and ‘ _opening up_ ’ for at least a while. "Studying the Russian revolution sounds a lot better right now."

 

"Yeah." She gave Lexa a small smile. "How about we do that, then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if my writing's off, i'm sorry, i don't know what happened???? but i finished writing it and it reads well enough. so i hope it's okay. 
> 
> anyways, update on the fi- no that's not right. update on what i'm planning to do with this fic. i'll do my best to keep it short.  
> so...the fic's getting long (for me anyways). but i don't want to end the story, there's so much more to them than just this. and i love the universe and their dynamics too much to end it.  
> i have like till chapter 27 planned out, give or take. so i was thinking i'd turn it into a series maybe.....?  
> each part of it be a part of their lives. like this one ending when high school ends. second one would be clexa through college and so on.  
> i kinda have a couple of them planned out, like i know which part of their lives i want them to be about. 
> 
> anyways, i'm probably being confusing. thanks for reading and if you want to ask me something about it, hit me up on tumblr k17l53.tumblr.com


	24. So…you’re asking me out on a date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa spending time together after dinner with their moms. It's cute and light and...clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it's been a long time since i last updated and i am so sorry. i just....no excuses, i'm just sorry, it took me forever to even get to writing it. i don't even know why....anyways, i'd say it's a cute chapter, it's just clexa. and lexa's kind of a dork who's just really in love with clarke.

> _November 20 th 2016 - Saturday_

 

“Well that went better than I thought it would.” Lexa stated to Clarke as the two of them walked out of Clarke’s place.

 

“It did.” Clarke replied with a nod as they walked up to her car. “A _lot_ better.”

 

Turns out tonight _was_ good for dinner for both their moms, and Clarke was actually looking forward to it. Well, her and Lexa were a little nervous about it, but to their surprise, Indra and Abby seemed to get along pretty well. This was the first time they’d actually meat so most of the night was just light conversation. Nevertheless, they all seemed to have a good time. Lexa wasn’t expecting it to go as well as it had, she’s not really sure why, maybe it was because she knew how Abby felt about her; but tonight, she seemed alright. Clarke was a little surprised by it too, she didn’t really think her mom meant it when she had said she’d give Lexa a _fair shot_ , but she did. Clarke and Indra seemed to like each other too; this was the first time the two of them had an actual conversation – much like Lexa with Abby – so it was nice for Lexa to see them get along.

 

It wasn’t that late, around 10pm; Lexa had stayed back after dinner, Indra having left a while ago but Lexa wanting to spend time with Clarke. Now the two of them were headed out to grab some ice cream and…nothing else really, they just wanted to be alone with each other. They weren’t clingy, _no_ ; they hadn’t seen each other all day today and only at school yesterday, so it was understandable that they wanted to spend a few more hours together. Raven and Octavia do like to joke about how Clarke and Lexa are inseparable but if anyone’s clingy, it’s the two of them. Honestly, even before they got together, Clarke barely saw one of them without the other. And although Lexa and Octavia weren’t as close during her first year here, even she agrees that Raven and Octavia have always been like that; Raven would always be waiting for Octavia after soccer practice and there was probably only a small handful of times all year that Raven didn’t walk her to the locker rooms before practice.

 

“So ice-cream and then just drive around for a while?” Lexa asked as she opened the door, holding it open for Clarke.

 

“Yep.” Clarke gave her a short nod, getting into the car as Lexa closed it and circled around to get to the passenger side.

 

.

 

“So…I kind of _just_ realized something yesterday.” Lexa started, bringing down her ice-cream cone. They were parked at an almost empty parking lot a few of minutes away from their favorite ice-cream place. The two of them seemed to come up here quite often; it was quite at night, no more than a handful of cars scattered across the place, some times less. So it made for a pretty nice spot for when they didn’t want to stay in but wanted to be alone.

 

“Yeah?” Clarke asked, turning her head to look at her.

 

“Hmm,” Lexa nodded, licking her cone before speaking again. “I’ve never really taken you out on a date.”

 

“Huh,” Clarke gave her a small nod, she hadn’t really realized it until now. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

 

“Yeah,” She agreed. “I mean, we’ve barely been out together,” Lexa continued hesitantly; this was still new to her, the whole _relationships_ thing and the whole _dating_ thing was still new to her. Relationships in general weren’t, no, but what she had with Clarke was definitely new. They never really mattered as much as her relationship with Clarke does, so Lexa wanted to make sure she wasn’t doing anything _wrong_. “You took me out for my birthday.” She gave a small smile, thinking back to that day. “But other than that, we mostly just stay in.” Lexa paused again, realizing it might have sounded like she didn’t really enjoy it. “And I like that, I really do.” She did, staying in and watching TV shows or movies was probably one of her favorite things to do. And getting to do that with Clarke was pretty close to perfect. “Staying in and cuddling in front of the TV is probably one of my favorite things.” She couldn’t help but smile at Clarke. “But…” Lexa trailed off hesitantly, looking away from her as she brought up her ice cream cone again. “I wanna take you out sometime…” She asked, sounding almost nervous.

 

A smile broke out on Clarke’s face, widening as she listened to Lexa. “So…you’re asking me out on a date?” She waited until Lexa gave her a small, hesitant nod, only making Clarke smile more. “You know you don’t have to be nervous about asking me out, right?” She asked, a little amused. “It’s not like I’m going to say no, we’re already together.”

 

“I know.” Lexa managed a small smile, nodding at her. “But…” She took Clarke’s free hand, “I don’t know…you still make me nervous.”

 

“Yeah?” Clarke asked again, lightly. “Is that good or bad?”

 

“Good, it’s a good nervous.” She smiled back. “I mean, it’s a good feeling but,” She let out a small breath. “Kinda bad for me when I try to ask you something like…now.” Her voice kept getting quieter as she continued, unable to help herself.

 

Instead of a smile, a small laugh escaped Clarke this time. Lexa was adorable when she got all nervous and flustered. It wasn’t that often Clarke got to see her like that; Lexa was more comfortable around her now but she still got nervous when they talked about _anything_ that had to do with their relationship. Clarke didn’t mind, not at all, it was cute if anything; it told Clarke that Lexa took their relationship seriously because if she didn’t, she wouldn’t be getting half as nervous over something like _this_ – like asking the person she was going to spend _the rest of her life with_ on a date. “Well it’s cute.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes at Clarke, “Is it?” She asked rhetorically.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Clarke replied, still smiling. “I mean, we’ve been together for like two months now,” She reminded her. “And we’ve been friends for over a year.” She ran her thumb over the back of Lexa’s hand as she continued. “And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with each other…so…” This time it was Clarke who’s voice was lowering as realization dawned on her. She never really thought about it that way; yes, she knew they were soulmates and Clarke knew what that meant, it meant…they were each other’s, no matter what, it would always be the two of them. But Clarke hadn’t really given much thought to what _that_ meant, and saying it out loud…it kind of just hit her that no matter what, and out of all the people in the world, Lexa was… _her’s_ and she was Lexa’s.

 

“Sounds crazy when you say it out loud, doesn’t it?” Lexa asked quietly, noticing how Clarke had fallen silent.

 

“Yeah, it does.” Clarke replied in a whisper before her voice returned to normal, “But not in a bad way,” She said quickly, not wanting Lexa to think that’s what she had meant. “I just…I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

 

“I know,” Lexa nodded, falling silent. But Lexa had; she’d thought more about what that meant for Clarke than it did for herself, but she'd thought about it nonetheless. She was happy with Clarke; if anything, Lexa didn’t think she could have gotten anyone better than her. As cheesy as it might sound, Clarke was everything she could ask for; she was understanding and sweet and all the right things, she accepted Lexa for who she was, – her messed up self as well as her past – and well…Clarke was beautiful. Up until she had gotten her tattoo, Lexa hadn’t given much thought to her soulmate. Who she might be, or what she might be like; or how she might be like to Lexa given… _everything_. But then she had gotten her tattoo, and it all started to come crashing down on her that this person, whoever it would turn out to be, would be the one she spends her entire life with. At first, Lexa had thought there was a mistake, almost panicking that it wasn't even a girl. But then Clarke showed up and…well, that's when Lexa started thinking more about what being _stuck with her_ meant for Clarke.

 

Speaking suddenly, Clarke interrupted Lexa’s train of thoughts. “You know I wouldn’t change that for the world, right?”

 

Lexa didn’t say anything, only looked at her with an unsure expression. Yes, by now, she should know that Clarke loves her and would want to be with her no matter what…but she couldn’t help it. It was a lot of things really, that kept Lexa from _letting herself_ believe whether or not Clarke really knew her well enough to know for sure. One of those things was probably the fact that Lexa wasn’t really used to having someone like Clarke in her life, someone who loved her the way Clarke did. And that made another part of her believe that either a) what Clarke was saying wasn't true and she probably doesn’t mean it, or b) maybe she meant it now, but if/when things got messy with her, Clarke wouldn't really be up for it.

 

“I wouldn’t.” Clarke repeated, noticing how Lexa wasn’t saying anything. She waited a moment before leaning forward, pressing her lips against Lexa’s. Lexa's let her eyes flutter shut as she felt Clarke’s lips on her’s, taking a moment before kissing back slowly. Clarke pulled back slightly after a moment, “Even if I had a choice,” She said quietly, kissing Lexa again. “I’d choose you,” Clarke whispered her lips ghosting over Lexa’s. Wanting to free her hands, Clarke brought her hand up with the empty ice cream cup and dropped in into the cup holder between them without moving away from Lexa before bringing it up to run her fingers through Lexa’s hair, kissing her again.

 

Lexa couldn’t help but hum into it, her lips curling up slightly against Clarke’s. “I love you,” She breathed out, her free hand coming up to rest on the slope of Clarke’s neck as she kissed her harder.

 

Clarke responded by lightly biting down on Lexa’s bottom lip before sliding her tongue into her mouth. But then she suddenly stopped, pulling away from Lexa and sitting back into her seat; she wouldn’t have but her current position wasn’t the most comfortable one and her side was starting to hurt from sitting in an awkward angle. “Finish your ice-cream.” Clarke told her, her tone almost commanding as she tried to catch her breath. “The backseat is…pretty big.” She turned her head to look at Lexa, giving her with a suggestive smirk.

 

Trying to catch her breath own, Lexa looked down at the half eaten ice cream cone, now clutched tightly in her hands; she was almost surprised she hadn’t crushed it. Her eyes moved from it to Clarke’s empty cup in the cup holder, “Done,” She replied instantly, dropping her cone into it and unbuckling her seatbelt impatiently.

 

It wasn’t long before the two of them were in the backseat of Clarke’s car, with her pinned down under Lexa. She had her hand on Clarke’s waist and the other on the side of Clarke’s neck. Lexa pulled away after a moment, trying to catch her breath but Clarke brought herself up slightly, capturing Lexa’s lips in her’s again. She gave in, kissing back and lowering herself onto Clarke again as her hand slid under Clarke’s shirt. Continuing to move up, it settled on her boob and Lexa squeezed gently, continuing to kiss her as she heard Clarke let out a quiet moan.

 

“Take it off.” Clarke pulled back slightly, putting some space between her and Lexa.

 

“Mine or yours?” Lexa breathed out, her nose touching Clarke’s, waiting to kiss her again. Clarke’s response didn’t really matter right now; they were both going to come off eventually.

 

“Both.” Clarke replied impatiently.

 

Both of Lexa’s hands flew to the hem of Clarke’s top, about to pull it off as she felt Clarke’s finger’s working the buttons of her shirt. ”Wait,” She stopped halfway, pulling herself up again, realizing probably for the first time they were in a car…parked out in the open. “Are you sure no one’s around?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke nodded, undoing the last button. “Don’t worry, I don’t wanna get caught either.”

 

It took no longer than a fraction of a second for Lexa to consider what Clarke had just said before pulling off Clarke’s top, not really bothering with her own. She looked back at Clarke, noticing the smirk on her face and how her eyes were definitely _not_ on Lexa’s face. “What?” She asked, her hands back on Clarke’s waist.

 

“No rush to take it off.” Clarke said with a small shrug, one of her hands coming up to brush her fingers against the rough fabric of the lace on Lexa’s bra.

 

“Hmm,” Lexa nodded. “Lace isn’t really my thing, but…” She trailed of, lowering herself again and bringing her mouth to Clarke’s neck.

 

Clarke rolled her head back, giving Lexa more access. “But…?” She asked quietly, wanting her to continue.

 

“But,” Lexa continued, her breath hot against Clarke’s neck. “I thought I’d give it a shot.”

 

“Well, it’s definitely working for you.” Her eyes fluttered closed as one of her hands tangled in Lexa’s hair.

 

“Good to know.” Lexa replied against her skin, slowly moving down. But given the tight space, she couldn’t really do much. So she chose to stay on her neck, Lexa knew by now Clarke liked that. Letting the sound of the quiet music fill the background, she sucked on the soft skin over her pulse point, determined to leave a mark. Her hands moved lower, finding the buttons of Clarke’s jeans. It took Lexa no more than a couple of seconds to undo it, bringing her face up finally to look at Clarke.

 

Although Clarke had her eyes closed, she knew that Lexa was hovering over her right now, asking for permission. She had come to realize that was something very important to Lexa; even now, she wouldn’t go too far unless she knew for sure that Clarke was okay with it. Instead of a nod, Clarke’s hand on the back of Lexa’s neck pulled her closer to her before whispering into her ear, “Take it off.”

 

.

 

“ _Lexa!_ ” Clarke said out loud, unable to keep her voice down. Yes, they were in her car, somewhere almost empty, but… _almost empty_ ; so there was a chance of someone being around and Clarke didn’t really want to be loud enough for someone to hear.

 

“Shh,” Lexa said calmly in response against the skin on Clarke’s chest as her fingers continued to move inside her. She brought herself up slightly, watching Clarke for a moment; she had her eyes tightly shut and was biting down on her lower lip to keep herself quiet. There wasn’t much clothing left on her right now, _okay_ , there wasn’t any article of clothing left on Clarke right now but Lexa was still almost completely dressed minus her shirt being unbuttoned. Clarke had her legs wrapped around Lexa’s waist and she had that look on her face that told Lexa she was _very_ close. “How close are you?”

 

“Very.” Clarke managed to breathe out, unable to keep her hips from bucking against Lexa. “ _Harder_ ,” The two syllables were barely audible, but Clarke knew Lexa heard her.

 

Instead of replying, Lexa responded by doing what Clarke had asked, earning a loud moan from her. She couldn’t help the smug smile that appeared on her face; there was a certain satisfaction in seeing – _and hearing_ – Clarke like this. But she slowed her pace down again as she lowered herself onto Clarke, her mouth on her chest as she slowly made her way up to her jaw. She didn’t want to rush it; for one, Lexa loved Clarke like this, and the sound of her soft moans alongside Halsey’s _Badlands_ was definitely an improvement to the album.

 

Nevertheless, it didn’t take Clarke long after that. The feeling of Lexa’s mouth on her neck along with how she felt inside her, and the steady beat of the music was enough to have her coming hard. In an attempt to keep herself from screaming, Clarke bit down on Lexa’s shoulder, riding out her orgasm. “Fuck,” She breathed out quietly, finally relaxing onto the seat again as she felt Lexa pull her fingers out.

 

Lexa kissed her cheek softly before bringing herself up to sit up on straight as Clarke got up. Waiting for Clarke to catch her breath, Lexa reached down, taking a moment before finding her shirt and grabbing it. Taking it from her, Clarke pulled it on as she spoke, “You’re driving.” She told Lexa as she leaned back into the seat, her chest still heaving. “I’m too tired.”

 

A small laugh escaped Lexa as she pushed herself off her seat and closer to Clarke, kissing her cheek again, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uuhhhhh....i tried. i hope the last bit didn't read as awkward as it felt when i wrote it. but yeah, let me know what you thought.


	25. I’m your giant dork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff + Clexa date + Lexa being a huge dork grossly in love with Clarke + movie date with Octaven = me not believing I wrote this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's fluffy. like really fluffy. i showed a bit to my friend and she literally said there's no way i could've written that scene. lexa's a giant dork and she really loves clarke, it's kinda gross if you ask me (and clarke loves her too). raven and o are here, i love them and the bit with them was fun to write, they're great. so yeah, it's a cute and fun chapter, so i hope you guys like it. 
> 
> [[also, sorry i took so long to update. school and all that crap but so much fluff, i hope it makes up for it]]

> _December 4 th 2016 - Saturday_

 

”So…where are you taking me?” Clarke asked as she sat down in the car and closed the door.

 

“It’s a surprise.” Lexa told her with a shrug, mentally groaning at herself for that cliché. “I promise you’ll like it.” She gave Clarke a smile, trying to make up for that.

 

“I have a feeling I will.” Clarke nodded, smiling back at her as the car started. From what Clarke could tell, Lexa had put a lot of time picking out the perfect place to take her to, so Clarke was not only looking forward to it, but she was more than a little excited. They hadn’t talked about it much thought, only discussed when they would be good for both of them. Last weekend wasn’t good for Lexa because she had way too much work from school to do over the weekend; well she could’ve taken a few hours out of the day but Lexa wanted to be able to spend more time with Clarke – make the day _perfect_. Another thing that made them decide on this Saturday rather than the last was because Raven and Octavia wanted to make it a double date with them later that night. And they weren’t free last weekend, so today seemed to be good for everyone.

 

“I know we’re not meant to meet up with Raven and Octavia until later tonight, but…” Lexa started. “Given that this is the first time I’m taking you out on an actual date…I want to spend a bit more time with you than just a couple of hours in a dark movie theater.” It had taken Lexa a lot of thought to pick out the right place to take Clarke; she would’ve taken her to Gravelly Point Park, that would’ve been nice, but probably not the right place for this time of year, but Lexa made a mental note to take her there once it was warm again. So Lexa decided on the National Art Gallery; as far as she knew, Clarke hadn’t been there yet and it seemed to be the right place to take her to. They were going to have most of the day to themselves before meeting up with Octavia and Raven for a movie.

 

Clarke nodded; she wanted that too, given how little they’d seen each other the past couple of weeks because of school, spending the entire day with Lexa sounded great. But Clarke wasn’t really big on surprises, so knowing where they were going would be nice. “I'm looking forward to it.” She was; she’d been looking forward to this all week long, she just hated not knowing.

 

.

 

“The National Gallery of Art?” Clarke asked as Lexa parked the car, a small smile playing on her lips.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa couldn’t help the huge smile that broke out on her face as she nodded. “I thought you’d like it.”

 

“Well, you weren’t wrong.” Clarke replied. “I can’t believe I hadn’t had the chance to come up here yet.”

 

The rest of the day went by better than the two of them were expecting. It was a pretty informational few hours for Lexa, Clarke hadn’t stopped talking since they’d gotten inside and…well, it was embarrassing for Lexa to admit how little she knew about anything that had to do with art. A few minutes in, their hands had found their way to each other’s, intertwining their fingers together as they walked through the gallery. Clarke seemed to be fascinated by every piece of work they walked past, and Lexa…well, she couldn’t help but be fascinated by the masterpiece right next to her. She wasn’t paying much attention to any of the artworks, not really, she couldn’t take her eyes off of Clarke; she had that fascinated look in her eyes that Lexa loved so much and would swear was the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen.

 

“What?” Clarke asked Lexa quietly, noticing her eyes on her for the first time. Lexa only gave her a questioning look, pretending to not know what she was asking about. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked with a small smile, turning to look at her.

 

“Like what?” Lexa asked in response.

 

“Like…” Clarke shrugged, looking for the right word. “Like I’m the only thing in the room.”

 

She couldn’t help but smile, “You’re the only thing in the room that’s worth looking at.”

 

“Really?” Clarke asked, raising her eyebrows suspiciously. “So…we’re at the National Gallery Art, and nothing is worth looking at.”

 

“No,” Lexa replied casually, waiting a moment before explaining. “You have that look in your eyes,” She started. “The one you get when you’re _really_ into something, and it’s…so much more beautiful to look at than anything in here.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, trying to stop herself from smiling. “Shut up,” She muttered, a huge smile now on her face despite her trying to fight it.

 

Lexa’s face lit up with a smile at Clarke’s reaction as she tugged her by the hand gently, pulling her close before pressing her lips against hers. “You’re beautiful,” Lexa whispered against her lips, her free hand going to rest on Clarke’s hip for a second. She kissed back slowly, it was short and sweet, didn’t last more than a couple of seconds before they pulled away. Clarke couldn’t really describe how this kiss felt other than maybe to say it felt how Lexa’s words sounded; soft and pure and just so full of love, you could tell she meant everything she was saying.

 

“And you,” Clarke spoke as they started to pull away. “Are a giant dork.”

 

“I’m _your_ giant dork.” Lexa stated matter-of-factly, stepping back and putting a bit of distance between the two of them.

 

“And I wouldn’t change it for the world.” Clarke said in response as they started to walk again, no more than a moment passing before Lexa heard Clarke say, “ _Did you know…_ ”

 

.

 

“So we’re meeting O and Raven in like twenty minutes?” Clarke asked as her and Lexa walked back towards the parked car.

 

Lexa only nodded, opening Clarke’s door for her, waiting as she sat down before closing it. Circling back to her side of the car and sitting down, “ _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , right?” She asked, starting the car and Clarke nodded.

 

About a minute passed in silence as they continued to drive before Clarke spoke, “I kind of have a _little_ confession to make.” She started hesitantly.

 

Lexa shot her a quick, confused look before returning her attention to the road, “How little?”

 

“Depends…” She trailed off.

 

“Depends on what?” Lexa asked in return.

 

“Depends on where you stand with _Harry Potter_.” Clarke replied, taking in a deep breath before telling Lexa. “I’m not really…a fan.”

 

Lexa’s reaction came as a surprise to Clarke if anything, she let out a sudden sigh of relief before nodding. “Thank god, I thought it was just me.” Like most of the world’s population, Lexa had expected Clarke to be a fan of the franchise but she could never really get herself into it. “I’ve never even watched the movies.” She told Clarke casually. “Just read the first two books…it didn’t really get me.”

 

Clarke nodded from beside her. “I’ve watched a few of the movies but I couldn’t make myself read the books… _or_ watch the other movies.”

 

“I don’t get all the hype over it.” Lexa added frankly. “I mean…wizards and witches.”

 

Clarke nodded before speaking, “Don’t say that to Raven or Octavia,” She told Lexa lightly, “They’ll revoke your friendship.”

 

She let out a small laugh, “I don’t think they can do that.”

 

“They can and they will, with both of us.” Clarke replied, pausing for a moment before asking. “So…if not _Harry Potter_ , what are you into? Like, everyone has a YA series or novel or _something_ like that.”

 

Lexa thought about it for a moment, “YA’s not really my thing,” She started, turning to look at Clarke for a fraction of a second before returning to the road, “But _The Hunger Games_ is an exception.”

 

Clarke smiled knowingly, “I had a feeling you’d like that, I don’t know why.” She shrugged. “I just got that _vibe_ from you.”

 

“Vibe?” Lexa raised an eyebrow. “Wait,” She stopped suddenly, “Tell me you like it,” She asked seriously.

 

“Oh yeah, I loved it.” Clarke nodded, reassuring her. “I even read the books.” That wasn’t something that happened very often. Clarke wasn’t much of a reader, not really, especially when it came to books that got made into movies. In her opinion, why read it when you can watch it? Lowering her voice, she continued, “And I’m embarrassed to admit it but I was very upset when it finally ended.”

 

Lexa only smiled before asking, “What about you? What’s your go-to YA novel or series?”

 

“John Green.” Clarke replied, not missing a beat.

 

“That’s so predictable.” Lexa said jokingly.

 

“What? So you’re telling me you haven’t read _The Fault in Our Stars_?” She asked her skeptically.

 

“I have,” Lexa replied reluctantly, “So is that your favorite?”

 

“I’m predictable but I’m not _that_ predictable.” Clarke shook her head. “It is good, very good. But overrated in my opinion. I don’t know but I think _Looking For Alaska_ was better.”

 

.

 

The two of them had gone into the theater knowing next to nothing about the movie they were about to watch; Clarke and Lexa had only watched _half_ the trailer a couple of days ago. Raven and Octavia on the other hand seemed to know everything there was to and they could not stop with the trivia from the moment they met up with Clarke and Lexa. As clingy as Raven and Octavia were, Clarke and Lexa realized they were paying close to no attention to each other but concentrating wholly on the movie and nothing else. Although the two of them will admit it was a good movie, they were paying more attention to each other than what was happening on the giant screen in front of them.

 

Clarke’s not sure why – maybe it was because she was tired from all the walking today, or maybe it was because the last time they had _spent time together alone_ was two weeks ago in the back of her car – but she was in a really cuddly mood right now. She had one of her arm lightly wrapped around Lexa’s arm which was on the armrest, and her head on her shoulder for most of the movie. Occasionally Clarke would bring her head up, either to say something quietly into her ear, or to randomly kiss her. Lexa didn’t mind, as good as the movie was, Clarke was a welcome distraction.

 

“Did you two even watch the movie?” Octavia asked as they walked out. “Every time I turned to you guys, you were making out.”

 

Lexa shrugged hesitantly, unsure of how to answer. “Clarke can be…distracting.”

 

“It’s not really my fault.” Clarke replied causally as they continued to walk, her hand holding Lexa’s. “This one’s been too busy for me,” She nodded towards Lexa, “So I’ll take what I can get.”

 

“Been a while, huh?” Raven asked the two of them with a smirk.

 

Clarke could see Lexa roll her eyes as she nodded and answered, “Two weeks.”

 

“Two weeks?” Octavia asked, clearly surprised, her eyes widening slightly. “You know, if you’re too busy,” She looked at Clarke for a moment before turning to Lexa, “I wouldn’t mind helping out.” She’s not sure what reaction she was expecting from her friends - or Raven – but it was definitely not a bad one. Clarke seemed to burst out in laughter the moment the words left Octavia’s mouth, Lexa muttered a small ‘ _oh my god_ ’, and Raven swat her on the arm – _not_ gently. “What?” She turned to look at Raven, “So if Clarke asked, you’d say no?”

 

Raven let out a defeated sigh, “I wouldn’t say no,” She replied reluctantly.

 

“I,” Lexa started, “Clarke’s _soulmate_ ; the person she is currently dating and is going to spend the rest of her life with,” She continued, putting emphasis on every word. “Am _right here_.”

 

“Don’t worry baby,” Clarke smiled up at her. “It’ll always be you.”

 

“Ouch,” Octavia and Raven said in unison, Raven’s hand going up to her chest over her heart.

 

“Are you hurt because your girlfriend would sleep with mine in a heartbeat,” Lexa asked the two of them, “Or is it because she rejected you both?”

 

Raven and Octavia exchanged a look, thinking it over seriously for a moment. Clarke and Lexa couldn’t help but give them an amused look at how they were actually thinking about it. “Both?” Octavia asked Raven.

 

“Both.” She nodded, turning to answer Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so harry potter fans who are reading this........i'm sorry......i think..........i'm just gonna shut up. but other than that bit, do let me know what you thought, i know i took a while but this was fun to write.


	26. Should I be worried?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff; there’s Lexa being all cute and worried about school, and Clexa being grossly in love. And they also talk about something important, but it’s mostly fluffy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I took so long to update. This time, I have an actual excuse; we moved last Tuesday so I’ve been caught up with packing and unpacking and all of that for way too long. And I didn’t have wifi until just Thursday. School has me really busy too but I squeezed in as much writing as I could’ve during my frees and stuff so...finally finished writing this chapter.  
> On to the chapter, it’s fluffy, it’s kinda long, and it’s literally just Clexa. It was fun to write and I had to stop a couple of times because Lexa’s too cute when it comes to Clarke (it’s gross and disgusting and I hate them). Anyways, hope you like it.

_December 8 th 2016 – Thursday _

 

**My Sun and Stars**

**4:03pm**

LOOK ITS YOU!!!

 

The phone silently lighting up next to her notebook pulled Lexa back into reality. Looking up from her notebook, she dropped her pencil and picked it up. Unlocking it, Lexa looked down at the screen suspiciously, waiting for the to picture load. An unimpressed look fell on her face as it finally loaded and she looked at it before turning her eyes away to look away for a moment; it was a stuffed animal, a stuffed raccoon with big, sparkly eyes to be exact. It was cute, yes, but Lexa couldn’t help but roll her eyes at it Clarke’s text accompanying it.

 

**Lexacoon**

**4:04pm**

We’re still on the raccoon thing?

 

**Lexacoon**

**4:04pm**

It was *one* time, Clarke…over two months ago.

 

**Lexacoon**

**4:04pm**

Can we please let this go?

 

**My Sun and Stars**

**4:05pm**

No.

 

**My Sun and Stars**

**4:05pm**

I like it. It’s cute.

 

Lexa only let out a small sigh, shaking her head slowly before setting her phone down and returning to work. It didn’t last long though, because the screen lit up again only about a minute later with another text from her _sun and stars_.

 

**My Sun and Stars**

**4:07pm**

You’re cute.

 

A huge smile broke out on Lexa’s face as her eyes scanned over the two words and it took her a moment before she could force herself to go back to her work. Clarke was out with Raven and Octavia, Lexa’s not really sure where but they had left a little after school. Lexa on the other hand, was stuck at home because she had a math test tomorrow and well…let’s just say she wasn’t really prepared for it. When Clarke had asked how much Lexa had to study for the test, she had replied with, “I know what it’s on…that’s about it…” That wasn’t like her, not really, but in Lexa’s defense, this was math after all and she has been drowning in work from everything else for the past couple of weeks. But she knew it was an important test and that it would make up a large percentage of her final grade so she had do well no matter what. Clarke said she would come over later, insisting that she wanted to keep her company while she studied but Lexa had told her she didn’t have to; there are very few things that are as boring as doing math, and _watching_ your girlfriend do math was definitely one of those things.

 

**My Sun and Stars**

**4:20pm**

How’s the work going?

 

**Lexacoon**

**4:21pm**

My head hasn’t exploded yet, so I would say it’s going pretty good.

 

**My Sun and Stars**

**4:21pm**

I like u’re pretty head where it is. So take a break if you need to, okay?

 

.

 

“I can’t anymore.” Lexa spoke suddenly, shaking her head as she practically threw the pencil in her hand onto the notebook in front of her. “I _officially_ give up.”

 

Clarke let out a small sigh, pushing herself off her place on Lexa’s bed before making her way to her. “You’ll get there, don’t give up now.”

 

“I can’t get this one right,” She turned her head to look up at Clarke. “I have been at it for the past 15 minutes.” Shaking her head, Lexa brought her hand up, rubbing her tired eyes. “It makes zero sense.”

 

“You’ll figure it out,” She tried, her arms going around Lexa’s shoulder as Clarke hugged her from behind.

 

Lexa let out a sigh, letting herself relax as she leaned back against Clarke. “I don’t think I am.” She paused for a moment, her hand on Clarke’s arm. “I’m screwed tomorrow.”

 

“You’ll be fine.” She tried to reassure her. “You’ve been at it all day.” Clarke pressed a small kiss against Lexa’s temple before standing up straight again.

 

“It’s still not enough.” Lexa told her, letting her head fall on the desk. “I need at least a B tomorrow.” She continued, her voice slightly muffled against the wooden top of her desk. “And I don’t think I can get it.”

 

“You will.” Clarke tried again, speaking more slowly this time, trying to let her words get to Lexa. “You should get some sleep Lexa, it’s almost midnight.”

 

“Yeah,” She agreed, finally bringing her head up as she tried to stifle a yawn. “You’re probably right, I think I’ve done as much as I could’ve.” Reluctantly pushing herself off her chair, Lexa stood up. “I don’t think it will do me much good if I can’t even keep myself awake during the test.”

 

“Mm-hmm,” Clarke nodded, taking a step closer to her and snaking her arms around Lexa’s neck. It was almost instinctive on Lexa’s part, her arms came up immediately, loosely wrapping around Clarke’s waist as she looked up at her, almost expecting Clarke to say something that might help put her at ease – _even slightly_ – about tomorrow. “You’re going to be fine tomorrow,” Clarke told her gently, almost like she could read her mind. “I know you’re worried about it, but babe, cut yourself some slack, okay?” Clarke inched closer, touching Lexa’s nose with her’s.

 

“I’m trying.” She leaned closer, resting her forehead against Clarke’s. “I just can’t mess this up tomorrow.”

 

“You won’t.” Clarke told her, tilting her head slightly to reach Lexa’s lips, kissing her gently. “I _know_ you won’t.” Clarke knew how much Lexa cared about her grades; and math was probably the only subject holding her back right now because she was passing all her other classes with flying colors. And Clarke also knew how much it would hurt her if this one test came in the way of her and a perfect GPA.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa said quietly, kissing the tip of Clarke’s nose before pulling away and taking a step back, putting some space between the two of them.

 

“Now get some sleep,” Clarke smiled at her, beginning to step away.

 

Lexa returned her smile, nodding. “I love you, you know that right?” She asked just as Clarke opened the bedroom door, about to leave.

 

She stopped, turning around to face Lexa again; it sounded too much like an actual question. “Of course I do.” Clarke answered. “I love you too.”

 

.

 

_December 17 th 2016 – Saturday_

 

“You have nice arms.” Clarke said absentmindedly, her fingers tracing patterns on Lexa’s bicep. The two of them were at Clarke’s place, just wanting to spend some quiet time with each other; school had been keeping them both busy the last couple of weeks so they wanted a quiet night in, just the two of them. Lexa was lying in Clarke’s arms, both of them in bed and under the comforter with Lexa’s laptop in front of them as she scrolled through Netflix, trying to find something decent to watch.

 

“What…?” Lexa asked quietly, taken aback by the random comment.

 

“You know what would look really cool?” Clarke asked another question instead of giving her an explanation. But Lexa didn’t reply, only turned her head to look up at Clarke, giving her a questioning look. “A tattoo.” Clarke replied, still tracing patterns on her girlfriend’s perfectly toned arm. “I think I have a Sharpie.” She asked suddenly, pushing herself up slightly.

 

“Clarke…?” Lexa gave her a slightly confused look, sitting up straight to let her get up. It took her a moment but Lexa was finally starting to catch on to what Clarke was _probably_ talking about. She had noticed Clarke tracing patterns on her arm but she hadn’t thought much about it really, only that it felt calming.

 

Clarke didn’t reply, only got out of bed and made her way towards her desk before opening a drawer and shuffling through it. “Got it.” She said triumphantly after a moment, walking back towards the bed.

 

“You want to draw it?” Lexa asked with a small smile, raising her eyebrows slightly.

 

“Can I…?” Clarke asked in return, hesitating slightly because she was too caught up in thinking about the design to even tell Lexa what she was actually thinking about until just now.

 

Lexa only gave her a shrug, “Yeah, why not?” She sat up straight again, letting Clarke go back to her spot behind her, giving her a better look at Lexa’s arm.

 

“Do you mind if it’s… _kind of_ big?”

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head, relaxing again as she finally found a movie to watch and clicked on it.

 

“Good,” Clarke nodded, uncapping the marker. “Now sit still, and pretend I’m not here.”

 

Lexa gave her a quiet hum in response, doing as Clarke had asked and turned her attention to the movie. No, she had no idea what Clarke was drawing on her but Lexa didn’t really mind; Clarke knew what she was doing and that was enough. After the first half hour, Lexa had completely forgotten about what Clarke was doing, paying attention to nothing but whatever was playing on the laptop screen in front of her. It took Clarke a while, almost the entire movie in fact, before she was finally done.

 

“Done,” Clarke spoke suddenly, reminding Lexa she was still here as Clarke capped the marker and put it aside. “Take a look.”

 

Lexa brought her arm up towards herself, looking down at the intricate pattern Clarke had been working on. “Wow,” She breathed out, looking up at Clarke. “Clarke, that looks amazing.” Lexa told her, pushing herself off the bed and making her way to the mirror on the wall to get a better look at it.

 

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s reaction, walking up behind her, “You like it?”

 

“It’s beautiful.” Lexa replied, looking at the reflection, almost wishing it wasn’t just a Sharpie tattoo. “How did you even draw that?” She asked, impressed to say the least. “And with a Sharpie?”

 

“Well, I was working on an impressive canvas.” Clarke replied with a smirk. “You workout…a lot…” She muttered quietly.

 

“Not _a lot_.” Lexa shrugged.

 

“ _A lot_.” Clarke corrected.

 

“I kind of wish it wasn’t just Sharpie,” She spoke to Clarke, her eyes still glued to the mirror. “I’ll feel bad washing it off.” Lexa flexed her arm, not realizing Clarke would notice it as she tried to get a better look at the pattern when Clarke spoke.

 

“I’m going to take a picture, I’m proud of myself for this one,” She told Lexa as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Okay, flex again.”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa lowered her head, giving her a slightly embarrassed look.

 

“Oh, come on.”

 

Lexa let out a small sigh, doing as Clarke asked and only putting her arm away once Clarke was done. Clarke hadn’t even put her phone back into her pocket when she suddenly felt Lexa’s hand on the side on her face, pulling her in for a kiss. “Mmm,” She hummed into it, taking a moment to realize what was happening. It took her by surprise to say the least but Clarke kissed back, pushing back slightly with the same force Lexa was kissing her. It was nothing like the short and innocent kisses they’d exchanged earlier today around their friends; anything but really, they were both a lot more into it this time and it wasn’t long before Clarke’s hands went up to run her fingers through Lexa’s hair. Lexa’s hands moved down, coming to rest on Clarke’s hip, steadying them both as she felt Clarke bite down on her lower lip, slightly harder than usual. She wasn’t expecting it – neither was Clarke – but the moan that escaped Lexa at that caught them both by surprise. She could feel Clarke’s lips curling into a smile at her reaction before the two of them had to pull away, gasping for air.

 

“So…” Clarke started once she had caught her breath enough to speak, unable to hide the smugness in her voice. “You like it when I do that?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lexa retorted, looking away and hoping Clarke didn’t see the redness creeping up her cheeks.

 

“Oh?” Clarke asked, taking a step towards her, her own cheeks burning. “‘cause when I bit down on yo-”

 

“ _Right_ ,” She spoke suddenly, looking up in an attempt to stop her. “Let’s never bring that up again, please.”

 

“So you _did_ like it.” Clarke nodded in conclusion, waited for Lexa to say something but she only let out a long sigh, walking back towards the bed. “Good to know…” Clarke added, following closely behind.

 

Sitting back down on the bed, Lexa shook her head, suppressing a smile as she exited the Netflix tab and clicked on the Gmail bookmark. Clarke didn’t say anything else about it but there was no way she was letting it go; Lexa Woods probably had a biting kink. And Clarke was determined to find out whether that _probably_ should be in that sentence at all. “What did you just watch?” She asked Lexa as she settled back into bed. “I saw Cap and there was fighting, so I’m going take a _wild guess_ and say it was _Marvel_.”

 

Lexa nodded, scrolling through her emails. “ _The First Avenger_.”

 

“I took two hours to do that?” Clarke asked, looking down at Lexa’s arm.

 

Lexa nodded again, slightly distracted as she read an email from one of the colleges she had requested information from. “Hey,” She closed her laptop, turning to face Clarke before changing the subject. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

 

“You sound serious,” Clarke gave her a slightly concerned look. “Should I be worried?”

 

“No,” Lexa shook her head with a small smile, trying to put her at ease, “It’s nothing bad, I promise.” She tried but her hand went up to rub her neck uneasily, “…college.”

 

“Right,” Clarke replied with a nod, “Yeah, we haven’t really talked about that.” She agreed, leaning back against the headboard as Lexa put the laptop away and moved closer to Clarke.

 

“I’m not the only one who has been looking at places, right? I mean…application deadlines are in a month.” Lexa asked, pulling the comforter over them. When Clarke shook her head, Lexa continued, “Okay, good.” She nodded, thinking about how to continue. “Where do you have in mind?” The question was almost hesitant, Lexa knew they needed to talk about it, but she wasn’t sure where to start, not really.

 

“I was thinking New York, or maybe even California.” Clarke replied quietly before explaining. “I just want to…put myself out there, live a bit before having to settle down for good.”

 

Lexa smiled back at her. “Majoring in fine art, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded again, there seemed to be more nodding than actual talking between them right now. “What about you?”

 

“Massachusetts maybe, or New York.” She shrugged. “Chicago seems nice.” Lexa paused for a moment. “I’m mostly thinking Chicago.”

 

“And uhh…” Clarke trailed off, unsure of how to ask what that would mean for them; how the whole long distance would work out. “What will that mean for us?” She asked hesitantly. “I mean, being in different states, the whole distance thing? Because I don’t want either of us to go somewhere we don’t want to.” No, she didn’t want that. If Lexa ended up going somewhere because of Clarke, Clarke would feel like she was holding Lexa back and not letting her do what she wanted to be doing. And if Clarke knew Lexa, she knew she’d feel the same way if Clarke ended up going somewhere mostly for her; she didn’t really want something like that hanging over their relationship.

 

More nodding from Lexa, “Yeah…” She breathed out. “I don’t want that either.” She agreed. “But distance doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” Lexa suggested, she wasn’t sure whether she was trying to convince herself or Clarke of that because she had a feeling it wouldn’t be the _easiest thing ever_.

 

“I know,” Clarke nodded, moving closer to her as Lexa’s arm went around her. “A bit of space away might even be good.” She told her. “But after last year…it’s not going to be easy, is it?”

 

Lexa let out a small sigh, tilting her head and letting her cheek rest on the top of Clarke’s head. “I don’t think so.” She agreed. “I don’t want to be away from you for so long.” They both fell silent for a moment, both of them thinking about what to say next when Lexa spoke, “But you are right,” She told Clarke, “Being away for a little while might actually be good for us.” Lexa knew Clarke had a point about that, since the last school year, the two of them have been mostly inseparable – not as much as Raven and Octavia but _close_ – so being away might be good. It’ll give them both a chance to grow without the other and find themselves because, after all, they had the rest of their lives to be with each other. “I mean, it’s only 4 years,” Lexa continued. “You’re kind of stuck me for the rest your life,” She shrugged lightly.

 

“I’m not _stuck_ with you,” Clarke tilted her head up to look at Lexa. She still said it like Clarke would eventually grow tired of their relationship or, realize Lexa wasn’t good enough for her and resent having her as her soulmate. So every time Lexa said anything that remotely suggested that, Clarke would shoot her down; sometimes it was gentle, other times it was a bit more stern – it depended on the circumstances really. “And I hate it when you say it like that,” Yeah, it was the latter this time. “You are right about the ‘ _rest of your life_ ’ part though,” Clarke gave her a small nod, her head going to rest on Lexa’s shoulder again as she took Lexa’s hand in her’s. “When you think about it like that, 4 years isn’t that long.” She felt Lexa nod against her. “And it’s not like we won’t see each other at all,” Clarke told her, thinking about how they would have to plan out their breaks and holidays so they can see each other. “We’ll see each other over break…”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded again, the fingers of her free hand running along the tattoo on Clarke’s arm. “We’ll have to figure that out; when and where is going to be good for us.” And she was okay with that; a bit of space away would be a good thing, they were both right about that. But it would be hard; they’d grown really close over the past year and neither of them could imagine going more than a few days without seeing the other. “It’s going to be a little weird,” She pointed out. “It’s not just us, it’s also Raven and Octavia.” Lexa said to Clarke. “We’re all going to be in different places.”

 

“But Raven might end up being close to one of us,” Clarke added. “She’s thinking about MIT or CalTech, so if you end up in Massachusetts…or I end up in California, there’s a chance she’ll be close.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa gave her a small nod. “But chances are, we’re all only going to see each other over breaks,” She turned her head to look down at Clarke before her eyes moved to Clarke’s arm where her fingers were still trailing along the letters on her skin, “It feels weird just thinking about it.” She couldn’t help the small, quiet laugh that escaped her. It was a weird thought, it wasn’t just the two of them, all four of them had grown close over the past year; so thinking about how they wouldn’t get to see each other pretty much everyday…yeah, that was weird.

 

“It’ll be different.” Clarke agreed. “But that doesn’t mean it has to be bad.” She turned around slightly before speaking again, “You know we should do something this summer,” Lexa only looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “Make the most out of it, just the two of us.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa replied with a nod, “I like that idea,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, unlike Clarke/Lexa’s opinions on Harry Potter from the last chapter (which were actually mine), Lexa’s opinion on math is not the same as mine. (I really love it and the amount I’ve taken this year proves that)  
> Anyways...chapter 26. Wow this fic is getting really long (I have plans for it tho, so don’t worry about it ending...well it will, but not really). The next chapter is up as well....if you wanna read it, the link is in the description of my blog (k17l53.tumblr.com).


	27. The stars are beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xmas with the Griffins and their reaction to Clarke’s soulmate tattoo. Anya and Lexa because she’s in town for the holidays. Then it’s New Year’s Eve which is Clexa fluff and Lexa being an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly thought I wasn't going to have an update up this weekend because i've had a crappy week. like for no real reason, it's just been shit and i couldn't get myself to do anything. but by some miracle, i managed to write and this is a cute af chapter (i think so anyways). and i'm trying to be more consistent with my updates again, i can't seem to do an update a week, but i seem to be able to do an update every two weeks. so that's something i guess.  
> anyways, the chapter, it’s mostly fluff. Lexa’s so in love with Clarke it’s kinda gross and Clarke loves it. They’re both just really cute and adorable and happy right now.

> _December 23 rd 2016 – Friday _

 

Much like last year, Clarke and Abby had stuck to the same schedule for their visit to Seattle for Christmas. But unlike last time, Clarke wasn’t really looking forward to it; given how last year was with her friends from back there, she didn’t really have anything to look forward to this time. And to make things worse, both her and her mom knew Clarke would be getting a lot of _questions_ about her soulmate tattoo from their family members; they knew how some of them might react to it being a girl. _Yes_ , it was 2016 – _almost 2017_ – and no, this shouldn’t be a big deal but there are still a lot of people who have their thinking and beliefs stuck way far in the past.

 

Surprisingly though, Abby seemed to be more worried about it that Clarke was. She even made a list of all the people she thought was most likely to ask something… _inappropriate_ about the name on Clarke’s arm. Neither of them knew how to deal with that though, because on one hand, they didn’t want to say anything that might spark an argument and subsequently ruin Christmas dinner; but on the other hand, Abby didn’t want Clarke to have to listen to anyone say anything _negative_ about someone she loved. _Yeah_ …she had warmed up to Lexa a bit more – Abby wasn’t _entirely convinced_ that she was the most ideal person for her daughter just yet, but she knew Lexa made Clarke happy and for Abby, that was enough… _for now_ anyways. She had actually listened to Clarke about _trying_ to look at Lexa as who she was rather than her past, and she could see there weren’t any real reasons for her to not like her. And as far as the thing with their family went, Abby’s problem with Lexa being Clarke’s soulmate was never the fact that she was a girl rather than a guy; it was mostly because she was jumping to conclusions based on things that had happened in her past. So Abby didn’t really want to hear anyone else’s opinions on it.

 

.

 

> _December 24 th 2016 – Monday_

 

“So, you and Clarke,” Anya said as the two of them walked towards her car in the mall’s parking lot. “How’s that going?” She felt like she needed to ask, Lexa wasn’t talking as much about Clarke as she usually did. Every time they’ve talked before Anya arrived, including the last time they FaceTimed, Lexa couldn’t physically shut up about Clarke. But since she had gotten here, Lexa hadn’t said more than a handful of words about her. Anya wasn’t really sure why, but she had a feeling it might’ve been because something was wrong between them; she hoped that wasn’t it, Clarke seemed to make her little sister happy and Anya wanted it to stay that way. “You haven’t said much since I got here…”

 

“I thought you’d want me to stop talking about her for once?” Lexa asked sarcastically in response only to receive a glare from her sister. “What? I think I remember someone asking me whether I talk about anything other than my girlfriend for even five minutes…only last week.”

 

“That was me…because, well, you _only_ talk about her.” Anya agreed as she opened the trunk. “But, you haven’t really said much since I got here and I just want to make sure everything is okay.” She explained, placing the shopping bags down and Lexa followed before closing it; last minute Christmas shopping that they were both reluctant on doing, but Indra was too busy with everything else so Lexa and Anya were the only ones who could actually do it. “And I also noticed how you never talk about _yourself_ in relation to your…” Anya thought for a moment, looking for a better word but failing, “ _Relationship_ with Clarke.” She told her. “So, how are things going? How are _you_ doing?”

 

“Things are…good.” Lexa nodded, actually meaning it for the first time since she can remember. “And so am I…” It was a little strange to Lexa if anything, the feeling that things were actually going alright without there being much of anything bothering her. “I mean, school’s going fine – a little stressful given that it’s senior year but still fine, I actually have a life for once…and in terms of Clarke,” She let out a small breath, the corners of her lips lifting up into a soft smile. “It’s going really well…we’re doing good.” Anya smiled at her sister. Now _that_ was a rare thing for Lexa; no, she wasn’t one to smile a lot either but Anya…let’s just say it wasn’t often you got to see her smile. “You’re smiling…you never smile.” Lexa gave her a weird look, tilting her head slightly in confusion, “It’s a little weird.”

 

“Shut up,” The smile disappeared as she spoke. “I’m happy for you, okay?” Anya said to her. “It was about time things started going your way,” She tried to say lightly, nudging her shoulder lightly as they stood with their backs against the car. It was a little difficult for her to say it lightly; after everything Lexa had been through, you couldn’t really mention it without feeling the weight of it make it’s way into the conversation. Lexa ignored it, unable to stop herself from smiling and lowered her head in an attempt at hide it from Anya. “Seeing _you_ smile so much is a little weird.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes, composing herself as she stood up straight, “Come on, we should get back home.”

.

 

> _December 28 th 2016 – Wednesday _

 

_“But you’ve been with boys before,”_

_I’ve also been with girls before…_

_“Does it bother you that it’s a girl?”_

_And it would bother me because…?_

_“Since when are you gay?”_

_Since never…?_

_“Are you sure she’s your soulmate? What if it’s a mistake?”_

_Well, so is your life but no one’s questioning that so…_

 

That’s just some of the things Clarke has had to listen to the last couple of days – and some of her replies. Okay, maybe that last one was a bit harsh but she had gotten to the end of her patience by then. She couldn’t care about it now though, they were returning home today so Clarke was looking forward to saying her goodbyes to everyone in Seattle for another year. It almost felt weird referring to DC as _home_ ; if anyone had told Clarke last Christmas that DC would feel more like home than Seattle, she would’ve called them crazy. Clarke thought she was leaving her entire life behind when she had moved here, and she also thought she wouldn’t be able to make DC feel like home _ever_ really, much less in such a small period of time.

 

It was late by the time her and Abby had reached home, a little past ten so Clarke didn’t really have the energy in her to do anything other than collapse on her bed and let herself drift of to sleep. She had sent a text to Lexa, letting her know she was back; it was a short text and Clarke knew they wouldn’t really get to see each other until New Year’s Eve; she was busy with Anya, it had been a while since the last time she was here and Clarke knew they’d both want to spend time with each other. She was fine with that of course; yes, she was looking forward to seeing Lexa after about a week but Clarke knew how important Anya was to her.

 

.

 

> _December 31 st 2016 – Saturday_

 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile as she led Clarke out through the back door and into the backyard. She was expecting Anya to like Clarke and vice versa so it was nice to see it go the way she had wanted it to. They had a short conversation; it was mostly Anya embarrassing Lexa by telling Clarke how she can’t stop talking about her and by the time they were walking outside, Lexa could feel her cheeks heating up. Clarke had only given her a small questioning look, not really saying anything because the Lexa who couldn’t stop talking about how cute her girlfriend was sounded at least a _little bit_ different from the Lexa Clarke got to see everyday.

 

“It may be dark, but I know you’re blushing.” Clarke said to her once they were lying next to each other on the blanket. “I can feel your cheeks, they’re burning.” Clarke had her head resting on Lexa’s shoulder, the side of her forehead touching Lexa’s cheek, and Lexa had her arm around Clarke, going behind her with her hand coming up on Clarke’s shoulder.

 

“Shut up,” She tried to brush it off; although Lexa couldn’t see Clarke’s face, she could almost hear the smirk in her voice.

 

“It’s cute.” Clarke said in response before pausing and letting the silence fill the cold air between them. They were well into winter now and it was pretty cold, especially in the night. But at least it was dry tonight, and Clarke didn’t really seem to mind the cold; right now lying in Lexa’s arms, it wasn’t that bad. And the night sky was clear tonight so they could both see the stars for the couple of minutes before the clock stuck midnight. “The stars are beautiful.” She commented after a couple of seconds.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed out, contemplating whether or not she wanted to take the opportunity Clarke had just handed her. “You know what else is beautiful?” She asked, trying to hide the smile in her voice; she had a feeling Clarke knew where this was going.

 

“What?” Clarke asked knowingly.

 

“You,” Lexa replied lightly with a smile; yes, it was an overdone meme and she _did_ want it to come of as that, but at the same time, Lexa meant it.

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke breathed out, turning her head to look up at her. “You did not just do that.”

 

“Do what?” She asked innocently, pretending to not know what Clarke meant.

 

“That’s a fucking meme Lexa, and you know it.” Clarke told her, rolling her eyes with a smile. “You’re on Tumblr more than I am, you can’t expect me to believe you don’t know.”

 

A smile broke out on Lexa’s face before a small laugh escaped her, “ _You’re_ the one who gave me the opportunity, I had to take it.” Continuing to smile, she bit her lower lip and shook her head, trying to stop herself. “But I mean it.” She told Clarke, kissing her forehead before Clarke went back to her previous position of having her head resting on Lexa’s shoulder. “So, how was Seattle?”

 

“Shit.” Clarke stated simply, not bothering to expand on her answer as her hand came up to hold Lexa’s.

 

“That bad?” Lexa asked, encouraging her to continue. She knew Clarke wasn’t having the greatest time in Seattle with her family but she didn’t really know why exactly. They did talk while she was there but it was only a couple of short phone calls at nights and a few texts here and there because they were both caught up with other things.

 

Clarke nodded slowly. “The tattoo brings up a lot of questions.” She heard Lexa let out a small ‘ _oh_ ’ before continuing. “Well, the name brought up a lot of questions I didn’t think was necessary.” Clarke added monotonously.

 

“Let me guess,” Lexa spoke. “They were expecting a guy’s name.” Clarke nodded against her. “Were…were you expecting it to be a guy?” She asked hesitantly, suddenly worried she might say yes.

 

“No,” Clarke replied with a small shrug. “I knew it could be either, so I wasn’t really hoping for one over the other.”

 

Nodding, Lexa went back to what they were talking about, “So…how did that go with your family?”

 

Clarke let out a quiet laugh as she thought back to it and a part of Lexa would’ve thought it was sarcastic but it didn’t really sound like it was. “Let’s just say I have more than a couple of relatives who are…” She thought for a moment, trying to find the right word before continuing, “Conservative dicks.”

 

“Huh,” Lexa gave a single nod, “That’s a way to put it lightly.”

 

“I was _so done_ with them by the end of it,” She looked up back at her. “I can’t remember who it was, but someone asked me if I was sure it wasn’t a mistake.” Clarke waited a moment, looking away before continuing, “I replied with ‘ _your life is a mistake but no one is questioning that_ ’,”

 

“Clarke,” It sounded mostly like a sigh.

 

“What? Like I said, I was done with all the comments.” She replied. “I had reached the end of my patience and…” Clarke shrugged, “It just kinda came out.”

 

Lexa nodded understanding, from what it sounded like, Clarke seemed to be in the right saying what she had. “I hope everyone wasn’t like that.”

 

“Surprisingly, no.” Clarke relaxed again. “My mom actually made a list of people who were most likely to be dicks about this.” She paused for a moment at the unimpressed look from Lexa. “That is _exactly_ what they were and if you were there, you wouldn’t be giving me that look.” Clarke said to her lightly, getting a small smile from Lexa this time. “My grandparents were on the top of that list.”

 

“Understandably.” Lexa commented before Clarke spoke again.

 

“But they were…fine with it…?” It almost came out as a question, she was expecting something negative from them but if anything, she got the best reaction.

 

“You were expecting it to not go… _that well_?” Lexa asked.

 

“Yeah…I mean, I’d understand it coming from them,” Clarke nodded. “But it didn’t seem to matter that my soulmate wasn’t a guy. They asked me if I was happy with you and then asked me what you were like…I showed them a couple of pics of us.” She continued with a smile. “My grandma said you’re beautiful – her words not mine,” Clarke added, “Well also mine…” She could make out Lexa rolling her eyes at her. “And my grandpa said you have really pretty eyes.”

 

“They sound nice.” Lexa told her.

 

“They are,” Clarke replied with a smile, waiting a moment before speaking. “What about you? I know you spent last week catching up with Anya; how was that?”

 

“Good,” Lexa replied with a nod. “I missed her, it’s been a while since the last time she was here.” _Admitting I missed my sister to Clarke, not being able to shut up about Clarke with Anya, literally telling Anya ‘I love her’ when talking about Clarke…wow okay, I’m going soft, disgustingly soft_ , Lexa thought to herself as the words left her mouth.

 

Clarke opened her mouth to say something but just as she was about to, they heard the fireworks go off, making their heads snap away to look up at the sky, forgetting what they were talking about. A couple of seconds past before Clarke found herself looking away from the explosions in the sky and up at Lexa. Propping herself on her elbow, she pushed herself up, slightly closer to her. “Happy New Year,” She told her quietly, leaning towards her and kissing her softly.

 

“Happy New Year,” Lexa repeated, her voice just above a whisper and a smile playing on her lips as they pulled away.

 

“You know,” Clarke started after a moment, the fireworks coming to an end. “ Although _so much_ has changed since last year,” She continued, thinking for a moment about what she just said; Seattle, DC now feeling like home, Lexa, Raven and Octavia…yeah, a lot had changed. “There are quite a lot of things that are exactly the same,”

 

“Yeah?” Lexa asked, bringing her arm up and placing it under her head to raise it slightly so she could look at Clarke more comfortably.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded. “Like last year, I’m bitching about Seattle,” She started lightly, “We’re in the exact same spot we were a year ago, watching the firework–”

 

“I’m still head over heels in love with you.” Lexa interrupted, her voice quiet and soft.

 

A huge smile broke out on Clarke’s face; the one Lexa loved more than most things, the one that made Clarke’s whole face light up. “Why are you like this?” She asked, slowly shaking her head.

 

“Like what?” Lexa asked, also smiling.

 

“So…” Clarke thought about the best word to describe it, unable to find anything that fits other than just one word, “ _Soft_ ,” She finally settled. “It’s almost disgusting.”

 

“It _is_ disgusting,” Lexa corrected. “But what can I say?” She sighed. “You have that effect on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to do a little parallel between now and what it was like with them last new year's, I think i did okay. Anyways, hope you liked it, let me know what you thought. and same as last week, next chapter's also up, the link to it is in the description of my tumblr. (k17l53.tumblr.come)


	28. You're like Batman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk about prom coming up + asking their “dates” to prom. Bellamy makes a small appearance. And they’ve just received their college acceptance letters, so there’s a small conversation about that between Clexa. [it's the chapter before prom]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize about late updates with every update. and i'm gonna do it again. because i am very sorry it takes me so long to update now. rn i'm working on the next chapter, i was hoping to have that one written before i posted this one but.....apparently not. that's kinda why it took so long, because there's a lot going on in that chapter and i want it to be perfect [if you follow me on tumblr, you know it's the prom chapter] and i like to have the next chapter done before posting one. 
> 
> So...the chapter; it’s fluff, again, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m writing so much fluff. This chapter’s mostly like a prom-ish chapter, like a pre-prom chapter. Octavia and Lexa have a cute scene at the start and they’re talking about how to ask Raven and Clarke. And by the end of the chapter...surprise surprise, they ask and it’s cute.

> _March 23 rd 2017 – Thursday _

 

She had forgotten how this used to feel, how at ease Lexa used to feel when she was on the soccer field with a ball at her feet. She’s not really sure why she waited so long to even just kick it around in her backyard; it wasn’t the same as actually playing, no, but it was still _something_. Maybe Lexa was just afraid that it would make her even more upset, that all she could do now was just move the ball around with her feet and nothing more. She did end up putting away literally everything she had that could remind of soccer; something she did a couple of weeks after breaking her ankle because all it did every time she saw them was just make her angry. So Lexa was a little unsure when Octavia had asked her for a little help, a couple of pointers before the next game because she needed something new to step up her game.

 

“Right foot,” Octavia called out just as Lexa was about to kick it back to her, reminding her not to put strain on her left ankle.

 

“Yep,” Lexa nodded, passing it back to Octavia. It was a little annoying because it felt natural to try and kick the ball with her left foot but she had to stop and remind herself every time to use her right instead. Her ankle felt fine now but Lexa knew it wasn’t enough to go back to playing that way she used to, and that it would never be. It wasn’t easy accepting that but she had, there was no other choice really; she couldn’t play anymore and that was that. This right now with Octavia didn’t really count, you could hardly call this _playing_.

 

“Your aim’s off,” Octavia pointed out as she stopped the approaching ball.

 

“1. I haven’t even come close to a soccer ball since I broke my ankle,” Lexa answered, adding with a small smile, “And 2) I’m a leftie.”

 

The two of them fell silent for a couple of moments after that, only the quiet sounds of the ball being moved around on the grass before Octavia spoke again, “Oh, hey, prom’s coming up.”

 

“Yeah…” Lexa gave her a slightly puzzled look, “In like…2 months.”

 

“I know…” Octavia dragged out the ‘know’ with a small nod as she stood in front of the ball at her feet. “But according to the internet, you should ask your ‘ _date_ ’ at least a month and half before prom.” She told Lexa, putting air-quotes around _date_.

 

“Wait,” Lexa tilted her head in confusion, “Did you actually Google that…?”

 

“Maybe…” She replied quietly, not wanting to admit it. “I wanted to know whether it was too early.” Octavia shrugged, explaining to Lexa this time. “So…when are you planning on asking Clarke?”

 

Lexa hadn’t really thought about that, well in all honesty, she didn’t even remember when prom was until Octavia brought it up. “I’m not sure,” This time, she shrugged. “I’m almost completely certain Clarke _knows_ she’ll be going with me so I think I’ll just bring it up closer to the date.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes at Lexa, “Yeah, but you still need to ask.” She walked a couple of steps towards her, sitting down on the grass and motioned Lexa to join her. “You and Clarke are _grossly_ romantic and cute,” Lexa listened to her as she stepped up next to her friend and sat down, “You gotta make this count Lexa.”

 

She remained silent for a moment, Lexa didn’t really having an answer for Octavia so she decided to change the subject – or at least move it away from Clarke and her. “What about you? Planning on asking Raven?”

 

“Definitely.” She answered instantly with a nod. “But I don’t think Raven really wants to go, so I’ll need to convince her.”

 

Lexa nodded knowingly, “Don’t go over the top with it, alright?”

 

“Do you even know me?” Octavia asked back, pretending to sound offended. “Of course it’s going to be over the top…once I figure out how I want to ask her.” She turned to look at Lexa, going back to what she originally wanted to talk about, “Back to you and Clarke because I am _way more_ invested in you two than any ship on TV,” Octavia started again as Lexa rolled her eyes. “How are you planning on asking her?”

 

Lexa shrugged again, “I…don’t know…?” She didn’t; she didn’t really think she’d have to actually _ask_ Clarke to prom in some big way because, well, they were soulmates after all. So Lexa kind of just thought that she was going to bring it up and ask her casually. “I thought I’d just…ask.”

 

“You can’t just ask,” Octavia told her. “This is senor prom, you have to make it special.”

 

“ _Over-the-top_ special?” Lexa quirked an eyebrow.

 

“Yes!” Octavia replied a bit too loudly. “Given how cute you two are, it would have to be big.”

 

“Uh huh,” She responded sarcastically. “Well, I didn’t really know this was as big of a deal as it is…so I’m going to have to put some thought into it.”

 

Octavia let out a sigh. “You and me both,”

 

.

 

> _March 24 th 2017 – Friday_

 

“So…I got my college acceptance letters yesterday…” Lexa started hesitantly, lying on her bed as Clarke walked up to her.

 

“I got the last of mine on Thursday,” She sat down next to her, unsure about what to say next. “Happy about your turnout?”

 

Lexa nodded, propping herself on her elbows, “Got in everywhere but two.” She smiled at her, “You?”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty happy with it,” Clarke replied, moving to lie down next to Lexa. “So…what do we do now?” She asked carefully. “Do we talk about it, where we’re both thinking about going?”

 

“We’d be okay being away right?” Lexa asked after a moment of silence, unconvinced of what they’d previously discussed as she moved her elbows from under her and let herself fall back on the bed. She had thought about it since they’d last talked, and Lexa knew they would be fine being away from each other for a while. She kept telling herself it’s not like they wouldn’t see each other for an entire four years, they’d see each other during breaks, they’d talk on the phone, text, FaceTime…it would be _fine_.

 

Clarke nodded after a moment, “Of course we will.” She moved closer to Lexa, bringing her head to rest on her chest.

 

“Okay,” Lexa replied, taking a moment to think about whether she should say what she was thinking. “Then I don’t think we should talk about it.” Clarke tilted her head, looking up at Lexa with a questioning look. “Talk about where exactly we want to go.” She explained. “I think that might influence our decision on where we decide to go…even if we don’t realize it…”

 

Clarke thought about what Lexa said for a moment, remaining silent before speaking. “You might be right.” Lexa gave her a small nod, “So what do we do about it? Tell each other once we’ve sent our confirmation…?”

 

“I think so…” She trailed off. “That’s probably the best thing to do.”

 

Yeah, that would probably be the best thing for both of them. They talked about it for a bit longer, both knowing the deadline was at the start of May so they decided to tell each other then and figure out how they were going to work around that. They were both unsure about it really, even now, but at the same time both Clarke and Lexa knew this was the smartest thing to do. That way they wouldn’t know where the other was going so there was no way it could influence their own decision on the matter.

 

.

 

> _April 5 th 2017 – Wednesday_

 

Lexa hadn’t really stopped thinking about what Octavia had said about prom and asking Clarke. _Big_ wasn’t really her thing; making a big gesture wasn’t really the same as doing something other’s might see as _big_ with Lexa, she knew she could make it special but she wasn’t really sure whether her definition of _special_ was enough. Everything _big_ she could think of just seemed cliché and honestly…kind of dumb; it was fake, because she didn’t feel like that would be coming from the heart. It wasn’t _her_ ; that was it really. Going big would be perfectly fine for Octavia because that _was_ her, Lexa on the other hand…not so much.

 

“You know, big doesn’t mean it has to be over-the-top, literally big, right?” Anya told Lexa over the phone. Lexa wasn’t sure who else she could ask for advice on this, Anya seemed to be the only one. “ _Big_ is different for anyone, I think as long as you do something cute,” Her voice dropped slightly, “Which you will because you’re adorable when it comes to Clarke,” Anya muttered before continuing in her normal voice. “I’m sure Clarke will appreciate it.”

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Lexa replied. “Going over the top isn’t something I would do, I think Clarke knows that.”

 

“She does,” Anya agreed. “I don’t recommend _just_ asking her like it’s not a big deal because that might seem like you don’t think it’s important.” She continued. “So I’d say go with something small, but still special, and it should be fine.”

 

.

 

> _April 7 th 2017 – Friday_

 

“Bell I need your help.” Octavia said as she walked up to her brother in the living room.

 

“You need _my help_?” He raised an eyebrow; that was unusual to say the least. It wasn’t everyday Octavia admitted she needed help from someone, especially from Bellamy. “With what?” He asked her, sitting up straight as Octavia sat down next to him on the couch.

 

“Prom’s coming up…” She trailed of.

 

“Right,” Bellamy nodded knowingly. “And you wanna ask Raven.” His sister nodded. “Let me guess, you don’t know how?”

 

“Bingo.” She agreed.

 

“Okay, let’s see…” Bellamy started, pausing to think for a moment. “Given how you two are, I’d say don’t making it too serious.” He knew what the two of them were like; he’d known Raven for a very long time and he knew her well enough to know that unless it was absolutely necessary, she didn’t like to make things too serious. And his sister was pretty much the same; he doesn’t really remember the last time he saw her show how serious she was about something – her relationship with Raven being the only exception. “Wait, does Raven even want to go to prom?”

 

“We haven’t really talked about it,” Octavia replied. “But I’m gonna take a guess and say she’s not counting down till the day.”

 

“Are you?” Bellamy asked with a smirk.

 

“No,” She shook her head. “But I will be if Raven agrees to go.”

 

.

 

> _April 14 th 2017 – Friday_

 

It had taken some thinking…actually it had taken Lexa a _lot_ of thinking before deciding on what would be the best way to ask Clarke to prom. She had taken Anya’s advice on not having to make it _big_ for it to be special. And once she had finally figured out how she wanted to ask, Lexa had to figure out _when_ and _where_ to ask. She wasn’t really worried that Clarke would say no, because… _well, why would she?_ But for some reason, Lexa was still a little worried, maybe not worried about the fact that Clarke would say no, but worried about the fact that this might not be enough. Nevertheless, Lexa took a deep breath, setting it up and walking away; all she could do now was wait.

 

Walking up to her locker at the end of the day, Clarke was expecting to see Lexa already there. As she turned the dial on her locker, she turned her head, looking around for Lexa, her class finished the same time as Clarke’s but Lexa was closer to their lockers so she should’ve been here by now. With a slightly confused look, Clarke unlocked her locker and opened it. What she wasn’t expecting was the small blue gift bag sitting perfectly in the center inside her locker. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, no one knew her locker combination – not even Lexa; it had never really come up and even if she had seen it when Clarke opened her locker, she wouldn’t really remember because Clarke knew how terrible Lexa’s memory was.

 

Leaning back slightly to look around the hallway, she couldn’t even spot anyone that was so much as looking in her direction. _This isn’t weird at all…_ Clarke thought to herself as she slowly reached for the bag and picked it up. It was closed shut with a small piece of tape and it took her a little effort to get it off before she could peak inside; all she could see was a small, dark colored velvet box that was about the size of her palm. Still a little suspicious about it, Clarke reached inside and brought it out before placing the bag back inside her locker.

 

Slowly opening it, Clarke’s features softened as she saw what was sitting inside; it was a silver chain with what looked like an infinity symbol on it. Once she had completely lifted the lid, she noticed the note on the inside. Clarke would recognize that scribbly, almost completely illegible – although she could see the effort that went into it not being so – handwriting anywhere. It said only one small word in – what was _unmistakably_ – Lexa’s handwriting.

 

**PROM?**

 

“Aww,” Clarke couldn’t help but let out an audible ‘aww’ as her free hand went up over her heart. Involuntarily, a huge smile broke out on her face, forgetting for a moment how she was just thinking about how anyone could’ve gotten into her locker.

 

“So is that a yes?”

 

The sudden, unexpected voice coming from next to her made Clarke physically jump as her eyes shot up before she realized it was coming from behind her open locker door. With the box in hand, she closed the locker to find Lexa standing with her arms crossed over her chest and her back against the locker next to Clarke’s. “When did you get here?”

 

“Like…a second ago.” Lexa replied awkwardly with a shrug.

 

“You’re like Batman.” Clarke commented, shaking her head slightly.

 

“So…?” Lexa asked again carefully, looking down at the object in Clarke’s hand.

 

Clarke didn’t realize she was still smiling until she looked down at the box in her hand and back up at Lexa; doing her best to compose herself before speaking, “Yes,” She told her, shaking her head as she stepped closer to Lexa and brought her arms up to wrap them around her neck.

 

It was Lexa’s turn to mirror Clarke’s smile as her arms went up to wrap around Clarke and pull her into a tight hug.

 

Pulling away after a moment, they didn’t bother stepping away as Clarke brought her hands up and gently grabbed Lexa’s half-zipped hoodie. “Who else am I going to go with?” She couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped her lips.

 

Lexa gave her an amused look, still smiling as her hands rested on her waist. “Yeah, it’s not like you know who your soulmate is…” She told her sarcastically. “So you’re stuck with me for now.”

 

Clarke leaned forward slightly, brushing the tip her nose against Lexa’s, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

.

 

> _April 16 th 2017 – Sunday_

 

“Is this a video game?” Raven asked she looked at the program Octavia had opened on her laptop before handing it to Raven. “You hate video games, especially on your laptop.” She told her with a confused look.

 

“Just,” Octavia let out a small sigh. “Just play it.”

 

“Alright,” Raven muttered, still confused as she turned her attention to the screen and at the very retro-looking, pixelated video game.

 

Octavia waited patiently, not saying anything as she watched Raven pass the first couple of _insignificant_ levels with ease before reaching the second half of the third and final one. She could see Raven’s face slowly growing more suspicious as the words started appearing.

 

“What is this?” She asked, sounding more confused than when Octavia had opened the game.

 

“Just keep going.” Octavia replied with a nod.

 

“Okay,” Raven did as Octavia asked. Continuing with the game for a couple more minutes until the final frame came up. Her expression went from confused to surprised as she read the question on her screen, asking her to prom. “Oh my god.” She couldn’t help but smile, raising her eyes from the laptop and at her girlfriend. “Seriously?”

 

“Yep,” Octavia answered, doing her best to keep a straight face. “So what do you say?”

 

“Uhh,” Raven thought for a moment, “I’m not exactly 100% on the prom train bu-”

 

“Oh come on, I had to get this kid from my math class to make this game for you,” She cut her off. “And it’ll be _fun_ ; Clarke and Lexa are going.”

 

Raven couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course those two are going; they’re sappy and romantic and gross – prom is perfect for them.” She said with a smile. “At least at prom they can be all those things without normal people giving them weird looks.”

 

“Normal, like us?”

 

“Yep,” She nodded. “I mean, we are cute and all that, but we’re not as sappy as those two.

 

“So you don’t wanna go?” Octavia asked after a moment.

 

“You didn’t actually let me finish.” Raven answered. “What I was saying was, I’m not exactly 100% on the prom train _but_ ,” She repeated what she had said before Octavia had interrupted her. “This game was really cute so I’m going to say yes,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was alright. I felt a little off writing it, don’t know why, so I’m hoping it’s okay. And there will be more talk about college because I’ve only just got into it. There will also be more prom stuff so...i hope that’s something to look forward to because i'm working really hard on that chapter. Unlike with the last couple of updates, the next chapter is not up anywhere yet. but it will be this time next week, just follow the link in the description of my tumblr.
> 
> **also friendly reminder: comments make me work faster


	29. Can I have this dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PROM. A little pre-prom then Clexa and Octaven at their senior prom. A lot of fluff and softness + their first dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this definitely took a long time purely because of how much fluff that's in here. I died writing it multiple times because wow okay. Anyways, this is a really REALLY fluffy chapter that was painful to write, physically painful i'm not even kidding. For a change, i'm excited for people to read something so I hope it’s as good as it was fun to write it.
> 
> Also, I've mentioned the first dance, so i ended up making a playlist to go with it, which is right here https://playmoss.com/en/k17l53/playlist/first-dance-a-clexa-soulmate-au-fanmix
> 
> so yeah, i'm gonna shut up now and let you guys actually read it.

> _5 th May 2017 – Friday _

 

“Clarke, you’re going to be late,” Clarke heard her mom call out from downstairs as she checked her makeup and hair in the mirror one last time.

 

“Almost done,” She answered after a moment, standing up straight and fixing the one stray strand of hair before grabbing her purse. Clarke opened it, looking inside momentarily to make sure she had the few things she needed; satisfied, she closed it again and exited her room.

 

Making her way down the stairs, Clarke had to be careful to not step on her dress and trip over – soon realizing that required more care and effort than she had initially thought. She couldn’t help but let the small smile escape, the dress really was perfect; it was relatively simple, an elegant sleeveless gown which was almost completely white with a shade of blue washing over it from the bottom. It had come down to two dresses in the end, a solid blue one that matched her eyes and this one; Clarke wasn’t really sure which one to go with but after talking it over with Raven and Octavia, she decided this was the one she wanted. Octavia’s reason for picking this one over the other one was simply because “ _It’ll drive Lexa crazy_.” Raven on the other hand had a better reason, telling Clarke how it brought out her eyes more than the other and “ _Also what Octavia said_.”

 

“You look beautiful honey,” Abby said with a smile, her eyes moving over the dress before holding out her hand and helping Clarke down the last two steps. “Your dad would’ve said the same thing.” A silence fell over the two of them at that and Abby regretted saying it the moment the words left her mouth; although it was true, she didn’t want to say anything that might bring Clarke down right now. “So, did you and Lexa at least color coordinate?” She asked after a moment, wanting to move on from that, “I mostly saw you with Octavia and Raven the past couple of weeks.” It was true, really; the last couple of weeks, Clarke had spent it mostly with Raven and Octavia; talking dresses and hair and just prom in general. Her and Lexa wanted most of the night to be a surprise for the other so they didn’t do much of _planning_ together.

 

“We did…” Clarke trailed of. _Color coordinate_ was one way to go about it; yes, Clarke knew her mom was expecting Lexa to wear a dress so there was a chance she would be disappointed when Lexa came to pick her up in a few minutes. Lexa was a bit unsure when Clarke had first brought up what they were going to wear to prom because she didn’t know how to tell Clarke she didn’t really want to wear a dress. It was a hesitant question that came after Clarke had told Lexa what color her dress was, asking what she’d be wearing that would go well with that. It started with a small “ _So I was thinking…_ ” which then, was followed by her asking whether Clarke would be okay with her wearing a suit instead. Clarke’s not sure why, but she wasn’t really surprised by that so she had just nodded, “ _Yeah, of course I’d be okay with that_.” If anything, Clarke couldn’t wait to see her.

 

“What is she wearing?” Abby asked. “I think something dark would probably go best with your’s…maybe black or a dark blue?” She sounded excited if anything and Clarke couldn’t help but smile at that.

 

She gave her mom a small, hesitant nod, “Black.” Clarke replied; well, she was telling the truth, her mom never asked _what_ she was wearing, just what color it was. “Bu-” Before she could clear it up with Abby, the doorbell rang.

 

“Right on time,” Abby commented as she started walking towards the front door to answer it, but before she could, Clarke rushed forward and stood between her mom and the door. “What?” She gave her daughter a confused look.

 

“About what Lexa’s wearing…” Clarke trailed off hesitantly, unsure of how to say it.

 

“What about it?”

 

“She’s not wearing a dress.” Clarke pursed her lips, not knowing how her mom was going to take that. “Please don’t give her that look.” She added, noticing her mom unintentionally glaring at her.

 

“What look?” She asked, not knowing what Clarke was talking about.

 

“The disapproving one you’re giving me righ-” The doorbell rang again, cutting Clarke off. “Please?”

 

“I won’t,” Abby told her, rolling her eyes “Now let me open the door.”

 

“I got it,” Clarke muttered, turning around and finally unlocking the door before opening it. She couldn’t help but let out a small breath as she took in the sight in front of her. Lexa looked beautiful, that’s all Clarke could come up with right now as she moved her eyes over her. Black and white seemed to suit her very well; the outfit was all sharp edges and straight lines with the perfectly fitted jacket and trousers, and the tie in a small neat knot, sitting perfectly in place. Lexa brought her hand up, pushing her hair back slightly after a moment, drawing Clarke’s attention to the almost-too-perfect curls which fell just past her shoulders and framed her face perfectly. Clarke was almost amazed at how well Lexa could pull off the whole _formal_ look. “Hi,”

 

Lexa on the other hand, couldn’t help the almost-gasp that escaped her lips when she saw Clarke, taking more than a second to respond, “Hey.” She hadn’t seen the dress until now, only heard about it from Clarke, Raven, and Octavia, all of whom said it was beautiful so although she was mentally preparing herself to see Clarke, Lexa was definitely not prepared for the sight in front of her; their words did _no justice_ to how beautiful Clarke looked in the dress right now. Octavia hadn’t said much about it, only wished her luck on getting through the night and Lexa could see why, managing no more than only three little words, “You look amazing.”

 

“Not too bad yourself,” Clarke replied. “I like the tie.” She added, biting her lower lip as she brought her hand up and brushed the back of her fingers against it.

 

Lexa didn’t really have a response to that, the smile seemed to disappear for a moment, replaced by almost concern as she swallowed the imaginary lump in her throat. “Are you going to be like this all night?”

 

Before Clarke could answer, they heard her mom, “Okay, come on, pictures before you leave.” So she only managed a smirk at Lexa before turning to face her mom and Lexa stepped up next to her, linking her arm with Clarke’s.

 

One too many pictures later, the two of them finally closed the door behind them and wordlessly made their way towards Lexa’s car. Lexa waited until Clarke had sat down before closing her door and circling over to the driver’s side. Sitting down, she unbuttoned her jacket and turned slightly to look at Clarke; _god, she looks beautiful_ , was the only thought going through Lexa’s mind right now and a part of her couldn’t really believe her luck. But before she could say anything, Clarke spoke, “I can’t wait to take it off.” She told Lexa with a straight face.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa could only manage word, it almost sounded like a desperate plea to get her to stop; at this rate, making it through the night would be _very_ difficult.

 

“The tie,” She specified, ignoring Lexa. “The rest of it too, but mostly the tie.”

 

Lexa shrugged this time, “Do you _not_ want me to make it through the night?” She asked her. “Because the night hasn’t even _started_ yet and I’m already struggling.”

 

.

 

Raven and Octavia seemed to already be there when Clarke and Lexa arrived, standing at a table just off the dance floor, talking about something. But they stopped the moment they saw their friends approaching, both of them making a comment about how both their outfits were just as extra as they were. Lexa couldn’t help but roll her eyes at it but smiled nonetheless when Clarke replied, “This is prom, you’re _meant_ to be extra.”

 

“And it’s not like you guys held back,” Lexa added.

 

That was something they both had to agree with because they went all out as well, Octavia in a dark purple dress with her hair up, and Raven in a deep maroon that went perfectly with Octavia’s and not a hair out of place.

 

As the night progressed, Clarke and Lexa didn’t really go more than a couple of seconds where they didn’t have their hands on each other; whether it was Lexa casually standing a _bit too close_ to Clarke with their hands just brushing against each other’s, or Clarke’s arms around Lexa’s neck as she kissed her girlfriend for everyone to see, or just holding hands. Raven and Octavia found it cute at first but eventually they had to point it out every time and make fun of them for being so overly cute just because they could. Which was ironic really, because the two of them were just as bad and all Clarke and Lexa could do was roll their eyes at their friends.

 

“Hey,” Lexa said quietly once the two of them were alone, her standing behind Clarke with her arms loosely around her. Clarke only gave her a small hum, turning her head slightly to look at her, “You look beautiful,”

 

Clarke lowered her head, trying to suppress the smile breaking out on her face – and failing – before she felt Lexa press a small kiss to her temple. “So do you,” She replied, turning to look at her again. She wished she had something better to say, she really did; it was almost surprising that Lexa was better at that than she was. “You pull this off way better than I imagined.”

 

“I guess it works on me,” She tilted her head slightly, agreeing.

 

“It does,” Clarke nodded.

 

.

 

“I think if you keep staring at her like that, you’ll eventually develop x-ray vision.” Raven said from behind Clarke as she and Octavia watched Clarke stare at Lexa as she walked away to get them a drink.

 

“Or you might be able to undress her with just your eyes,” Octavia added.

 

“I’m not staring,” Clarke replied, not moving her eyes.

 

Octavia stepped up next to her, nudging her shoulder lightly, “Can’t wait to get out of here, huh?”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes but sighed, unable to deny it, there was no point really, “I mean…have you seen what she looks like?”

 

“Yep,” Raven answered. “You know what looks better though?” She asked, receiving a questioning look from both Clarke and Lexa. “The way _you_ look when you’re looking at her.” Clarke rolled her eyes again, letting out a small groan as she heard Octavia agree. “I don’t mean it like that,” Raven corrected, “Well, I _do_ but not entirely.”

 

“What she means is,” Octavia spoke, “It’s cute,” She shrugged. “I mean, you’re thirsty as fuck for her and literally everyone in a ten mile radius can see that _but_ ,” Clarke wasn’t really sure where they were going with this. “But it’s also really cute and adorable because that look in your eyes when you’re looking at Lexa shows just how much you love her.”

 

“Spouting lines like that and you say _we_ are gross?” Lexa said as she walked up to them and handed Clarke a plastic glass.

 

“Guilty,” Octavia shrugged. “But it’s true.”

 

That made them both smile, requiring Lexa to take a moment before she could speak to Clarke again, “Can I have this dance?”

 

Clarke gave her slightly confused look because the question seemed to come out of nowhere right now. But she nodded anyways, holding out her hand for Lexa.

 

The music seemed to change the moment the two of them stepped on the dance floor and Lexa gave Clarke a small knowing smile, she knew how much Clarke loved this song.

 

“How did you-?” Clarke started as the opening notes of Ed Sheeran’s _Tenerife Sea_ started to play, wanting to ask her how she got them both on the dance floor at the perfect moment.

 

“Shh,” Lexa cut her off, taking Clarke’s hand as the other went to rest on her waist. “It’s not important,” She couldn’t help but smile as Clarke placed her other hand on her shoulder, taking a step closer to her. Well, it _was_ important, it was _very important_ to make sure they had the right song for this dance. It took a little bit of persuasion – and about $15 – before Lexa got the DJ to agree to play this one when they stepped up to dance. She knew how much Clarke loved this song and after spending hours on Google – _literally_ – looking for the perfect song, she settled on this one.

 

“I wanna know how you pulled this off,” Clarke asked again, her voice quieter this time as she let Lexa lead.

 

Lexa didn’t reply for a moment, letting the music fill the air around them as they moved around the dance floor, before finally repeating her previous answer, “Like I said,” She started, twirling Clarke, “It’s not important.”

 

Clarke gave her an impressed look as they fell back to the rhythm of the music. “I didn’t know you could dance.”

 

“There’s still a lot you don’t know about me, Clarke,” Lexa replied. “Well, maybe not a lot,” She corrected herself. “But enough to surprise you every now and then.” She told her with a smile, unable to hide just how happy she was in this moment. Right now, in this moment with Clarke as they danced to the music, it felt like nothing could ever go wrong, that they had nothing to worry about. Lexa still couldn’t believe her luck, having someone like Clarke as her soulmate was better than anything she could’ve asked for. And as she watched Clarke glide to the music with her, the light shining down on them – Lexa having a feeling those $15 did more than just get the song she wanted – Lexa could swear Clarke was the most beautiful person she’s ever laid her eyes on.

 

The fell silent after that, the two of them soaking in the moment and in each other, wanting to make it last for as long as possible, their eyes not leaving the other’s for even a moment. Two thirds into the song, they had slowed down their pace even more, Clarke’s head almost resting on Lexa’s shoulder, as the gently moved. “This is perfect.” Her voice was barely audible, whispering into Lexa’s ear, her lips brushing against her.

 

Lexa only smiled, remaining silent for a moment before speaking, “I love you.”

 

.

 

“You two are gross,” Octavia shook her head at Clarke and Lexa as they walked out later that night.

 

“Guilty,” Lexa answered with a shrug as they walked towards the car. She had taken her jacket off and it was neatly folded in half over her arm, the other arm around Clarke, giving Raven and Octavia the opportunity to keep backing up why they thought the two of them were _too cute and soft_.

 

“You two aren’t any better though,” Clarke pointed out to which their friends seemed to almost be offended by. “Oh please,” She rolled her eyes, “We were _right here_ all night,” Clarke looked up at Lexa, “Back me up here babe.”

 

“Oh yeah, definitely.” Lexa agreed. “The heart-eyes and those little things you thought we all missed like-”

 

“Pfft,” Raven interrupted, not wanting Lexa to continue to which Clarke and Lexa only gave them a knowing smirk. “Please, that’s not half as bad as you two.”

 

“Anyways,” Octavia asked once they were standing next to their cars. “We will see you two at the _after party_.”

 

“Yeah…” Lexa started, “I don’t think we’re going to make it.”

 

Clarke gave her a questioning look; no, they hadn’t talked about this. She wanting to ask what Lexa meant by that but before she could, Lexa led her away. “ _Lexa_ …”

 

“I have something better in mind.” She told her as she held the door open. “Trust me.”

 

Clarke didn’t ask anything else, only waited for Lexa to get into the car as well, hoping for an explanation. Sitting down wordlessly, Lexa started the car before reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small plastic card. Holding it up between two fingers, she finally turned to look at Clarke, “Your mom’s not expecting you home tonight, right?” She asked, trying to hide a very satisfied smirk at being able to deliver that line properly and with a straight face – it’s not like she has been practicing it inside her head all day or anything.

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes slightly and tilted her head, not entirely sure what Lexa meant by that before bringing up her hand and taking the card from her. “A hotel key card?” Lexa only gave her a nod. “You’re serious?” Clarke waited for Lexa to nod again before a smile broke out on her face. “No, I don’t think my mom’s expecting me home tonight.”

 

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...you can probably get an idea as to what the next chapter’s going to be. (if you follow me on Tumblr, you probably *know* what the next chapter is). Anyways, I hope this was good, and let me know what you thought.
> 
> I have a little side blog on Tumblr now, smau- update.tumblr.com, where I post updates and stuff about the fic and nothing else. So yeah go follow that if you wanna keep up...
> 
> Also, this is....the second last chapter of this part of the soulmate au. if you didn't know already, i plan on making this a lil (not little) series. so yeah, there will be more after the next two chapters. i will take a little break to plan it out and stuff (i have a couple of ideas) but yeah, definitely not the end but....yeah okay i'll shut up, let me know what you thought of this one and shoot me questions on tumblr about it if you want.


	30. Did I tell you how much I love you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa spending the night together after prom so sexy-times and cuteness.
> 
> (+ a little important fic update in the A/N at the end)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to my very terrible schedule routine, i'm meant to be posting this chapter tomorrow night (coz i always update of saturdays) but i was really missing clexa today, idk why, so i thought i'd post it.
> 
> This chapter took a while, i know, and i'm sorry. But I wanted this one to be good enough to follow up the last one because I loved that one. This was awkward af to right because...I am not good with this. Anyways, so there’s that. And there’s a little bit of really cute sleepy Lexa at the end of the chapter. So yeah, I’m gonna shut up now, hope you guys like it.

“Yeah…” Lexa started as she led Clarke into the room, holding her hand as she closed the door behind them. “I think this is a _little bit_ better than the after party Raven and Octavia are going to.”

 

Clarke only nodded, looking around and wondering for a moment when and how Lexa managed to pull this off. “So…” She turned her head to look at Lexa, “Just the two of us, all night?” Lexa gave her a small nod, not saying anything else, “Good,” Clarke added, tugging Lexa’s hand gently and bringing her closer before leaning in and slowly kissing her. It was soft and gentle, Clarke could feel Lexa’s lips curl up into a smile against her’s before she gently bit Lexa’s lower lip. It wasn’t long before Lexa’s hands came to rest on Clarke’s waist and her mouth moved away, kissing Clarke’s jaw and slowly moving down her neck. She moved down the neckline of Clarke’s dress; trailing down her neck before reaching the clear expanse of skin of her chest. Clarke only leaned her head back, giving Lexa more access as her hand went up to tangle itself in Lexa’s hair.

 

Slowly trailing her lips up along Clarke’s skin again, Lexa came up to her ear before quietly whispering, doing her best to sound serious, “I have no idea how to get you out of this dress.”

 

A small laugh escaped Clarke despite her trying not to, no, she wasn’t expecting Lexa to say that right now. “It’s actually pretty easy,” She started as Lexa brought herself up, “There’s a zipper at the back.” Lexa gave her a single nod, stepping up behind her before unzipping it. Clarke didn’t wait, she shrugged it off her shoulders, letting it fall on the floor.

 

Circling back to stand in front of her again, Lexa couldn’t help but let her eyes scan over Clarke, taking in what she was wearing. Yeah, she’s seen her in lace before and in _not-so-average_ undergarments but this time…this time, her knees felt a little weak, almost like it might give out from under her any moment now. “I am very glad I didn’t know this was what you were wearing underneath all night.” She managed to get out, biting down on her lip, admiring the sight in front of her.

 

“Well, I was waiting to show you,” Clarke replied, taking a step towards Lexa before grabbing her tie. “Your overdressed,” She almost whispered as she cocked an eyebrow, pulling her closer before softly pressing her lips against Lexa’s and kissing her softly again.

 

Lexa’s lips almost trembled against Clarke’s, unable to stop herself as she tried to shrug off her jacket, reaching back and pulling it off before letting it fall on the floor. An hour ago, Lexa probably wouldn’t even _think_ to just _drop_ her jacket on the floor like that; she _respected_ her outfit tonight too much to be able to do that. But right now, she didn’t really even think about it; there was nothing on her mind right now other than Clarke and how she was wearing way too much clothes.

 

It wasn’t long before Clarke pulled them both closer to the bed, Lexa’s hands now tangled in Clarke’s hair as she pressed harder, wanting more with every kiss. Clarke had Lexa’s tie loosely wrapped around her fist, keeping her close as she pulled her towards the bed. Reaching it, Clarke lowered herself to sit down, pulling Lexa down with her but Lexa suddenly stopped. Clarke couldn’t help but give her a questioning look, wanting to ask what made her stop but not saying anything.

 

“Wait,” Lexa muttered breathlessly before Clarke could ask, taking a few steps away towards the table were the TV was. She could feel Clarke watching her as she pulled out her phone, but Lexa didn’t bother explaining just yet, only walked up to the small speakers next to the TV and turned it on.

 

“What is that, a playlist?” Clarke asked as the music started to play and Lexa walked back towards her. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling at the thought of Lexa making a playlist for tonight.

 

She gave her a nod, matching Clarke’s smile as she made her way back to her. “I thought tonight deserved it’s own playlist.”

 

“I think it does,” Clarke replied as Lexa came to stand in front of her, slowly lowering herself before placing her hands on either sides of Clarke. She really loved that tie, Clarke realized as she grabbed it again; leaning back to lie down, Clarke pulled Lexa down on top of her. “Now,” Clarke said between kisses, “Take it off, all of it.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed out against Clarke before suddenly turning them around so Clarke was now on top – much to Clarke’s surprise. “Do it for me.” It wasn’t even a question, Lexa’s tone sounded almost authoritative – something Clarke didn’t get from her that often, but if anything, it was a turn on. Lexa only looked up at Clarke with a smirk on her face, not moving, her arms lying freely on the bed beside her, not making the effort to do anything.

 

Clarke raised an eyebrow, giving her a look that said something along the lines of ‘ _you’re going to regret asking me to do that_ ’ before lowering herself to kiss Lexa again. Moving away from her lips, Clarke settled on the soft spot on Lexa’s neck as her hands made it’s way down to pull Lexa’s shirt out from the waistband of her trousers before reaching under the material and running her hands up Lexa’s skin. She was going as slowly as she possibly could, her fingers trailing up her body under her shirt before bringing them back down, and finally starting to unbutton the shirt ever so slowly.

 

It had been at least a couple of minutes and Lexa could feel herself regretting asking Clarke to undress her because if anything it was torturous right now. From how slowly she was unbuttoning the shirt and very deliberately letting her fingers graze over the skin it exposed, to the way her mouth felt against the skin on her neck. Finally growing impatient enough to try and speed it up herself, Lexa brought a hand up, wanting to take of the tie at the very least. But Clarke stopped her, her lips almost touching Lexa’s ears as she whispered, “You asked me, remember?”

 

“You’re making me regret it.” Lexa managed to speak, her eyes sliding closed as she felt Clarke gently bite her ear lobe. “Definitely regretting it.” She forced out, squeezing her eyes shut as Clarke tugged gently before moving slightly lower again. She stopped a little above the spot on her neck she was sucking on only a little while ago, gently biting into it. Lexa couldn’t stop herself from letting out a small whine at that, hoping Clarke hadn’t heard her. But when she felt Clarke bite down harder, she knew she had heard her. _Yeah, this is going to leave a mark_ , she thought to herself as a groan escaped her lips, dying down to another whine – a louder one that Clarke most _definitely_ heard.

 

It was longer than Lexa would’ve liked before all the buttons of her shirt finally came off and Clarke brought herself up to straddle Lexa and undo the tie. Wrapping the end of it around her hand loosely, she pulled it away before letting it fall on the bed next to the two of them and opened the shirt as much as she could, not entirely taking it off given how Lexa was lying on her back pinned under Clarke. Remaining still for a moment, Clarke looked down at Lexa, receiving a questioning look from her before moving herself slightly to unbuckle her belt. Lexa couldn’t help but smile at things finally starting to move along when Clarke moved to pull her trousers off completely.

 

Lexa brought herself up enough to pull her shirt off, taking only a moment before changing their positions again to their previous one; Clarke underneath her. Clarke only rolled her eyes at Lexa’s attempt to top, but letting her do what she was doing. Lexa didn’t say anything, only let the sound of the music feel the air between them as she lowered herself slightly closer to Clarke, wanting to worship every inch of her. Her mouth came up to Clarke’s ear, her voice soft and gentle as she spoke, “You’re so beautiful Clarke.” She didn’t wait for a response, moved away almost immediately, her mouth making it’s way down Clarke’s neck before stopping at the slope of her shoulder and opting or softer kisses down her chest than down her stomach. Making her way down till she reached the waistband of Clarke’s underwear, Lexa stopped for a moment, taking the material between her teeth and pulling it down.

 

Placing a few small kisses on the inside of Clarke’s thigh, Lexa brought herself up again but before she could do anything, Clarke brought her hands up, reaching behind Lexa, “Still a little overdressed babe,” She told her, doing her best to keep her voice steady and not let Lexa know the effect she was having on her as she unhooked the bra before turning them both around again.

 

Lexa mouthed a small _what?_ not expecting Clarke to do that, and being surprised at how quickly she managed to. “So are we just going to keep doing this all night?” She asked, faking genuine curiosity as her hands slowly made its way towards where Clarke’s knees were resting on the bed as she straddled Lexa, slowly spreading her legs. “This is what, the third time we’ve switched positions?” She asked her calmly, her eyes not leaving Clarke’s for a moment as she waited for a reply.

 

“I don’t see you doing anything else.” Clarke finally replied, failing to keep her voice from wavering this time as she felt Lexa’s hand inching closer to her.

 

“I don’t wanna rush it.” Lexa replied casually, her fingers starting to tease Clarke while her other hand came up to rest on her side. “Unless,” She spoke again, two fingers pushing deeper, “You want me to.”

 

Clarke had gone completely still, both her hands on Lexa to keep herself upright, as she finally managed to nod. That nod was all Lexa needed before thrusting her fingers inside Clarke. The sudden force caught her by surprise, causing her to let out a sharp loud gasp and taking a moment to relax again – or at least _try_ to relax. Letting out a loud moan this time, Clarke closed her eyes, letting her head fall back as Lexa set a steady pace, moving her fingers slowly as her other hand held Clarke up by the waist; but thrusting a little harder every now and then, mostly just to see that little hitch in Clarke’s breath and hear those little sounds every time she did so.

 

It was a few minutes before Clarke found herself grinding down on Lexa’s fingers, unable to help herself, wanting more as she felt herself slowly nearing the edge. If Lexa didn’t know any better, she’d say Clarke’s hips were thrusting to the beat of the music.

 

“Can you last till the end of this song?” Lexa asked after a little while, a smug little grin on her face as Clarke finally opened her eyes.

 

“Yes,” She breathed out, unsure whether she even believed it herself right now given how the song had started only about half a minute ago.

 

“You sure?” Lexa asked again, her fingers suddenly not moving anymore.

 

“Why’d you stop?” Clarke couldn’t help but ask, sounding a little out of breath as she continued to roll her hips against her, not wanting to stop.

 

“Because…” Lexa started. “I don’t think you’ll last an entire minute let alone till the end of this song.” She stopped after that, Clarke’s hips slowing down gradually as she looked at Lexa, waiting for her to say something more. But instead of speaking, Lexa’s fingers thrust upwards suddenly, pushing hard inside Clarke, causing her grip to tighten on Lexa as her name left Clarke’s lips a bit too loudly.

 

“Oh god,” Clarke panted, almost unable to keep herself upright anymore as she felt herself on the very edge, every little movement of Lexa’s fingers bringing her closer.

 

Yeah, Lexa knew she was right when she had said Clarke wouldn’t last much longer. The hand on Clarke’s waist moved away, moving lower to the inside of her thigh before she started to massage it gently. “You seem a little tense Clarke.” She was doing her best to keep her voice from cracking right now; seeing Clarke so close made that very difficult. “Relax,”

 

“Fuck that,” She managed to get out. “I’m almost there.”

 

And she was, it took no more than a few more seconds before she came screaming Lexa’s name, her hips still jutting against Lexa as wave after wave washed over her. The first one so intense, it could almost be violent, the next one gentler, but still hitting her very hard before Clarke collapsed on top of Lexa. Her breathing heavy and unsteady, she managed to speak, “I’m so going to get you back for that.”

 

“I’m looking forward to it.”

 

.

 

It was late by now, in the early am’s according to the last time Lexa had checked her phone. They were both lying in bed, naked and tired out, feeling content in the silence in each other’s presence. Clarke was close to finally dozing off, her body completely relaxed with the heat of Lexa’s body pressing against her, practically lying under Lexa. Lexa had her head resting on Clarke’s chest, her body almost completely on top of Clarke’s. They hadn’t said anything for a while now, just lying in silence and not needing to speak when Lexa slowly brought her head up, looking down at Clarke, “Hi,” She said with a sleepy smile, her voice soft and quiet.

 

Clarke smiled up at the Lexa, “Hey,” Falling silent again as she brought her hand up to Lexa’s face, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You sound sleepy.” Clarke commented after a second.

 

“Well, it is…” She trailed off, rolling off of Clarke before reaching for her phone on the nightstand and checking the time, “A little past 3am.” Lexa turned on her side, facing Clarke. “But I don’t really want to sleep.”

 

“Why not?” Clarke tilted her head to the side, looking at Lexa.

 

“I don’t want tonight to end.” She replied simply, a small smile playing on her lips. “I wanna make every moment last.”

 

Clarke only gave her a nod, moving a little closer to press her lips to Lexa’s. It was a gentle kiss, and Clarke could feel Lexa’s lips curl into a small smile. “Me too.” She said as they pulled away again, Clarke turning her face away to try and hide the yawn that escaped.

 

“Sleep.” Lexa told her, shifting closer to Clarke as she turned on her side, facing her back to Lexa. “It’s late,” She added, her arm going around Clarke as she pulled herself closer, snuggling her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck. “You smell like vanilla.” Lexa spoke after a moment.

 

A small giggle escaped Clarke before she could respond. “You get really random when you’re sleepy.” She told her. “Has anyone told you that?”

 

“Anya,” Lexa let out with a deep breath as she settled against Clarke and closed her eyes. “But I’m not sure what she’s talking about.”

 

They fell silent after that, Clarke closing her eyes as she let herself relax against Lexa. She couldn’t really describe how she was feeling right now, Lexa’s body warm and soft against her’s, her own body blissfully worn out under the covers. She didn’t even realize the small smile on her lips for a couple of seconds. Yes, Clarke knew just how much she loved Lexa – more than she thought was possible really – but it wasn’t something she thought about often, it was always just what it was; the way she felt when she was around Lexa, or the look she got on her face when she was looking at her – as Raven and Octavia mentioned tonight – it was just… _what it was_ , she never thought twice about it. But moments like this, where it’s just the two of them and nothing else, the realization of how much Lexa meant to her hit her pretty hard. If she could go back and change the name on her arm, she wouldn’t, not in a million years, Clarke knows she could’ve never asked for anyone better than the person lying next to her right now. _I love her so much_ , was the only thought running through Clarke’s mind right now. She couldn’t even think of anything else, and she knew she had the rest of their lives to look forward to feeling like this.

 

“Did I tell you how much I love you?” Lexa asked after a little while, her voice low and sleepy, even more so than before.

 

“Several times babe,” Clarke replied, unable to keep herself from smiling.

 

“Okay,” Lexa responded. “Because it’s a lot.” If Clarke didn’t know any better, she’d say Lexa was practically asleep. “I love you a lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so awkward to write this, you have no idea but i'm hoping it paid off and that this was at least "okay" coz i suck with smut (no pun intended but i guess that wouldn't apply here anyways).
> 
> Now for the (somewhat) important fic update thing:   
> This is the second last chapter. Yeah....it's coming to an end. But I mean....it was about time right? But i still have plans for this "universe" or whatever, so if you wanna know what they are (if you don't know already coz i've mentioned it before), head on over to my updates blog smau-updates.tumblr.com
> 
> I'm done for now, thanks for reading, let me know what you thought. (friendly reminder: comments motivate me to write faster)


	31. I love you guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa talk about their summer plans. They also talk about college and how they’re feeling about the whole long distance thing now that they know where they’re going. Then we end on a high note with a movie night with all four of them + softness (on everyone’s part). This is a very soft, very nice chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmmmmm......last chapter. I’m a little sad. (There’s going to be a second part and probably a third blah blah blah i've said that i know but I’m still sad, this was big for me). Before I get all sentimental though (that’ll be at the end), note on the chapter. It’s all very soft and cute; kinda bittersweet but still soft and mostly just nice. They talk about college and summer plans, that’s like half the chapter so it’s just Clexa till then which is really cute. And the other half is movie night – which was really fun to write but also sad coz it’s over – its all just the four of them being cute (writing Lexa was so great, she's so soft). Oh and Clarke has a shocking confession.

> _8 th June 2017 - Thursday_

 

“So summer,” Clarke started as she sat down next to Lexa on the bleachers outside school. Today was their last day and they didn’t have much to do; there was an exam in the morning and now they were just sitting around waiting for their last one which was right after lunch. They were both trying to unwind a bit, the last exam was physics, so it was pretty stressful and they both needed to clear their heads before the next one. They had spent most of their time between the exam and now in the library going over some things for their history exam later today. But now they were both outside, the weather was nice and they could both use a break. So they were sitting outside on the bleachers, the field in front of them mostly empty now because most people were either in class or not even at school.

 

“Do you have anything in mind?” Lexa asked, turning her head to look at Clarke as she placed her hands behind her and leaned back.

 

“Kind of…” Clarke trailed away. “I was thinking maybe a road trip,” She shrugged. “I know you did the same thing last summer with Anya-”

 

“It won’t be the same.” Lexa interrupted. “I mean, that was with Anya, and as great as that was, it’d different if it was the two of us.”

 

“You’d wanna do the same thing again?” Clarke asked, trying to keep herself from smiling at the thought that this could be their summer.

 

“I don’t see why not.” Lexa shrugged. “It was a year ago but I really enjoyed it.” She sat up straight, leaning closer to Clarke. “And the thought of the two of us being out on the road alone for like two whole weeks is a really nice one.”

 

“Think we can talk our moms into letting us go?” Clarke asked, a little doubt in her voice because there was a pretty good chance her mom wouldn’t be up for it.

 

“We can try.” Lexa suggested. “Because it would be great.” She paused for a moment. “I mean; the long drives, late nights in motels, early mornings in diners…just the two of us.”

 

“Hmm,” Clarke hummed with a smile, leaning against Lexa as she thought about what Lexa was saying. “I like the sound of that.”

 

.

 

> _25 th June 2017 – Sunday _

 

“Hey, Clarke?” Lexa spoke suddenly, her voice quiet and hesitant, wanting to get her attention. Clarke was looking out the window, her sketchbook on her lap, watching the rain pour down as she tried to capture it on the paper. There was a street lamp in the direct line of sight from Lexa’s window and Clarke had been wanting to draw it for a while now, so given how she finally had some time on her hands with school being over, she didn’t see why not.

 

“Hmm?” Clarke responded, not turning around to look at her. Lexa was on the bed, her back against the headboard, reading a book. Well she was _trying_ to read, but her mind wasn’t really paying attention to it right now. With finals having been over for a week ago, they had a lot of free time on their hands; time they didn’t really know what to do with, honestly. Lexa was catching up with some of her TV shows and a couple of books she had been wanting to read, and Clarke was mostly just drawing and…doing nothing in general other than relaxing and spending time with Lexa and her friends.

 

“Still drawing?” She asked, noticing how Clarke seemed preoccupied.

 

Clarke waited, remaining silent for a moment; Lexa’s tone telling her that there was something she wanted to talk about but Clarke knew she didn’t want to _bother_ her. “Nope, I’m done.” Clarke put her pencil down and set the sketchbook aside, telling Lexa before standing up and making her way to her. “How’s the book?” She asked as sat down next to her before pulling the comforter and getting under it so she could move closer to Lexa. It was a little late; almost midnight actually, and they both knew they’d have to be up early tomorrow but neither of them really wanted to sleep.

 

“It’s pretty good.” She replied, closing it and placing it next to her but not saying anything else just yet.

 

“Something on your mind you wanna talk about?” Clarke nudged knowingly.

 

“I can’t stop thinking about college.” Lexa finally told Clarke. They only told each other about where they had decided to go a little less than a week before prom – Lexa was off to Chicago in September and Clarke was going to New York – but they hadn’t really talked about it much. They hadn’t talked about how they felt about that distance between them, or how they were going to make that work; because _yes_ , they _were_ going to make it work, obviously, but they still needed to talk about how. It had been busy since then; prom and finals, the last month of high school, yeah they didn’t really get the chance to sit down and have a proper conversation. “I mean, we haven’t really talked about it after telling each other where we were going.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke replied with a nod, “It’s been a busy few weeks.”

 

Lexa nodded, agreeing, “So…New York…” She started hesitantly, unsure of where else to start.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke let out a sigh, nodding to Lexa. “That’s what…12 hours away from Chicago?”

 

“If you drive, yeah.” Lexa answered, going silent for a moment, “I…” She started again, looking away from Clarke this time, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this.”

 

“Do what?” Clarke asked gently, wanting her to continue.

 

“Be so far away.” Lexa replied, looking back at her. “I know we talked about that,” She let out a sigh. “We said it’d be fine and that space would probably be a good thing for a while.” She repeated, not wanting Clarke to think she had completely forgotten about their previous conversation. “But…it just feels so much more real now, it’s just a couple months away.”

 

“I know,” Clarke agreed, moving closer to Lexa. “It’s…it’s not going to be easy. At least for a while.” She rested her head on Lexa’s chest, her arm coming up around Lexa. “But…it’ll be fine.” Clarke wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince right now, herself or Lexa. Yes, she knew they would be fine in terms of their relationship, nothing could really ruin that; but she wasn’t too sure about themselves, she wasn’t sure how being apart would be on the two of them as individuals. They are used to seeing the other every day and spending time together at least four days of the week. But with being so far away…the most they’d get with each other everyday would probably be a FaceTime call. “We’ll be fine.”

 

“You don’t sound too sure.” Lexa spoke after a moment, her voice quiet and barely audible.

 

“It’s not that.” Clarke shook her head slightly. “I know we’ll be fine, nothing can come between us. But...I don’t know how the whole distance is going to be on us as…you know, in a _non-relationship_ way.” She didn’t really know how to explain what she was thinking so Clarke settled with whatever sounded like it made the most sense. “Like how you’re going to handle that, and how I’m going to handle that.” She looked up at Lexa, “We see each other everyday now, hell, we live like two houses away but…”

 

“But with college…” Lexa picked it up as Clarke trailed off. “We’ll be twelve hours away.”

 

“In different time zones.” Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke this time, and Clarke hoped Lexa didn’t hear it. They both fell silent, Lexa’s arm now around Clarke’s shoulder as she made small circles over her t-shirt and Clarke lying with her head on Lexa’s chest, not moving. “Lex, did we make a mistake?”

 

“By deciding to go to different states?” Lexa asked, Clarke nodding in response. “No, I don’t think we did.” She shook her head. “Tell me, is there anywhere you wanted to go to in Chicago?”

 

“No,” Clarke replied quietly. “But maybe we could’ve settled on somewhere else, not New York or Chicago. Maybe we should’ve talked about that sooner.”

 

“Where did you want to get in more than anywhere else?” Lexa asked instead of replying, already knowing Clarke’s answer.

 

“Ark University.” Clarke answered.

 

“And where are you going?”

 

“Ark,” She grumbled.

 

“I wouldn’t want you to settle for anywhere else if you got into your first choice.” Lexa told her.

 

“I wouldn’t want you to do that either.” Clarke added.

 

“Well…” Lexa responded hesitantly. “I didn’t _actually_ get into my first choice…”

 

“Well, this was your second choice.” Clarke reminded her, to which Lexa nodded. “So no, I wouldn’t want you to give that up.”

 

Lexa remained silent for a second, letting what they had just said sink in. “We didn’t make a mistake, Clarke.” She told Clarke. “Maybe we didn’t think through about how hard it was going to be to be that far away but…we didn’t make a mistake.” She leaned her cheek against the top of Clarke’s head. “Like you said, we’ll be fine. It’ll take a bit of work but…it’ll be fine.” Lexa let out a small sigh, making small patterns on Clarke’s arms with her fingers, trying to reassure her. This felt a little strange, the last couple of times they had this talk, talk about college and the distance, Clarke was the one who was reassuring Lexa that they would be fine.

 

“I love you, you know that right?” Clarke said after a moment of silence. “Because I don’t say it enough.”

 

A smile broke out on Lexa’s face, it was almost involuntary, the corners of her lips tugging up into a soft smile at hearing the words, not saying anything for a few moments. “You do,” She answered, “And I love you too.” She remained quiet for a second before repeating, “We’re going to fine, okay?”

 

They fell silent after that, Clarke nodding before closing her eyes for a moment and taking in a deep breath. She didn’t know how she was going to go on so long without this, without being able to be so close to Lexa. It was one of the best feelings in the world, Clarke realized as she took in the moment, thinking about nothing other than Lexa right now. “Summer’s going to be great though,” Clarke brought her head up slightly, looking up at Lexa. “Just the two of us,”

 

“For two whole weeks.” Lexa nodded, “I can’t wait.” They remained quiet for a while; Clarke unmoving as she finally felt relaxed, not thinking about tomorrow. “Oh, I almost forgot.” Lexa suddenly spoke, beginning to get up, causing Clarke to get up as well. Without saying anything else, Lexa made her way to the shelf on her wall with all her DVDs and CDs. Clarke only watched her curiously as she looked through it, before pulling out a plastic CD case and walking back.

 

“What’s that?” Clarke asked as Lexa sat down again, looking at the disc in her hands. The case was blank and so was the disc, so Clarke couldn’t get much from it.

 

“Well, when I was looking for the right song for prom,” She started. “I ended up finding more than a couple of really good ones.” Lexa turned to Clarke, holding the disc out to her. “So…I kind of compiled the best ten into a little playlist…”

 

A soft smile spread out on Clarke’s face as she took in the look on Lexa’s face. “And you burned me a copy?” She asked, taking it from her.

 

“Well…yeah.” Lexa nodded awkwardly – the cute-awkwardly that Clarke found adorable.

 

“Dork,” Clarke rolled her eyes before leaning forward and quickly pressing her lips to Lexa’s.

 

“Yeah but you still love me.” Lexa said with a shrug, a hint of a smile on her face.

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

.

 

> _26 th June 2017 – Monday _

 

“You two leaving on Friday?” Octavia asked as she sat down on the floor in front of the couch between Clarke and Raven.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded at her as Lexa walked up to her and sat down once she had set up the DVD player with the movie they were going to watch. The two of them would’ve left tomorrow if they could but there was still a bit more planning left to do.

 

“I think this is the last time we’ll all be together.” Raven commented as the TV came to life. “At least for a while.”

 

The room fell completely silent after that, none of them had actually thought about it like that. She was right though, Clarke and Lexa would be gone for about two weeks starting this Friday, and after they came back, the three of them would be busy with packing and getting ready for college; they probably wouldn’t get the chance to hang out together again anytime soon. From all the things they’ve thought they’d have to deal with by moving away, this wasn’t something that had come to their minds even once – the four of them were _always_ together. So now…now it was hitting them all pretty hard.

 

“Wow, I think you’re right.” Clarke said slowly, the realization dawning on her.

 

“But there’s still summer,” Octavia suggested. “You two are only going to be gone for two weeks.” She turned to Clarke and Lexa.

 

“Yeah, but we’ll all be caught up with packing and getting everything ready in time to leave…” Lexa replied.

 

The four of them only nodded, slowly and distractedly as they let that sink in. “Last movie night,” Raven said after a moment, “The movie better be worth it.”

 

Lexa leaned forward, enough to look at Raven despite Clarke and Octavia being between the two of them. “ _Rogue One_.”

 

“Umm…” Clarke interrupted once she heard the name of the movie they were going to watch, causing Lexa to turn to look at her. “There’s something I’ve never told you before,”

 

“That’s never good.” Octavia chimed in, muttering quietly.

 

Clarke remained silent for a moment before finally speaking “I’ve…never watched _Star Wars_ before _The Force Awakens_.” She told them sheepishly, mostly speaking to Lexa.

 

“ _Clarke_ ,” Lexa breathed out, not really knowing what else to say, it sounded a little disappointed and mildly surprised. She could hear Raven let out a quiet and surprised ‘ _oh my god_ ’ and Octavia a shocked ‘ _what?_ ’. “Come on,” She added, wanting to say she didn’t believe Clarke was telling the truth about that.

 

“I don’t know you.” Raven said to Clarke, not even looking at her this time. “We’re not friends anymore.”

 

Clarke only smiled, rolling her eyes as she shook her head. “It’s not a big deal.” And _that_ earned her a gasp from everyone. “Really?”

 

“I’m going to make sure you watch all of them,” Lexa told her as she picked up the remote. “All six of them.”

 

Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, Octavia spoke, “Moving past Clarke’s shocking and disappointing reveal,” She started, taking the remote and finally playing the movie, “I’m not going to see you all together for who knows how long,” She told them. “And you’re all leaving me alone, can we talk about how unfair that is?”

 

“Aww,” Clarke put her arm around Octavia. “It won’t be that bad.” She tried telling them.

 

“Pfft,” Octavia scoffed, none of them paying attention to the movie playing on the screen. “Don’t think I can’t see how scared the three of you are about moving away.”

 

The three of them knew Octavia wasn’t wrong about that; Raven had been here all her life and she couldn’t really imagine it without the Blakes, the only good parts of Lexa’s life were here, and Clarke was finally starting to settle down with her life in DC. None of them were too sure about what it would be like to move away; sure they were all excited about it; getting out in the real world, being on their own, trying to be adults…yeah, as scary as that was, it was also very exciting.

 

“I’m gonna miss you guys.” Octavia said after a second. “School’s unbearable as it is, I can’t imagine it without the three of you keeping me sane.” She leaned her head against Clarke’s shoulder.

 

“Sucks to be you,” Raven responded, not missing a beat, causing Octavia to straighten up and smack her on the arm. “Oww,” She pretended to look hurt. “I’m kidding baby,” Raven smiled at Octavia this time, “You have me for the entire holiday, unlike these two,” She turned to look at Clarke and Lexa, raising her voice slightly. “Who are _abandoning_ us.”

 

“For only two weeks.” Clarke reminded and Lexa nodded.

 

“Yeah, but then we’re going to be busy with packing.” Raven replied.

 

“Well we never said you couldn’t come with us.” Lexa added.

 

Raven and Octavia both rolled their eyes, “Yeah, two weeks on the road with you two?” Octavia asked. “You two are bad enough when you’re cute and adorable, we don’t need to know what you’re like when you’re alone at night together in the room next to us.”

 

Lexa looked away uneasily, her and Clarke had a very clear idea of how they wanted to spend the two weeks away – especially the nights – and she wasn’t the most open person about _that_. Clarke on the other hand was a lot more open and comfortable when it came to talking about it, “That’s fair.” Clarke told the two of them with a shrug, not trying to deny it.

 

They fell silent after that, turning their attention to the movie for probably the first time. But Lexa couldn’t really stop thinking about what Raven had just said about how the three of them wouldn’t get to spend time together again for a while. So after about five minutes of sitting in silence, staring at the screen, Lexa couldn’t help but say something. Clearing her throat quietly and sitting up straight, she spoke, “Can I be cheesy and the complete opposite of myself for a minute?”

 

“This usually gets good,” Clarke said to Octavia and Raven as she grabbed the remote and paused the TV. “Go ahead babe,” She gave Lexa a small smile, encouraging her to continue.

 

“I feel like I’ve never told you guys how much you all mean to me,” Lexa started, looking away for a moment. “Just school in general…it’s never been kind to me,” She continued, stopping for a second. “But the last two years,” Lexa looked up again as Clarke took her hand. “The last two years have actually been amazing.” She smiled at her friends, unable to help herself. “And that’s only because of you guys,” Lexa added, “So uh…” She shrugged a little hesitantly. “Thank you,” Lexa looked away this time, leaning her head on Clarke’s shoulder so she didn’t have to look at anyone as she felt tears starting to sting the back of her eyes. “The last two years turned out to be so much better than I could’ve even asked for.” She paused. “And it was all because of you guys.” Lexa didn’t move falling silent for a second. “What I’m trying to say is,” She finally said, trying to wrap it up, “I love you guys.”

 

A chorus of _aww_ ’s came as a response from Clarke, Raven, and Octavia. Clarke’s arms coming up around Lexa and before she knew it, she had two other pairs of arms around her. “We love you too,” Clarke replied, Lexa smiling as she felt the arms tighten around her.

 

“You’re so soft,” Octavia replied, not moving.

 

“Says the person who’s hugging me so hard I can barely breathe.” Lexa pretended to sound annoyed but it was hard to pull it off when the smile on her face wouldn’t go anywhere.

 

“I mean, not physically because…” Raven added to what Octavia had just said as they finally moved away. “You know,” She poked Lexa’s bicep, trying to explain. “But still, very soft.”

 

“So soft,” Clarke spoke as Octavia and Raven went back to where they were saying. “You don’t know the half of it.” She smiled this time, turning her head to Lexa before kissing her cheek only to watch that soft, dumb smile spread out on her face. “And I love everything about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m with Clarke btw, I haven’t watched Star Wars before The Force Awakens...I PLAN TO THO  
> So......I’m going to get sentimental (i'm allowed to rn lbr). This is it......I can’t believe it’s over. I’ve been writing this fic for so long I can’t believe this is over omg. Anyways, it was amazing writing it, and I can’t believe how many people read it. Wow thank you all so much. I don’t think this fic would’ve turned out the way it did if I didn’t get so much support on it. It’s still crazy to me and I can’t believe I wrote this, like I followed through with the whole thing.....how?  
> This is over yes, but I really love this universe so, you all probably know, it’s not actually over – this part is but...nope – I have a few plans for the next part. Basically, it’s gonna be college Clexa. And long-distance Clexa. So I’m excited for that (coz ayyy potential for angst. so much angst oops). So yeah, I’m gonna take a little break, maybe a few weeks, a month, I don’t know but it will be a little break, no longer than two months (shorter probably....hopefully). And I’m hoping that one goes as well as this one did. I seem to kinda have a small writer's block so that might effect when i post the next part. hopefully i'll get over it soon.  
> And again, thanks for sticking around with this fic, it was one hell of a ride and let me know what you thought of the last chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully its going to be a really cute fic and just like my other one, I will be constantly talking about it (gets annoying really) on my tumblr. (which is k17l53.tumblr.com, if you wanna ask me something about the fic) And I will do my best to update every weekend.


End file.
